


Differentiabound

by Gliskanar



Category: Homestuck
Genre: SBURB Fan Session
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-07-12 10:21:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 35
Words: 96,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7098796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gliskanar/pseuds/Gliskanar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the distant planet of Differentia, a few young trolls are about to play a game. A game that will change everything they've ever known. Join a set of OC's in their thrilling adventure through Sgrub in Differentiabound!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Inner Daemons

Chapter 1: Inner Daemons

 

As the distant planet of Differentia looms, a story begins to blossom. More specifically, some young trolls are about to play a game that will change their lives, and those around them.

Before you is a young troll, quietly standing in his respiteblock. It would happen that today, what a human would refer to as “June 5th, 2016”, is this young troll’s wriggling day. However, after 7.38 solar sweeps, (Approximately 16 Earth years) it is only now that he will be given a name! What will the name of this young troll be?

Fartwood Pooface.

Nice try, smartass. Do it right.

Daemon Diabol.

Your name is Daemon Diabol, and as was previously mentioned, today is your wriggling day. Despite your total lack of outward emotion toward the subject, you are thoroughly excited by the prospect of this day, as it means special conversations with your friends, for whom you care deeply. You have an affinity for the occult, which your friends have trouble adapting to at times. You enjoy sweet fruit commonly referred to as “cherries”, as the taste invigorates you, though you admit to having developed a slight addiction over time. You aspire to go on great adventures, and be remembered as a hero to the masses after your death, however it may come. 

As was previously stated, you enjoy the company of your friends, and you have entertaining conversations with them whenever possible. Your Trollian handle is demonicShieldsmith, and you typically like to (Protect your words with parenthesis). 

What will you do?

You decide to examine the shelf in the corner of your room. It is filled with books of varying topics, but several are dedicated to studies of ancient troll societies, as well as fictional novels. You enjoy murder mysteries, and unconvincing theories about history. You reach into the shelf, and pull out a book about an eccentric troll detective with a brilliant mind. These stories excite you, and you have trouble putting them down once you start reading. You begin reading the book through for the third time. 

You waste an hour with these shenanigans before finally realizing what you were doing before, and Captchalogue the book. 

You approach the desk, where you keep your trusty laptop. You have had this thing since you were just a grub, and would never let it go. You use it to peruse the internet, and organize your various other endeavors. Leaning against the desk is your weapon of choice, a Plain Shield. You store the weapon in your Cherry-Tree modus, which splits into branches, requiring you to just sort of. Pick it. Like a cherry. You allocate the Shield to your Strife Specibus, brandishing it on your arm. While not much of an offensive weapon, you are confident in your ability to match Troll Captain America. 

You examine a severed troll horn on your desk. It was given to you as a gift on your previous wriggling day, as an odd sentiment from your friend. It is a few inches long, and the base curves up at the top to form a crescent moon. The cracked base is stained a slight blue, suggesting the blood color of the poor troll. You were told it belonged to an ancient skeleton from a different world. You find this somewhat hard to believe, but you accepted the gift anyway. You captchalogue the horn and continue about your business.

You open the small fridge in your room to find it filled with cherries and cherry-related products. There is just something about the flavour that you are obsessed with. You allocate a lone cherry, a cherry pie, and a can of generic cherry soda to your Sylladex, in case you need them later.

You make the decision to look into a mirror on the wall. You have short, slightly spiky black hair, which is usually fairly messy. You wear a royal blue jacket over a black shirt, with a small, troll- horned skull embedded on the front. You have a slight layer of muscle under your clothing, accentuated by your short stature. Your legs are clad in faded blue jeans, and your feet in plain black sneakers. Your horns form triangles, like the tails of a demon, connected to your head by a thinner layer resembling a skinny tail. You stop and think for a moment that maybe an all-cherry diet is better for you than originally thought. 

After admiring your body, you step outside onto the balcony of your respiteblock, admiring the neighborhood around your Hive. Most houses are generic, but in the distance resides a Hive of no describable shape, with edges jutting in every direction and several receding crevices. This is where your dear friend lives, although the toxic green swamp you insisted on building your Hive in for some reason makes seeing each other in person quite difficult. On your lawn ring crouches your Goat lusus, Olc. You owe him your life, and you find him easy to live with, on nights when he is not summoning demons in the kitchen. 

You wander back into your room and examine your walls. Above your Recuperacoon is a poster of a movie you’ve never seen, about a troll boy who dreams of superheroes, who turn out to be real. Another dear friend sent this to you on your last wriggling day, but you neglected to watch the movie.

Also on your desk is a mysterious box, earlier on in the day hurled through your window by a passing monster. Giving it a shake, it appears to have many small objects in it. A tag on the top contains a message, carefully written, and addressed specifically to you. You elect to read the message for the first time.

“dEar ds,  
haPPy wriggLing day! sorry i cat makE it to yoUr HivE to tELL yoU in PErson, bUt my schEdULE has bEEn imPawsibLE! hEhE! anyway, i madE this jUst for mEw! it took mEw haLf of a swEEP! i hoPE yoU Enjoy it! *nUZZLEs*- Ph

You decide to open the gift from PH. You untie the ribbon, and remove the lid, revealing an assortment of small puzzle pieces. You cock your head to the side, wondering what the picture could possibly be. You notice that somebody has messaged you, and store the box in your Sylladex, vowing to complete it later.

poisonousHairball [PH] began trolling demonicShieldsmith [DS]

PH: haPPy wriggLing day!  
DS: (Thank you, dear friend).  
PH: did yoU gEt my PawrEsEnt? :3  
DS: (Yes, I got your wonderful present. I vow to complete it later.)  
PH: mEwkE sUrE yoU Look at thE Pawttom of thE box! thErE is somEthing from ri! hE wantEd yoU to havE it!  
DS: (I will be sure to look, as well as to give him my sincerest of thanks.)  
PH: hE said yoU'LL EsPawciaLLy Enjoy it, sincE yoU LikE advEntPUrr so mUch.  
DS: (What manner of gift could have fit in a box that would satisfy my need for adventure?)  
PH: sUrPaws! advEntPUrr is afoot. aPaw. whatEvEr. wE'rE aLL going on an advEnPUrr, daEmon! aLL of Us! oh, i'm so ExcitEd! :3  
DS: (An adventure? All of us? As in...in person?)  
PH: that's what ri said! hE said thE gift wiLL bring Us PawLL to nEw worLds, and wE wiLL aLL advEntPUrr togEthEr! wE'LL fight mEownstErs! soLvE PawZLEs! thErE wiLL bE romEowncE, PUrriLs, and tragEdy!  
DS: (...)  
PH: what's wrong? isn't this going to bE wondErfUL?  
DS: (PH…)  
PH: y-yEah? what is it?  
DS: (This gift...it’s…)  
PH: it's what? 3:  
DS: (It’s the best gift I could have imagined.)  
PH: yay! *nUZZLEs* oooohhhh it's going to bE grEat! yoU'LL nEEd to Pawntact ri and gEt rEady! and wE nEEd to taLk to EvEryPawdy ELsE and makE PawLans! wEaPawns! dangfUr! drama! i'm so ExcitEd i might bUrst!  
DS: (P.)  
PH: yEah?  
DS: (Remember to breathe.)  
PH: right, right. anyway, i havE to go. Lots to PrEParE! *chEEk kiss* taLk LatEr!

poisonousHairball [PH] ceased trolling demonicShieldsmith [DS]

 

 

You decide to take the puzzle from the box in your inventory and complete it as quickly as possible to see the surprise, as well as RI’s gift. You are incredibly excited by the prospect of this adventure, but the puzzle comes first. Unfortunately, you aren’t very good at them, and you quickly lose track of the rhythm. You decide it would be better to be another troll for a while, and you switch to the other girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anybody confused about the opening, "May 23rd, 2016" was the day I began writing this story, not the day I posted it here. Please leave comments and feedback at your leisure. Chapter two will be coming eventually!


	2. Solving Pawzles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! Sorry this took so long! My computer broke, and I haven't gotten a new one yet! That and finishing High School made for a hectic month. But here it is! Chapter Two! There is a bit of bad language in this chapter, so be weary of that. Have fun!

Chapter 2: Solving Pawzles

2 Hours ago.

Before you is a young troll, happily standing in her respiteblock. What will this young troll's name be? 

Goldie Pawkes

Ok, admittedly that was a decent one.

Your name is Pawzle Pazuru. You are a perky, cat-like troll with a great affinity for puzzles. You are enamoured with the process of puzzles, and mind games. You are almost as enamoured with puns are you are puzzles, taking great happawness in your jokes. You have just woken up from a catnap, and are awaiting a package from your friend. Your Trollian handle is poisonousHairball, and you likE to caPitaLiZE thE LEttErs in thE word "PUZZLE", bEcaUsE it brings yoU grEat PawmUsEmEnt. What will you do?

You look around your respiteblock, admiring the new decorations you put up. You observe your wall, which is covered in paintings, as well as assembled puzzles, permanently glued together. You take a moment to admire a particularly colorful puzzle of several hoofbeasts running in a field. You received this from Daemon several sweeps ago, and have kept it since then. You disregard the walls, moving over to the corner, where an assembled puzzle of a Shuriken lays dormant on the floor. You allocate it to your Strife Specibus, brandishing several pieces between your fingers. Due to scientific shenanigans by one of your friends, any puzzle you wield can use the picture’s power to aid you in combat.These, in particular, are bladed along the edges. Any enemy foolish enough to see you complete the puzzle will soon be filled with major regrets about their recent decisions. 

You observe a ball of yarn in the opposite corner. How you love yarn. You often waste hours playing with it, but since you are waiting for something, you captchalogue the ball in your Puzzle Modus. This Modus is slightly impractical, requiring you to complete a puzzle (Not always a Jigsaw Puzzle) before obtaining the item, but you have fun with it, so you have opted to use it. 

You step up to your mirror, where your small cat Lusus, Meow Tsetung is currently taking a nap. You look yourself over. Your charcoal black hair is in two complicated braids framing your face, with bangs covering your forehead in an even cut, and some falling onto your shoulders. Your dark brown eyes sparkle above your anime-cat-like mouth. You wear an unzipped brown jacket, covering your skinny arms, and a black shirt with a small, brown cat, with puzzle pieces for eyes. Your legs are clad in blue jeans, with black and white sneakers on your feet. Finally, glancing up at your horns, you see the familiar blend, your right horn resembling a cat’s ear, and the other a puzzle piece. You have always found this horn combination odd, but have also enjoyed the sight of it. 

Stepping away from your mirror, you approach the pile of tuna cans beside you. You captchalogue one, probably to eat later. You hear the screeching of something outside of your window, and cautiously approach, puzzle-shuriken at the ready. You must always be cautious. You quickly open your window and step back, only to be greeted by the open maw of an enormous dragon. Initially panicked, you soon realize it is carrying a package between its teeth. Your package. You take the box and stick your index finger in the air, a signal to wait a moment. You quickly open the box, observing the object in the bottom. You quickly scoop several puzzle pieces from your desk and deposit them into the box, resealing it. You insert the package back into the dragon’s mouth, kiss its nose, and it flies off, the wind of its enormous wings making you temporarily stagger. 

Grinning from ear to ear, you decide to wander to your desk, and message the sender of the package, in order to confirm that you received it. You observe the contents of your desk. On your chair hangs a spare jacket, identical to the one on your shoulders. You captchalogue it, along with a small flashlight, and sit down in your chair. 

 

poisonousHairball [PH] began trolling ranchorousIntellectual [RI] 

PH: hEy, ri, thE PawckagE is bEing dELivErEd as wE spEak!  
RI: 3XC3113N7, 1D3A11Y 1T 5HA11 ARR1V3 7H3R3 0N 7IM3.  
PH: hEhE, i'm so ExcitEd! advEntPUrr is soon to fUrish! hEhE :3  
RI: 1 D0 50 HA7E Y0UR ACCUR53D PUN5.  
PH: comE on, ri! don't bE sUch a mEowEr PUss ;3  
RI: WHA7 7H3 3V3R10V31NG 5H1T D1D 1 JU57 5AY?!  
PH: if yoU'rE donE having a hissy fit (tEEhEE), i havE a qUEstion for yoU.  
RI: 1 R3FU53 70 AN5W3R A 51NG13 QU35710N UN711 Y0U C3A53 7H353 1NC3SSAN7 PUN5.  
PH: UUUgh, finE, smarty Pants. i'm wondEring, what ExactLy is going to haPPEn oncE wE aLL start oUr advEntUrEs?  
RI: MUCH B3773R. N0W, 1 CANN07 5AY W17H AB501U73 C3R7A1N7Y WHA7 W111 HAPP3N UP0N 3N73R1NG 7H15 N3W W0R1D, BU7 1 HAV3 UNC0V3R3D AN ANC13N7 PAP3R APPARA7U5 WH1CH SH0U1D A55157 U5 GR3A71Y. 17 D37A11S A 51M11AR ADV3N7UR3, AND PR0V1D35 7H3 BA51C5 0F WHA W3 W111 11K31Y 3ND UP D01NG, UP T0 A C3R7A1N P01N7.  
PH: to a cErtain Pawnt? thEn wE'rE on oUr own?  
RI: AND 7H3R3 5H3 G035 AGA1N! 1 5W3AR 70 G0G 1 HAV3 HAD 17 UP 70 MY DAMN PAN C0NN3CT0R! 3V3RY 71M3 1 7URN AR0UND 17’5 N07H1NG BU7 PUN5 AND BU115H17! CAN W3 B3 S3N51B1E F0R 0N3 G0G DAMN 53C0ND?! WHY D0 1 B07H3R TRY1NG 70 HAV3 7H3 51MP115T C0NV3R5A710N5 W17H Y0U?!  
PH: jEEZ, r, caLm your miLk LumPs.  
RI: R1GH7. 1’M V3RY 50RRY, PAWZ13. 1 L057 MY 73MP3R. CAN Y0U F0RG1V3 M3?  
PH: of coUrsE!  
RI: 7HANK Y0U, PAWZ13. 1 D0N’7 D3S3RV3 Y0UR F0RG1V3N355.  
PH: oh, don't bEat yoUrsELf UP jUst bEcaUsE yoU gEt mad, r! *hUgs*  
RI: 1 B3G Y0UR F0RG1V3N355! 1’M W0R7H1355! 1 D353RV3 0N1Y 7H3 5W1F7357 0F PUN15HM3N75!  
PH: r, comE on. yoU’rE grEat, yoU jUst got mad.  
RI: N0, 1 CAN’7 F0RG1V3 MY 1NS013NC3!  
PH: hEy, r?  
RI: Y-Y35?  
PH: hEy! what's that! ovEr thErE!  
RI: WH3R3?! 

poisonousHairball [PH] ceased trolling ranchorousIntellectual [RI]  
RI: SH17! 

Present time  
DS: (P.)  
PH: yEah?  
DS: (Remember to breathe.)  
PH: right, right. anyway, i havE to go. Lots to PrEParE! *chEEk kiss* taLk LatEr! 

poisonousHairball [PH] ceased trolling demonicShieldsmith [DS]  
You decide you need to make further preparations, and you proceed to be the other guy for a while.  



	3. Science Wizard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ey, y'all! I remembered that I already had this one ready, so I decided to post it today! There may not be an update for a bit, though. Computer troubles :P. Anyway, enjoy! Please, feel free to tell me what you think!

Chapter 3: Science Wizard

Who might this young troll be? 

Asswad Bulgesniff

We don’t have time for your shenanigans this time. Do you genuinely believe we will all stand idly by as you continue to ceaselessly bombard us with useless jokes? Your readers are busy people, assfart! Do it right.

Nirrak Allmax.

Good. Don’t let me catch you shoving your stupid shenanigans down our throats again.

Your name is Nirrak Allmax, and you are busily readying yourself for the coming adventure. You have temporarily quelled the rage you felt from your previous encounter with Pawzle, for which you felt very bad. You are of the intellectual type, and are easily frustrated by the antics of the less psychologically gifted. Your Trollian handle is ranchorousIntellectual, and your N47UR41 4FF1N17Y W17H 73CHN010GY C4U535 Y0U 70 7YP3 1N 13375P34K 0U7 0F H4B17. What will you do?

You wander to your desk, which is filled with various scientific gadgets and contraptions, most of which were made by your own touch nubs. You notice a Laser Pistol sitting precariously on the edge of the desk, and allocate it to your Strife Specibus. You wouldn’t possibly go on an adventure of these proportions without your trusty science gun. You feel like Science Voldemort wielding it. Also on your desk is your grubtop computer, which you consistently use to program, hack, and do other assorted sciency things. What are these sciency things? Hell if you know.

In the corner of your room is your table of assorted chemicals. You spot a flask of powerful acid, and decide to Captchalogue it in your Periodic Table Modus. Taking after the protagonist of your favourite troll anime, you must type in the chemical makeup of the object in order to retrieve it. You created most of the things you Captchalogue, so this usually isn’t a problem. You also decide to Captchalogue a small pile of gears, and move on.

Standing in front of a mirror, you admire the wonderful figure that is you. You are taller than most, with slender arms and legs, due to your tendency to forget to eat. Your shaggy black hair is accentuated by a single red streak, stretching from your left eyebrow to the back of your head on the right. Round glasses are carefully placed on the ridge of your nose, framing forest green eyes. Your horns start thick on the bottoms, and gradually thin out at the top, making them resemble chemical flasks. On your torso is a white lab coat, concealing a black shirt with a scientific display of an atom. On your legs is a pair of jeans, with only one leg. The other was ripped off, in order to help control the temperature of your bionic leg. The leg attaches to the stump of your old leg, which was blown off many sweeps ago in a machine explosion, also impairing your moirail. Both of these facts bring you much frustration. The metal on your stump is stained a slight jade green, from your blood. Your flesh leg ends in a clean white sneaker, the other you leave bare, and instead add a small metal extension to account for the height difference. 

You step away from the mirror, and continue to roam your room. You approach your window, and look out to see a great white dragon fly by. Your Lusus, Neart. It would appear he is carrying the present for Daemon’s wriggling day. He should be contacting you soon, in order to obtain details on the gift. You enjoy his company (possibly a bit too much) as he is a reasonable, stoic troll, whom you find easy to engage in conversation with. 

You observe a large pile of broken parts in the corner of your respiteblock. This is the accursed machine that took your leg. For a reason you cannot rationalise nor explain, you have neglected to dispose of it. It serves as a reminder of your failure, and what you have to strive for. You can live without your leg, but it still upsets you that it injured your moirail as well. You lament about this for several minutes, until a sound from your grubtop awakens you from your hate trance. As you predicted, Daemon is attempting contact with you. You wander to your desk and proceed to answer the other troll.

demonicShieldsmith [DS] began Trolling ranchorousIntellectual [RI]

DS: (Greetings, noble friend.)  
RI: H1, D43M0N! H4PPY WR1GG11NG D4Y! GR3371NG5 451D3,1 455UM3 Y0U R3C13V3D MY G1F7?  
DS: (Yes, I am vigorously excited about the prospect of this adventure.)  
RI: H4V3 Y0U 4C7UA11Y 533N 7H3 G1F7 Y37, 0R D1D P4WZ13 7311 Y0U?  
DS: (Pawzle informed me that we would be going on an adventure together, but did not give me more information. I am attempting to solve the jigsaw puzzle she made for me, but my efforts have not been very fruitful.)  
RI: Y0U C4N7 D0 H3R PUZZ13?  
DS: (No, it is somewhat puzzling.)  
RI: GR347, N0W Y0U’R3 D01NG 17 700? 4M 1 G01NG 70 HAV3 70 D341 W17H 57UP1D MU5C13B3457 5H17 FR0M 411 OF Y0U 1NC0MP373N7 5H17 F311A71NG 5H17W175?!  
DS: (My apologies, have I upset you?)  
RI: 0H MY G0G, D1D 1 1N5U17 Y0U?! 1’M 50 50RRY, P1353 D0NT H473 M3!  
DS: (How could I hate you, my friend?)  
RI: 1 7H1NK 1 N33D MY M01R411. 1 AM GARBAGE, H0W C4N 1 H01D FR13ND5 1F 1M 7H15 MUCH 0F 4 134K1NG F3C35 0R1F4C3?  
DS: (Do you require time to yourself?)  
RI: 1M 50RRY D43M0N, AR3 W3 57111 FR13ND5?  
DS: (Of course, friend. Perhaps you should lay in your recuperacoon for a while?)  
RI: Y35, 7H475 A G00D 1D3A. M3554G3 M3 B4CK WH3N Y0U 501V3 7HA7 PUZZ13, 0K?  
DS: (Alright. Good tidings, friend.)

demonicShieldsmith ceased Trolling ranchorusIntellectual

STUPID STUPID STUPID! How will you ever win the heart of the valiant Daemon like this? You decide to take a nap in your recuperacoon and be the other guy for a while, mostly out of embarrassment.


	4. Shenanigans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, all! This chapter's a bit short, but it's here! I promise the in-between-character-introduction chapters will get a lot more interesting in a short while. Hope you enjoy!

Chapter 4: Shenanigans

You are now Daemon once again. You have several pieces of the puzzle assembled, but still remain in a state of confusion over the image it will form. After throwing down a piece in frustration, you decide to step outside of your hive for a moment, and get some fresh air-or what passes as fresh, when you live in a toxic swamp. You descend the stairs of your hive, and end up outside, on the small mass of land which supports your hive. You approach your lusus, Olc, and gently stroke his fur. You think it has been too long since you left this swamp, and look across at your friend’s hive. Your friend, Nirrak’s moirail, who is consistently referred to as "T" by your friends has lived across the sludge from you since you were both grubs. You consider riding Olc to the other side to see her before this adventure, which she will surely be a part of. You make a mental note to message her over Trollian once you retire back to your respiteblock. 

After daydreaming a moment, you are snapped to your senses by a resounding roar, as an enormous monster of toxic sludge appears from the lake in front of you. Shit biscuits. You retrieve your shield from your Strife Specibus and prepare for battle. This happens more frequently than one would expect. You stand on Olc’s horns and he catapults you into the air, where you throw your shield straight down, cleaving through the sludge effortlessly. You fall slowly toward the ground, grabbing a small blue orb from the monster on the way down. You surf to a stop on the sand with your shield, and observe the artifact. You know these well. They can grow sludge monsters, and will not stop unless you destroy them. You store it in your modus where it cannot act. You are running out of cards. You pat Olc on the head again, and retreat back inside. 

demonicShieldsmith [DS] began trolling poisonousHairball [PH]

DS: (Pardon my intrusion Pawzle, but I require your help with this puzzle.)  
PH: oh, hEy daEmon! what's thE PawbLEm?  
DS: (It’s your puzzle. There are so many pieces, I can’t make heads nor tails of it.)  
PH: hmmm. PUrrhaPs yoU shoULd start with thE EdgEs? thEn yoU can work yoUr way throUgh thE rEst morE EasiLLy!  
DS: (I failed to consider that. Thank you, puzzle mistress.)  
Ph: sUrE thing, yoU dork ;)

demonicShieldsmith ceased trolling poisonousHairball

Taking Pawzle’s advice, you assemble the edges and work your way to the middle of the puzzle. Finally, you assemble the puzzle and step back, gazing at the image. It is a picture of you and your friends, Pawzle, Nirrak, and others who have not been revealed to the audience as of yet. Your copy of the picture was destroyed by an invading monster several sweeps ago. A small tear forms in the corner of your eye, and you wipe it off with your sleeve. You remember that there was text on the back, and meticulously flip the puzzle over.

daEmon, i rEmEmbEr yoU tELLing mE yoUr coPy of this was Lost, so i mEowEd yoU a nEw onE! hoPE yoU LikE it! *nUZZLLEEEE -PawZLE

Smiling, you captchalogue the completed puzzle, and remember Nirrak’s gift as well. You look down into the box, and pull out a small envelope, with only the word “Sgrub” on it. You open it to find a computer disc. You decide to wait until later to ask what it does, and switch characters for a while. 

 

You are now Pawzle. Having helped Daemon with his puzzle, you now sit at your desk, gently stroking Meow Tsetung’s back. Goood kitty. You are suddenly alerted to a sound coming from your computer, and notice you have a message.

urselasTentacle [UT] began trolling poisonousHairlball [PH]

UT: eyyy gilfrOnd! ?up, P?  
PH: not mUch, kriLLfriEnd!  
UT: OO, that’? a gOOd One!  
PH: thanks, PUrrLL! anyway, cat's UP?  
UT: nOt much, P! YOu ready fOr thi? ?ick adventure?  
PH: yEah! has nirrak sEnt yoU thE gamE?  
UT: n0, scrub ha?n’t t0ld me much ab0ut it.  
PH: i can't tELL if hE's ExcitEd fUr not. hE frEakEd oUt on mEow bEforE i coULd say vEry mUch.  
UT: uugh, dO we really have to bring that clOwnfish with u??  
PH: mEw know wE coULdn't mEw this withoUt him. nirrak is difficULt, bE hE's smart.  
UT: but i dOn’t want t0 take 0rders from a l0w bl0000000d.  
PH: bUt, isn't EvEryPawdy a Low bLood to yoU?  
UT: well yeah, but Nirrak i? ?O dramatic! cOd, he dOlphinetly need? tO clam himself dOwn.  
UT: uugh, buOy?, right?  
PH: i know, right?  
UT: sO, P, whO’? leading this fin?  
PH: i Pawght it woULd bE nirrak or daEmon. thEy sEEm LikE LittEr tyPEs, and nirrak knows thE most aboUt thE gamE. :P  
UT: gil, why we takin’ Order? frOm the lOwblOOd?? we ?hOuld turtlley be leading thi? glubbin fin!  
PH: right, thE LowLoods. i don’t think thEy wiLL takE fUrry kindLy to yoU trying anything, Ut.  
UT: what? cOdden intO you tunaday? yOu’re usually freakin’ all atrOut getting under lOwblOOd skin.  
PH: UUh, wELL, i jUst think it wiLL go bEPUrr if wE can aLL havE fUn!  
UT: well, let minn0w if y0u wanna d0 a sweet upri?ing type thing.  
PH: wiLL do. :3  
UT: i w0uldn’t d0 it with0ut you, d0n’t worry.  
PH: hEhE, notEd :3  
UT: whalep, i g0tta g0. ?eeya later, P!  
PH: hEhE, sEEya!  
urselasTentacle [UT] ceased trolling poisonousHairlball [PH]

You let out a long breath, and sit back in your chair. You and UT have a complicated relationship. Your blood color has never come up in a conversation, but you are positive if she found out, you would lose out on her. You think about the brown swill coursing through your veins. This is the only reason you give the caste system any thought in the first place. You decide to be the new girl for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, this one was kind of all over the place :P Pawzle is a huge dork, and I love writing her text :p Anyway, I hope you liked it!


	5. Sea Sick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! Thanks a lot for 46 views! I am overjoyed to know that some people like my work! Here is chapter 5, and the introduction of UT! Happy reading!

Chapter 5: Sea Sick

 

Before you, as many times before, stands a young troll, about to adventure with her friends. What will this young troll’s name be?

Stupid Fish Girl

Ok, really? Again? You aren’t even being creative this time! Do we have to sit through this asinine tomfoolery with the others? This is so stupid you made me say tomfoolery! One more and I’m taking your keyboard away.

Crucia Scylla.

Good. That was your last strike. 

Your name is Crucia Scylla, and you currently find yourself roaming your respiteblock, in search of things to do before Nirrak reveals the meat of the adventure to you.

Your trollian handle is urselasTentacle, and you type in a way that i? c0n?i?tently filled with 0cean-ba?ed pun?. What will you do?

You roam to your desk, where your trusty fishtop sits open. The back is plastered with fish stickers, despite its already fish-like shape. Several files lay open on the desktop. Drawings in progress, some writing, among other things. You close it and continue about your business.

On your wall is various posters of fish-related media. How you acquired them puzzles you, as you live underwater. You decide this is not worth the mental effort, and walk to the other side of the room.

You stare out the porthole-like window into the open ocean, where your figure is visible with some squinting. Starting from the top, your horns clown fish fins, with three lumps on each side, descending in size from the backmost one. Your large hair hangs almost freely down your back, save for a small royal blue ribbon tying it near the bottom. A long green streak goes in a wave through the middle of your hair, ending at the ribbon. You recall the wave being an enormous bitch to accomplish. You have pretty fuchsia eyes, accentuated by your coral-red lipstick. The sides of your face, like other sea dwelling trolls, have fins sticking out. You have never been a fan of these aesthetically. Your torso is covered by a black shirt with long sleeves, the front plastered with a clam shell symbol spitting bubbles. Your legs are clad in decorative shorts, colored simple green and dotted with flowers and seaweed. You wear flippers on your feet when swimming, but are currently in red, waterproof shoes.

Stopping yourself from being admired any longer, you spot your lusus, Tiburón, a large white shark, swimming outside. She acts as a security guard of sorts, eating the rare threat the comes your way. You often hunt alongside her, helping feed her fish, though you detest eating them yourself. You prefer land foods, and have a friend’s lusus deliver packages of food periodically.You wave at Tiburón, and walk away from your window.

Next to your window is a shelf, covered in exotic shells, decorative rocks, various trinkets from your adventures underwater, and a pair of white castanets. You allocate the castanets to your strife specibus. You were given these magic relics by your friend, currently known as "T" for your last wriggling day, and instantly fell in love with them. They are able to shoot small bursts of force from the front when clacked together, making for fierce weapons in the correct hands. Also they make sweet music. You waste several minutes shredding a large plushie with them, but quickly snap to your senses when you accidentally cut your hand on a castanet. A small cut is not a big deal to you, but it still warrants a moment’s attention. You see a small drop of fuchsia blood. Your blood became this colour due to an ancient royal descendant, though you are not recognised as a prominent royal in troll society. Despite this, you have fun lording your blood colour over your low-blooded friends, save for Pawzle. You love Pawzle. You captchalogue one of the hermit crab shells in your WAVE modus. This causes all of your cards to move in a wave pattern, forcing you to shoot out the item you want with your castanets. 

Spotting a pile in the corner, you turn to look at your bathing suits. You have many of various shapes and colours. You capthalogue a full-body suit and move on. 

Moving over to your desk, you notice you have a message from...ugh, it’s Nirrak. Time to mess with him, as you always do.

 

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] began trolling urselasTentacle [UT] 

RI: CRUC14, H0W G035 PR0GR355? 4R3 Y0U 41M037 R34DY 70 G0?  
UT: hell0 to you t00, guy. yeah, i’m ju?t ?sharking with finticipati0n. d0 y0u eel it? d0 y0u eel me ?harking? i’m ?0 krilled about taking 0rder? from you.  
RI: Y0U KN0W WH47, SCY1154? Y0U. KN0W. FUCK1NG. WH47?  
UT: what’? that, br0? y0u g0nna freak 0ut about my pun?? ju?t g0ing with the ?uper krillative retort 0f “fuck off”? g0 ahead, make my day.  
RI: F0R 0NC3 1’M G01NG 70 BE 7H3 B1GG3R 7R011 H3R3 4ND N07 1NDU1G3 Y0U. Y0U G37 0FF ON S331NG ME 5UFF3R. 1’M G01NG 70 C4RRY 7H15 C0NV3R54710N 11K3 4 MA7UR3 7R011, 4ND 7H3R3 15N’7 4 D4MN 7H1NG Y0U C4N D0 4B0U7 17. G07 17?  
UT: why ye?, deare?t leader. ?hall i bend d0wn and b0w t00? Hahaha shell n0.  
RI: F1R57 0F 411, D43M0N 15 7H3 13AD3R. 1’M BA51C411Y 73CH 5UPP0R7. 53C0ND, C4N Y0U G37 0FF 0F Y0UR H1GH FUCK1NG MU5C13B3457 F0R 0N3 53C0ND 4ND 137 M3 0RG4N153 7H15?  
UT: alright, bu0y w0nder. anyway, i’m alc0a?t ready. d0e? daeprawn even kn0w he’? in charge? y0u haven’t even t0ld me h0w thi? i? g0ing t0 w0rk. what d0 i need t0 d0. d0 i need arm0ur? weaprawn?? y0u’ve 0nly t0ld me vague inf0rmation ab0ut a game. great 0rganizational ?kill?, dude.  
RI: W311, 1F Y0U’D 5HU7 Y0UR CH171N0U5 W1NDH013 F0R 0N3 53C0ND 1 W0U1D 3XP141N 17. F1R57, D43M0N D035N’7 KN0W. 53C0ND, 1 W111 B3 53ND1NG U5 3ACH 4 F113 C0N741N1NG 4 G4M3. 0NC3 4C71V473D, W3 MU57 411 F0110W 4 537 0F 1N57RUC710N5 1 F0UND 1N 4N 4NC13N7 B00K.  
UT: an ancient b00k. right. and you know thi? b00k i? reliable h0w?  
RI: 7 F0UND 17 W17H 7H3 1N17141 C0P135 0F 7H3 G4M3. 1N 4 71M3 C4P5U13.  
UT: right. man, i havent talked to t in f0rever. anyway, ?0 what exactly d0 i d0 when i get it?  
RI: 51NC3 1 D0N’7 7RU57 Y0U, Y0U W111 B3 4 C11EN7 P14Y3R 47 F1R57  
UT: and that mean??  
RI: Y0U W111 D0 F1GH71NG 4ND 13G W0RK WH113 Y0UR 53RV3R P14Y3R M4N1PU147E5 Y0UR 3NV1R0NM3N7 4ND BU1LD5 7H1NGS 3SS3N7141 70 7H3 G4M3.  
UT: s0 i’m ba?ically d0ing n0fin imp0rtant?  
RI: Y0UR J0B D035N’7 74K3 0N MUCH 1MP0R74NC3 UN711 Y0U 3N73R 7H3 G4M3.  
RI: Y0U 57111 H4V3 57UFF 70 D0, 7HOUGH.  
UT: like what?  
RI: 1’11 3XP141N 1473R, JU57 M4K3 5UR3 Y0U’R3 PR3P4R3D.  
UT: and what, dear tech nerd, d0 i need t0 bring?  
RI: W311, Y0U’R3 1MP3R141 455N355, B3 R34DY F0R 4 F1GH7. 1’M 100K1NG 7HR0UGH TH3 B00K, 4ND 17 100K5 11K3 5H17 H17 7H3 BR33Z3 B13ND3R PR377Y QU1CK F0R 7H15 GR0UP.  
RI: Y0U 7H3R3?  
UT: right, yeah, there, li?ten, there i? ?0mething i? happening t0 my lu?u?, ?o i kinda have t0 g0.  
RI: 0H, Y34H, Y0U 5H0U1D M4YB3 4DDR355 7H47. 

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] ceased trolling urselasTentacle [UT] 

 

You stare out of the window as Tiburón roars, clearly in pain. You jump through the hatch in the top of your chamber, and swim over to her. She is engaged in combat with another shark-like monster, and is clearly losing. You grab your castanets and open fire, being careful to only hit the invader. Soon, they both fall to the ground. Victory. But wait, is Tib...shit.

You swim over to your lusus, distraught as you observe the enormous wound in her under-belly. Looks like you might have to put the old girl down. You gently pat her back as she groans in pain, and open your castanets as far as they will go, aiming for the throat.

UT: sigh, it was nice kn0wing y0u, Tib. 

Tiburón makes a noise, accepting her fate. You clack your weapons together....and it’s over. Swimming back into your hive, you decide to be somebody else. Anybody. You need some time alone.


	6. Mostly Exposition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, all! Sorry this chapter took so long! My life has been a bit hectic, and I've changed some plot elements in my mind after discussing it with a friend. I promise the next chapter will be longer. Anyway, happy reading!

Chapter 6: Mostly Exposition

 

demonicShieldsmith [DS] began Trolling ranchorousIntellectual [RI]

DS: (I have completed the puzzle. What do you advise I do now?)  
RI: 0H, H3Y. N0W 7H47 1’V3 C41M3D MY 5H17, 1 H4V3 50M37H1NG 70 741K 70 Y0U 4B0U7.  
DS: (I’d ask, friend, that you refrain from using such language. It is unbecoming of one on your mental capacity.)  
RI: R1GH7, 50RRY. 4NYW4Y, 1 H4V3 4 PR0P0541 F0R Y0U.  
DS: (I am tempted to ask what this could be.)  
RI: W311, WH47 W0U1D Y0U 54Y 1F 1 7O1D Y0U 7H47 1’V3 CH053N Y0U 70 B3 7H3 134D3R 0F 0UR 4DV3N7UR3?  
DS: (I)  
DS: (I would say it is an enormous honour to be chosen, and I will gleefully accept your offer. Thank you very much, friend.)  
RI: W0ND3RFU1! Y0UR R013 W111 B3G1N 45 500N 45 W3 G37 P457 7H3 71M3-5P3C1F1C  
313M3N75 1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG 0F 7H3 G4M3, WH1CH 0N1Y 1 H4V3 7H3 1N57RUC710N5 70.  
DS: (I must ask, you mention a game, and you have sent me this disk. Is our adventure simply a video game?)  
RI: Y35 4ND N0. FR0M WH47 1 H4V3 R34D, Y0UR H1V3 W111 B3 7RAN5P0R73D 70 4 N3W W0R1D, WH1CH 15 WH3R3 7H3 M347 0F 7H3 4DV3N7UR3 B3G1N5.  
DS: (My hive will move? Will your hives move as well?)  
RI: Y35, 411 0F U5 G37 0UR 0WN W0R1D5 70 3XP10R3, BU7 3V3N7U411Y 411 0F U5 W111 B3 4B13 70 M337 1N P3R50N.  
DS: (Will this meeting be early into the game?)  
RI: N0, UNF0R7UN47E1Y W3 MU57 411 4CC0MP115H 53V3R41 7H1NG5 B3F0R3 M3371NG.  
DS: (A shame. I had hoped to finally meet all of you.)  
RI: W311, 1 4M Y0UR 53RV3R P14Y3R, 50 Y0U’11 M337 M3 F1R57.  
DS: (Server player? What, may I ask, does that mean?)  
RI: 1’11 3XP141N 7H3 5P3C1F1C5 1473R. JU57 KN0W Y0U’11 B3 D01NG 4 107 0F 13G W0RK.  
DS: (Noted. I look forward to our encounter.)  
RI: Y0U D0?  
DS: (Of course. We have known eachother for sweeps, have we not?)  
RI: R1GH7, Y35, W3 H4V3. 5W33P5, 7H47. 1 MU57 137 Y0U G0, 1 H4V3 FUR7H3R PR3P4R4710N5 70 M4K3.  
DS: (Right, of course. Let me know when we will be starting, will you?)  
RI: 0F C0UR53, Y0U W111 B3 G01NG 1N70 7H3 G4M3 F1R57 4F73R 411.  
DS: (Alright, I look forward to it. Goodbye for now.)  
RI: 533Y4!

demonicShieldsmith ceased Trolling ranchorusIntellectual

 

You are now Nirrak once again. Sitting at your desk, you begin to panic slightly. Daemon is...excited to work with you? Does that mean something? Are your red feelings clouding your judgement? Whatever. You don’t have time for this. But... no. You are a man of science. Romance comes later. You’ll address this when the time is right. A cunning strategy. ...You are beginning to think you might need some romantic advice. Regardless, you have shit to do, and little time to do it. Now, who do you need to contact next?

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] began trolling poisonousHairball [PH] 

 

RI: PH, 1’M 53ND1NG Y0U 4 F113. 17 H45 3V3RY7H1NG Y0U W111 N33D 70 PL4 7H3 G4M3.  
PH: thanks! I’m a bit busy at thE momEnt, thoUgh. crUcia is having a roUgh timE.  
RI: 5H3 W45 73111NG M3 H3R 1U5U5 W45 4774CK3D.  
PH: yEah, shE’s PrEtty torn UP aboUt it.  
RI: HUH, 4 B17 0U7 0F CH4R4C73R F0R H3R.  
PH: how so?  
RI: W311 5H3’S U5U411Y UP F0R R04571NG 50M3 M00K5.  
PH: yEah, bUt this was hEr LUsUs, nirrak.  
RI: Y35, 0F C0UR53. MY 4P010G135, 1 W45 B31NG 1N53N51T1V3.  
PH: anyway, what do i do with thE fiLE?  
RI: D0N’7 1N57411 17 Y37. 1 W111 7311 Y0U WH47 70 D0 WH3N 7H3 71M3 C0M3S. Y0U 4R3 CRUC14’5 53RV3R PL4Y3R. YOU W111 B3 V3RY 1MP0R74N7 0NCE 5H3 3N73R5 7H3 G4M3.  
PH: wE don’t EntEr at thE samE timE?  
RI: N0, Y0U 4R3 0N3 0F 7H3 L457 0N35 70 3N73R, P4WZ13.  
PH: blaaaaaaah. do yoU yoU hEar that? do yoU hEar thE blahs? arEn’t thEy ovErPawEring?  
RI: D0N’7 Y0U 574R7 7H15 PUN 5H17 W17H M3, D0N’7 3V3N 7RY 70 5P3W 7H15 1N54N3 GRUB F1573D B4RKB3457 5H17 FR0M Y0UR CH4GR1N 7UNN31 7H15 71M3.  
PH: nirrak.  
RI: Y35, P4WZ13. WH47 15 17.  
PH: i’vE bEEn rUnning somE nUmbErs, and i bELiEvE thErE is a 100% chancE that yoU nEEd to caLm yoUr shit.  
PH: arE yoU going to caLm yoUr shit?  
PH: can thE caLamity that is yoUr spinaL crEvicE ExcrEtions bE sUbdUEd?  
PH: can yoU do that, nirrak?  
PH: can yoU caLm yoUr shit?  
RI: R1GH7. Y35. Y35. 1 C4N D0 7H47. JU57. N0 M0R3 PUN5, 0K?  
PH: wiLL mEw.  
RI: RRRRRRRR  
PH: finE, sorry. that was my fauLt.  
RI: 1 H4V3 07H3R5 70 C0N74C7, 50 1 W111 B3 B4CK L473R. D0N’7 RUN 7H3 G4M3 UN711 1 7311 Y0U, 0K?  
PH: aLright, sEEya whEn wE start!

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] ceased trolling poisonousHairball [PH] 

You are now Pawzle, but a few minutes ago. You are attempting to comfort Crucia. 

urselasTentacle [UT] began trolling poisonousHairlball [PH]

UT: P, y0u there?  
PH: yEah, mEwdE, what’s UP? :3  
UT: mewde?  
PH: sorry, dUdE :3  
UT: anyway, i had t0 put d0wn tib..  
PH: oh dEar! comE hErE, darLing.  
UT: i had t0, ?he wa? dying, n0w i d0nt kn0w h0w t0 eel.  
PH: oh, swEEtiE, it pawsEnt yoUr faULt. If shE was injurEd, shE was PawbabLy in Pain. yoU only did what yoU had to!  
UT: i’m g0nna fish her. but yeah, i ?upp0?e it wa? pr0bably f0r the be?t.  
PH: do yoU nEEd PaPs?  
UT: yeah. yeah, pap? ?0und nice. lay it prawn me.  
PH: comE hErE, yoU *Paaaaaaaaaaaaaaap*  
UT: *sniffle* thank?, P. *?nuggle?* i’m ?upp0?ed t0 be a fighter, right? i can’t get hung up 0n thi?. ?till, i need ?0me time.  
PH: i’LL bE hErE for yoU. pawmisE :3  
PH: nirrak is trying to rEach mE. i’LL just bE a momEnt, swEEtiE.  
UT: kk, ?eaya, P :)

urselasTentacle [UT] ceased trolling poisonousHairlball [PH]

Back in normal time, you are Nirrak again. You debate with yourself who to contact next. Crucia is clearly busy, and you have two more friends to address. Ah, here’s the first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who is this new friend? Find out next time! Feel free to leave a comment! Hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	7. Head Cold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyy, this one was quick! I already had it half done when I posted chapter 6, and I have better (but limited) access to a computer now. Chapters should be somewhat quicker now, but no promises. Happy reading!

Chapter 7: Head Cold

Who is this new troll standing before us? 

Kalten Blutig.

WHAT DID I-oh. Oh, that’s his name. I’m proud of you.

Your name is Kalten Blutig, and you are currently antsy to get this adventure started. But you’re getting ahead of yourself. You are currently sitting in your hive, awaiting the file for Sgrub. Your trollian handle is frozenRenegade, and you like to type in ALTERNATING cases, MOSTLY because YOU can. What will you do?

You approach the corner of your respiteblock, where a set of weights sits idly on the floor. You use these to hone your muscles. You store a dumbbell in your Sylladex, using your Ice Modus. This Modus allows you to access any card at any time, though you have to physically break a thick layer of ice surrounding your card in order to get the item out. This is easy due to your strength training, but you still consider changing it at times. 

In the opposite corner sits a large, poofy red jacket. You hate this jacket, but are forced to wear it anyway, due to the incredibly cold climate of the northern part of this planet. You captchalogue the jacket and move on. 

In the middle of the floor is a cartoonishly enormous sword. You allocate this humorously sized weapon to your strife specibus...which then shatters into shards of ice. You don’t need such a ridiculous weapon; or any weapon for that matter. Due to a genetic mutation at birth, along with the radioactive snow in the area, you have the power to control ice, often in the form of gauntlets or simply to freeze enemies. This mutation, however, has given you cherry-red blood, compelling you to live in this secluded location. Should you be discovered… well, you don’t know what would happen. Regardless, you decide to move on.

On the back wall of your respiteblock sits a familiar image; all of your friends in front of Daemon’s hive, from many sweeps ago. Due to your location, your picture had to be edited in after. Your hive is located almost halfway across the planet from most of your friends. Thanks to Pawzle’s art skills, each copy of the image looks to genuinely have you in it, on the far right, next to Nirrak. You are not sure if you will ever meet your friends in real life, but you remain hopeful. You decide not to captchalogue it.

Against this same wall is your desk, a generic, white, wooden desk. On it sits your laptop. This machine has provided you with several hours of entertainment, though you had to steal it during the summer. This was the medium through which you met all of your friends, and your only real contact with the outside world. You elect not to open it, so as not to seem too eager to start this game. Beside it is a drawing you made, of you and Daemon sparring. Though not much, you had intended to find some medium in which to give him this as a wriggling day gift. Your visage is based on the the only reflective surface in the area, which is a frozen lake nearby.

Based on memory, you concluded that you have a somewhat gruff face, and thin white scar stretches from your right temple down to your jaw line. Your eyes are a blank white, you suspect due to your mutation. Your hair is a large, white mop, which you rarely have the opportunity to wash. Your horns resemble small icebergs, with one large spike, and a smaller one connected. You currently wear a white tank top, with jagged, ripped sleeve lines. It used to be a shirt, but time and battles have torn the sleeves off. You have no justifiable reason for wearing it instead of your jacket, except for pure mangrit. In the middle is a simple light blue snowflake. You have large arms, due to your frequent weight training. You wear light grey, worn jeans with ripped knees and tearing ankles. Your legs are not as defined, but your frequent thievery has still kept them in shape. 

Stepping away from your desk, you observe the entrance of your home. It is less a hive, and more a cave, with wooden doors you painstakingly constructed. They are blocked by snow at the moment, though removing that is not difficult. In a small crevice near the door are the bones of your poor lusus, a large lizard named Lagar. He carried you to this cave the moment you were chosen, though he could not stand the cold weather, and passed only moments after finding the cave. You decided to keep him in this crevice, so that he could watch you grow up from afar. You decide to finally captchalogue the bones, just in case. In a different crevice is your crudely constructed recuperacoon, which is really just a hole in the floor you filled with sopor slime you may or may not have stolen. 

Looking over to your desk, you notice a friend has been attempting to troll you. You open your computer to find it was Nirrak.

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] began trolling frozenRenegade [FR]

RI: FR, WH47’5 Y0UR 5747U5?  
FR: hey, RI. i’m READY when YOU are.  
RI: G00D, 1’M 53ND1NG Y0U 7H3 F113. D0N’7 RUN 17 Y37, 7H3 B3G1NN1NG 15 71M3 53N5171V3.  
FR: ok, WHEN will IT actually START? I’m EXCITED.  
RI: D43M0N W111 G0 1N F1R57, TH3N P4WZ13 53ND5 CRUC14 1N,  
FR: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggghhhhhhhhhh  
RI: H01Y 5H17 WH47 N0W  
FR: she SUUUUCCCKKKSSSS  
RI: Y35, 1 KN0W 5H3 5UCK5, BU7 W3 N33D 4N 3V3N NUMB3R 0F P14Y3R5 4ND W3 H4V3 N0 07H3R FR13ND5.  
FR: she MAKES fun OF my BLOOD color.  
RI: 1’M J4D3 GR33N 4ND 5H3 D035 17 70 M3 700, D0N’7 137 H3R G37 70 Y0U  
FR: fine LUSUSSSSSSS, but I’M not GONNA be HAPPY about IT  
RI: 1 C4N 11V3 W17H 7H47, N0W C4N 1 P13453 3XP141N 7H3 5Y573M?  
FR: go FOR it  
RI: 7H4NK G0G. N0W, 7 W111 BR1NG Y0U 1N 4F73R 4 WH113, 4ND Y0U’11 H4VE 70 BR1NG P4WZ13 1N 4F73R 4 WH113.  
FR: how LONG is A while?  
RI: 5H3’11 B3 7H3 530ND 1457 0N3 1N, 4ND Y0U’11 B3 7H1RD 1N 70741.  
FR: does EVERYBODY else KNOW the SYSTEM?  
RI: N07 Y37, 1 57111 H4V3 0RG4N1Z1NG 70 D0.  
FR: ok, ONE more THING, what DO i NEED for THIS game? JUST my COMPUTER?  
RI: N0, BR1NG G34R. W34P0N5, 4RM0UR. 1F 7H15 GU1D3 15 70 B3 7RU573D W3’11 B3 PHY51C411Y BR0UGH7 1N70 4 N3W W0R1D.  
FR: a NEW world? LIKE, away FROM here?  
RI: 4ND 70G37H3R W17H 0UR FR13ND5, 1N P3R50N  
FR: yoooooo REALLY? I’ll FINALLY meet you guys?  
RI: Y35, Y0U W111, K. H0W D035 17 F331?  
FR: yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee  
RI: 1’M GU3551NG Y0U’R3 3XC173D?  
FR: bro, I finally GET to MEET you GUYS! I’m THRILLED!  
RI: 4LR1GH7, D0N’7 5H17 Y0UR B4N4NN4 H4MM0CK, JU57 G37 R34DY, 0K?  
FR: sure THING, boss.  
RI: 1’M N07 Y0UR B055, D43M0N W111 B3 1N CH4RG3 0NC3 W3’R3 1N  
FR: niiiice, THAT guy’s A riot  
RI: D43M0N. 4 R107?  
FR: yeah GUY, he’s FUNNY  
RI: 1. D0N’7 3V3N KN0W H0W 70 R35P0ND 70 7H47  
FR: what, HE doesn’t MAKE you laugh?  
RI: 1’V3 N3V3R H34RD 4 J0K3 FR0M H1M.  
FR: for REAL? man, HE'S hilarious  
RI: 1 41W4Y5 54W H1M 45 7H3 5701C H3R0 7YP3  
RI: V457 4ND D1574N7, BU7 57111 C4R1NG  
RI: 7H3 0N3 WH0 54V35 Y0U FR0M 7H3 M0N573R5 4R0UND Y0U 45 W311 45 1N Y0UR H34D  
RI: 4 7R0LL WH0 C4R35  
FR: hey, N?  
RI: HM?  
FR: you’re RED for DAEMON, aint’cha?  
RI: W417, WH47?  
RI: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK  
RI: N0  
RI: 5HU7 Y0UR CH4GR1N 7UNN31  
FR: bro, NO need TO hide YOUR bone BULGE for THE d-man.  
RI: N0 1 FUCK3D UP 0H MY 5H17  
RI: Y0U W111 N3V3R 5P34K 0F 7H15 4G41N  
RI: PU111NG Y0UR CHUCK13V00D00 5H17 0N M3  
RI: 1 4M 4 FUCK1NG F411UR3  
FR: oi N, you CAN calm YOUR rumple SPHERES any TIME, i AINT tellin NOBODY  
RI: WHY C4N 1 N3V3R K33P 7H15 BU115H17 1N51D3 MY 533DF14P?  
RI: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH  
FR: buddy, IT’S fine, I respect YOUR red FEELINGS.  
FR: but YOU can’t KEEP it in FOREVER.  
RI: 15 7H47 4 FUCK1NG CH4113NG3  
FR: you NEED to TELL him EVENTUALLY  
FR: and IF he’s NOT into YOU  
FR: well, I’D say THERE’S other FISH in THE sea  
FR: but I’D stay AWAY from CRUCIA if IT was ME  
FR: look I grew UP in A cave I don’t KNOW much ABOUT romance.  
RI: 0K, Y0U KN0W WH47?  
RI: Y0U’R3 R1GH7  
RI: 1 N33D 70 D0 17  
RI: BU7  
RI: M4YB3 4F73R 7H15 4DV3N7UR3  
FR: well, IT’S a START  
RI: 0K, 1 5H0U1D G0, 7H3R3’5 4 107 0F P14NN1NG 70 D0  
FR: kk, PEACE bro

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] ceased trolling frozenRenegade [FR]

Well, that was an experience. You captchalogue the drawing and decide to be another guy for a while, and rest your think pan.

You are now Nirrak again. After that adventure, you decide to contact your final friend; your moirail.

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] began trolling clinicallyExcavted [CE]

RI: H3Y 7, 1 H4V3 4 QU35710N F0R Y0U  
CE: shoot  
RI: H45 D43M0N 3V3R 701D Y0U 4 J0K3  
CE: uum, not that i can think of, no. why?  
RI: N0 R3450N. 4R3 Y0U R34DY 70 P14Y 7H3 G4M3?  
CE: yep yep! juust need the game!  
RI: ON3 M0R3 QU35710N  
RI: 1 D0N’7 W4N7 70 50UND 1N53NS171V3  
CE: ill stop youu right there, becauuse i know what youure going to say.  
RI: 1’M JU57 C0NC3RN3D  
CE: ouur disabilities never stopped uus before, nirrak, why wouuld this be any different?  
RI: 1 JU57  
RI: 1 C0U1DN’7 F0RG1V3 MY531F 1F Y0U W3R3 HUR7 4G41N 0N MY W47CH  
RI: N07 4F73R 1457 71ME  
RI: WH47 4B0U7 5N34K 4774CK5 FR0M 3N3M135?  
CE: nirrak  
CE: ill be fine  
CE: im concerned too, what with youur leg  
RI: Y0U’R3 R1GH7, Y0U’R3 R1GH7. 1’M N07 Y0UR 1U5U5.  
CE: so when do i actuually go into the game?  
RI: Y0U G0 1N 1457, R1GH7 4F73R P4WZ13  
CE: nirraaaaaaaakkkkkkkkk  
CE: i dont want to waaaiiittttt  
RI: 17 H45 70 B3 7H15 W4Y  
RI: 1 5P3N7 H0UR5 P14NN1NG 7H15  
CE: bleeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhh  
CE: well, in the meantime  
RI: D0N’7 Y0U 3V3N  
CE: youu know this is the best opportuunity  
RI: 1 JU57 D1D 7H15 W17H K4173N  
CE: hes happy abouut this, we will all be on an adventuure, and what is an adventuure withouut romance?  
RI: 4R3 Y0U 3V3N 5331NG MY M3554G35 47 7H15 P01N7?  
CE: happy with this, and happy with you, nirrak  
RI: 7, C0M3 0N, 1 D0N’7 H4V3 71M3 F0R 7H15  
CE: youull have to do it eventuually  
RI: WHY D0 F3311NG5 H4V3 70 3X157  
RI: 1 4M C0NV1NC3D 17 15 0N1Y 70 41D 1N MY P3RP37U41 CYC13 0F 5UFF3R1NG  
CE: :P im juust trying to help  
RI: 111 D341 W17H 17 WH3N 1 H4V3 71M3  
RI: 1’M G01NG 70 53ND Y0U 7H3 F113, 4ND 7H3N W3 C4N 574R7 7H15 G4M3  
CE: ffiiiiinnneeeeee  
RI: G00D  
RI: 4ND 7  
RI: 7H4NK5  
RI: F0R 7RY1NG 70 H31P, 1 M34N  
CE: no prob, green ;)  
RI: R3D F3311NG5 4R3 H4RD  
CE: i know, and rest assuured that ill be there to help youu  
RI: 1 KN0W 1M 4 HUG3 104D G4P3R 50M371M35 BU7 1 D0 4PPR3C1473 Y0U GUY5  
CE: youur sensitive side is nice to see :)  
RI: 0K 1 N33D 70 G0 N0W  
RI: 1 N33D 70 53ND D43M0N 1N70 7H3 G4M3 500N.  
CE: seeya!

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] ceased trolling clinicallyExcavted [CE]

You sit back in your chair for a moment. Shit is probably going to hit the breeze blender soon. But first, there is one more troll to meet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this one was fun to write! Feel free to leave a comment! Will we finally meet our final troll? Find out in chapter 8!


	8. T Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yoooo another one! I won't be working on it this weekend, though. Enjoy!

Chapter 8: T Time

A few minutes ago

Standing before you in her respiteblock is a young troll, eagerly awaiting the beginning of this game. What will her name be?

The Weird One

Know what? She’s the last one, so your incoherent blithering bullshit can pass this time. And you still couldn’t even bother to be slightly creative about it? Scandalous.

Your name is Toorah Aarush, and you are currently awaiting your opportunity to enter Sgrub. It seems it will take a while, so you decide to explore your room.

In front of you stands your custom desk, which you constructed out of many bones you found on your adventures. You had initially had a bone chair as well, but it was incredibly uncomfortable, so you replaced it with a regular desk chair. On a shelf above sits many treasures, including a troll’s horn you found on an ancient skeleton. It has a sharpened curve, sprouting from which is a thin offshoot, making it resemble a one-sided harpoon. The opposite horn resembled a crescent moon laying down on the base, which you gave Daemon as a wriggling day gift a few sweeps ago. On the same shelf is a red tongue, preserved in a jar of greenish liquid. You captchalogue the jar in your Cup Swap modus. This modus has you track the progress of three cups which switch around rapidly, forcing you to remember which cup the item you wanted is in. You have several other modi, but Nirrak insists you stick to this one out of concern.

On the floor beside your desk is an umbrella, outfitted with a blade on the top, and reinforced fabric. You disregard it completely. 

On the other side of the desk, however, is a regular leather whip, with small spikes strewn throughout it haphazardly. You allocate this to your strife specibus. You often fell many a monster with this whip on your adventures.

Traveling to the other side of the room, you look out of your window, which faces a nearby hive, home to your friend, Daemon. On the front of his lawnring, you observe him slice clean through an enormous sludge monster with his shield. The two of you have often fought together against the various monsters spawned by this toxic swamp. You wave to Daemon as he hits the ground, but he does not seem to notice you. 

Pacing back into your room, you observe a speaker, which has been tragically sliced into two pieces. You often use this for target practice, as you have not had any use for it since the accident that you and Nirrak were caught in as young trolls. He often laments about this accident, though you forgave him a long time ago. The total loss of your hearing, as you often remind Nirrak, does not slow you down in your escapades. You captchalogue the speaker and move on. 

You feel a small vibration on your floor as your lusus enters your room, likely concerned after Daemon’s fight nearby. She is a large crab-like lusus named Cang. She took you to this place as a grub, where you have lived for most of your life, and were joined by Daemon not long after. She often hunts and brings food to your kind of friend, Crucia. This process can take a few days at a time. You give her a hug of reassurance and she scurries off.

On a shelf next to the window is another small jar filled with various gold coins you found on your adventures, as well as a small ribcage. You captchalogue them both, and move over to your computer, where it appears Nirrak has finally messaged you.

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] began trolling clinicallyExcavted [CE]

RI: H3Y 7, 1 H4V3 4 QU35710N F0R Y0U  
CE: shoot  
RI: H45 D43M0N 3V3R 701D Y0U 4 J0K3   
CE: uum, not that i can think of, no. why?

Current time

You close your laptop after finishing the conversation with Nirrak. He can be a handful sometimes, but you care about him a lot. You observe your distorted reflection in the back of the computer, where you are able to vaguely see the features of your face, knowing the rest from years of experience, as most do.

You are generally considered a pretty troll by most. You have two large, unbraided black pigtails, one on each side of your head. Your eyes are a slightly dark yellow, the same color as your blood. Your horns go straight up, and then bend down at a curve, each facing the outside, though they have a few chips here and there due to the explosion. The ends are hidden in your pigtails. You wear a black shirt, with a design like ribs covering most of the front. Your legs are clad in dusty black jeans, which you have neglected to wash lately. 

Opening up your laptop again, you notice a message from Pawzle. This should be pleasant, you and Pawzle get along quite well.

poisonousHairlball [PH] began trolling clinicallyExcavted [CE]

PH: EEEy PUrrrLLL  
CE: hey kitty cat :3  
PH: wassssUUUUPPPP?  
CE: nothing hehe how abouut youu?  
PH: wE’rE not going in for a whiLE, so i figUrEd i’d chat :3  
CE: sweeeeeettttt  
CE: suucks that we have to go in last thouugh  
PH: i knoooooooowwww  
PH: nirraakkkk  
PH: fUrryyyyy UUUUUUPPPPPP  
CE; haha nice pun!  
CE: but, on an unrelated note,  
CE: bllaaaahhhhhhhh  
PH: i’m so ExcitEd though  
CE: me toooooooooooooo  
PH: oh hEy, t?  
CE: hm?  
PH: do yoU think my bLood coLoUr is going to bE a PawbLem whEn i mEEt crUcia?  
CE: p, ill be honest with youu   
CE: i think shed crack jokes even if youu were fuuschia  
PH: shE’LL bE abLE to tELL whEn shE sEEs my EyEs.  
CE: sweetie, listen  
CE: she will either stick with youu  
CE: or, at worst, she might leave  
CE: and if she does  
CE: she wasnt worth youur time.  
PH: yEah, i gUEss yoU’rE right.  
CE: anyway, we are all too huung uup on romance. we are going on the best adventuure of ouur lives! we need to focuus!  
PH: yEah, wE do! advEnPUrr is coming!!!!  
CE: hey, know what wouuld get uus in the mood?  
PH: *mock gasP* yoU don’t mEan?  
CE: slam poetry  
PH: YOU’RE ON  
CE: READY TO GET THRASHED?!  
PH: LET’S GO

They then proceeded to have one of the best rap-offs in the history of paradox space.

 

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] began Trolling demonicShieldsmith [DS]

RI: D43M0N 4R3 Y0U R34DY?  
DS: (Yes, I believe I have sufficiently prepared.)  
RI: G00D, 1 4M RUNN1NG 7H3 G4M3, 1 W4N7 Y0U 70 D0 17 700.  
DS: (I have inserted the disc.)  
RI: H3Y, D43M0N?  
DS: (Yes?)  
RI: B3 C4R3FU1 1N H3R3, 0K?  
DS: (I will, on my honour as a warrior.)  
RI: 7H4NK Y0U.   
DS: (It is now installing.)  
RI: G00D. 5H17 15 4B0U7 70 H17 7H3 BR33Z3 B13ND3R.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one was short, guys! The next one will be longer. Thanks for reading!


	9. Fanward Excrement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YoooOOooOOOOOOo! Chapter 9 is here! Prepare for adventure!

Chapter 9: Fanward Excrement

Transforming Soffits

Reorganizing Keys

Formalizing Immersion Joints

Justifying Kick Extractors

Advising Aggregates

…

Publicizing Aether Remotes

Governing Archetype Dimmers

…

RI: D43M0N, 1 533 Y0U.  
DS: (I see only my dwelling.)  
RI: 7H47’5 N0RM41, D0N’7 B3 414RM3D 1F 7H1NG5 574R7 M0V1NG, 17’5 M3 D01NG 7H47.  
DS: (Understood. What do I need to do right now?)  
RI: 1’M G01NG 70 D3P1OY 50M3 7H1NG5 1N Y0UR H1V3.  
RI: 1 D1DN’7 KN0W Y0U 11K3D D3M0N1C 57UFF 50 MUCH.  
DS: (The studying of the occult is among my numerous hobbies, yes.)  
RI: 0K, 1 N33D 70 M4K3 R00M F0R 7HE M4CH1N35, S0..

You watch as your recuperacoon is thrown out of the window right beside you. 

DS: (Pardon my questioning of your decisions, Nirrak.)  
DS: (But)  
DS: (Why?)  
RI: 1 H4D 70 M4K3 R00M F0R 7H15

In place of your likely ruined resting spot now sits a large machine, square at the base with a large tube in the middle.

DS: (A peculiar invention.)  
RI: 17’5 C4113D 4 CRUX7RUD3R.  
RI: W3 N33D 70 BR34K 7H3 70P 0P3N, 4CC0RD1NG 70 7H3 M4NU41.  
DS: (How do you propose we do that?)  
RI: 7RY 7HR0W1NG Y0UR 5H131D 47 17

After picking up your laptop to carry with you, you brandish your Plain Shield and throw it with as much vigor as you are able to muster, but to no avail. Just then, Olc pops his head into the room and approaches the machine, taking a spot beside you.

RI: 0H H3Y 17’5 01C.  
DS: (Ah yes, my faithful lusus.)  
RI: H3 15 F147 0U7 7H3 B357  
DS: (Agreed.)  
RI: H3R3, 137 M3 7RY 7H15.

You watch as your fridge is picked up, seemingly by nothing, and dropped on top of the Cruxtruder. The top pops open, revealing a royal blue glowing object with a peculiar design, opening a small panel with a countdown of 5 minutes and 23 seconds...and flinging the fridge straight onto Olc’s body. The fridge skyrockets up the Echeladder, achieving the coveted rank of “Vivacious Coolant”. Panicked, you shove the cooling apparatus off of your lusus with a large expenditure of mangrit, but it is too late. Your lusus could not take the weight of the fridge and has passed.

DS: (Olc..)  
RI: 1 4M 50 50RRY  
RI: 1 D1DN’7 M34N F147 11K3 7H47  
RI: 0H G0G  
RI: 1 RU1N3D 3V3RY7H1NG  
RI: D43M0N? 4R3 Y0U G01NG 70 B3 0K?  
DS: (It’s fine.)  
RI: 4R3 Y0U 5UR3  
RI: 1 5W34R 17 W45 4N 4CC1D3N7  
DS: (Nirrak.)  
DS: (I must ask that you, to quote several of our friends, “calm your milk lumps”.)  
DS: (The calamity that is currently your mammary glands must be subdued post-haste.)  
RI: 41R1GH7, 1 4M C41M.  
RI: MY 3XCR3710N5 H4V3 B33N 5UBDU3D  
DS: (He was a loyal lusus. I believe a funeral is in order.)  
RI: 4C7U411Y W3 C4N BR1NG H1M B4CK  
DS: (How do you propose we do that?)  
DS: (Was he not just crushed under a large machine?)  
RI: 533 7H47 G10W1NG 7H1NG 7H3R3  
DS: (I would bet that Toorah can see it from her hive, so yes.)  
RI: PU7 H1M 1N 17  
DS: (This will revive him somehow?)  
RI: Y35, H3’11 4C7 45 4 GU1D3 F0R Y0U 7HR0UGH 7H3 G4M3.  
DS: (I shall attempt this.)

You pick up the body of your lusus, and place it gently into the kernelsprite. With a flash of royal blue light, the orb transforms into a roughly goat-shaped sprite, with Olc’s head.

Olcsprite: MEEEEEEEE  
DS: (I am relieved that you are alive, Olc.)  
Olcsprite: MEEEEEEEE  
DS: (Let us continue our adventure.)  
Olcsprite: MEEEEEEEE

You observe the fridge being thrown through the window, into the swamp below. You travel down the stairs to your kitchen, where a new machine has been deployed. It resembles a large sewing machine. 

RI: 0K 1’M G01NG 70 DR0P 50M37H1NG B351D3 Y0U, Y0U N33D 70 P1CK 17 UP  
RI: 0H 4ND 7H15 700.

Beside you falls a captchalogue card riddled with holes, and a royal blue log.

DS: (The items have arrived, how do I proceed?)  
RI: 571CK 7H3 C4RD 1N 7H3 H0L3 70 Y0UR 13F7 4ND PU7 7H3 10G 1N 7H3 0P3N1NG 70 Y0UR R1GH7  
DS: (Understood.)

You do as instructed, and a curvy, oddly-shaped object is produced. You captchalogue the object. 

DS: (Where do I proceed?)  
RI: 1 H4V3 70 F1ND 4 P14C3 F0R 7H15 41CH3M173R  
DS: (Alchemy? Interesting)

3:10

You proceed back up the stairs, where, on the balcony leading out of your room, Nirrak is currently deploying an odd device, with a square base, a smaller circle in the middle, and a tall protrusion. You get the feeling stairs are going to be quite the adversary on this journey. He drops it only inches in front of you, causing you to lose your balance, and stumble off of the edge. 

2: 30

You quickly slide your shield in between the short bars of your handrail, and turn it so that it will no longer fit through. You swing your legs to the sides, and use the momentum to catch the top of the rail with your leg. You accidentally drop your shield, due to the awkward positioning. It is caught out of the air, and given to you. 

DS: (Well, that was an experience.)  
RI: 50RRY 50RRY 17 W45 4N 4CC1D3N7!  
DS: (All is forgiven, I am unharmed.)  
DS: (What do I do now?)  
RI: W3’R3 RUNN1NG 0U7 0F 71M3, PU7 7H3 BUMPY 7H1NG 1N 7H3 M4CH1NE!

1:30

You slide the lathe into the proper position, causing an arm on the machine to fire a small laser at it. In the centre of the machine appears a large, blue tree, from which drops a large, similarly coloured cherry. 

1:00

DS: (It looks delicious.)  
RI: G00D, B3C4U53 Y0U’11 PR0B4B1Y N33D 70 347 17  
DS: (Not that I will ever complain about a free giant cherry, but why?)  
RI: 7H3 M4NU41 54Y5 Y0U N33D 70 1N73R4C7 W17H 17 1N 4 W4Y 7H47 15 UN1QU3 70 7H3 0BJ3C7  
RI: 4ND WH47 D0 Y0U 7YP1C411Y D0 W17H 4 CH3RRY?  
DS: (Logic would lead me to assume I eat it.)  
RI: Y35 50 1 5UGG357 Y0U D0 17

00:30

RI: 11K3. N0W.  
DS: (Understood.)

Looking to your left, your eyes widen as you notice a large meteor heading toward your hive. You stand there, mouth agape for a few seconds. 

00:20

RI: D43M0N  
RI: D43M0N 347 7H3 CH3RRY

After exchanging a wave with Toorah across the swamp, you grab the cherry from the machine and proceed to take a large bite of it. After five seconds, you are engulfed by a brief flash of light.

You open your eyes and take in your current surroundings. Your hive has been transported to a large, void-like area, though the building appears to be intact. Above your head are several rings, all floating in the air.

DS: (Nirrak? Can you still see me?)  
RI: Y35, Y0U D1D 17! Y0U’R3 1N!  
DS: (That cherry tasted like the personification of hatred.)  
DS: (Regardless, what do I do now?)  
RI: N0W Y0U G37 50M3 C0MB47 PR4C71C3.  
DS: (What will I be fighting?)  
RI: D1FF3R3N7 3N3M135 W111 4PP34R. FR0M 7H3 100K 0F 7H15, 1 H4V3 70 BU11D Y0UR H1V3 UP 70 7H47 F1R57 R1NG.  
RI: BU7 1 N33D 70 0RG4N153 7H3 07H3R5, 50 1’11 R37URN 5HOR71Y  
RI: C0113C7 WH473V3R F4115 0U7 0F 7H3 3N3M135, W3’11 N33D 17.  
DS: (Understood. I wish the others luck.)

ranchorusIntellectual [RI] ceased trolling demonicShieldsmith [DS]

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] began trolling poisonousHairball [PH] 

RI: P4WZ13, Y0U R34DY?  
PH: absoLutELy!  
RI: G00D, Y0U’R3 CRUC14’5 5URV3R P14Y3R. 574R7 UP Y0UR 53V3R PR0GR4M, 1’M C0N74C71NG H3R N0W  
PH: right, pawn it!  
RI: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHGHGGHGHGH  
PH: :3  
RI: PU7 7H3 PUNCH3D C4RD 1N 7H3 5EW1NG M4CH1N3 4ND BR1NG 7H3 BUMPY 7H1NG 70 7HE 7313P0RT3R3Y D00D4D  
PH: got it!  
RI: 0H 4ND PU7 50M37H1NG D34D 1N 7H3 G10W1NG 7H1NG 1F Y0U C4N ranchorousIntellectual [RI] ceased trolling poisonousHairball [PH] 

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] began trolling urselasTentacle [UT]

 

RI: CRUC14, 17’5 71M3 70 G0 1N, 4R3 Y0U R34DY?  
UT: ready as ill ever be  
RI: G00D, RUN Y0UR C113N7 PR0GR4M  
UT: ?ure thing, m0ss.  
RI: 0H MY G0G WHYYYYYY  
UT: becau?e i want t0.  
RI: WH473V3R, JU57 G37 Y0UR G4M3 R34DY 4ND C0MMUN1C473 W17H P4WZ13.

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] ceased trolling urselasTentacle [UT]

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] began trolling clinicallyExcavted [CE]

RI: 700R4H, G37 R34DY, Y0U’11 B3 53ND1NG K4173N 1N 500N  
CE ooo im with kalten? RI: Y34H, 15 7H47 4 PR0B13M?  
CE: nope :) im ruunning my disc!  
RI: G00D, WH3N Y0U G37 1N D3P10Y 7H3 3 M4CH1N35 4ND G1V3 H1M 7H3 PUNCH3D C4RD 47 7H3 53W1NG M4CH1N3 7H1NGY 7H3N BR1NG 7H3 CURVY D34113 70 7H3 B1G W4RP P4D 7H1NG  
CE: will do!  
RI: 1 N33D 70 G37 B4CK 70 D43M0N, 50 G00D 1UCK F0R N0W.  
CE: yo uuh daemons hive juust got hit by a meteor is that something i shouuld be concerned abouut?  
RI: 17'5 F1N3 H3 JU57 3N73R3D 7H3 G4M3  
CE: juust  
CE: kind of alarming  
RI: 17'5 F1N3  
RI: 1 PR0M153  
CE: ok, juuuuuuust had to make suure

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] ceased trolling clinicallyExcavted [CE]

 

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] began trolling frozenRenegade [FR]

RI: K4173N RUN Y0UR C113N7 PR0GR4M 4ND C0NN3C7 W17H 700R4H  
FR: sure THING brother.  
FR: which ONE is THE client ONE?  
RI: 7H3 0N3 7H47 54Y5 FUCK1NG C113N7 0N 17 Y0U UNCU173R3D 5H17  
FR: k, FOUND it.  
RI: G00D  
RI: D0N’7 FUCK UP  
FR: got IT, bro.

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] ceased trolling frozenRenegade [FR]

Moving back to your server program, you observe Daemon crush a small imp with goat horns and buck teeth. It explodes into several pieces of blue material, which he proceeds to collect. Seeing him walk back into his respiteblock, you decide this is the opportune time to message him.

ranchorusIntellectual [RI] began trolling demonicShieldsmith [DS]

RI: D43M0N 1’M B4CK, H0W G035 7H1NG5?  
DS: (Well, I am currently alive, and have obliterated several of these small enemies. I fell down the stairs.)  
RI: 4R3 Y0U 0K?  
DS: (Fine.)  
RI: G00D, 1 4M G01NG 70 574R7 BU11D1NG Y0UR H1V3 UP.  
DS: (Affirmative. Commune with me if any issues occur.)  
RI: 1 W111. K111 4NY7H1NG 7H47 M0V35. 

ranchorusIntellectual [RI] ceased trolling demonicShieldsmith [DS]

 

poisonousHairball [PH] began trolling urselasTentacle [UT]

PH: kriLLfriEnd, yoU rEady?  
UT: yuuup! Let’? d0 thi?!  
PH: off to advEntPUrr!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: Daemon hates stairs. He falls down them frequently. This was a fun chapter to write! Feel free to leave a comment! Thanks for reading!


	10. Going Swimmingly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we gooooooooo *pchoooooooooo*

Chapter 10: Going Swimmingly

You are now Crucia. You are sitting at your desk, waiting for your game to install.

PH: this is taking fUrEvEr  
UT: i kn0w, right?  
UT: y0u c0uld alm0?t ?ay  
UT: it? giving me a hadd0ck  
PH: niiiiiiiiiiicE :3

Progressing Coil Hydrants

Jerry-building Reflectors

Informing Casters

Inventing Rubber Hoists

…

Monitoring Assets

Launching Manifestation Systems 

PH: i sEEEEE yoUUUU  
UT: eyyy 

You wave to nowhere in particular, assuming she can see you.

UT: aight what d0 i nem0 d0?  
PH: nEmo?  
UT: need t0 :P  
PH: ok, nirrak said i knEad to Pawt down somE machinEs  
UT: hehe, knead

You look beside you as your recuperacoon is moved over, blocking your door, and leaving a crater in the floor.

UT: fuck’? hake, P  
PH: wooPs, sorry :P  
PH: why do yoU onLy havE a room and a basEmEnt?  
UT: w0uld y0u belive me if i ?aid ju?t for the halibut?  
PH: PawsibLy ;3  
UT: naw, ju?t never b0at-thered to build m0re.  
PH: ok, i’m Pawting this down.

In front of you lands the square-base-tubey thing, covering up the hole in your floor. 

UT: ey P?  
UT: 2 que?ti0n?  
UT: 1. the ?hit i? thi? thing?  
UT: 2.  
UT: ?ee that d00r there?  
UT: well  
UT: kinda need that  
PH: 1. I think it’s caLLEd a cruxtrUdEr  
PH: 2. i’vE Pawt this, hoLd on.

Your recuperacoon is dragged out of the room, bouncing down the stairs after being set down.

UT: whalep, that? g0ne.  
PH: sorryyy i can’t put your fLUff outsidE withoUt fLooding yoUr room  
UT: g00d prawnt.  
PH: ok, wE nEEd to oPEn thE toP  
UT: h0w?  
PH: i dUnno  
PH: maybE

You watch agape as your load gaper is dragged through the door, and dropped on top of the machine. The load gaper is flung upside down across the room, embedding itself into the wall several feet away. Out of the machine pops a glowing fuchsia orb, and a countdown begins, 00:14:09. You pick up your laptop and walk over to the wall, taking a seat under the embedded piece of porcelain. 

UT: hey, P?  
UT: l00k at your ?creen  
UT: tell me  
UT: what is prawn with thi? image?  
UT: i’ll give y0u a hint  
UT: i’m ?itting under my l0ad gaper  
PH: blUUUUUh  
PH: organising is hard  
PH: bUt i think thErE is room for thE rEst now.  
PH: oh, that gLowing thing, nirrak said to Pawt somEthing dEad in it  
UT: can y0u m0ve tib’? corp?e in?ide?  
PH: i can try  
Suddenly, the hatch in the top of your hive opens and Tib’s corpse is smashed through it. Luckily for you, this hatch leads to the surface. 

UT: 0y, easy with the de?tructi0n hun  
PH: sorry, it was thE onLy way  
UT: h0ld up i g0t an idea

Aiming your castanets, you blast a tooth out of Tib’s mouth and captchalogue it.

UT: ju?t in ca?e

Pawzle drags the body into the kernelsprite, and with a flash of light a shark-like sprite appears before you.

10:35

Tibsprite: RRRRRR  
UT: nice t0 ?ee y0u t00, 0ld gal.

You hear a thump down the stairs, and proceed down to investigate it.

 

In the middle of your mostly empty basement is a large machine, resembling a sewing machine.

PH: k, i nEEd yoU to pick thEsE UP.

You pick up a punched card and a fuchsia log.

UT: k, what are the?e?  
PH: yoU nEEd to Pawt thEm in thE machinE :3  
UT: kk

You plug the pieces into the machine, and a bumpy log is produced. 

UT: hehe it l00k? like an eel  
PH: it doEs :3  
PH: yoU coULd even say  
UT: y0u w0uldn’t  
PH: it looks  
UT: nuuuuu  
PH: eeLy good :3  
UT: the pun  
UT: it hurt?  
UT: i have died

You fall over mockingly, laying your face on the floor.

PH: cruciaaaaaa  
PH: bE sErioUs  
UT: can’t i’m dead  
PH: i wiLL tickLe yoU with this moUsE  
UT: try me

You stand up, grabbing the cruxite dowel from the machine. 

UT: what d0 i d0 squid thi?  
UT: that 0ne ?cuked  
PH: LittLE bit ;)  
UT: anyway what weird machine i? next?  
PH: this

In the corner of your room appears a large machine, somewhat resembling a teleporter pad.

8:10

UT: d0 i put the eely d0hickey in the telep0rter what?it?  
PH: thE tEchnicaL tErm is “thingamabob” but yEs  
UT: pfft

You plug the dowel into the alchemiter and a small laser shoots at it. In the middle of the pad appears a fuchsia colored clam, around the size of a typical hand. 

UT: it’? a clam  
UT: clam y0u clamify what i need t0 d0 with it?  
PH: yoU want to know thE PawPosE of it?  
UT: the p0rp0i?e, ye?  
PH: wELL, it might be fairLy LittEraL  
UT: i’m ?harking my head ?0 hard right now  
PH: right mEow*  
UT: i really eel like y0u ?h0uld let minn0w  
PH: i’m jUst kittEn aroUnd, i’LL tELL yoU  
PH: i PawsUmE yoU nEEd to brEak it oPEn.  
UT: kk  
PH: that mEowntdown stiLL has somE timE LEft, so yoU can wait if yoU want  
UT: eh, i wanna get thi? ?tarted

You take the inside of each side side of the clam and pull it apart, causing a small pearl to pop out. After a few seconds, a brilliant flash of light teleports your hive away. Moments after, you walk into your respiteblock and look outside. You have been teleported into a void, with glowing rings above you.

PH: wE did it!  
UT: n0w what?  
PH: wELL, now wE havE to rEach thosE rings  
UT: h0w d0 we d0 that?  
PH: i can manipULatE yoUr hivE, so UnLEss yoU can fLy, i gUEss i bUiLd UP  
PH: bUt it sEEms i havE a limitEd amoUnt of this bLUE stUff.

You hear a noise behind you, and whip around to see a small black creature with goat horns and large teeth behind you. You blast it twice with your castanets, and it explodes into grist, which you proceed to collect.

PH: gUEss that soLvEs onE PawbLEm.  
UT: ?0 i ju?t kill enemie? for n0w?  
PH: yEah, i havE a good bUiLding mEnU hEre, and morE machinEs.  
UT: ?weet, guess i’ll hunt f0r enemies then

poisonousHairball [PH] ceased trolling urselasTentacle [UT]

ranchorusIntellectual [RI] began trolling demonicShieldsmith [DS]

RI: D43M0N, 1 H4V3 D3P10Y3D 7H3 PUNCH D351GN1X IN YOUR M341 B10CK  
RI: N0W W17H 50M3 13G W0RK Y0U C4N UPGR4D3 Y0UR 57UFF, M4K3 B3773R W34P0N5, 0R JU57 M4K3 4 BUNCH 0F U531355 5H17, WH473V3R Y0U F331 11K3 D01NG  
RI: JU57 PUNCH Y0UR C4P7CH410GU3 C4RD 4ND G0 W11D  
DS: (I may be tempted to take you up on that offer.)

ranchorusIntellectual [RI] ceased trolling demonicShieldsmith [DS]

Several minutes ago

clinicallyExcavted [CE] began trolling frozenRenegade [FR]

CE: yooo  
FR: ey T, what’s GOOD?  
CE: not muuch ;)  
FR: looks LIKE it’s OUR turn TO go In  
CE: yeah, lets do this!  
FR: sgrub, HERE we COME!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, Toorah brings Kalten into Sgrub! Prepare for shenanigans!


	11. Ice Try

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for 80 views, everybody! I really appreciate it!

Chapter 11: Ice Try

 

Correlating Shingles

Uniting Mallets

Qualifying Electrostatic Lifts

…

Launching Manifestation Systems

FR: are YOU in?  
CE: yep, i see youu!  
FR: yoo

You are now Kalten, and you decide to wave at the air above your head.

CE: right, lets do this  
FR: let’s GOOOO

You watch, somewhat panicked as the hole you tend to sleep in is blocked off by a strange machine, square at the base with a tube coming through the top.

FR: yo T how YOU doin THAT  
CE: dont worry, its part of the game.  
FR: yeah BUT that WAS my SLEEPY hole  
FR: be MAKIN dreams IN that HOLE  
FR: some DREAMS  
FR: mostly NIGHTMARES  
CE: problem is youur hive is like  
CE: realllyyyyyyyy small  
CE: and there are two more of these  
FR: c’mon BRO don’t MAKE fun OF the SIZE of A man’s HIVE  
CE: hahahaha  
FR: what?  
CE: nothing nothing, youure juust fuunny is all  
CE: i need youu to captchaloguue youur laptop  
FR: why?  
CE: juust truust me on this one  
FR: kk

You do as she asked, and watch as your desk is smashed through the roof of your cave.  
FR: ey SO i KNOW you ARE in CHARGE here  
FR: but  
FR: imma NEED to ASK you NOT to DO that AGAIN  
CE: sorryyy youur door was blocked off there wasnt another way to move it  
CE: besides  
CE: i needed to do this

Your desk comes falling through the hole in your roof, smashing into the machine and popping the top open. Out of it pops an ice-colored orb, glowing radiantly, and a countdown; 00:15:09

FR: yo IT’S a BALL  
CE: actually its part of the game mechanics  
FR: hold UP imma PUT on A jacket THE cold’s COMING in  
CE ill juust keep doing this.

You open up your sylladex menu and review the cards. Suddenly, a smaller, thinner machine replaces the area your desk originally inhabited. You are startled, and accidentally fling the card with your lusus bones away from your body. The ice shatters, and the bones pop out of the card, flying into the glowing orb. With a flash of light, the sprite gains the head of a lizard. 

14:50

Lagarsprite:  
FR: l-lagar?  
Lagarsprite:  
FR: daaad!

A diluted red tear forms in your eye. You approach the sprite, but a tone from your laptop alerts you.

CE: dont huug him!  
FR: but  
FR: lizard DAD  
CE: and what if that glowing thing absorbs youu as well?  
FR: i MEAN  
FR: yeah, I guess YOU’RE right  
CE: i know youu love youur lizard dad, but youull have time to talk to him later  
CE: now i need youu to pick these uup

You pick up a captchalogue card and an ice blue log. 

FR: looks LIKE a BONE b  
CE: i can see what youure typing  
CE: dont type that sentence  
CE: cease the touch nub movements  
CE: please  
FR: aright BRO  
CE: now puut those in the machine  
FR: sure THING boss  
FR: how-  
FR: how DO i DO that?  
CE: put the card in the thin hole there  
FR: which END?  
CE: the one with a smaller corner 

13:10

After several minutes, you eventually figure out the machine, and produce a cruxite dowel. 

FR: it’s ALL curvy  
CE: yes, yes it is. now, youur hive is going to be a bit cramped for a while. 

5:32

You watch as a much larger machine is placed in front of you, blocking off the door and taking up most of the remaining room. 

FR: i SEE what YA mean  
CE: youu need to puut the cuurvy thing on the smaller pad 

You place the cruxite dowel on the pad and a small laser scans it. On the large area of the machine appears a glass of water approximately the size of your body. 

FR: sweet I’M thirsty  
CE: i think youu need to freeze it  
FR: why?  
CE: i  
CE: i saw it once  
CE: while i was asleep  
CE: i saw this scene  
CE: maybe in a cloud?  
FR: aright I’LL freeze IT  
CE: and then break it  
CE: like  
CE: puunch it or something

You take the glass in your hands, and your blank eyes glow slightly. Ice rushes up the glass, and in moments it is completely frozen.

FR: hey T check THIS out IT’S gonna BE cool

Pulling your arm back, you deliver a very rapid punch, shattering the ice as well as the glass. With a quick blip of light, your cave is teleported to a black void, with rings hovering above you.

FR: yoo WHERE am I  
CE: youure in the game!  
FR: sweeeeet SO now WHAT?  
CE: well i think i have to buuild up to that ring  
FR: how WOULD you GET here TO help BUILD  
CE: no no huun i do it from the compuuter  
FR: oooh FREAKY  
CE: but i have a limited amouunt of building material, so youll need to find ouut how to get more.

As if on cue, you notice something on top of the alchemiter. A 5 foot long, jet-black lizard-like creature. It runs toward you, snapping with a large jaw. You jump into the air, surrounding your fists with ice and punching the monster in the middle of the back. The monster explodes into shards of grist, as well as a black oil. 

FR: haha GROSS  
CE: well, that solves that problem  
FR: well, GUESS we DO our OWN thing FOR a WHILE  
CE: yep, ill buuild a bit and install the other machines  
FR: and I’LL kill SOME stuff  
CE: seeya ;)

clinicallyExcavted [CE] ceased trolling frozenRenegade [FR]

You are now Daemon again. Your hive is well into construction and you have decided to do some alchemy.

You combine your shield with the slime orb.

You got the Toxic Shield! 

Cost: 100 Grist 5 Tar 1 Sulfur  
You hold your new weapon up triumphantly. This shield, appearing as your regular shield but covered in goo with a light blue orb in the center 7 inches in diameter, appears to inflict poison damage upon contact, as well as acting as a regular shield. You feel like a huge dork holding it up like this, and store it back in your strife deck.

Running back into your room, you captchalogue an extra shirt and combine it with your friend puzzle.

You got the Amigovercoat!

Cost: 30 Grist 10 Shale

This new jacket, warm and cuddly, bears the visage of you and your friends, with Pawzle’s note sewn into the inside. The name is misleading, as this is just an unzipped sweater. Perhaps the creator couldn’t think of a better name? Regardless, you put it on. 

You combine the horn Toorah gave you with your can of cherry soda. 

You got the Horn Soda!

Cost: 155 Grist 200 Shale

You take an experimental sip of this new confection, and immediately throw it down in disgust. Never has your mouth known such horror! The taste is indescribably horrendous. This folly cannot be forgiven. And for that much grist? You feel as if you have been ripped off in every way. You throw the piece of shit into the canyon below you.

You combine your cherry pie and your new sweater.

???  
Cost: 1000 Grist 600 Chalk 100, 0000 Cobalt

You have no idea what this item is, but it is absurdly expensive, and seems somewhat nonsensical anyway.

You combine your cherry with your laptop.

You got the Computer Cher!

Cost: 200 Grist 2 Amber

This portable computer consists of a large cherry, cut in half with a small screen covering the inside. It slips over your left eye, using the stem to hold onto your ear. Yes! Finally, an easier way to communicate! A fashion statement to last centur-yeah this thing looks completely absurd. You contemplate disposing of it, but decide against the action. 

You combine your cherry soda with your laptop.

You got the Carbonated Cherry Bomb!

Cost: Grist: 50 Shale 25 Tar 10

These electric cans seem ready to explode once they are opened. You proceed to make several more. 

You stand on the alchemiter, surrounded by all of your new loot. You captchalogue everything, completely filling up your Sylladex. You make a mental note to ask Nirrak how to make more cards. 

Looking to your side, your eyes widen and you equip your shield. Two enormous Shale Ogres are approaching you, and neither looks friendly. It’s time for a boss fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time for a boss battle! Seeya next time!


	12. Mid Bosses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time for some boss fighting action! I should mention that updates are unlikely to remain daily. I feel like I've been rushing the last few, so I'm going to slow down a bit.

Chapter 12: Mid Bosses

You are now Daemon and you are faced with two enormous ogres. 

ranchorusIntellectual [RI] began trolling demonicShieldsmith [DS]

RI: D43M0N W47CH 0U7  
DS: (Yes, perhaps you could assist me with this issue?)  
RI: 0N 17

ranchorusIntellectual [RI] ceased trolling demonicShieldsmith [DS]

You brandish your shield on your arm and jump into the air, toward the leftmost ogre. 

STRIFE!

You are immediately grabbed by the ogre, who begins to crush you. You struggle, but to no avail. The ogre’s muscles simply exceed your own. You are set free, however, as Nirrak drops your load gaper on top of the monster’s head, causing it to stumble for a moment. You fall down, flailing cartoonishly until you reach your balcony, where you land with a roll. You quickly throw your shield, hitting the rightmost ogre in the face, and causing a small mark upon its skin, before rebounding back into your hand. 

You jump from your railing into the air again, where an ogre slams you into the wall. You are still for a moment, before taking notice of your cracked ribs. Owww. You struggle to stand up.

demonicShieldsmith [DS] began trolling ranchorusIntellectual [RI] 

DS: (I believe I could use some assistance.)  
RI: R1GH7 UH  
RI: Y0U D0N’7 H4V3 4NY M0R3 57UFF 70 7HR0W  
DS: (Nirrak my ribs are broken.)  
RI: 0K UUHHH H01D 0N

demonicShieldsmith [DS] ceased trolling ranchorusIntellectual [RI] 

You open up your Sylladex and retrieve a Carbonated Cherry Bomb. You crack the top open, wedge it into the handhold of your shield, and throw it. It successfully lands in the rightmost ogre’s mouth and explodes. The ogre remains alive, but the shield is flung back into your hand. The ogre, enraged, aims a punch in your direction. You block it with your shield and jump on the monster’s arm. You run up, making rapid slices to the skin with your shield, and throw another soda bomb at it. You put your shield in front of your body as the bomb explodes, taking the ogre down to visibly low health. The other ogre grabs you, flinging you several dozen feet away. You are caught by an energy bed, manifested by Olcsprite. You nod at the sprite in approval and he flings you back toward the platform containing the ogres. You fly toward the rightmost ogre, and travel straight through, obliterating it. Nirrak drops your load gaper on the next enemy several times, it would seem as a distraction. You take the opportunity and fling your shield, cutting the monster’s side and inflicting poison damage. You ignite two more cherry bombs, throwing them like grenades and draining your supply. They land on the ogre, causing a fairly large explosion that sends you flying backward. Nirrak positions his porcelain bludgeon behind you and you fall head first into it, leaving you upside down. Thankfully it has been cleaned and holds no water. The ogre explodes into grist and disappears. 

demonicShieldsmith [DS] began trolling ranchorusIntellectual [RI]  
RI: W3 D1D 17  
DS: (Yes, yes we did.)  
DS: (Though)  
DS: (Friend, I implore you)  
DS: (One of your considerable intellect should have no issue with a challenge such as this.)  
DS: (Tell, what is wrong with this picture?)  
DS: (Starting point; where am I at the moment?)  
RI: 17 W45 7H3 0N1Y W4Y 70 K33P Y0U FR0M F4111NG  
DS: (Is it possible you could remove me from this contraption?)  
RI: N0, 1 C4N’7 1N73R4C7 W17H Y0U D1R3C71Y  
RI: 7H3 G4M3 W0N’7 137 M3  
DS: (In that case I believe we are in a predicament.)  
DS: (I am stuck.)  
RI: 111 F1GUR3 17 0U7 D0N7 W0RRY  
DS: (I believe I have an idea.)

demonicShieldsmith [DS] ceased trolling ranchorusIntellectual [RI] 

You brandish your shield and smash through the porcelain after several strikes. You pop your head out and continue on your way, no worse for wear. You decide to get something to eat and rest for a little while.

You are now Crucia, and building is going slow, but steady. You have discovered the process of alchemy, and have decided to tinker around a bit. By tinker you mean make a bunch of worthless shit you’ll probably never use. First, though, you must address a message from one of your friends. 

clinicallyExcavted [CE] began trolling urselasTentacle [UT]

CE: hey cruucia i have something for youu  
UT: y00 t it’? been a whale how arrgh ya?  
CE: im fine, uu?  
UT: ‘b0ut t0 d0 ?ome ?weet alchemy  
UT: wh0le building thing’? takin f0rever  
UT: like damn fi?h g0t ?tuff t0 d0  
UT: u herring what i’m puttin trout?  
CE: cruucia  
UT: wait ?hit  
UT: that wa? a turtle di?a?ter  
CE: its cool im uused to youu forgetting  
CE: after all  
UT: 0h c0d  
CE: i know youure dolphinetly sorry  
UT: this is why we’re friend?  
CE: anyway i have something for you  
UT: 0h k0i what i? it?  
CE: type this code into youur puunch card thingy  
CE: bo0o0o0m  
UT: kk but what d0e? it d0?  
CE: combine it with youur castanets, i think it will be cool.  
UT: k, thank? T  
CE: no problem!

clinicallyExcavted [CE] ceased trolling urselasTentacle [UT]

You do as Toorah asked, and get the punched card. You enter it into the alchemiter, and it produces an item. 

You got the Broken Speaker!

Cost: 5 Grist 

This speaker has been sliced in half, and cannot function without tremendous repairs. You keep it anyway.

You combine the broken speaker with your castanets.

You got the Sonic Boom Bubblers!

Cost: 100 Grist 25 Rust 10 Chalk

These new castanets produce a significantly larger shock wave, with little recoil. You feel a lot more confident sending enemies to shell with these.

You combine your bodysuit with the hermit crab shell.

You got the Shell Armour!

Cost: 200 Grist 10 Chalk 1 Amethyst

This lightweight bodysuit provides durable armour and doesn’t limit your movement much. It resembles a toga. You put the suit on, looking pretty cool.

You combine your fishtop with your old castanets.

You got the Mermaid’s Communicator!

Cost 150 Grist 10 Rust

This two shell computer appears as a clam shell with a computer screen on the inside of one side, the other side hooking onto your ear. This should make communication easier. You make a mental note to use it to return Toorah’s favour. 

You combine your hermit crab shell with your shark tooth.

You got the Hermit’s Tooth!

Cost: 10 Grist

This thing is…just a tooth. Made of a shell. What functional porpoise does this serve? Maybe you’ll make it into a necklace or something later. 

You combine your shark tooth, fishtop, and broken speaker

????

Cost: 1,000,000 Grist 200, 000, 000??? 600, 000, 000???

I’M SORRY, WHAT?! Why is this clusterfuck so expensive? It probably doesn’t even do anything! Shell no. You kick it into the void. 

You combine your Sonic Boom Bubblers with Tib’s tooth.

You got the Boom Blades!

Cost: 1000 Grist 200 Rust 10 Amethyst

Each of your castanets now have a foot long shark tooth blade protruding from the sides, facing the outside. You now have close range options for combat, which is quite nice, and a decent way to honour your lusus.

You stand in the middle of your new loot, feeling like you’ve made some great choices. Just then, in a familiar turn of events, an amethyst ogre and numerous imps approach you on the spiral staircase surrounding your hive. It is time for battle. 

STRIFE!

You fire your castanets as a test, which obliterate an imp. This may have been the best upgrade. You run rapidly up the stairs, slicing through imps almost effortlessly, though they take more than one hit to kill with your blades. Eventually making to the top, you encounter the ogre, standing on a platform hanging over the void. Time to take this thing down.

You fire two shots from each castanet, hitting the ogre square in the chest. It reels for a moment, but proceeds to quickly bring an enormous fist down directly on your head, trapping you inside of the floor.

urselasTentacle [UT] began trolling poisonousHairballl [PH]

UT: 0y P i c0uld u?e ?0me kelp 0ver here.  
PH: on it! don’t Pawnic!

urselasTentacle [UT] ceased trolling poisonousHairballl [PH]

Pawzle drops a large fridge on the ogre’s head, causing a distraction. You angle your castanets upward and blast away the platform around you, sending you spiraling downward toward the void. Panicking, you blast the air in front of you, sending your back into the pillar of earth your hive is suspended on. You quickly stab the blades of your weapons into the side, allowing you to hang there.

urselasTentacle [UT] began trolling poisonousHairballl [PH]

UT: ey ?0 like n0 hurry 0r anyfin but i’m pr0b? g0nna die  
PH: i Paw mEw faLL are yoU ok?  
UT: i’m ju?t  
UT: hangin 0ut  
UT: haha  
UT: fuck i’m g0nna die  
PH: it’s not LEtting mE buiLd down thErE, i think yoU havE to cLimb!  
UT: 0h finta?tic  
UT: take care 0f that 0gre and i’ll be up in a bit i gue??.  
PH: ok, bUt PawLEasE bE carEfUL  
UT: will d0  
urselasTentacle [UT] ceased trolling poisonousHairballl [PH]

You slowly begin your difficult journey up the side. How do you get yourself into these stupid situations? Eventually, after slipping a few times, you make it back up to the base of your hive. Now to walk back up. Up all of those stairs. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. You eventually make it to the top to find a fresh ogre waiting for you. Great. You waste no time in blasting yourself into the air toward it, landing on the black surface of its neck and begin slashing, before being thrown into the wall behind you. You break out and run toward the monster, firing rounds as you go. The ogre throws your forgotten fridge at you, once again pinning you to the wall. You blast away the section of the wall and open your sylladex. Moving in wave pattern are your items. You fire your weapons at the tooth shell card and it is flung toward the ogre, planting itself into beast’s eye. Taking the opportunity, you run once again toward your target. You jump toward the monster and slash downward in an arc, expelling it. You land on the ground, breathing heavily and collect the grist. You lay down on the ground and pass out for a while. 

clinicallyExcavted [CE] began trolling frozenRenegade [FR]

CE: hey kalten i set uup the puunch designix  
FR: wait WHAT? am I punching DRAWINGS now?  
CE: not quuite ;) youu can make some sweet loot thouugh  
FR: oooo LIKE what?  
CE: combine youur items together and find ouut!  
FR: sweeet IT’S not LIKE i’m DOING anything ELSE.

clinicallyExcavted [CE] ceased trolling frozenRenegade [FR]

 

You are now Kalten. Your cave now has several more levels and you stand at the top, where all of your machines currently are. You approach the Punch Designix and prepare to make the most premium of loot. Or maybe not. You have like five things. Whatever. You prepare to do some cool alchemy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yoo boss fights are fun to write! Hope you liked it!


	13. Thus, On Didst The Shenanigans Continue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I return! Have fun with chapter 13!

Chapter 13: Thus, On Didst The Shenanigans Continue

 

frozenRenegade [FR] began trolling clinicallyExcavated [CE]

FR: hey T i GOT a QUESTION  
CE: shoot  
FR: does THE game LET you LIKE  
FR: make FOOD?  
FR: like EDIBLE food?  
CE: i dont think so guuy, buut if youu like cherries ask daemon.  
FR: what’s A cherry?  
FR: the ONLY one I know CERTAINLY isn’t EDIBLE  
CE: grooossssss its a fruuit  
FR: oooooooh  
FR: see I’M used TO like  
FR: scraps  
FR: and STEALING food  
FR: never REALLY had LUXURIES like FRUIT  
CE: really?  
FR: yeah DUDE, i LIVE in A cave IF you HADN’T noticed.  
CE: oh, well, im suure daemon will be happy to share with youu if youu ask.  
FR: you THINK the OIL that KEEPS coming OUT of THESE monsters IS edible?  
CE: i wouuldnt try it  
FR: kk, I’LL try DAEMON  
CE: ok, seeya!

frozenRenegade [FR] ceased trolling clinicallyExcavated [CE]

frozenRenegade [FR] began trolling demonicShieldsmith [DS]

 

FR: ey D-MAN i GOT a QUESTION  
DS: (Oh, greetings, Kalten. We’ve not spoken in some time. How are you?)  
FR: oh, YOU know, COLD, kinda HUNGRY.  
FR: you?  
DS: (My life has been…)  
DS: (Rib tickling.)  
DS: (The joke being my ribs are broken.)  
FR: oh, I’D offer TO help YOU, but  
FR: there ISN’T much I can DO to GET rib OF the PAIN  
DS: (Haha, I get it. Rib replaces rid. It is a pun. Very humorous.)  
FR: yeah GUY, puns ARE great  
FR: oh THAT reminds ME why I messaged YOU  
FR: toorah SAYS you MIGHT have SOME edible THING called A “cherry?”  
DS: (Ah yes, my preferred fruit.)  
FR: was WONDERING if I could GET in ON that.  
DS: (Yes, of course. I believe if I give you a certain code you make make them.)  
FR: aight, LAY it ON me  
DS: (Let me see, I believe I turn the card over.)  
DS: (y0!!!!y0 is the code.)  
FR: and I put IT in THE card THINGY?  
DS: (Yes, I believe so.)  
FR: thanks DUDE!  
DS: (It is no problem.)

frozenRenegade [FR] ceased trolling demonicShieldsmith [DS]

 

You input the code and produce a punched card. You walk to your alchemiter, inserting it. 

You got the cherry! 

Cost: 2 Grist

You observe the small fruit, before popping it in your mouth. You spit out the pit instinctively, and your eyes widen.

frozenRenegade [FR] began trolling demonicShieldsmith [DS]

FR: yoooo DAEMON these ARE good  
DS: (Yes, I firmly agree. I advise not eating the pit.)  
FR: imma MAKE like  
FR: a BUNCH  
FR: hungry OVER here.

frozenRenegade [FR] ceased trolling demonicShieldsmith [DS]

You proceed to make several dozen more, chowing down on the fruits. After eating your fill, you decide to do a bit of alchemy.

You combine your Laptop with your Dumbbell.

You got the Training Viser!

Cost: 50 Grist 10 Rust 2 Tar

This dumbbell latches one side onto your ear and the other bends in front of your eye, the widened hole containing a computer screen. It is heavy, as, you have to imagine, a large majority of heads are not used to lifting this variety of weight. You get the feeling this probably looks pretty dumb.

You combine your Poofy jacket with a leftover Lagar bone. 

You got the Rib Tickler!

Cost: 100 Grist 25 Marble

This poofy red jacket is now lined with real ribs, making for a decent piece of armour that looks nice on you.

You combine your drawing with a cherry.

You got the Cherry Tree! 

Cost: 25 Grist

This small potted tree is still growing, and would likely make a decent addition to a room.

You realize you don’t have much left to alchemize, so you decide to wait until you have some better items. You wonder when more enemies are going to appear. You haven’t seen any in a while, just the oil stains they all leave behind. You have several patches of it on your skin at the moment. You wonder if this will affect you in any way, before discarding the thought as you are approached by a large, green basilisk enemy, with shark teeth and goat horns. The thing towers above you, however, and seems to be the only enemy around. 

frozenRenegade [FR] began trolling clinicallyExcavated [CE]

FR: oi TOORAH are YOU seeing THIS?  
CE: i see it alright, are youu going to fight?  
FR: see  
FR: not SO sure I can TAKE this THING  
CE: it looks like youu dont have a choice! watch out!

frozenRenegade [FR] ceased trolling clinicallyExcavated [CE]

You look back to see the monster attempting to grab you with its mouth. Forming a thick layer of ice around your hands, you catch its tooth and hold the jaw open with your body.

STRIFE!  
Very quickly freeing one hand, you punch two of the monster’s top teeth out. It reels back, but quickly gains back its composure and charges toward you, horns readied. Not reacting quick enough, you only manage to put your hands up to block before being flung backward, losing the breath in your lungs as you collide with an uneven wall of stone. You stand back up, throwing the ice around your hands. The gloves collide with the monster, only seeming to piss it off a bit. You run toward it, forming a short, curved sword from ice. You swing the sword down in an arc, shattering it on the monster’s head. It breathes in a large breath and expels a large burst of flame. You form a thin wall of ice in front of yourself, but the fire quickly melts through and you are caught in it, the oil on your skin only working to amplify the effect. You cover your body in a layer of ice, suffocating the flame but also trapping you. It was then you that realized you had fucked up in only the most royal of ways. 

The basilisk bites through the ice and sinks its teeth into your torso. You yell out in pain, and bite its leg, causing it to let go. Red blood spurts from your wounds, and you fall on the ground. 

frozenRenegade [FR] began trolling clinicallyExcavated [CE]

FR: welp, I think I’M dead.  
CE: kalten! ill help youu, dont worry!  
FR: t  
FR: if IT doesn’t FINISH me THIS wound WILL  
CE: no, i wont let youu go down!

clinicallyExcavated [CE] ceased trolling frozenRenegade [FR] 

Your vision blurs slightly as you attempt to stand back up, freezing your wounds to stop the bleeding for as long as possible. You open up your sylladex and punch the ice surrounding your dumbbell card, and flinging the weight toward your enemy. It takes the blow, with what seems like no damage. You summon two swords of ice, wielding them backhanded and attack, violently slashing toward the basilisk, which dodges with no problem. Suddenly an enormous column of granite is thrown onto the monster, pinning it to the ground. It struggles and throws the column off, once again charging you. You bash it with your swords, but are promptly swallowed. The monster licks its lips and lets out a satisfied burp. It looks down, however, as its body is quickly enveloped by ice. It explodes, expelling glowing green grist and oil everywhere, and you are revealed, heavily panting and clearly battle damaged. You are covered in burns, oil, and a glowing green material. 

frozenRenegade [FR] began trolling clinicallyExcavated [CE]

FR: hah, SHITHEAD didn’t KNOW who HE was MESSING with  
CE: kalten! are youu ok?!  
FR: define OK  
CE: ill get youu some help!  
FR: yeah, THAT’D be NICE  
clinicallyExcavated [CE] ceased trolling frozenRenegade [FR]

clinicallyExcavated [CE] began trolling ranchorusIntellectual [RI] 

CE: nirrak. science. Now.  
RI: M013CU135  
CE: nirrak kalten is gonna die!  
RI: 0H. 0H FUCK. H01D 0N  
RI: WH47 7H3 3V3R10V1NG FUCK H4PP3N3D  
CE: touugh enemy, he needs help!  
RI: WH3R3 7H3 FUCK 15  
RI: H3R3  
RI: J6K8YMGY  
RI: 17’5 4N 3XP3R1M3N741 M3D1C1N3

clinicallyExcavated [CE] ceased trolling ranchorusIntellectual [RI] 

clinicallyExcavted [CE] began trolling frozenRenegade [FR]

CE: kalten!  
CE: J6K8YMGY  
FR: oh, MEDICINE, good

frozenRenegade [FR] ceased trolling clinicallyExcavated [CE] 

You manage to get the card into the alchemiter and it produces a small bottle with a purple liquid. You drink it and lay down on your back. Soon after, your wounds begin healing. 

frozenRenegade [FR] began trolling clinicallyExcavated [CE] 

FR: hey IT worked!  
CE: yes!!!  
CE: i mean  
CE: are youu ok?  
FR: yeah BRO, i FEEL great!  
CE: awesome!  
FR: i WANNA like HUG you OR something  
FR: asshole COMPUTER has TO be CORPOREAL and NOT let ME through  
FR: corporeasshole  
CE: oh, itll happen eventuually ;)  
CE: buut nirrak said that is an experimental druug, so we shouuld monitor what youu do.  
FR: good IDEA.  
CE: whats that wierd green stuuff?  
FR: i DUNNO, but IT kinda BURNS  
CE: is it radioactive?  
FR: maybe, CAN’T really FEEL radioactiveness  
CE: well, collect it and we can get back to buuilding.  
FR: on IT!

frozenRenegade [FR] ceased trolling clinicallyExcavated [CE] 

clinicallyExcavated [CE] began trolling ranchorusIntellectual [RI] 

CE: it worked!  
RI: 0H 7H4NK G0D  
CE: i couuld kiss youu right now  
RI: 7H4NK5 F0R 7H3 0FF3R BU7 1 KN0W WH0 Y0U R3411Y W4N7 70 K155 ;)  
CE: quuiet youu  
RI: N0P3  
RI: Y0U 70RM3N73D M3 4B0U7 MY R3D F3311NG5  
RI: N0W Y0U MU57 5UFF3R  
CE: bllaaahhh  
RI: Y0U KN0W Y0U 11K3 H1M  
CE: yeah buut i’m secuure abouut it  
RI: ...  
RI: Y0U W1N 7H15 R0UND  
CE: ;P  
RI: 15 0UR WH013 4DV3N7YR3 JU57 0N3 5H177Y R0M4NC3 570RY  
CE: naw  
CE: suubplots at most  
CE: oh, that reminds me, how have youu and daemon been doing?  
RI: F4N74571C  
RI: GR347  
RI: 5UP3R  
CE: that bad, huuh?  
RI: 1 FUCK3D UP 53V3R41 71M35  
RI: 1 4M FUCK1NG 7R45H  
RI: 1 G0T H15 H34D 57UCK 1N 4 104D G4P3R  
RI: 700R4H 4R3 Y0U 7H3R3  
RI: Y0U’D3 B3773R N07 B3 FUCK1NG 14UGH1NG  
CE: im sorry  
CE: juust  
CE: thats amazing  
RI: 0H MY FUCK1NG G0D  
RI: 1 N33D 70 BU11D N0W  
RI: B3F0R3 1 FUCK1NG D13 0F 3MB4R455M3N7  
CE: fiiiiiine, seeya sweetie

clinicallyExcavated [CE] ceased trolling ranchorusIntellectual [RI] 

You are now Toorah. You sit at your desk, laughing. You feel bad for your moirail but it is hilarious. You decide to go back to building for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm running out of interesting things to say in these notes. Seeya next time!


	14. Press Enter To Continue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Rising from my grave* Hey, all! Really sorry about the hiatus, I had various troubles (Including a level 8 case of writer's block) which prevented me from writing, but I'm back! And with an extra long chapter, no less! Enjoy!

Chapter 14: Press Enter To Continue

 

demonicShieldsmith [DS] began trolling ranchorusIntellectual [RI]

DS: (Nirrak, the first ring we must reach is growing close. Tell, what will happen when I reach it?)  
RI: 1 7H1NK Y0U’11 B3 7313P0R73D 50M3WH3R3  
DS: (And when I arrive at this new destination?)  
RI: 1 D0N’7 KN0W, 17’5 UN1QU3 70 3V3RY P14Y3R  
DS: (Understood. I shall make preparations.)

demonicShieldsmith [DS] ceased trolling ranchorusIntellectual [RI]

You are now Daemon, and the first ring is almost within your grasp. However, you must clear some imps away first. You equip your shield and prepare for combat. 

STRIFE! 

You throw your shield at a nearby enemy, expertly striking it and sending the weapon into the head of another, causing the two to blip in flashes of yellow from poison damage. You sprint forward and retrieve your weapon, instantly striking an approaching imp and sending it off of the cliff. Several imps approach in a hoard; likely more than a melee strategy can handle. You jump into the air and fire an electric soda from your inventory. The bomb explodes early and sends you crashing into the tree of your sylladex and freeing the card holding the mystery novel you had forgotten about. The book flies away, colliding with Olcsprite and transforming him in a flash of blue light. You return to the ground and hold your shield up, blocking an attack from an imp. You retaliate, simply punching it in the face. The imp explodes into grist, which you attempt to collect, but are thwarted by a pair of goat horns ramming into your back. You fly several feet, eventually slamming your shield into the ground to stop yourself from falling. You face the imp, ready for a battle, but it is shot with a laser, neutralising the threat. You rise up the Echeladder, gaining the rank of Branch Extraordinaire. Nothing to write home about, but you decide it is better than nothing. You observe the scene, noting the lack of imps, when before you appears your sprite. Olc has gained a fancy detective’s hat, a monocle, and a smoking pipe. 

Daemon: (Olc? You seem to have taken on the persona of a detective. While a round of role playing is, at most times, a splendid idea, I hardly believe this to be the proper time.)  
Sherolcsprite: Oh, dear boy I’m not simply “playing roles”, as you say. I have gained a sense of proper speech from your book, rather than the bloody screaming I had displayed for a majority of my life.  
Daemon: (I was not aware that you had the capacity for speech.)  
Sherolcsprite: I have the capacity for much more, thanks in whole to you, young master Daemon.  
Daemon: (This is quite a shock. I’ve never had the pleasure of communicating with you before.)  
Daemon: (Or, rather, I have, but your responding is quite a different situation.)  
Sherolcsprite: Daemon, while I relish the thought of chatting with you until the universe dies out, I have been assigned a different task by my resurrection in this sprite.  
Daemon: (Tell, what is this task? It seems to hold significant importance.)  
Sherolcsprite: I have been given the role of your mentor once again, this time as a guide for your current adventure.  
Daemon: (While that seems a relatively simple task, I sense there is something of a catch.)  
Sherolcsprite: Sharp as ever, my grub. See, while my mind harbors many of the secrets of the universe, I can only provide you with hints and vague answers.  
Daemon: (And why is this?)  
Sherolcsprite: I...am not entirely sure. It likely has some relation to personal growth, though I believe the game has a hand in my feelings toward the matter.  
Daemon: (I understand. Well, what can you currently tell me about my future in this game? How will I mature? Will I die young?)  
Sherolcsprite: Ah, young Daemon. You bloody heroes have so many questions.  
Daemon: (Hero? I try, but I doubt I deserve such a role at the moment.)  
Sherolcsprite: You shall discover the meaning of my words in due time. For now, know that you are important to the story that is unfolding before you. You have a role to play, just as your friends do, and you do it well.  
Daemon: (And that role would be?)  
Sherolcsprite: I believe your friend is attempting communication with you.  
Daemon: (Ah, yes, it would appear so. I will treasure our conversation, Olc.)  
Sherolcsprite: Due to my combination with your book, I believe “Sherolcsprite” is a better name.  
Daemon: (Noted. I hope we may speak more in the future.)  
Sherolcsprite: That we shall, dear Daemon.

You turn your attention to the computer over your eye to address Nirrak’s message.

ranchorusIntellectual [RI] began trolling demonicShieldsmith [DS] 

RI: D43M0N, 7H3 P0R741 15 W17H1N Y0UR R34CH, Y0U 5H0U1D 7RY JUMP1NG UP 70 17.  
DS: (I remain curious about the world I am being thrust into.)  
RI: 7H3R3’5 0N1Y 0N3 W4Y 70 1ND 0U7  
DS: (Indeed. Though, I have a small matter that I would like to clear up.)  
RI: 4ND 7H47 W0U1D B3?  
DS: (What do you believe my sprite meant by referring to me as a hero? I believe I have done little of merit on this adventure.)  
RI: 7H47 M4Y B3 7RU3, BU7 1 H4V3 4 F3311NG Y0U W111 D0 50M3 GR347 7H1NG5 1N Y0UR 71M3.  
RI: Y0U PR1D3 Y0UR531F 0N H3R015M 4ND D15C1P11N3, BU7 Y0U 57111 74K3 C4R3 0F Y0UR FR13ND5 4B0V3 411 3153. 50M3B0DY 11K3 Y0U R3411Y C4N’7 B3 D3571N3D F0R 50M37H1NG 14M3.  
RI: 50M37H1NG W111 C0M3 UP 4ND Y0U W111 H4V3 4 HUG3 M0M3N7 1N 7H3 5UN, 1’M 5UR3.  
RI: BU7, UN711 7H3N, Y0U C4N 0N1Y G0 1N70 7H3 UND15C0V3R3D 4ND 533 WH47 C4N H4PP3N.  
DS: (Nirrak)  
RI: 0H FUCK D1D 1 G0 0V3RB04RD  
RI: I D1D D1DN’7 1  
RI: G01NG 70 R3M0V3 MY 7H1NK P4N N0W  
RI: 4PP34R4N71Y 17 15 U531355  
DS: (Nirrak, what you have said was a profound statement, in my opinion.)  
DS: (It brings me joy, knowing that you believe in me in such a way.)  
RI: 0H  
RI: 0H 7H47’5 WH47 Y0U M34N7  
RI: 0K 7H3 G4RB4G3 C0M1NG FR0M M3 H45 C3453D, 71M3 70 G0 7HR0UGH 7H3 P0R74L  
DS: (Indeed, let us proceed.)

ranchorusIntellectual [RI] ceased trolling demonicShieldsmith [DS] 

 

You bend your knees and jump high into the air, zapping into the portal above. Usually you would explore your new surroundings as soon as possible, but for now you need to be somebody else.

 

urselasTentacle [UT] began trolling frozenRenegade [FR] 

UT: ey red  
FR: ey MAN i KNOW you FIND it FUNNY but THIS probs AINT the TIME for INSULTS  
UT: but what y0ure failing t0 under?tand i?  
UT: i am b0red  
UT: p i? taking f0rever and i need ?0mebody t0 ann0y  
UT: herring what im puttin tr0ut red?y?  
FR: yeah GUY, but I really DON’T want TO just SIT here AND take IT right NOW  
FR: i KNOW it’s KINDA your THING, but I’M busy  
UT: whale then, what d0 y0u expect me t0 d0?  
FR: kill SOMETHING?  
FR: i DUNNO  
FR: if YOU will BE nice WE can CHAT  
UT: uuugh, fiiiiiiiiiiin  
FR: good  
FR: just GOT eaten, NOT really IN the MOOD for IT  
FR: toorah’s ALMOST done WITH my GATEY thing  
FR: are YOUR enemies REALLY tough?  
UT: i g0t s0me glubbin little imp thing? 0ver here  
UT: n0t that t0ugh  
FR: i GOT some BIG ass LIZARD assholes  
FR: almost DIED takin EM out  
FR: they GIVE a TON of REWARDS though  
UT: i g0t thr0wn 0ff a cliff  
FR: i GOT eaten  
FR: and ALMOST ripped IN half  
FR: and I think I’M absorbing SOME of THIS oil  
UT: 0k y0u fin the tragedy c0nte?t  
FR: you KNOW it  
UT: i p0nder why y0ur enemie? are ?0 t0ugh  
FR: i DUNNO, man  
FR: i’m NOT that STRONG so IT’S a BIT of a BITCH  
UT: like you ;)  
FR: c’mon MAN that WAS just MEAN  
UT: and?  
FR: and YOU said YOU’D be NICE  
UT: well i gue??  
FR: please DON’T  
UT: y0u mu?t have  
FR: c’mon MAN  
UT: red me wr0ng  
FR: k SO imma GO  
UT: but i had like ten m0re 0f the?e.

frozenRenegade [FR] ceased trolling urselasTentacle [UT]

You are now Kalten, and you are mildly annoyed by Crucia’s antics, but you decide to put it in the back of her mind for now. You will get her back later. For now, you focus on the ring above you, drawing very close. You could almost jump into it, but you tried earlier and hurt yourself so you’ve abstained from doing so again. 

frozenRenegade [FR] began trolling clinicallyExcavted [CE]

FR: ey SO not TO be RUDE but I’M getting KINDA bored UP here  
CE: dont worry huun were almost there  
FR: hey TOORAH?  
CE: hm?  
FR: what DO you THINK about CRUCIA?  
CE: cruucia? shes cool, i suuppose. nirrak doesnt like her. Why?  
FR: no REASON.  
CE: are youu suure abouut that?  
FR: why WOULD i NOT be SURE?  
CE: becauuse it souunds like youure trying to hide something  
CE: also i couuld see youu talking to her through the screen  
FR: why YOU gotta BE peepin?  
CE: sorry huun, i juust got cuuriouus  
FR: did YOU see WHAT we WERE talking ABOUT?  
CE: no, buut youu seemed distressed.  
FR: well IT’S nothin TO be CONCERNED about  
FR: and PLEASE don’t LOOK at MY conversations ANYMORE  
FR: that CAME out KINDA rude I’M sorry  
CE: im sorry too, shouuld have minded my buusiness.  
CE: i think youu can get throuugh the portal now  
FR: kk, going up.

frozenRenegade [FR] ceased trolling clinicallyExcavted [CE]

You ascend the stairs of your new cave and look up at the ring above your head, almost within reach. In a familiar twist, a basilisk climbs into your view from the side of your hive. Wonderful, another one of these. You prepare for a confrontation, creating 6 inch claws over each of your fingers with ice. The basilisk charges toward you, goat horns pointed your way. You catch a horn as the monster draws close enough, and flip yourself onto its neck. You dig your claws into the top of the skull in front of you, only piercing the flesh and shattering your weapons. The monster grabs you with its tail and throws you off, sending you tumbling to the ground. You quickly stop yourself by way of freezing your feet to the ground, and use your new ice shoes to jump, landing a swift drop of your heel on top on the monster’s back. 

clinicallyExcavted [CE] began trolling frozenRenegade [FR]

CE: wow, youuve gotten better at killing these things!  
FR: thanks GUY, they’re STILL tough BUT i’ve GOTTEN stronger

You are again thrown onto the ground, this time stopping yourself by digging ice daggers into the ground. The basilisk rushes you once again, teeth gnashing together. You punch it square in the face, knocking out a tooth, which you proceed to catch. The monster reels, but swiftly continues to attempt bites at your flesh. Side stepping a chomp, you drive the tooth into the monster’s eye. It screeches, giving you an opening to slide under its stomach and deliver a swift kick upward, sending the monster flying above you. You summon a foot long ice sword in each hand, and aim them upward, soon impaling the monster above your head. You quickly slash it in half, causing it to explode into grist and goop. You do a triumphant dance, and observe your ascent up the Echeladder, attaining the coveted rank of “One Large Frosty, Please”. 

CE: i think that was the last one for now. lets get to that portal!  
FR: on MY way up!  
clinicallyExcavted [CE] ceased trolling frozenRenegade [FR]

You boost yourself upward with a short column of ice and jump into the portal above. Before you can take in your new surroundings you have one more person to be.

 

urselasTentacle [UT] began trolling poisonousHairball [PH]

UT: krill i’m getting b0red 0ver here  
PH: oh stoP whining i’m PawLmost donE :P  
UT: brineally :P  
PH: yoU shoULd hEad UP to thE PortaL, yoU’LL bE abLE to EntEr in a momEnt.  
UT: kk, g0in up  
PH: and crUcia  
UT: yu??  
PH: PawLEasE bE hairfuL in thErE.  
UT: 0f c0ur?e, P. i can handle anyfin thi? ?tupid game can thr0w at me.  
PH: ok. jUst. don’t diE.  
UT: under?t00d, 0fficer.  
PH: don’t yoU sass mE ;P

urselasTentacle [UT] ceased trolling poisonousHairball [PH]

Just as you are Crucia, you are also currently ascending your stairwell, approaching the portal. You have grown bored with waiting and decide to fight several imps in order to pass the time.

You approach a hoard of several dozen imps and prepare your weapons. One charges you, but you casually step to the side and drop your elbow onto the head below, shattering the imp. You run forward, slashing through imps like butter, before being thrust into the ground by a larger than average ogre. Finally, a challenge.

You pull yourself out of the ground and engage the monster. You jump high into the air, firing your weapons below you as a boost, and stab the blades into the chest of the enemy. It roars as you climb it this way until reaching the neck, where you swing until you are doing a handstand on your weapons. You turn around dropping your heels down on the monster’s head. You are thrown off, ridding you of your weapons. The monster charges toward you, and you prepare to dodge, but it jumps, aiming to land an elbow on top of you. You roll out of the way just in time, springing up into a punch aimed at the ogre’s stomach. You land your hit and run toward the chest, grabbing your weapons again. You launch yourself forward using the blasts from your shells and land near the head of the beast. You drop your heel onto its chin and fire a shot from each castanet, exploding the monster into grist.

You do a small dance of victory, watching as you advance up your Echeladder, reaching the rank of “Flotsam’s Assistant”.

urselasTentacle [UT] began trolling poisonousHairball [PH]

UT: hey i think i can get up there n0w  
PH: yoU sUrE can!  
UT: heading up, g0nna, d0 ?0me expl0ring  
PH: kk, i’LL bE in thE gamE soon so wE’ll cat in a whiLE.  
UT: ?eeya kitty kat ;P

urselasTentacle [UT] ceased trolling poisonousHairball [PH]

You fire your weapons at the ground below you and launch yourself into the portal above you.

You are now Nirrak. You are observing the order in which you will all enter the game, and it would seem you are next. You absentmindedly look at who is bringing you in, and it is at that moment you realize the folly you have made. You have assigned Crucia to bring you in. Is it too late to change it? Probably not, but you sigh and decide that you can’t let her control your decisions. You have to face this with dignity. You bang your head off of your desk before sending her a message.

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] began trolling urselasTentacle [UT]

RI: CRUC14 1 FUCK3D UP  
UT: that’? a ?hocker.  
RI: 100K 1’M N07 1N 7H3 M00D F0R Y0UR MU5C13B3457 5H17 0K?  
UT: l00k wh0 grew ?0me Shame globe?  
RI: 11573N  
RI: 1 M1574K3N1Y 4551GN3D Y0U 45 MY 53ERV3R P14Y3R  
RI: Y0U W111 D0 Y0UR J0B 4ND 7H3N FUCK 0FF  
RI: 70UCH MY 5H17 4ND D13 4 GRU311NG D347H  
RI: 15 7H47 UND3R5700D?  
UT: 0h fuck i get t0 c0ntr0l y0ur hive  
UT: fucking ye?  
RI: 1 4M 53R10U5 Y0U 5P1N41 CR3V1C3  
UT: ?cathing  
RI: 1’M N07 13771NG Y0U FUCK 7H15 UP  
RI: 1 W111 P3R50N411Y 533 70 Y0UR D347H 1F Y0U FUCK UP MY H1V3  
UT: ?till ?harking in my b0uyt? 0ver here  
RI: FUCK  
RI: JU57 G37 70 Y0UR C0MPU73R  
UT: wearing it ?0n  
RI: N0 U53 Y0UR 14P70P 17’11 B3 B3773R  
UT: fine your imperial dip?hit.  
UT: but i wanna expl0re fir?t.  
UT: fuck’? hake i have a clamet n0w g0tta expl0re that ?hit  
RI: C14M37?  
UT: planet  
RI: WH473VR, 53ND M3 4 M3554G3 WH3N Y0U G37 Y0UR 5H17 70G37H3R.  
UT: krill do.  
RI: UUGH  
UT: what n0w?  
RI: W311  
RI: Y0U C0U1D 54Y  
UT: 0h ?hit he’? G0nna d0 it  
RI: 1 R3411Y  
UT: i need to rec0rd thi?  
RI: H4K3 Y0UR PUN5  
RI: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH G00DBY3  
UT: i have taught y0u well

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] began trolling urselasTentacle [UT]

 

Banging your head off of the table again, (whether at your comedy skills or newfound stupidity you’re not sure) you decide to be another guy for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter I have a small surprise for everybody! Read on and find out! Feel free to leave Kudos, and Comment your thoughts on the latest chapter!


	15. Land of Tragedy and Exploration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Evening! Morning! Whatever! Chapter 15 is here! Enjoy it!

Chapter 15: Land Of Tragedy And Exploration

Several Sweeps Ago

clinicallyExcavted [CE] began trolling ranchorusIntellectual [RI]

CE: hey huun, are we still on for today?  
RI: N34R7 15 0N H15 W4Y 70 P1CK Y0U UP  
CE: great! im so excited to see youu!  
RI: 54M3 H3R3! 4ND 1 H4V3 4 5URPR153!  
CE: oooooooo what is it?  
RI: Y0U’11 F1ND 0U7 ;)  
CE: ominouus ;)  
RI: M444YB3333  
CE: mysteriouus as always i see  
RI: JU57 7RU57 M3 17 W111 B3 C001  
CE: oh! hes here!  
RI: 533Y4 500N!

clinicallyExcavted [CE] ceased trolling ranchorusIntellectual [RI]

You are now Toorah, and you have been alerted to two enormous wings flapping outside of your window. You grab your whip and hook it onto the frame of your window, making an impressive swing onto the back of the dragon outside. It roars and ascends further into the air, beginning the trip to Nirrak’s hive. You observe your surroundings; the complex hives, the toxic swamp outside, the plethora of lussi below, and even the occasional flying one. Lusi? Lusai? Whatever. Your planet, while incredibly dangerous, is quite beautiful from this height. You put your hand into the air, causing a faint whistling sound, which you find pleasant. After several minutes you eventually land near Nirrak’s dwelling, a large hive on the edge of a cliff overlooking an ocean. You have been here before, but the view always astounds you. Neart leans sideways, creating a walkway with his wing. You scratch his head before descending the wing, arriving at the back door, where you let yourself in.

Toorah: nirrak! im here!  
Nirrak: 1N 7H3 14B!

His voice is somewhat gravely, but you enjoy it. Yours is smooth and sweet. You walk down the hallway and lean your head into his doorway.

Toorah: morning suunshine  
Nirrak: 700R4H!

He jogs across the room and you engage in a hug.  
Nirrak: 1’M G14D Y0U’V3 4RR1V3D, 1 W4N7 70 5H0W Y0U 50M37H1NG  
Toorah: oooo ok

He gestures to the corner of his lab, where a large machine sits.

Toorah: cool, a machine! what does it do?  
Nirrak: Y0U’11 F1ND 0U7 1N 4 M1NU73, 1 JU57 H4V3 70 M4K3 4 7R1P 70 7H3 104D G4P3R  
Toorah: ill stay here. dont need to see what youuve got going on

He sticks his tongue out at you and proceeds to the next room. You take a moment to look around his lab. A table sits on the opposite side of the room, with a half finished project. You inspect the project, and it appears to be a laser pistol. 

Toorah: heh, cool

You hear a small pop from the other side of the room, causing you to turn around in alarm. A lightbulb on Nirrak’s new machine had burst; not a big deal, you decide. Nirrak enters the room again, wiping his hands on a rag.

Nirrak: 0K, N0W 137’5 G37 7H15 574R73D!  
Toorah: alright! youu still havent told me what it does.  
Nirrak: Y0U’11 F1ND 0U7 1N 4 M0M3N7, 1 PR0M15E 17 W11 B3 C00L  
Toorah: uuuuh nirrak  
Nirrak: 1 701D Y0U 17 W111 B3 R34DY 1N 4 M0M3N7.

You watch him push some buttons, and notice a small leak of steam from the top.

Toorah: nirrak its kind of-  
Nirrak: K1ND 0F C001? Y35, Y35 17 15

He presses several more buttons, reading something off of a piece of paper. The machine begins to creak and glow. You back up slightly.

Toorah: is it suupposed to do that?  
Nirrak: 700R4H 1 0N1Y JU57 7URN3D 17 0N 17 5H0U1DN’7 B3 D01NG 4NY7H1NG Y37  
Toorah: but it is doing things  
Nirrak: D0N’7 W0RRY 4B0U7 17, 7H15 15 G01NG 70 W0RK

You watch as the machine begins to vibrate, now glowing red. 

Nirrak: 7H15 15 G01NG 70 501V3 4 PR0B13M W3’V3 B33N H4V1NG F0R 4 10NG 71M3.

The machine begins to exude heat, finally causing Nirrak to step back.  
Nirrak: 0K 17 15N’7 5UPP053D 70 D0 7H47  
Toorah: maybe we shouuld-  
Nirrak: 700R4H M0V3!

Just as Nirrak shoves you to the side, the machine explodes violently, and you feel a great pain in your head before passing out.

You are now Nirrak. Pushing yourself off of the floor, you take in what just happened. Your machine has exploded. 

Nirrak: FUCK 700R4H 4R3 Y0U 0-G444HHHHH

You look down to realise that your right leg has been blown off completely, with a ragged green wound several inches above knee level. You yell out in pain before remembering Toorah. Ignoring your excessive blood loss, you spot Toorah on the floor beside you. You crawl over and put your ear to her chest. 

Nirrak: 57111 BR347H1NG! 

You look at her head. Light Yellow blood seeps slowly from her ears. 

Nirrak: FUCK! N0! 700R4H, 1’11 H31P Y0U! N0N0N0N0N0!

You crawl over to the nearby window and punch it out, cutting your hand. You take a deep breath and scream your Lusus’ name. A bellowing, blood curdling scream that could have shaken the foundation of the planet itself, the sound carrying miles away. You feel your throat go dry from the shout and you almost collapse, but Neart’s head appears in the window. 

Nirrak: N34R7! H31P 700R4H! 

Neart reaches an arm into the window and grabs both of you, loading you onto his back. 

Nirrak: 700R4H…

Diluted green tears pool in your eyes as Neart flies away, taking you to an unknown destination. You lay on your back, crying and holding your own wound. In what seemed to you like an eternity, Neart lands near a hive. He puts you and Toorah down near the entrance. You weakly knock on the door, and soon hear the pitter patter of small feet.

Pawzle: hELLo?  
Pawzle: oh  
Pawzle: oh shit

Pawzle takes you inside and lays you down in the middle of her floor. 

Pawzle: what happEnEd??

You begin to answer before passing out from blood loss. Eventually you wake up, quickly darting upward as you remember what had happened. You look down, seeing your wound wrapped in bandages. Beside you sits Toorah, and your eyes meet for a moment.

Nirrak: 700R4H!

You embrace her in a hug, crying slightly again.

Toorah: what? can youu say that again?  
Nirrak: 1 541D Y0UR N4M3  
Toorah: one more time

You raise your voice.

Nirrak: 4R3 Y0U 0K?

Toorah cleans her ear out with a rag.

Toorah: are youu ok?  
Nirrak: Y35, 1 4M. 4R3 Y0U?  
Toorah: what?

You turn away from her and sob. 

Nirrak: WH47 K1ND 0F 7R45H 4M 1??  
Nirrak: 1 M4D3 MY B357 FR13ND G0 D34F!  
Nirrak: FUCK  
Nirrak: WH47 15 WR0NG W17H M3?!  
Pawzle: a missing LEg is what is wrong.  
Nirrak: 1 N071C3D!  
Pawzle: don’t gEt snappy with mE  
Nirrak: 1’M M1551NG 4 13G 4ND 1 JU57 M4D3 MY B357 FR13ND D34F 1’11 G37 H0W3V3R 1 W4N7 0K

Pawzle walks over to you and puts a hand on your shoulder.

Pawzle: Look, nirrak. I know yoU’vE bEEn throUgh a Lot today, and yoU ProbabLy want somE timE aLonE, bUt yoU can’t bEat yoUrsELf Up ovEr this.  
Pawzle: toorah toLd mEw what happEnEd, it wasn’t yoUr faULt.  
Pawzle: thE bEst thing to do is bE sUpportivE of hEr, and not hatE yoUrsELf for it.  
Nirrak: W3’R3 411 134RN1NG 51GN 14NGU4G3  
Pawzle: i’m sUrE wE can mEownagE that

Pawzle leaves the room, leaving a pen behind for you. You take the sheet you were reading off of for the machine. 

Nirrak: 1 GU355 H3'11 H4V3 70 W417..

You write down a message on the same paper, passing the note to Toorah.

Nirrak: 700R4H, 1 C0U1D N3V3R B3 M0R3 50RRY F0R WH47 H4PP3N3D. 1 KNOW 1’V3 1MP41R3D Y0U, 4ND 1 UND3R574ND 1F Y0U C4N’7 F0RG1V3 M3 F0R 17. 1 KN0W 1 W111 N3V3R F0RG1V3 MY531F. W3 4R3 411 G01NG 70 134RN 51GN 14NGU4G3 F0R Y0U. 

Toorah leans over and hugs you. 

Toorah: i know it was an accident, nirrak. i can get uused to living like this. i forgive youu.

Toorah gives you a small kiss on the cheek and you smile, but it quickly turns into a slight scowl, which would prove permanent. 

Nirrak: 700R4H...I will never allow you to come to harm again.

 

Back to the Present

You are now Daemon. You have arrived in a new world, and have decided to explore. 

Sherolcsprite: I see you have arrived, Daemon.  
Daemon: (Indeed. I now have a unique planet, it seems.)  
Sherolcsprite: So you have. I doubt I can offer much in the way of introductions, other than “welcome”.  
Daemon: (I believe I shall do some exploration.)

You observe your surroundings. Around you are several cherry trees, spilling blossoms all over the ground. Each cherry is a different color, some red, brown, yellow, all of the way through to shades of purple. You reach up and pick one, observing the texture. It is a fairly normal cherry. You pop in into your mouth and move on. 

You proceed down a path through the trees (several of which lay destroyed in your path) until meeting a blue, upright crocodile with small, curled goat horns tending to a garden outside of a small house. You greet him, but he responds only with “meep”. He gestures to a watering can beside you. You pick it up and sprinkle red water over the flowers, to the creature’s delight. It gestures to the door of the house, inviting you inside. You accept, walking through the door. The house is quaint, with yellow walls, and a door leading to a back room. A table sits in the middle, with three cups set up. The crocodile sets out a fourth, preparing a pitcher of some sort. Beside you is a sink, above which hangs a picture. You deduce that the crocodile has a family, as the picture features him with a similar crocodile wearing red lipstick, and what appears to be their small child. The crocodile motions for you to sit, and you graciously accept, taking a chair from the table. Your host hands you a cup filled with a red liquid. You smell it, detecting the distinct scent of copper. You take an experimental sip and struggle to keep it in, but swallow the drink so as not to seem rude. It dawns on you that you are drinking blood and you politely return the cup to the table for the moment. The door opens, revealing the woman and child from the picture. The man and woman exchange a hug, before they appear to question who you are. The father explains something, and the woman smiles at you, taking a seat at the table, while the child scampers into the room in the back.

The woman looks at you and you take another sip of your drink, still slightly revolted but masking it in your appearance. The man walks to the front of the room and makes several “meeps”, causing you to cock your head to the side in confusion. He walks outside and returns with a stick, attached to which is a sole leaf. He goes onto all fours and chomps it in half, than looks at you expectantly. You walk over and take the stick, observing it. 

Sherolcsprite: Have you not figured it out yet?  
Daemon: (What am I to figure out?)  
Sherolcsprite: Note the fallen trees outside.  
Daemon: (Something has been biting them down.)  
Sherolcsprite: Indeed. What does one do when they have such a problem?  
Daemon: (Seek a solution to the issue.)  
Sherolcsprite: Correct! 

You store the stick in your sylladex and address the man, nodding and mimicking a fighting stance. He nods, opening the door for you. You approach, only to be knocked off of your feet by approaching vibrations. You look up to see a large, black face peering through the door. The man runs to his wife, gnashing his teeth at the monster. You run toward it, delivering a kick to the nose. The monster reels back, giving you a chance to exit the building. You observe your opponent, a large black lizard. You equip your shield in time to block a swing from the lizard’s oncoming tail. You grab the tail, being lifted into the air and thrown onto the back of the monster. You jump to the head and grab it by the inside of the cheeks, soon afterward jumping down and using your grip to pull the monster’s chin into a knee strike. You let go, but the monster swiftly traps you in its mouth, closing it down. 

The crocodiles watch from the inside of the house, mortified as they watch the scene unfold. The child hides itself behind the father. They meep in distress, but soon become quiet as you struggle to force the monster’s jaw open, your shield flat against the roof of its mouth. You push with all of your limbs, opening the mouth long enough to escape, though you lose your shield in the process. You jump back as the monster roars, spewing fire at you. A nearby tree catches fire, alarming you. In your distraction you are thrown into the air by the monster’s tail once again, as it opens an enormous maw below. You grab the branch of a tree, using it to swing yourself upside down. You spin, landing inside of the mouth of the monster, your horns piercing the flesh of its jaw. It roars as you pull yourself free and grab your shield, skewering the top of the mouth with your horns this time. The monster spits you into a nearby tree, causing you to strike your back on it. You cough up a small amount of blue blood before rushing back toward the brawl, shield ready. It blows fire your way, which you block with your shield, and you rush below it, kicking it away with both of your legs. The monster lands in the burning tree and you throw your shield, cleaving through the neck of the monster and blowing it into grist. You rise two rungs on the Echeladder, attaining the rank of “Devil May or May Not Cry”. You take a moment to look really cool, your figure mostly shadow as your back is highlighted by the fire behind you, the blood on your chin visible, before looking around in a panic, spotting a well beside the house. You motion for the family to help you, and you work together to put out the fire on the tree, with a liquid you notice is blue blood. You shiver, and finish helping the tree. 

After the calamity calms down, you address the father crocodile, who seems joyed that you disposed of the monster. He enters the house, and returns with a hat containing some boondollars, which he offers to you. You graciously take it, collecting the money and donning the hat, a white one with a large ridge in the middle; the kind a reporter or possibly father would wear. The man opens the door again and invites you inside, gesturing to the back room. You follow him in, where three beds are placed on the floor. He looks up at you and you point to the middle one, earning a nod. You lay in the bed, soon drifting off to sleep and becoming somebody else.

You are now Crucia, and you have arrived in a familiar atmosphere. 

urselasTentacle [UT] began trolling poisonousHairball [PH]

UT: ?weet, fi?h w0rld  
PH: good, yoU’LL bE right in yoUr ELEmEwnt  
UT: fi?h way d0 y0u fink i ?h0uld g0?  
PH: whatEvEr way fEELs right :3  
UT: g0nna find ?0me ?weet l00t  
PH: bEttEr gEt on cat ;)  
UT: btblubs it’? great that thi? c0mputer thing i? water pr00f  
PH: mUst bE  
UT: kk, g0nna expl0re n0w

urselasTentacle [UT] ceased trolling poisonousHairball [PH]

You are in a seemingly random location at the moment, though you can say with certainty that you are under water. The jet black sand around you is relatively barren, save for a sunken ship and some fuschia colored sea turtles with shark teeth. You swim to the ship and notice some of the aforementioned turtles inside.

urselasTentacle [UT] began trolling poisonousHairball [PH]  
UT: hey P, what’? the rule atr0ut fuckin with ?ea turtle?? pretending t0 be a ?ea m0n?ter 0r whatev??  
PH: hErE’s a rULE; don’t.  
UT: imma d0 it  
PH: PawLEasE don’t  
UT: my dear, y0u’ve yet t0 learn the way? 0f the prank  
PH: pawissing off thE LocaLs in vidEo gamEs is UsUaLLy a bad  
UT: imma ?till d0 it  
PH: wELL i cat ExactLy stoP yoU  
UT: 0k0i then, imma d0 it

urselasTentacle [UT] ceased trolling poisonousHairball [PH]

You knock on the porthole and a turtle swims outside. It greets you with a “blorp”, which confuses you. You inform the creature that you are the God of this planet now. It looks at you and swims back inside. 

urselasTentacle [UT] began trolling poisonousHairball [PH]

UT: little ?hit? are dumb a? r0ck?.  
PH: gUEss yoU shoULd jUst expLorE thEn  
PH: and mEw know  
PH: not dEstroy thE LivEs of thE LocaLs :3  
UT: gue?? I’ll ju?t ?ee what i can find f0r n0w

urselasTentacle [UT] ceased trolling poisonousHairball [PH]

Swimming away from the ship, you observe the ground below you. Shells, shiny objects, and other assorted odds and ends poke out of the sand. One particularly catches your eye, a rectangular piece of stone sticking out several inches. You turn your head to the side, reading the text. “Welcome to the Land o”. This interests you, and you attempt to pull it out of the sand, put it proves stuck. You put a hand around it and fire a shot from one of your castanets, propelling you upward and pulling the stone out. It is a few feet long and reads “Welcome to the Land of Water and Carbon”. Carbon? You take a handful of sand and put some into your mouth. It tastes smoky, like charcoal smells. You spit it out to the best of your ability, captchalogue the stone and move on. 

Eventually you stumble across a cave, coming from which is a pleasant glow. You enter, swimming almost to the back, where you observe the light you saw. It is emitted by a large light bulb, hanging in the air. Your eyes widen as you come to your senses and fire a shot from each of your weapons, blowing you out of the cave. You swim away violently, right before the cave explodes, revealing an enormous black Anglerfish with large, blank white eyes. You prepare for combat, readying yourself to move as it charges toward you, snapping its jaws. You shoot yourself to the side and the creature barely misses you. It changes course, charging back toward you. You face it head on this time, holding your blades upward and allowing the fish to collide with the length of them. You send a blast right down the monster’s throat, meriting a roar from the creature. You blast yourself upward, grabbing the fish’s light as you go, and swinging onto its back. The fish darts forward at an alarming rate, but you keep cool and ride it, cheering as you go (Though you are underwater so it is more like blurbling). Eventually the fish crashes into a rock and you are thrown off, but you bring out your weapons again and blast yourself forward, landing an elbow in the middle of the fish’s back. It shakes off the hit and charges you again. You hold your weapons beside you and they catch the edges of the monster’s mouth, dragging you through it and cutting it in half, blowing the monster into grist. You rise several rungs on your Echeladder, attaining the rank of “You’re Malachite Now”. 

You look upward to see a previously unnoticed gate. The gate is large and metal, with a chipped and otherwise damaged SGRUB logo on the front. Rising above it in the distance is an enormous tower made of a translucent, light blue substance; diamond, maybe. The tower has been ravaged, missing chunks of various sizes. You open the door and, not being met with any resistance, decide to proceed forward. Firstly, though, you have one more person to be.

You are now Kalten, and you have arrived in a new world, not unlike the one you came from. It is covered in snow, though with little wind. You trudge through the snow around you, looking for anything worth inspecting. You come upon a wooden sign sticking out of the ground, rotten from age and moisture. It reads “Welcome to the Land Of Snow and Codes”. You close your jacket tighter and move on. After walking for thirty minutes or so, you come upon an igloo, with a wooden door embedded in the front. The door contains a code; “AYX0aAC8”. You type the code in your communicator and knock on the door, soon being greeted by a red, upright lizard a little shorter than yourself. 

You extend a hand and the lizard accepts it, inviting you inside. You look around, noting that the igloo is more modern than you would have expected, with an oven, a fridge, and other modern commodities, and a low ceiling. You look up, noticing a several foot icicle hanging down. The lizard man looks up as well, letting out a concerned “thip”. You gesture to it and make a punching motion, to which the lizard seems pleased. You jump into the air and deliver a punch to the base of the icicle, breaking it off and sending it into the wall. The lizard man runs over to it with a concerned expression, yelling something you don’t understand. You make a peaceful gesture with your hands, and push the icicle through the wall and outside. Your eyes glow a light blue and you freeze the two foot hole closed.

The lizard man smiles, handing you something. You take it in your hand, it is a piece of paper with a code. “AUB945H8”. You captchalogue the paper and head over to the door, exiting as the lizard man follows. You wave goodbye and the door is shut behind you.

frozenRenegade [FR] began trolling clinicallyExcavted [CE]

FR: yo I just HELPED a LIZARD guy  
CE: nice! say, whats youur planet like?  
FR: lots OF snow  
FR: got A couple CODES  
FR: kinda WISH it WAS warmer  
CE: youu grew uup in the snow didnt youu?  
FR: yeah BUT i THOUGHT i WAS done WITH that SHIT  
CE: mm, didnt think of that  
FR: going ON this WHOLE mysterious ADVENTURE  
FR: was HOPIN for SOMETHIN a BIT less HOMEY  
FR: know WHAT i’m SAYIN?  
CE: my place is plenty warm ;)  
FR: yeah BUT how AM i GONNA get THERE?  
CE: thats not  
CE: nevermind.  
CE: youu shouuld try to get fuurther into youur planet. eventuually youull have to bring pawzle into the game  
FR: man, IT’S been HELLA sweeps SINCE i TALKED to PAWZLE.  
CE: shes so cool  
FR: hey MORE lizards  
CE: ill let youu get to that. Seeya ;)

frozenRenegade [FR] ceased trolling clinicallyExcavted [CE]

You greet a small group of lizards as they approach you, but yell slightly as you are lifted into the air, and carried away by the lizards.

frozenRenegade [FR] began trolling clinicallyExcavted [CE]

FR: dude THESE scaley LITTLE shits ARE carrying ME  
FR: sweet RIGHT?  
CE: heh, cool. taking youu to their leader or something?  
FR: guess I’LL find OUT

frozenRenegade [FR] ceased trolling clinicallyExcavted [CE]

You decide that this cliffhanger is an appropriate time to be somebody else for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Random fun fact: Kalten would not be able to tell you what a trumpet is; the planet has them, but he has never seen one. This chapter was a blast to write, though I admit it dragged on a bit. Feel free to leave kudos, and tell me what you thought! Seeya next time!


	16. Upward Movement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, all! I've made the decision to disregard the Gift of Gab rule (even though I already did in the flashback last chapter) because I feel it will make the story more interesting, and because the rule was mostly a joke in the comic anyway. Enjoy!

Chapter 16: Upward Movement

You are now Daemon once again. You have woken up from your brief nap (thankfully without any nightmares, despite the absence of your recuperacoon) and two of your hosts have fallen asleep on your opposite sides. You exit your temporary bed and make your way to the door, where you thank the crocodile man and begin walking down the path through the forest. You take a moment to observe the mildly burned tree, cursing yourself slightly for allowing it to come to harm. You pick a brown cherry from the tree, eat it and move on. After a few minutes of walking, you come across a sign, rotted away slightly, though in tinges of odd colors rather than the usual green. You squint in order to see the message in the dark, eventually deciphering the phrase “Welcome to the Land of Cherries and Blood!”. Peculiar, but you think little of it and move on. After traveling down the same path, you begin to notice a difference in the trees, some drooping and dying, with colored lines going through like veins. You inspect a nearby tree, which is particularly close to the end of its lifespan. It courses with muddy brown blood, though purple specks dot the veins as well. 

demonicShieldsmith [DS] began trolling ranchorusIntellectual [RI]

DS: (Nirrak, you often occupy yourself with science, perhaps you could assist me with an issue?)  
RI: WH47 15 17  
DS: (The trees here, they appear to flow with blood, though dying ones are often broken by spots of purple. Is this perhaps a disease of sorts?)  
RI: 17 C0U1D B3 4 UN1QU3 F0RM 0F B100D P0150N1NG, BU7 1’M N07 5UR3  
DS: (I believe I shall investigate this further. I have taken to a state of concern.)  
RI: 137 M3 KN0W 1F 4NY7H1NG D3V310P5, W4171NG F0R CRUC14 15 B0R1NG  
RI: WH47 15 Y0UR P14N37 11K3? MY V13WP0R7 D035N’7 4110W M3 70 5EE Y0UR P14N37  
DS: (There are many cherry blossoms, as well as blood.)  
DS: (I have so far assisted in the tending of a garden, politely choked down a glass of blood, battled a large enemy, received a hat, and taken a nap. Now I have arrived here, where I am attempting an investigation.)  
RI: C0MB1N1NG 7H47 H47 W17H Y0UR 5H131D W0U1D B3 FUNNY  
DS: (That it would. Now I believe I shall disembark once again. I shall contact you when my situation develops.)

demonicShieldsmith [DS] ceased trolling ranchorusIntellectual [RI]

You continue forward, eventually coming to a larger opening in the trees, where you discover several houses, with a large fountain spraying purple in the middle of the village.

You approach the fountain, looking at your reflection in the water. This fountain is also dotted with a darker purple in spots. You approach a nearby home, where a crocodile lays on a blanket outside, a wet rag on placed on its forehead. The citizen has a fever, which you can feel even from a foot away. You notice a purple substance spilled on the ground beside the mouth of the sick reptile. Likely from the fountain, you decide. Looking around, you take note of several crocodiles in a similar situation, scattered through the area. You make your way to the opposite end of the village, where you find a stairwell leading to a tent above. You ascend the stairs, stumbling slightly near the top. You open the door of the tent, where you are greeted by the welcoming meep of a very large crocodile wearing a crown. You bow respectfully, approaching the man you assume to be the king. The crocodile looks you over, and a subordinate hands you a sheet of paper, which you proceed to read.

“WE POISIN MAONTIN WATERY HOLE. SEND FIGHTER!” - THE LICHES

Looking up from the page, the king gestures to a treasure chest beside him. You nod, accepting the offer and walking out of the tent. Beside you is yet more stairs, which you begin to ascend.

demonicShieldsmith [DS] began trolling ranchorusIntellectual [RI]

DS: (It appears that some enemies have poisoned the planet’s water source.)  
DS: (Or, blood source.)  
DS: (The liquid source has been poisoned by something called a Lich.)  
RI: 1 455UM3 Y0U H4V3 70 F1GH7 17 7H3N  
DS: (Most likely, yes.)  
RI: 1’D 7311 Y0U 70 BR34K 4 FR0ND BU7 7H47 15 1N4DV154B13 1N 4 F1GH7  
DS: (Indeed.)  
DS: (I must ask you something.)  
RI: 0H  
RI: 0K WH47  
DS: (I was informed that this adventure would bring the six of us to a singular location. When can I expect this to happen?)  
RI: W311  
RI: 0NC3 Y0U R34CH Y0UR 5EC0ND G473, 7H3 M4NU41 54Y5 Y0U’11 B3 7R4N5P0R73D 70 MY H1V3  
RI: 4ND 3V3N7U411Y Y0U W111 BR1NG 700R4H 1N70 7H3 G4M3, 4ND 5H3 W111 3ND UP 47 Y0UR H1V3 3V3N7U411Y  
RI: 7H3 G473 PR0C355 15 C0MP11C473D BU7 W3 W111 3ND UP 1N 0NE P14C3 3V3N7U411Y.  
DS: (Wonderful. I need only continue, it would seem.)  
RI: Y35, 4ND 1 JU57 N33D 70 W417  
RI: 4ND W417  
RI: 4ND W417  
DS: (I believe your itchy trigger nub requires scratching.)  
RI: PR0B4B1Y  
RI: 50RRY 1’M JU57 B0R3D  
RI: K4173N W45 Y3111NG 47 M3 4B0U7 M4NN3R5 0R 50M3 5H17 4 M1NU73 4G0  
DS: (I can hardly fault you for retaining emotions, but controlling them is the key to success as a team.)  
RI: Y34H, 1 N33D 70 W0RK 0N 7H47  
RI: W417 1 D0N’7 H4V3 71M3 F0R A F3311NG5 J4M  
RI: D4MM17 5H17 WH47 H4V3 Y0U PU113D M3 1N70  
DS: (Please attempt to cease your swearing.)  
RI: 5H17 50RRY  
RI: FUCK 1 M34N  
RI: H37 WH47’5 7H47 0V3R 7H3R3  
DS: (Where?)

ranchorusIntellectual [RI] ceased trolling demonicShieldsmith [DS] 

You sigh and move on, rethinking some of your recent choices. Soon you reach a small, flat area, with more stairs leading up to the entrance of a mountain. You take a rest here, your legs sore from the stairs. Sitting down, you pick a flower, the petals forming a large, red star of sorts with yellow seeds in the middle. You decide to tie the peculiar flower through a small tag on your hat and ascend the stairs. Just as you begin to question the recent lack of enemies you are confronted by an imp, and equip your shield. However, it steps to the side and bows, allowing you up. You shrug and return the bow, arriving soon at the mouth of the mountain. Inside you find a spiraling staircase, leading, you assume to the top of the mountain. You begin to climb yet more stairs, growling in annoyance. Halfway up, you find a door marked with the Sgrub logo. You decide to mark it on your computer visor, and come back later. The amount of stairs annoys your further, soon causing a feeling of fatigue. You sit a moment, not being used to this much work at once. 

Sherolcsprite: Problem, young one?  
Daemon: (Fatigue, nothing more.)  
Sherolcsprite: Do you not believe a true hero should be able to conquer any physical trial?  
Daemon: (Typically little has the capacity to stop me from accomplishing a goal.)  
Sherolcsprite: Pray tell, why are you currently resting your rumpus when you could be working toward meeting your friends?  
Daemon: (I have explained. Fatigue.)  
Sherolcsprite: I see.  
Daemon: (Have you an alternate theory?)  
Sherolcsprite: None I wish to impart unto you.  
Daemon: (I shall continue, if you believe it to be important.)

You continue up the stairs, slashing through some imps on your way to the top. They pose little threat and give grist, so you see no real reason not to. Eventually reaching the top, you are greeted by an imp on a chain leash who offers you a glass. You inspect the contents and politely refuse, instead taking a cherry soda from your inventory and downing the entire can.

The area around you is a small, wide chamber of red stone, with nothing of interest to your left or right. In front of you is the entrance to a glowing area, a large portion of which is not currently visible to you. Guarding the entrance are two tall, yellow creatures with skeletal heads and goat horns, who you assume to be liches. You approach, and the rightmost creature hands you a clipboard. You cautiously take it and step backward, reading it.

YU SINE, FITE LICH, SAVE WATER

Below is a blank area, where you assume you are to sign your name. You do so with the provided pen, and hand the clipboard back to the creature. It presents the sheet to its friend and they nod, the rightmost one pulling two objects from a box beside it and presenting them to you. You take the new items, discovering they are a Bamboo Staff and a Staffkind Strife card. You add the cards to your decks and brandish your new staff, the weapon extending several feet taller than yourself. The monsters step aside and let you through, prompting you to continue forward. You step past the monsters with a concerned expression and find yourself on a platform extending toward the middle of the enormous room. Looking down, you discover a pool of lava below. You travel toward what appears to be a floating platform in front of you. 

Words boom around you as crowds of the same skeletal creatures (which had previously gone unnoticed by you) emit loud cheering. 

“NEW CHALLENGER! WELCOME TO LICH DOME!” 

You are now Crucia. You have entered the gates and discovered a city. You swim forward, immediately feeling suspicious gazes. The houses around you are chipped and broken, composed of charcoal and diamond. You have not seen any citizens as of yet, though you are certain many are near. Weapons lay scattered and sticking from the ground; curved swords, knives, and harpoons are the most common. You attempt a look above the houses, but are dragged down by something below. Looking down, you find a group of grey, skeletal creatures working together to oppose you. 

You are pulled down, but a well aimed shot from one of your castanets allows you to escape their grasp for the moment. The monsters each brandish weapons; many being of the same type as the discarded ones below. You fire several shots from your weapons, doing little damage to the enemies. A harpoon is fired at you, grazing your arm. You grimace, but continue to fire shots, seemingly only dealing slight damage to your opponents and increasing your distance. You fire behind you, propelling you back into the brawl. You swing your blades at a nearby opponent, but the water nullifies most of the damage. You growl in frustration and grab a nearby enemy by the head, holding your blade to its throat. The other enemies look at each other in confusion before resuming their attack, destroying their comrade and landing several strikes on you, cutting your flesh in various spots. You fire another shot, knocking the group away temporarily. You fire several shots at the ground near your feet, propelling you upward until you eventually reach the surface, the enemies in hot pursuit. You look around frantically, eventually spotting a small island. You propel yourself toward the island with your weapons (because it is faster than swimming) and eventually run onto the land, waiting to challenge the monsters again.

The monsters soon walk onto the island; seven in total. You rush the first, swinging a blade in an upward arc. The monster grimaces and backs up, but you pursue, swinging several times in various directions until the monster is dispersed. Six. A sword-wielding monster charges toward you, swinging its weapon down at you. You block it with both of your blades, the tips pointing to your left and right respectively. The monster increases the pressure, easily overpowering you and forcing you to the ground. You fire a shot, knocking down but freeing you from danger and disarming your opponent. You jump into the air, slamming the points of your blades into the eyes of the downed monster and pushing up, ripping through the top of the skull, eradicating it and expelling several pieces of grist. 

The others approach you, weapons still at the ready. Five to go. A wooden club strikes down in front of you, but you slice through it effortlessly, returning with a vicious stab to the monster’s chest, trapping one of your weapons but not killing the monster. You wield your other blade like a samurai, ready for any incoming strikes. A knife is embedded into the back of your shoulder, making you yelp and destroying a section of your armor. You slash the assailant behind you, knocking it away. Ignoring the pain to the best of your ability, you rush forward, aiming a roundhouse kick at an approaching head. Your kick connects, knocking the enemy into another beside it. You jump into the pile and impale both creatures through the chests, eliminating the topmost one. Four. You pull out your weapon, slicing the head off of the remains of the NPC pile. Three. You are faced by the remaining enemies, one unarmed and impaled, one with a chain whip, and one with a harpoon. The wind picks up and you jump, firing for additional height and landing your knees on the shoulders of the one with the whip. Using the momentum, you close your legs around its skull and spin, snapping the monster’s neck and blowing it into grist. Two. The impaled enemy grabs you by the ankle as you fall, throwing you back into the air. You use your bodyweight to flip yourself to an optimal position and allow yourself to fall, spinning as you go. You fall close to the ground, impaling the skull of your foe and eradicating it. You grab your second castanet and face your remaining opponent. One. 

You decide this is taking too long and attempt to finish it quickly. The monster seems to agree and you take stances, soon rushing each other and slashing, ending up back to back; anime style. Your foe soon explodes into grist, and you stand up, satisfied by your finished fight. Zero. You sky rocket up your Echeladder, attaining the sought after rank of “Dance Water Dance!”.

Your first order of business is removing the dagger from the wound inflicted merely moments ago. You make the decision to spare any unnecessary gruesome details and simply pull it out, discarding the troublesome weapon and holding the wound in your hand. You remove your chipped armor, making a mental not to create a new set later. Noticing the weapons left behind, you captchalogue the chain whip, which you intend to give to Toorah in exchange for your earlier upgrade. You fall into the water beside the island, allowing gravity to carry you back to the city. Below, a crowd of turtles have assembled, seemingly partying. A quick look around reveals that it is a celebration of your defeat of the enemies, made evident by the disposal of the various weapons which littered the ground not long ago, and the destruction of the house they had emerged from at the beginning of your encounter.

A small group of turtles encircle you at the end of your descent, handing you some bandages. You apply them to your wound. It would seem, judging from the situation, that the gang of monsters had taken the town, and stolen chunks of diamond from the tower. You smirk, knowing that the turtles are now indebted to you. A nearby helper points at a nearby portal and you swim over to it, unsure of how to proceed. The turtles nod encouragingly and you enter the portal, soon being zapped into your respiteblock. You take a few minutes to alchemize a new laptop and contact Nirrak, making a note to investigate the diamond tower later, as it is likely where the game wants you to go next. 

urselasTentacle [UT] began trolling ranchorousIntellectual [RI] 

UT:click clack m0therfucker ruby ?lipper? t00k me h0me  
UT: n0 place like h0me 0r whatever let’? d0 thi?  
RI: G00D, 5W337 FUCK 137’5 G37 7H15 574R73D

And you will, but not before switching to the other guy for a little while. 

You are Kalten once again, and the lizards have brought you to the entrance of a cave, accessible through a descending ramp. You see a code etched into the ground, “SCR333CH”. You type this code as well, and are thrown off of the lizard mob. You proceed down the ramp, taking in your surroundings. The chamber is walled with complex designs, seemingly composed of jewels.

Kalten: ritzy

Concentrating, you pull off a movement which would seem only a blur to those behind you. In reality, you stepped to the side and grabbed your target; a fallen section of jewel, so fast that prying eyes were unlikely to catch it. After years of thieving, you have perfected this side-stepping technique, though you can only travel about three feet at a time with it, as it relies on the power of your first step. You save this technique for thievery, scarcely allowing use of it in combat. You glance around, making sure you were not caught and pocket the piece, deciding to save your dex space for something more important.

Kalten: so, YOU guys DO anything FUN around HERE?  
Lizard: THIP  
Kalten: not MUCH for CONVERSATION, are YA?  
Lizard: THIP  
Kalten: didn’t THINK so

Listening to your voice, it is neither particularly high nor low, though you don’t often have occasion to speak, so it is somewhat dry at the moment. 

You continue forward, the long hallway rarely diverging from the curling patterns of jewels. You eventually come to a door at the end, with the SGRUB logo printed on the front, pristine and weakly glowing. Under it is a code; “SCHW11NG”. You write it down in your visor and open the door, forcing your eyes to adjust to the onslaught of light that assaults them. Regaining proper vision, you observe the room. It appears to be a throne room, with a large, round king lizard at the end. The middle of the room is occupied by a long table, with several dozen plates set out. Around you are several piles of gold and jewels, one with a fancy sword sticking out of the top. The walls of the room are lined with patterned vines.

Lizard King: THIP  
Kalten: uuh, YO  
Lizard King: THIIIIIP  
Kalten: this PLACE yours?  
Lizard King: THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP

You are pushed forward by the lizards and dumped into a chair near the king.

frozenRenegade [FR] began trolling clinicallyExcavted [CE]

FR: t I have AN issue  
CE: well if it lasts more than fouur houurs  
FR: do OUR systems EVEN work LIKE that?  
FR: whatever, I think I’M eating WITH a LIZARD king OR some SHIT  
CE: that souunds awesome!  
FR: yeah BUT like  
FR: i DON’T even EAT in FRONT of LIKE  
FR: normal PEOPLE  
CE: so? juust be youurself  
FR: i AINT on A date, T  
CE: dont i know it  
CE: juust dont be horrible  
CE: uuse a napkin, excuuse youurself, that stuuff  
FR: kk BUT i’m KINDA freakin OUT here  
FR: i NEVER learned MANNERS and SHIT  
CE: lifes a mystery  
CE: mysteryyyyyyy

clinicallyExcavted [CE] ceased trolling frozenRenegade [FR] 

You expel a slight groan at Toorah’s antics and think for a moment. You decide to lean your chair back and balance your feet around the plate in front of you. You look up at the king, who glares at you. You disregard it and rock back and forth slightly in the same position. A bell rings and several white clad lizards emerge from a door across the room, carrying covered metal trays. You watch eagerly and grab a napkin from the table, attempting to wipe some of the oil from your face. You look at the napkin to find it completely clean.

Kalten: huh?

You wipe your face again and look at your arms, finding only rough, grey skin. 

Kalten: when DID i GET clean?

You put it in the back of your mind for a while and remove your feet from the table, grabbing a tray which had been placed near you in your distraction. The tray is filled with a food you have never seen before, though it appears to be a skinned featherbeast of some sort. You tear off a leg and begin eating, your sharp teeth and long, pointed tongue effortlessly tearing through the meal. The king growls and you look up, your eyes widening as it dawns on your that nobody else had started eating, instead performing a chant of some sort. You awkwardly put down your food and bring your hands together, closing your exposed eye and leaving the one behind your visor open, thankful that is does not require hands. 

frozenRenegade [FR] began trolling ranchorousIntellectual [RI] 

FR: psst  
FR: nirrak  
RI: WH47  
RI: 7H15 15 4 PR1V473 M3554G3 B04RD  
RI: N0B0DY C4N H34R Y0U  
FR: how DO you ACT at A table?  
RI: WHA7  
RI: WHY  
FR: i THINK if I don’t LEARN manners IMMA die  
RI: 1 DON’7 H4V3 71M3 F0R 7H15  
RI: JU57, 1 D0N’7 KN0W  
RI: WH47 D1D Y0U D0 WR0NG  
FR: i THINK it WAS everything  
RI: JU57 4P010G153 4ND G37 0N W17H 17  
RI: D43M0N N33D5 M3 1 H4V3 70 G0

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] ceased trolling frozenRenegade [FR] 

FR: for THE love OF shit

You look up, several pairs of eyes on you as you remain the only person in the room still in the chanting position. You awkwardly pick up your food again and continue eating, the others following your lead. You let out a breath, finally doing something right. You loudly chomp your food, meriting another growl from the king. You quiet down and eat slower, causing the king to smile. 

You soon finish your meal and let out a loud, satisfied burp. Several eyes turn to you, causing your cheeks to flush red.

Kalten: uuh  
Kalten: many PARDONS? a MILLION excuses?  
Kalten: shit WHAT’S the TERM  
Kalten: sorry?

The king groans and raises an arm, causing you to panic before a horn is sounded. The king looks up in alarm, shouting at a lizard across the room. You hear noises outside, sounds of impact and yelling. You stand up in alarm, but are quickly pushed back down by the large hand of the king. You cross your arms and wait, not sure what to do until the door through which you entered originally is kicked open, flooding the room with slender, skeletal enemies, all with goat horns, shark teeth, and holding weapons of various sizes and shapes, ranging from knives all of the way to umbrellas. You decide to call them “Liches”, because calling them monsters or creatures would become annoying. 

The king stands, addressing the liches. The leader (armed with a baseball bat embedded with spikes and a scar over the right eye) yells and they storm the room, the only opposition being what you assume to be the royal guard, who manage little resistance and are quickly dispersed. You look up to the king who gives a nod, allowing you to leave your chair. 

Kalten: ey, UH, fellow THIEVES?  
Kalten: i DUNNO, what ARE you DOING here THOUGH  
Lich: HIISSSSS  
Kalten: gonna NEED for INFO than THAT buddy  
Lich: SKREEE  
Kalten: something ABOUT a TREE, maybe?  
Lich: HOOORRKKK  
Kalten: yeah I have NO idea WHAT you’re SAYING

You begin to run forward, but are stopped by a rumbling. You hold your stomach for a moment and continue, quickly stopping again as you feel pain coursing through your skin.

Kalten: oh FUCK  
Kalten: that MEDICINE?  
Kalten: what IS happening

You burp again, expelling a scent of burning oil. Your skin begins to swell, to a point of even the enemies allowing you to be. You begin to sweat, emitting a black liquid instead of your regular sweat. 

Kalten: fuuuuuuuck I’M dying WHY am I dying  
Kalten: UUUUUUUUGH

The king pats your back as you vomit, and the ordeal is over almost as quickly as it began, your skin returning to normal and the pain leaving. 

Kalten: what EVEN?  
Kalten: why DO i SMELL oil?  
Kalten: am I dying?

Assuming you are better (because you don't have the greatest judgement), you spawn two ice swords, each now filled in the middle with a thin layer of black oil.

Kalten: huh, COOL

A lich rushes you with a sword. You step to the side and swing your own, losing your sword an inch into the monster’s side, where it emits and audible crack and a small explosion occurs, though the lich seems unaffected by it and charges forward again. You deflect a downward strike from the sword in front of you, quickly surrounding your fist with a thin layer of ice and punching the lich in the stomach. It reels, giving you time to summon two small ice shuriken, both black in the centre. You throw them at the lich, both landing in the middle of its chest and again emitting a crack before exploding, this time eradicating the lich. 

You create a large chakram, this one almost completely black. You throw it with all of your might, landing it in the middle of the liches and causing a large explosion, though not killing any. You create a mace with a black head, tapping it against the palm of your hand threateningly. The liches rush you all at once, brandishing weapons. A similar mace is aimed at your head, which you deflect with the head of your own, blowing it up and sending the lich’s weapon flying away. You wield the broken shaft of your previous weapon like a sword, soon being surrounded by a ring of liches, who all bring weapons down on you. 

Kalten: fuck

You are beaten by the weapons around you, causing several bruises and cuts on the top half of your body. Regaining your bearings, you soon retaliate, sweeping the legs of the lich to your front, ending in a domino effect which is stopped by the leader behind you. You dash forward, leaving the group and creating a pair of ice boots with black soles. You run to the wall beside you, climbing the vines which cover the area. You quickly scamper to your left, dropping down and landing a heel on a lich and blowing up the soles of your boots. Opening your sylladex, you locate your dumbbell card and deliver a powerful punch to it, sending the piece of equipment into the head of the same lich, destroying the creature. You create blades sticking from your elbows and turn to your side, awaiting a charge from the leader. He seems to comply, charging toward you and holding his bat in the air. You side dash toward him at faster than eye speed and impale him on your elbow, breaking off the blade and roundhouse kicking him into the table beside you. The underlings charge once again, a particularly gutsy one dashing behind you and holding its sword to your throat. You smirk, making an ice horn of sorts on the back of your head and driving it into the chin of your captor, who is forced to free you, much to his chagrin as you uppercut him, sending him to the floor a few feet away and shattering him. Two to go. 

The leader lets out an angry shout and draws two knives from inside of its ribcage. You create ice knives as well, the blades lined with black. You jump at the leader, the two of you clashing knives in the air. You fall, landing on your stomach awkwardly, and an attempt to stand is thwarted by a swift kick to your stomach. You groan and slice his leg, blowing up your knife and damaging you more than him. He delivers another kick, eliciting another groan. He grabs his bat and whacks you over the head, causing your to become dizzy/ You roll backward and regain your balance, fatigue setting in. The lich laughs, charging toward you and gnashing its teeth. You spawn an ice gauntlet and punch the oncoming monster square in the jaw, shattering its teeth and expelling it. The remaining underling absconds, losing hope after the death of the leader. You rise several rungs on your echeladder, attaining the rank of “Sleet Thug”.

You hold the leader's bat in your hand and take a moment to wish you hadn't destroyed your Strife card before snapping it over your knee.

Kalten: nuff OF that SHIT

You approach the king, who sits down, relieved that the threat is taken care of. 

Kalten: i..BEAT...them

You manage the sentence through breaths and the king seems pleased. He presses a button on his throne and a hatch opens beside you, revealing a small portal. The king mimics a sleeping pose and you salute him, jumping into the portal and returning home. You remove your jacket and hang it in front of your sopor slime pit for security before hopping inside, falling asleep almost instantly. You make a note, however, to have a lengthy discussion with Nirrak about your new powers.

Before any of that can happen, however, there is somebody else you have to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this chapter took sort of a different turn than I had expected it to, but I'm happy with it. Feel free to leave kudos, and tell me what you thought in the comments! I'd love to hear from you! Adios for now!


	17. Characteristics of a Dreamer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everybody! This chapter you are in for something a bit different from the norm of this story. I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 17: Characteristics of a Dreamer

DERSE.

Your name is Jack Noir, and you have been sent on a mission to assassinate three young teens in order to quell talks of an uprising. You enter the bedroom of your first target; a girl with chipped, candy cane shaped horns, quietly sleeping in her bed. You approach quietly, drawing your knife with a loud “shinng” you hadn’t intended. You stay still a moment, before confirming that she is still asleep and approaching again. An audible thump sounds below and you decide to make this quick. But wait, she didn’t even react. Can. Can she hear you? You loudly thump your foot on the floor, eliciting no reaction from the girl. She’s either in a really deep sleep or deaf. Either way, you decide this will be easy and stab your knife into her throat. The girl’s eyes dart open and she wheezes, her eyes eventually turning deathly white and her body going limp. You pull out your walkie-talkie and report to the queen. You inform her that the target is dead. The queen tells you to continue on your mission, to which you tell her you will with a slight growl. You return your walkie-talkie to its holster and reach for your knife, before gasping in pain as your arm is sliced off. You look to your side, finding another teen, dressed in Dersite pajamas, but with his head covered by a purple hood. His eyes show in between his costume, blank white balls that you have to imagine cannot be healthy. He holds an ice sword in his hand, and gasps, noticing the corpse on the bed.

Kalten: not NICE to KILL people JACK  
Kalten: specially MY friends  
Kalten: you’d EVEN sneak UP on A deaf GIRL?  
Kalten: that’s A new LOW, jack.  
Kalten: hearin ME, jack?  
Kalten: gonna FUCKIN kill YOU jack  
Kalten: better PRAY that ARM is THE only PIECE you DON’T get BACK

The new intruder runs forward, aiming a kick at your face. You fall down, soon getting up and pointing another knife toward him. He begins circling you, making the mistake of allowing you access to the door. You abscond, descending quickly down the stairs with your assailant giving rapid chase. You hold your wound and continue downward, eventually making it outside where you manage to hop over a fence and continue running. The assailant simply cuts through the fence, continuing the chase. You reach over and spill some boxes in his way. The assailant again cuts through, clearly not pleased that you killed his friend. Eventually you become weak from blood loss and fall over, gasping. You are grabbed by the collar of your shirt and lifted into the air, where you are again able to look into the eyes of your assailant. He removes his mask, revealing a row of sharp teeth.

Kalten: see THESE pearls, JACK?  
Kalten: these TEETH right HERE

He slams you into the wall behind you, causing you to yell out. You feel pain in the stub of your arm and look down, seeing that the wound is frozen over.

Kalten: these PEARLS want YOUR flesh, JACK  
Kalten: not GONNA let YOU bleed out BEFORE i GET to DO any REAL damage. 

He grazes his teeth along your remaining arm, making a thin cut. 

Kalten: ever BEEN eaten, JACK?  
Kalten: bitten BY a WILD animal?  
Kalten: had TO fight FOR your LIFE against EVERYTHING that’s TRYING to KILL ya?  
Kalten: i HAVE  
Kalten: had TO fight YOU, jack  
Kalten: remember MY scar, JACKIE-BOY?

Your eyes widen, memories flooding your mind. He had been a young child, trying to steal some bread from the queen’s tower. You had been close by and stopped him, slashing his face with your knife and never thinking of it again, taking the bread back. The dreamers here, you knew, could satisfy waking hunger by eating food in their dream state. You had kicked him out of the castle and figured you were done with the kid. Yet, as fate would have it here he was again, livid and about to eat you. 

Kalten: you REMEMBER now, DON’T ya?  
Kalten: that SCAR is ON my REAL body TOO, jack

A large Dersite man appears around the corner, wielding an axe. The Hairbrained Brute. You yell for him and he runs to the scene, holding his axe threateningly.

Kalten: if YOU ever.

He slams you into the wall again.

Kalten: EVER. come NEAR me OR my FRIENDS again, YOU are DEAD.  
Kalten: i WILL tear THE flesh FROM your BONES and EAT it.  
Kalten: i WILL grind YOUR bones AND make THEM into CROWNS for YOUR offspring.  
Kalten: and YOU’LL feel IT

He delivers a decisive punch to your face and throws your unconscious body to the ground, running away and disappearing into the night. HB carries you back to the castle, where your wounds are wrapped and you take a few hours to rest. This will surely make the papers tomorrow.

You are now Kalten. You return to the room of the deceased Toorah, taking a few minutes to clean up the mess Jack made.  
Kalten: sorry, T. got HERE too LATE.  
Kalten: looks LIKE i FAILED you.

You take her body in your arms, flying outside to a pit in the center of Derse, designated for corpses.

Kalten: well. I’M no GOOD at GOODBYES.  
Kalten: so. SEEYA later, I guess.

You kiss the forehead of her body and drop it into the pit, a tear falling from your eye.

Kalten: i HAVE nobody ELSE on THIS planet, TOORAH. been ALONE my WHOLE life  
Kalten: toorah…DON’T go

You are now Daemon. You have been introduced to this new arena, and are awaiting your opponent on the floating platform. 

Sherolcsprite: It appears as if this is an organised event.  
Daemon: (An illegal one.)  
Sherolcsprite: You’ve a problem with the prospect of that?  
Daemon: (I attempt to be a hero, one of justice. Participating in a wildly illegal contest seems against the things I strive for.)  
Sherolcsprite: A hero must do unsavory things at times in order to save those he strives to.  
Daemon: (A fair point, though I question my odds of success if I am required to fight with the staff I was provided.)  
Sherolcsprite: True, you’ve no experience with such a weapon. However, I can offer no assistance in that matter.  
Daemon: (I am beginning to think you have been created solely to be unhelpful.)  
Sherolcsprite: Expertly deduced, young one.

Across the room, a lich travels toward you on a similar platform, this one different from others. This lich has larger horns, spiked shoulder pads, and a chest plate made of metal. This hardly seems a fair fight. The same voice as before booms over the crowd.

Lich: ARENA. FIGHT. USE STICK FOR FIRE WATER  
Daemon: (We needn’t do this. I am positive an understanding can be reached.)  
Lich: YOU FIGHT  
Daemon: (Please, this competition needn’t take place at all, if you will simply hand over the planet’s antidote.)  
Lich: NO. FIGHT

A bell rings and you equip your shield, causing a loud buzz.  
Lich: NO SHIELD. STAFF.

An electric shock is delivered to the field, causing you to reel back, holding your chest. You regain your bearings and equip your staff, feeling it in your hands. The opposing lich charges toward you, flailing its staff in your direction. You take a hit to the face, knocking you down. The lich attempts a hit to your ribs, but you parry the blow, jumping onto your feet and aiming a blow at its chin. You manage to knock it down, though it rises again just as quickly. You begin clashing staffs as if sword fighting before you make a mistake and are knocked down again. You attempt to stand, but fail as the lich grabs you by the collar of your shirt and carries you to the edge of the pit. You struggle, but the lich’s grip tightens and you are dangled over the edge of the pit. The lich smiles wickedly, raising its arm and meriting several loud cheers from the crowd. You make a desperate move, biting down on the hand of your captor. It screeches, dropping you over the edge. Falling rapidly, you slam your staff into the side the platform, hanging by your hands. You shimmey across the pole, eventually grabbing the rugged bottom of the arena and holding your staff in your mouth. You silently crawl across, eventually popping up on the other side and observing your opponent, who stands with his arms raised, basking in applause. You climb back onto the platform and strike the lich’s ankles with your staff, knocking it down. The lich looks up, shocked that you survived, but hits your cheek with its weapon, causing some blue blood to spill onto your chin. 

The lich stands up, resuming the fight. It stabs its weapon toward you like a spear, which you block with your arms and retaliate, jabbing it in the ribs. You run at the enemy, swinging your staff wildly, making several strikes to its body and forcing it backward. It eventually finds an opening and brings its weapon down of the top of your head, knocking you to the ground where you go limp. It approaches, smiling victoriously and picking you up, raising your body into the air.

Daemon: (Fooled you.)

You wrap your legs around the lich’s head and shift your weight, forcing you both to the ground. You bring your staff down hard on the side of its head, and it goes limp. You drag its body to the edge of the arena and hold it over by the wrist.

Daemon: (Victory is mine, lich. You are defeated.)

The lich opens its eyes and emits a hiss before you lift it onto the arena and slam it onto its back, causing a rib to break off. Without removing your hand from his, you throw the lich several feet into the pit below, breaking off its arm and disintegrating the body. You climb a rung on the Echeladder, attaining the rank of “Glademonator”. You turn to address the crowd, a drop of your blood spilling onto the platform at your feet.

Daemon: (Your champion is defeated! Grant me the antidote and leave this place!)

The liches in the stands are all dumped into the pit below, some hanging from the the walls before falling. The grist output is immense, and you make a note to come back here if you eventually gain the means to fly.

Lich: YOU WIN. GET ANTIDOTE.

You captchalogue the Lich Arm and proceed onto the arriving platform, which takes you to the door through which your opponent had arrived. You walk through a white tiled area, where you discover several lockers. Each is open and empty, and you assume you have no reason to stay here. You proceed through a door, which takes you to a blue walled room, occupied only by a single table with a flask of liquid. You pick up the flask, which is labeled “andidot”.

You captchalogue the flask and move through the adjacent door, eventually coming upon a large room, which gives off the overwhelming smell of copper. The room glows in several vivid colors, the only place to move being a thin ledge, circling the room. Below is a several hundred foot pool of what you assume is blood, swirling in different colors with large specks of purple through it. You pick the antidote from your inventory and it is flung into the pool, flask and all. The blood begins to bubble violently, rising up toward you. You raise your shield to block a splash from it, before the bubbles fizzle out, leaving the pool entirely clean, the colors shining even more beautifully than before. You take a picture of it with your visor’s camera and work your way back to the village below the mountain. 

Sherolcsprite: You’ve done an exceptional job, Daemon.  
Daemon: (I feel I could have performed significantly better in that ring.)  
Sherolcsprite: You were battling with a weapon you’ve never used before, against a mid-level enemy. You were lucky to make it out alive, let alone perform as well as you did.  
Daemon: (While I suppose you are correct, I remain with the feeling that my combat skill has been lacking as of late.)  
Sherolcsprite: You’ve not lost a fight so far.  
Daemon: (But I have sustained substantial damage in my recent bouts.)  
Daemon: (Perhaps a shield was, in actuality, not the greatest weapon to choose for a life of combat.)  
Sherolcsprite: You now have the option of a staff, I see no reason not to use it.  
Daemon: (It felt wrong in my nubs. I am unlikely to employ it in combat in the future.)  
Sherolcsprite: A shame. But, such is fate.  
Daemon: (Many things I have done, and will do are fate. You, however, have been frustratingly unhelpful in that regard.  
Sherolcsprite: Such is fate.  
Daemon: (I do hope I can advance in my efforts to adventure with my friends soon.)  
Sherolcsprite: In time, Daemon. You must remain patient.  
Daemon: (Yes, I am aware of that. However, while exploring is fun, I believe the fun would amplified with my companions present.)  
Sherolcsprite: I can say with certainty that your meeting with your friends will hail the most interesting part of your adventure.  
Sherolcsprite: But, until that point, your patience must hold. Attempt to remember the things you have already completed. You have helped the citizens of a planet, bested several enemies, and saved a helpless family. You have done more in the hour you have been present here than some do in the entirety of their game.  
Sherolcsprite: Sounds exciting to me.  
Daemon: (I agree, I have certainly accomplished a tremendous amount. But the feeling remains that I my performance lacks something.)  
Sherolcsprite: And what would that be?  
Daemon: (Well. I’ve had adventure, heroism, mystery. What remains, which would be commonplace in a story?)  
Sherolcsprite: Perhaps you are simply gassy?  
Daemon: (I doubt that is the cause.)  
Sherolcsprite: Merely a bit of comedy, my friend.  
Daemon: (Perhaps I am simply lonely.)  
Sherolcsprite: Talk to your friends, they will be able to remedy that particular issue.  
Daemon: (I believe I shall, though I must tend to some tasks before I do.)  
Sherolcsprite: As you wish, young one.

You exit the mountain, eventually making your way back to the king’s tent. 

Daemon: (My liege, I have disbanded the group responsible for poisoning the water. Drinking from your fountain will, I presume, cure the poisoning.)

The king claps his hands in joy, motioning for an apprentice to bring the treasure chest to you. You kneel and open it, collecting a boonbuck, a deck of playing cards, and a small battery. You captchalogue the battery and place the cards in your pocket, as your dex is now full, mostly containing electric soda, which you had forgotten to use in recent battles. You do, however, have the codes for all of your other items. You bow to the king and thank him, noticing that a portal has appeared where the chest had been previously. You judge this to be the way to proceed and jump through, ending up on the top of your hive. You were wrong, that was not the way to advance. Not being tired enough to justify a nap, you decide to do some alchemy.

Producing several items for experimentation and ridding yourself of several soda bombs, you locate your alchemiter and get to work. 

You combine your Slime Shield and the Blood Lillie from your hat.

You got the Slimeflower Shield! 

Cost: 100 Grist, 25 Cobalt, 40 Iodine.

This shield is composed of red iron petals, forming a circle with spaces between petals and green seeds, dripping toxic goop. You would not advise eating the seeds. You decide to use this shield for now.

You combine your Slimeflower Shield with your Hat.

You got the Toxic Flowdora!

Cost: 100 Grist, 25 Cobalt, 40 Iodine, 25 Chalk.

This shield replaces the seeds from your previous one with a hat, instead lining the petals with toxic seeds. Not only is this a whimsical weapon, it would also make a sharp hat.

You combine your Amigovercoat with your Deck of Cards.

You got the Suit of Suits!

Cost: 150 Chalk, 25 Caulk, 15 Marble.

This jacket is once again a dirty lie, as it is also not a suit. It is composed entirely of playing cards. While not incredible armor, it looks good on you and would likely benefit you in a game of Poker.

You combine your Deck of Cards and your Lich Arm.

You got the Five Knuckle Shuffle!

Cost: 50 Chalk, 30 Amber.

These gloves are composed of flexible bone with the symbol for each suit printed across the knuckles, and would be a very good upgrade for one who fights with their fists. You feel that Kalten would like these.

You combine your Blood Lillie and your Battery.

You got the Helicopter Seed!

Cost: 60 Grist

This small, handheld fan is powerful enough to elevate a person into the air with little effort.

You combine your Helicopter Seed and your Suit of Suits.

You got the Royal Rush!

Cost: 60 Grist, 150 Chalk, 25 Caulk, 15 Marble.

This new coat looks almost identical to your Suit of Suits, with the exception of the suit symbols on the tail, which produce small rocket blasts, powerful enough to allow you the power of flight.

You combine your Toxic Flowdora with your Deck of Cards.

You got the Ruffle Shuffle! 

Cost: 650 Grist, 60 Amethyst, 45 Chalk, 20 Amber.

This new shield is a crazy mess of items. The base is now composed of cards, with the middle a hat with large, red flower petals emerging from the brim, those more a design than anything else. The centre holds a round, blue gem, and the edge of the shield is lined with dripping, green seeds to form a sharp edge. This collaborative piece of shit is really cool, and you decide to use it.

Feeling bad about your large expenditure of grist, you stand, clad in your new gear, and activate your rockets, rising slowly into the air. You laugh triumphantly, flying upward at a fairly slow rate. You imagine you probably look really cool. Approaching the second ring, you decide to message Kalten to give him the gloves before you forget.

 

demonicShieldsmith [DS] began trolling frozenRenegade [FR] 

DS: (Kalten, I have a gift for you.)  
DS: (I constructed it through alchemy. I hope it is to your liking.)  
DS: (Kalten?)  
DS: (It appears you are busy, so I shall leave the code for you.)  
DS: (A0517DF0)  
DS: (I wish you luck in whatever may be occupying your time.)  
DS: (Unless you are asleep.)  
DS: (Which I did not consider.)

demonicShieldsmith [DS] ceased trolling frozenRenegade [FR] 

demonicShieldsmith [DS] began trolling ranchorousIntellectual [RI] 

DS: (Nirrak, I have news. I have completed a trial and gained the power to travel to your dwelling.)  
DS: (I am currently hovering beside the portal.)  
DS: (You are not typically one to treat me with silence.)  
DS: (Nirrak, are you currently available?)  
DS: (I shall come and find you.) 

demonicShieldsmith [DS] ceased trolling ranchorousIntellectual [RI] 

You fly through the portal, wondering why you are being ignored by your friends, also harboring slight feelings of offence. You arrive over Nirrak’s hive, which has been built to an extraordinary height. You fly downward to find his roof has been infested with Ogres. One pulls you out of the air, dangling you in front of its eye by your ankle.

Daemon: (I presume you know not of my friend’s current location?)

You are slammed into the ground below, burying your head in the concrete. You pull it out, arming yourself and elevating into the air. You throw your shield, knocking the assailing ogre into a friend and inflicting poison damage. You open your dex, throwing an electric soda at the ogre. It explodes, sending the monster tumbling off of the roof and into the void below. You land on the roof and engage another, allowing yourself to be grabbed and slicing the enemy’s arm between the fingers, cleaving it in half but allowing it to remain attached to the body. The ogre roars in pain, throwing you away. You steady yourself with your rockets and throw your shield, dispatching the opponent. Another climbs onto the same platform as you, and you fly high into the air, eventually allowing yourself to drop, spinning rapidly as you fall and landing your heel on top of the monster’s head, dispatching it in one decisive hit. A final ogre approaches, wielding a large column of concrete as a club. It swings down at you, and you bring your shield over your head, though the impact smashes you through the floor. You fly back up, throwing your shield at the ogre, who catches it and swallows the weapon.

Daemon: (That weapon was costly. I intend to retrieve it.)

As if to mock you, the ogre expels a loud burp, which blows you back several feet. 

Daemon: (Disgusting.)

The ogre swings its club in your direction and you jump, falling onto the column and running up the length of it. You use the ogre’s lip as a boost and jump high into the air, landing several strikes in an absurdly fast volley with your Bamboo Staff. The monster explodes into grist and you fall, landing in a roll as you retrieve your shield from the ground. 

Daemon: (I warned him.)

You pour cherry soda onto the shield to clean it and move on, flying downward and into what appears to be Nirrak’s lab. It dawns on you that you have never been here before, and you take a moment to look around. 

In the top left corner is a machine in shambles, with ash and cracks marking the wall beside it. Across the room is an alchemiter with a smaller machine you have never seen attached, which covers the marks of where a table had clearly been for years. To your right the wall is covered in scorch marks, as well as an indent where it appears the wall was kicked. Beside the kick mark is a Totem Lathe. A desk once sat close by, but is has been flipped over and the bottom is covered in scratches. 

Adjacent to you is a window. It has been smashed by something large, a sideways rectangular shape making an odd mark through the glass and the wall in the immediate vicinity. 

Opposite the blown up machine is a Cruxtruder, which has been open and used, the countdown at 00:00:00.

Several feet beside the downed desk is a Punch Designix, lying idle on its side.

You fly out of the room and back to the roof, where you stand a moment.

Daemon: (I wonder where the ragamuffin has found his way to.)

As soon as the words leave your mouth you hear faint yelling from the void below; a somewhat gruff-voiced scream and gunfire. You fly to the first ring of Nirrak’s house and are transported below, onto Nirrak’s planet. You find yourself in an electric blue chamber, the walls pulsing with electricity and gears littering the floor, walls, and ceiling. You proceed forward through countless halls, following the sounds of combat until you reach a different area. In front of you is Nirrak, running your way in a plethora of gear you have never seen. He fires several shots behind him before crashing into you and knocking you both down.

Nirrak: D43M0N  
Daemon: (I was not aware you were this forward.)  
Nirrak: WH47?  
Nirrak: D43M0N H31P M3 Y0U D1P455

Running down the hall behind Nirrak is a creature akin to a Rhinoceros, though upright and much larger. You engage the creature, blocking a punch with your shield, the impact of which vibrates the room. You slide under the monster’s legs and strike its back with your shield. It falls down, forcing you into the ground as you struggle to lift the creature. In a fit of effort, you push the creature off of yourself and onto the wall. You throw your shield, breaking through an exposed area of the wall and electrocuting the monster. It survives, charging toward you with its horn ready. It pierces your shield, the horn leaving a small hole in your torso. You grimace, bringing your shield up and snapping the creature’s horn. As it is distracted by the pain you bring your shield back down onto its neck, though it still does not go down. A shot is fired from behind you, almost hitting your shoulder as it knocks out the eye of the creature. It grimaces, roaring as it runs away.

You turn around, addressing Nirrak.  
Daemon: (Are you-)  
Nirrak: H01D 57111

Nirrak brings his gun to your chest and puts his finger gently around the trigger. A tiny stream of energy pulses from it, searing your wound closed.

Daemon: (Nirrak, how do you fare?)  
Nirrak: 7H47 455H013 G1C10P5 JU57 W0U1DN’7 G0 D0WN  
Nirrak: 17 5NUCK UP 0N M3, 1 41M057 D13D  
Daemon: (I have made several attempts to contact you, why have you neglected to answer me?)  
Nirrak: CRUC14 7HR3W MY 14P70P 1N70 7H3 V01D, 1 H4D 70 C0M3 D0WN H3R3 4ND F1ND 17  
Nirrak: WH1CH 1 57111 H4V3N’7 FUCK1NG D0N3  
Daemon: (Nirrak.)  
Nirrak: WH47  
Daemon: (You are panicked. Please, calm yourself and impart unto me your story.)  
Nirrak: 0K, Y35, 570RY  
Nirrak: 17 574R73D W17H CRUC14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this chapter garnered the most fun I've had writing in this entire story! Feel free to leave kudos, and tell me what you thought! Thanks for reading!


	18. The Grief and the Robber

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, all! Thanks for 132 hits! I really appreciate it! I hope you all like this chapter, it is a longer one!

Chapter 18: The Grief and The Robber

DERSE

You are now the Hairbrained Brute, and you have been sent to track down the one responsible for cutting off the arm of your boss, Jack Noir. Kid's gonna get it. You stalk the streets, axe in hand, and attempt to think of a way to track the kid. A metaphorical lightbulb appears over your head as you notice a fish girl, sleep flying just within the reach of your axe. You hook the bottom edge of your axe onto the foot of the girl and gently pull her down. You announce that you have the girl in your grasp. In a swift movement, both the girl and the axe are taken from you and you are forced against the wall, your arms pinned in place. Looking down, your eyes meet a blank white pair, clearly filled with rage despite the lack of anything to tell you that.

Kalten: what DID i JUST tell YOUR boss?  
Kalten: i TOLD you  
Kalten: NEVER. come NEAR me OR my FRIENDS again  
Kalten: was THAT not CLEAR the FIRST time, BRUTEY?

You bite down on his shoulder, eliciting a growl of pain before the Brute snaps his fingers and you are encircled by a tall, slim Dersite with a spear, the Devious Dignitary, and a shorter, chunkier Dersite wielding a club, Clubs Droll. Jack’s annoying gang. They often team up, taking out almost any who decide to cross them. You sigh, knowing with certainty that they will defeat you in a group brawl and you raise your hands, the Brute arresting you. This will surely have you sent to prison, where you will incur many senseless drubbings.

You are now DD. You scowl. This is incredibly illegal. The amount of paperwork this will require in unfathomable. Who does this little punk think he is, putting you through all of this? You pull out your walkie-talkie, informing your boss that you have caught the perp. He tells you to bring him to the queen. You tell him you will and hang up. You aim your spear at his back you escort him forward, gradually making your way to the Queen’s throne room. 

Kalten: you KNOW this AINT gonna DO nothin, RIGHT?  
Kalten: just GONNA break OUT

CD clubs him on the head and he goes quiet, not speaking a word until you eventually make it to the throne room. You all kneel before your queen, save for the perp, who has to be forced down.

The queen asks you what the offense is. You explain that this is the kid who cut off Jack’s arm. She sentences the kid to life in prison. The kid spits in her face, causing gasps around the room. The queen approaches, sucker punching the boy in the face. He spits a sharp tooth onto the floor, his mouth now covered in red blood. The queen orders him out of the room and you follow her directions. The three of you escort him several miles across the city, where you arrive at the prison. You take him down the hallway and up a flight of stairs, eventually throwing him into a cell at the very end of a second hallway and chaining him to the wall.

You are now Kalten. You attempt to stand up, but find that your arms are chained down. You look around, finding that your cell is quite spacious. You sit at the top of an even square, a hundred feet in any given direction. You are against the back wall, looking at the door. To your right is a high window. You sit directly in between two tall stone pillars. You decide that you cannot do anything else at the moment and go to sleep.

Several minutes ago.

urselasTentacle [UT] began trolling ranchorousIntellectual [RI] 

UT:click clack m0therfucker ruby ?lipper? t00k me h0me  
UT: n0 place like h0me 0r whatever let’? d0 thi?  
RI: G00D, 5W337 FUCK 137’5 G37 7H15 574R73D  
RI: RUN Y0UR 53RV3R D15C.  
UT: ey d0n’t b0?? me ar0und 0ver there i’m fuckin d0in it.

 

Justifying Kick Extractors  
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Supplying Eave Pockets  
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.  
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Determining Vents  
.  
.  
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Lifting Extrinsic Mallets  
.  
.  
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Launching Manifestation Systems

 

UT: kk bu0y i g0t it  
RI: G00D, N0W D3P10Y 7HE M4CH1N35  
UT: ye? ?hitl0rd, i remember h0w t0 d0 it

You watch as your enormous manual is taken from the floor beside your desk and flung sideways through the window behind you, replaced by a Totem Lathe.

Nirrak: N0!

You dash forward, watching through the window as your manual descends into the ocean below.

RI: CRUC14 Y0U FUCK1NG BUCK37 Y0U 7HR3W 4W4Y MY M4NU41  
UT: ?0? d0n’t need that ?hit  
RI: 17 W45 V1741 70 0UR 5URV1V41 Y0U 1D107  
UT: and?  
RI: W111 Y0U FUCK1NG 11573N  
RI: Y0U JU57 3ND3D 411 0F 0UR 11V35  
RI: G4M3 0V3R, 7H47’5 17 W3’R3 G0ING 70 D13  
UT: gil take a chill pill whale be fin  
UT: we already kn0w what t0 d0  
UT: ?0 ?t0p flailing like a ?hitty little grub  
UT: pull y0ur globe? 0ut 0f your diaper  
UT: and fuckin play the game  
RI: F1N3 Y0U 5H17W17 BU7 FUCK UP 0N3 M0R3 7H1NG 4ND Y0UR GU75 W111 P41N7 MY FUCK1NG W411

The blown up machine in the corner is lifted into the air and you yell, mashing your keyboard violently.

RI: 09IDC09D  
RI: D0N7  
RI: N0  
UT: calm y0ur lump?, what? the pr0blem n0w?  
RI: PU7  
RI: 17  
RI: D0WN  
RI: FUCK1NG  
RI: N0W  
UT: w0w, nirrak  
UT: y0u alm0?t managed t0 ?0und mildly threatening  
UT: alm0?t  
RI: PU7  
RI: 7H3  
RI: M4CH1N3  
RI: D0WN

The machine is placed back on the floor and your lab table is instead thrown outside. You hear a loud screech and rush to the window, where you see Neart, his head bleeding and the table on the ground. You open the window and vault out, falling a distance but allowing your prosthetic leg to take the bulk of the impact. You run to Neart, who is clearly in pain. He communicates with you telepathically, as dragon lusii can do.

Nirrak: 4R3 Y0U 0K?  
Nirrak: N0, C0M3 0N BUDDY  
Nirrak: D0N’7 M4K3 M3 D0 7H47

You receive the messages and shed a diluted jade tear.

Nirrak: G00D N1GH7, 5W337 PR1NC3.

You level your gun with his forehead, crying more. 

Nirrak: W3 W111 M337 4G41N. 

You fire a shot, busting through the head of your lusus and drop to your knees, crying into your hands. You mourn your friend for a number of minutes before climbing back into your hive, where your alchemiter has replaced the floor space.

UT: ey panzy  
RI: D0 N07 741K 70 M3 Y0U M0R0N1C 455P1MP13  
RI: Y0U JU57 K1LL3D MY 1U5U5  
RI: 1 4M 50 FUCK1NG 11V1D R1GH7 N0W  
RI: 1 5W34R 1 4M G01NG 70 FUCK1NG H4NG Y0U  
UT: we can ju?t bring him back, dip?hit  
UT: p0pc0rn and ?prite 0r whatever the fuck  
RI: 7H47’5 N07 7H3 FUCK1NG P01N7  
RI: Y0U 4R3 4N 1RR15P0N51B13 FUCKW17  
RI: Y0U H4V3 N0 FUCK1NG R3G4RD F0R 4NY7H1NG 4R0UND Y0U  
RI: Y0U 4R3 UNDOUB73D1Y 7H3 5HI77I357 FUCK1NG 7R011 0N 7H15 P14N37 4ND 1 W111 74K3 P1345UR3 1N 3ND1ND Y0UR 11F3 W17H MY B4R3 H4ND5  
RI: D0 Y0U FUCK1NG H34R M3 Y0U BUCK37  
RI: 1 W111 R1P Y0UR H34D 0FF W17H MY 7337H  
UT: h0ly fuck  
UT: did y0u  
UT: actually ?tand up t0 me  
UT: i have never been thi? attracted t0 ?0meb0dy in my life  
RI: 570P FUCK1NG G3771NG 0FF 0N MY 1N5U175  
RI: Y0U M4Y 3X3RC153 N4RY 4 D1R7Y 7H0UGH7 4B0U7 7H15 Y0U F14M1NG P113 0F DR0PP1NG5

Your attention is broken from your computer as a Cruxtruder is dropped near you, filling the space between the wall and the Totem Lathe. You run to it, screaming as you drop your prosthetic heel down on the top in rage, opening it and revealing a Jade Kernelsprite. You jump back out of your window, kicking a large tooth out of Neart’s mouth and dragging it back into your hive, where you throw it weakly into the sprite. It flares with light and appears with Neart’s head.

Nirrak: Y0U’R3 411V3  
Neartsprite: Indeed, son.  
Nirrak: 1’M 50RRY 1 H4D 70 K111 Y0U  
Neartsprite: It is ok, my child. You ended my suffering and birthed me anew!  
Nirrak: 1 W0U1D HUG Y0U BU7 17 M1GH7 K111 M3  
Neartsprite: It is alright, child. You should hurry, your timer is running short.

You look at your timer.

1: 35

Nirrak: FUCK

You rush to the Totem Lathe and punch the card and Lathe Crucia has provided you with. The lathe is Jade green, and pressed into the shape of a beaker. You sprint to the Alchemiter and put the Lathe up, waiting anxiously for the laser.

00:59

You look over your shoulder and see the meteor. It is gargantuan, likely to envelope the entire hive and much more. 

On the Alchemiter’s pad appears two jade green beakers, each filled with a liquid; one blue, the other green. You pour them together and they bubble violently, eventually forming a new substance and disappearing. You are zapped away in a bright flash of light, instantly finding yourself in a black void, though still in your lab. You walk over to your laptop, but it is flung out of your reach and into the void. You yell in frustration. Your manual and laptop are both gone. Wonderful. 

Alerted by the sound of scratches behind you, you whip around, finding two imps scratching at the remains of your destroyed machine.

Nirrak: G37 4W4Y FR0M 7H3R3

You dash forward, propelled by the quick first step of your prosthetic leg, and kick one of the imps off of the wreck. It flies into its friend and they fall to the ground with a thud. You fire several shots at the enemies, eliminating them both with ease. You look to where you assume the game’s camera is and flail your arms, gaining no reaction from your server player. You angrily wonder why the actual fuck she threw away your laptop and decide to make a detour to an area you have scarcely visited as of late; your respiteblock. You enter the small room, noting that, save for an unmade bed, the area is fairly clean. Your wall is plastered with posters, mostly featuring characters from various pieces of media; movies, shows, and comics. On your floor is a periodic table, which you pick up and pin back onto the wall. Your recuperacoon lays dormant to the left of the door, under a slanted roof. Opposite is a closet, which is filled with books. You open it, finding a dust covered book on top of the pile. “SIGN LANGUAGE FOR DIPSHITS LIKE YOU”. You growl and absentmindedly place your hand on the spot where your stump connects to your leg. You close the door, deciding to leave your room. The brief visit was nice, but you have things to do. You ascend the stairs to your roof, where you find Crucia has begun building your hive up. Nearby, you find a group of imps and decide to engage in combat, during which you also decide to be somebody else for a while. You’ve seen all of this anyway.

You are now Crucia, though you are the Crucia from a few minutes ago. Blushing deeply, you have thrown Nirrak’s laptop away before he could insult you more. Any more and things would get...awkward. You beckon a turtle that had followed you home over to your laptop and it instinctively continues your building process. You smirk, feeling as if you are the queen of these feeble creatures. You decide to do a little bit of alchemy, in order to take your mind off of your black quadrant for a while. You approach your alchemiter, slashing away some imps and getting down to business. 

You combine your Boom Blades and your Welcome to LOWAC sign. 

You got the Pop Rocks!

Cost: 55 Grist, 165 Marble, 16 Quartz, 10 Rust.

This heavy set of weapons now weighs much more, the blades being turned into rock. They are more durable, and unlikely to break. You decide to use them for now, though you should replace them with a lighter substance in the near future.

You combine your Pop Rocks with your Chain Whip.

You got the Chain Guns!

Cost: 55 Grist, 165 Marble, 16 Quartz, 10 Rust, 25 Quartz.

 

These weapons, while cool, are not exactly as the name would lead you to believe. They are the same as before, with the addition of chains wrapped around the castanets, providing several holes in which to place your fingers, making the weapons much easier to open, and making the wielder look pretty badass.

You decide the weapon upgrades are enough and ascend to your roof, where you jump into your first gate and make your way back to the diamond city, any enemy encounters being too short to warrant mentioning. You swim back into the city, being hailed as you enter. You groan internally, disliking the idea of having saved a lot of people. You approach the tower, stopping a moment to admire the doors. They tower above you, and are, like the rest of the tower, composed purely of diamond. You open the doors and step inside, immediately rising up, and the water drains from the compartment.

Crucia: 0h fuck a ?hellevat0r

You arrive at the top level, where a small room waits for you. In the middle of the room is a wooden desk, covered in a thick layer of neglect. Garbage litters it; bottles and papers, which you believe unimportant, save for a single note. It is written in blue ink and splattered with red blood. You pick it up and read it.

My dearest,

‘Tis a difficult life we live, down here in the city of diamond. The turtles, they run frightened from the monsters. Horrible monsters, skeletal and vicious. They’ve taken my arm, and I’ve nary a fighting chance against the fiends. The fish, lurking in its cave with a warm light, it too has taken a limb, my leg. I’ve no choice, my dearest. I sit in this office, praying that this message makes it to you. I await my fate. I hear the sounds of the elevator, those accursed skeletons. Please, visitor, if you find this, avenge me. Destroy those who have taken all that I had. Set these turtles free from the captivity of this city. I beg of you. Dearest, I love you with all that I am, though that may be a shriveled man. 

-Mayor Torton.

Huh. An interesting tale, you think. If the poor sap had just waited a few more minutes you could have saved him. You disregard it, as you dislike heroism, and move on. 

In the corner sits a treasure chest, unopened and ripe for looting.

Crucia: y00 dead turtle l00t

You open the chest, finding a megaphone. Not a whole lot of use at the moment but you captchalogue it and move to a bookshelf behind the desk. Picking out a random book, it appears to be written in a language you do not know. You will ask Nirrak what he knows about it later. You captchalogue the book and move back to the desk. You look into a drawer, finding a small lighter. You put it in the pocket of your shorts and leave, judging the tower as mostly a waste of time. Surely there are other things on your planet, but you decide to go back home and try a bit more alchemy.

You combine your Chain Guns and your Megaphone. 

You got the Crowd Cleavers!

Cost: 600 Grist, 150 Amethyst, 1 Amber, 150 Chalk

Expensive! These weapons are aesthetically the same, though the megaphone amplifies the power of your shots by a significant degree and the blades give off a slight hum.

You decide you have spent too much time performing alchemy and, having nearly drained the grist you had, test out your new weapons. You fire them at the ground, propelling you ten feet into the air. You smirk, knowing that you can fly to the next ring now.

urselasTentacle [UT] began trolling poisonousHairball [PH] 

UT: ey P gue?? What  
PH: crUcia i don’t want to sEE yoUr birthmark again  
UT: n0 n0t that dumby  
UT: i’m c0ming the glub 0ver  
UT: g0t thi? ring here  
UT: g0nna fly thro0gh that ?hit like a codclam pr0  
PH: no no no no  
PH: hoLd on  
PH: i havE to  
PH: Pawt yEt  
UT: kk, d0n’t freak 0n me  
UT: ju?t wanna ?ee my br0  
PH: i jUst  
PH: i nEEd to  
PH: UUgh  
UT: y0u can ?hell me if y0u don’t wanna hang  
UT: ju?t been a whale  
UT: like ?ince we wa? little grub?  
PH: ok  
PH: ok i’m brEady  
PH: bEcaUsE cats makE brEad  
PH: in blankEts  
PH: jUst gEt ovEr hErE  
UT: kk, 0n my way b00

urselasTentacle [UT] ceased trolling poisonousHairball [PH] 

And you will soon be on your way as you said, but first we must once again see this story from Nirrak’s perspective.

You don’t believe it has to be stated that you are now Nirrak so you avoid the introduction, though the temptation is nearly overwhelming.

You tumble down your stairs, quickly being followed by a group of many imps. It is almost as if you have been issued a warning about these, from a fraternal companion of some sort. You disregard this thought and regain your footing at the bottom, kicking an imp away and rushing into your lab. You fire several shots, landing your marks but failing to fell a single imp. 

Nirrak: U531355 455 GUN

You jump into the air, spinning and landing the side of your foot on an imp’s temple, eliminating it. An imp lifts you up, throwing you onto your desk, which tips over, allowing you to hide behind it. Two imps rush the desk, scratching wildly at the bottom in order to get to you. You spring up, bringing the back of your gun down onto the top of an imps head, destroying the monster. You throw the other imp by the arm at the rest of the group, causing them to tumble like bowling pins. You vault over the table, firing wildly at the doorway and felling several imps. A particularly gutsy imp runs toward you, jumping and biting down on your leg, shattering its teeth.

Nirrak: WR0NG 13G, P41

You kick your leg, sending it sprawling across the room, where it lands with a thud against the wall. You run over to it, aiming a kick at the face. It moves, your foot becoming caught in the wall. You pull it out, firing three shots directly beside you. One eliminates the imp, the other two simply scorch the wall. You fall over in exhaustion.

Nirrak: 1 R3411Y N33D 70 G37 0U7 M0R3  
Nirrak: 1’V3 B3C0M3 FR411  
Nirrak: PU11 Y0UR531F 70G37H3R, D1P5H17

You push yourself off of the floor, gritting your teeth and carrying on despite your physical exhaustion. You decide to grind a bit, in order to harvest grist and make some gear. You ascend your stairs, noting that building is going smoothly. You again angrily wonder what the hell Crucia is doing over there, and proceed to thrash some imps off screen because you are certain nothing of interest will happen in the next few minutes. You decide to be another guy for a bit, because grinding is boring, especially in the format of a story.

You are now Kalten, though the Kalten from Nirrak’s flashback. And a few minutes in the future. You have awoken from your nap and decided to do some alchemy, since you have some codes from your planet. You punch all of the codes into cards and proceed to your alchemiter. You plug in the first card you got and create the item.

You got the Potted Plant! 

Cost: 5 Grist.

This potted plant is all that it appears to be, a simple sapling in a pot. You place it on top of your alchemiter, brightening up the area a bit.

You insert the second punched card, the item appearing before you.

You got the Broken Glass!

Cost: 10 Grist.

This piece of glass has been punched out of something, the edge jagged and sharp. You throw it away, unknowingly landing it in your Kernelsprite. 

You enter the third card, hoping for something a bit more exciting.

You got the Shitty Wheel!

Cost: 1 Grist.

This wooden wheel is chipped and broken, and basically useless at this point. You kick it into the void in frustration.

You plug in the fourth and final card, really hoping for something good this time, though you do not have your nubs crossed.

You got the Buster Sword!

Cost: 100 Grist, 15 Rust, 10 Amethyst, 1 Zack.

This giant sword is a flawless replica of Cloud Strife’s iconic blade. It has two Materia slots, though you have no idea what that means. Plus 5 damage on planet busters. But wait, you don’t need this legendary piece of shit! You gave up your giant sword in the beginning! Maybe Crucia will want it, she has bladey things, right? But wait, she sucks. You attempt to captchalogue the sword but the piece of trash is too big and will not fit into your dex. You set it to the side and continue what you were doing. But that weapon, so tempting…

You combine your Broken Glass and your Rib Tickler.

You got the Hedgehog Jacket!

On your body is the same red, ribbed jacket, though the back is now covered in durable shards of glass. You decide this will make cool armor and keep it. 

You run out of alchemy ideas very quickly and leave the area, deciding to message some friends

frozenRenegade [FR] began trolling ranchorousIntellectual [RI]

FR: ey NIRRAK  
FR: gotta TALK to YA about SOMETHING  
FR: somethin WEIRD happened TO me EARLIER  
FR: sorta OILEY and MESSY and COOL and BARFY  
FR: you’re NOT usually THE quiet ONE here  
FR: kk WELL i GUESS you’re BUSY  
FR: catch YA later I guess

frozenRenegade [FR] ceased trolling ranchorousIntellectual [RI]

frozenRenegade [FR] began trolling clinicallyExcavted [CE]

FR: ey T i JUST had A crazy DREAM  
CE: oooo tell me  
FR: you WERE there, AND you GOT stabbed  
FR: and I cut THIS guy’s ARM off  
FR: chased HIM pretty FAR  
FR: met A beefy GUY with AN axe  
FR: then I left AND like CHASED the GUY down  
CE: and youu got arressted, suucker puucnhed by the quueen, and puut in jail?  
FR: shit YEAH how’d YA know?  
CE: i have long forseen the death of my dream self.  
CE: even thouugh i resided on derse something allowed me to see visions in the clouds.  
CE: almost like my dream self went roguue  
FR: wait SO did ALL of THAT  
FR: was IT real?  
CE: yep! youur dream self is in prison!  
CE: youu can become him if youu die  
CE: sort of an emergency reset buutton  
FR: shit, HOW do I revive MYSELF?  
CE: gotta be kissed ;)  
FR: niiice  
FR: guess MY dream SELF was PRETTY pissed WHEN you DIED then  
CE: guuess so  
CE: youu care abouut me ;)  
FR: course I do  
FR: learned SIGN language BEFORE i LEARNED english FOR you  
CE: awwww ;)  
FR: wonder WHEN i’ll GET to JOIN up WITH you GUYS  
CE: well i duunno if nirrak is in the game yet buut im waiting for daemon to bring me in  
FR: how’s MY gate COMING?  
CE: almost done!  
FR: wonder WHERE it’ll TAKE me  
CE: i think on top of my hive  
CE: buut i need to enter the game first  
FR: sweet, TOORAH time  
CE: hey youuve got a big monster uup top  
FR: on IT

frozenRenegade [FR] ceased trolling clinicallyExcavted [CE]

You ascend the stairs, discovering a Giclops at the top (though you do not know the name as of yet). You engage, rolling away from a strike from the beast’s massive foot. You form two curved ice swords and swing your arms, leaving a gash in the Gicplops’ ankle. It roars, grabbing you from the ground and attempting to crush you, though it groans at the small cuts from your jacket. Flexing wildly, you grow large ice spikes around your body in various areas, forcing the monster to drop you. You roll to a halt and break the spikes, noting that you have received a message from Daemon. The Giclops jumps into the air, attempting to land an elbow on you. Distracted by Daemon’s message, you only barely have time to form an ice shield with black rims across your hands, barely holding the monster up under its crushing weight. You are forced to your knee, and, gritting your teeth, you blow up your shield, launching the monster a few inches into the air and allowing you to roll out of the way. It falls through the floor, and down several stories. You back up, run toward the hole, and jump. Smirking, you form several ice blades across the span of your back and spin, eventually landing below and punching a hole in the Giclops. 

The Giclops roars again, grabbing you and trying to put you in its mouth. You resist, pushing its fingers open and scrambling out. It stands and you stare each other down, your red coat flapping in the wind. It charges with its horns pointing toward you, and you slide under it, but the monster throws its chin down and you are crushed under it. Grunting, you bite down on the flesh around you, ripping out a chunk. The Giclops roars, standing up and aiming a punch at you. You bend backward and avoid the attack, spitting the piece of flesh out and running toward your enemy, throwing two small, black shuriken. They land in the centre of its stomach and explode, the monster still not going down. You stop between its legs, springing upward into an uppercut, which seems to do no damage at all. The monster sits down and you Thief Dash out of the way, landing just short of the danger zone. The monster roars and aims a chop at you, which you catch between your hands like a samurai, using the leverage you flip yourself onto the arm. You run up the appendage, jumping at the shoulder and forming a small extension of your heel with black ice, which you drop onto the monster’s eyeball and blow up. It roars and is dispersed, the grist totaling an insane amount. You fall onto your back and lay a moment, gasping for breath from the battle. 

You check your visor for Daemon’s message.

demonicShieldsmith [DS] began trolling frozenRenegade [FR] 

DS: (Kalten, I have a gift for you.)  
DS: (I constructed it through alchemy. I hope it is to your liking.)  
DS: (Kalten?)  
DS: (It appears you are busy, so I shall leave the code for you.)  
DS: (A0517DF0)  
DS: (I wish you luck in whatever may be occupying your tongue.)  
DS: (Unless you are asleep.)  
DS: (Which I did not consider.)

demonicShieldsmith [DS] ceased trolling frozenRenegade [FR] 

Interested, you proceed up the stairs and to your Punch Designix, where you create the card and plug it into the alchemiter.

You got the Five Knuckle Shuffle!

Cost: 50 Chalk, 30 Amber.

These gloves are composed of flexible bone with the symbol for each suit printed across the knuckles, and would be a very good upgrade for one who fights with their fists. You do, in fact, like them, and decide to put them on, making a boxer’s pose with your new gloves. Thanks to these mitts being hard as bone but flexible as fabric, they are a great asset to your fighting style. You elect to remove the fingers from the gloves, though still leaving the important knuckles. You will thank him in a moment, but first you have somebody else to be.

You are now Nirrak again, though a few minutes ago, and you have just defeated another horde of imps in a battle style everybody has seen too many times already. You have climbed several rungs on your Echeladder while you were Kalten, but you climb another, reaching the rank of “A Lalong Way to Go”. Building will still take quite a bit of time to complete, so you have decided to engage some Ogres in the meantime. You face a sole enemy at the moment, though you are certain more are climbing the tower.

STRIFE!

You fire a shot at the eye of your opponent, hitting your mark and eliciting a roar from the monster. It runs at you, aiming a punch your way. You spring onto your hands and kick the monster’s arm away with your metal leg, causing it to punch itself in the face. You fire three shots, running to your left to get some distance. The monster aims its goat horns at you and jumps, falling rapidly in your direction. You move quickly out of the way, and, upon its landing you kick a horn off of the monster’s head. It roars, biting down on your metal leg and denting it with a crunch. You free it with a shot to the monster’s eye and hobble away, awaiting the monster’s ascent to its feet. As you predicted it stands up and you hit its face with a shot, a visible red mark appearing now. You continue to fire, soon piercing the skull but not quite killing it. It grabs you by the waist and raises you into the air, its muscle mass far exceeding your own. You fire a shot at its foot, the only place your wrist was able to move, and it softens its grip enough for you to pull yourself out and jump up, performing a swift kick to its cheek and knocking out a tooth. It swats you away, sending you sprawling into a column, which you strike your back on and cough up some blood. 

The ogre runs toward you angrily, pinning you to your spot on the column with its enormous hand. It smiles wickedly and shoves its face toward you, showing razor sharp teeth. With almost perfect timing, you place a kick into its chin, turning its head upward and destroying it. You fall to the ground and cough up some blood, holding your ribs.

Nirrak: FUCK1NG 0GR35  
Nirrak: FUCK1N CRUC14  
Nirrak: FUCK1NG G4M3

You pant heavily for a minute before standing back up, fixing your glasses and collecting the grist. You now have a large amount of grist, and decide it is an appropriate time to create some gear for yourself. You create several more Captchalogue Cards with the code “11111111” and punch all of your items several times, though this still requires a knowledge of the components of each item. 

Laser Pistol- Components: Copper, Plastic, Aluminum, Bismuth, Carbon, Glass.

Acid Flask- Components: Glass, Plastic, Acid. Simple enough.

Lab Coat- Components: Plastic, Cotton. 

Gears- Components: Steel, Copper, Granite.

Medicine- Components: A sprig of Bibblehop picked from only the freshest trees in the mountains of Dibbleoo, a pound of ground up Spomf from the mayor of the town of Zamee’s secret stash, two dashes of Doindil Leaves from the Hell trees of Sordan, and a pinch of sugar. Now, any typical person would think that a joke, as it sounds like nonsense, but it is not. You painstakingly collected all of these ingredients a sweep ago, Neart in tow. Granted, you had no idea they would make such a powerful medicine at the time, you just wanted to boast that you had collected the rare items. In actuality you mixed them by complete accident when you kicked your lab table in rage.

You approach your alchemiter, preparing to make some items with the few you currently have in your possession.

You combine your Laser Pistol and your Lab Coat. 

You got the T-Shirt Cannon!

Cost: 65 Grist, 18 Cobalt

This new gun fires White T-Shirts from the barrel. Not an incredible weapon, but it is good for parties. You keep it, but decide to stick with your original pistol. 

You combine your Lab Coat and your Gear.

You got the Gear Gear!

Cost: 30 Grist, 100 Cobalt, 10 Amber.

This new lab coat is covered in a complicated pattern of gear. Gears cover the knuckles of your hands and spiral up your arms; not as several gears, but as if you were wearing springs on your arms, though still with the teeth of gears. They spiral down your legs in a similar fashion, and at your hip level begin to criss cross your chest, wrapping around your back and shoulders to form an X across your torso. Below the gears is your regular outfit. You hold your hands out, thinking you look like a shitty tank tread, but keep the outfit on because it is cool. 

You combine your Gear Gear and your Acid.

You got the Burning Clockwork Armor!

Cost: 150 Grist, 65 Cobalt, 20 Ruby, 1 Amber.

This outfit looks almost identical to the Gear Gear, though the entire ensemble is highly corrosive to any who are not wearing it. 

You combine your Laser Pistol with your Gear Pile.

You got the Spiral Spiker!

Cost: 120 Grist, 50 Rust, 1 Uranium.

This gun is similar to your old one, though the length of the weapon is now wrapped with regular gears, evenly spaced with your gun in the middle. Your laser shots, while gaining no difference in power, now fire in the shape of a gear, spinning horizontally as they fly.

You combine your Spiral Spiker with the medicine you gave to Kalten.

You got the Nurse N’ Hearse!

Cost: 200 Grist, 120 Cobalt

This new gun resembles your previous, though with the addition of a second trigger. When pulled, the second trigger exudes a small flame, capable of painlessly searing small wounds closed. The effects of the medicine are diluted, however, so it is only scarcely useable. You are sure a better healer will come along eventually.  
Normally now would be the time you would combine a gear, or perhaps your glasses with your laptop, but, as you do not have it, you feel that this is an appropriate time so cease your alchemical shenanigans and admire your new gear. You believe you look very good in it. Observing that you took a long time to complete your alchemy, you decide to check progress on you the building. You begin to walk up the stairs.

Neartsprite: Nirrak, I-  
Nirrak: FUCK

Having been scared shitless by your sprite, you accidentally open your sylladex and fall onto a configuration of buttons, sending your extra gears flying into Neart. He erupts in a glow of green light, eventually regaining his form as a similar dragon, though with a large gear around his neck.

Geartsprite: I made Beefgrub Burgers for you.  
Nirrak: 0H. 0H 5H17 7H4NK5  
Geartsprite: Please watch your language.  
Nirrak: 5H17 50RRY  
Nirrak: 1 M34N FUCK  
Nirrak: 1  
Nirrak: BURG3R5 P13453

You take a few minutes to eat and refuel, before thanking your lusus, captchalogueing an extra burger for later and traveling back up the stairs. The first gate finally looms near, almost within jumping distance. Almost. Before you can enter, however, you have one more adversary to face. You turn toward the ogre and find it has a friend. Ok, so ogres; plural. Not an issue. Tuning around, you see six more ogres. 

Nirrak: FUCK

The ground around you is bombarded by fist strikes, requiring all of your concentration to dodge. Eventually your are caught, and forced through the ground, with only your head above.

Nirrak: 0H MY FUCK 7H15 15 H0W 1 D13

You are pulled out by an enormous hand and raised into the air. The ogres inspect you, the one holding you drooling vigorously. You sweat but remain calm, the ogre licking your face. It opens its palm, allowing you to stand on the surface. You begin to panic, wondering what will happen to you. The ogre picks you up, playing with you like a doll as the others laugh.

Nirrak: DON’7 Y0U M0CK M3

You pull your arms from its grasp and kick its arm up, landing on the ground in the middle of the ogre ring. The same ogre angrily punches the ground and you jump onto its fist, springing forward with your metal leg and making it onto the shoulder of the monster. You jump, zapping through the portal and onto your planet. You find yourself in a small, cube space, the walls electric blue and turning gears embedded in the walls, roof, and floor. You look at the floor under you, finding a pumpkin. 

Nirrak: 7H3 H311’5 4 PUMPK1N D01NG 1N 4 P14C3 11K3 7H15?

You decide to captchalogue the mysterious fruit because of your large number of extra cards, and proceed down the hallway. Around the corner is a maze of halls, all similar in design. You wonder how you will ever manage to find your way around this place. Eventually, after making several turns, you discover a door. You reach for the doorknob, but discover that it is actually fake. You groan and continue, knocking out a few imps as you proceed. Eventually you hear a rumbling, and look down the hall beside you, where a large, red Giclops storms toward you. You fire a shot, admiring the shape and watch as it bounces harmlessly off of the beast’s hide. You jump high into the air, hiding behind the small space stretching over the entrance to the hallway. The Giclops runs through, crashing into the wall and receiving an electric shock. You bring your metal heel down on the back of it head and it hits you out of the air with its tail. You run back into the fray, attempting a punch to the beast’s stomach with your gear-assisted fist, but your arm is caught from the air and you are swung with a lot of force, almost dislocating your shoulder. You run away, the monster giving chase, and map out in your head which turns you have already made.

You are now Nirrak, but in the present.

Nirrak: 4ND Y0U W3R3 H3R3 F0R 7H3 R357  
Daemon: (Quite the tale, my friend.)  
Nirrak: 57111 C4N’7 F1ND MY 14P70P  
Nirrak: N0W Y0U’R3 H3R3  
Nirrak: 1 D0N’7 KN0W WH47 70 D0 N0W

Daemon stands up, having fixed the pierce in his shield using your gun.

Daemon: (It is obvious that I must now explore your planet, and I believe you wish to join me. However, know that I will not fight for you again. I treasure you, but I cannot act as your lusus.)  
Nirrak: 50 Y0U’11 J01N M3 1F 1 C4N K33P MY531F 411V3?  
Daemon: (Correct.)  
Nirrak: 1 C4N M4N4G3 7H47  
Daemon: (In that case, let us proceed.)

Daemon walks forward, and you follow him closely. It’s finally happening! Does your hair look good? Shit! You don’t know if you look alright. He does. Well muscled, in a great suit, and he just saved your life. He stops in the middle of the hallway and says nothing for about five minutes. You stay quiet, hoping not to do anything wrong. Eventually, he turns around and speaks.

You are now Daemon. You stand in the middle of this electric maze, Nirrak in tow, and answer several messages from your friend, momentarily forgetting about the one behind you. 

frozenRenegade [FR] began trolling demonicShieldsmith [DS] 

FR: ey DAEMON thanks A ton FOR the GLOVES  
FR: shits ROCKIN  
DS: (It is of little issue, Kalten. I ask you use them wisely.)  
FR: woulda BEEN helpful A few MINTUES ago  
FR: fuckin GICLOPS  
DS: (I too have recently engaged a Giclops. I have met with Nirrak as well, and saved him from the aforementioned enemy.)  
FR: haha COOL been WANTING to MEET him  
DS: (He is...different. Than I had expected.)  
DS: (I am not sure exactly what that means, but it is how I seem to feel about the matter.)  
FR: not SURE what TO tell YOU there MY friend  
DS: (It is of no concern.)  
FR: ahight MAN  
FR: listen CRUCIA is MESSAGING me  
FR: so I gotta GO  
FR: seeya MY invertebrother

frozenRenegade [FR] ceased trolling demonicShieldsmith [DS] 

 

urselasTentacle [UT] began trolling frozenRenegade [FR]

UT: kalteeeeennnn  
UT: ey  
UT: red ?ea  
UT: bruh  
FR: what CAN i DO ya FOR  
UT: a b00nbuck  
UT: i need y0u t0 brineg pawzle int0 the game  
UT: tried g0in t0 her hive and ended up at ?0me 0ther ?crub? place and n0b0dy wa? h0me  
UT: think it’? cuz ?he’? n0t in the game yet  
UT: that’? y0ur j0b  
UT: ch0p ch0p  
FR: hey I aint YOUR errand BOY  
FR: i’ll BRING the P-MAN in  
FR: but NOT cuz YOU told ME to  
FR: k?  
UT: kk, whatever red?y  
FR: listen  
FR: i’m NOT doin IT if YOU’RE gonna INSULT me AND shit  
UT: take a j0ke, kallie  
FR: it AINT a JOKE  
FR: i FEEL like YOU’RE bullying ME  
UT: man, everyb0dy gr0win gl0be? t0day  
FR: just  
FR: lay OFF, ok?  
UT: fiine, but ju?t ?0 y0u’ll d0 the buildy thing  
FR: k, WHATEVER.  
FR: crucia, I want TO like YOU  
FR: and TRUSTING people IS hard  
FR: grew UP on THE shitty STREETS  
FR: only HAD you GUYS  
FR: fought FOR my LIFE all THE time  
FR: and JUST  
FR: i CAN’T learn TO do IT better IF you’re HARD on ME  
FR: so PLEASE, lay OFF  
UT: gettin me all em0ti0nal 0ver here  
UT: yeah, fin. i’ll be nicer f0r n0w  
FR: just LIKE that?  
UT: yeah man, i’m n0t a m0n?ter  
FR: well  
FR: thank, I guess  
FR: i’ll GET pawzle IN so YOU can DO your SLOPPY troll MAKEOUTS or whatever  
UT: wait what

frozenRenegade [FR] ceased trolling urselasTentacle [UT]

You remain Daemon, and you have turned to address Nirrak. 

Daemon: (Apologies, Kalten had contacted me.)  
Nirrak: 17’5 C001  
Nirrak: 137’5 G0  
Daemon: (Let’s.)

You will continue shortly. However, you have one more person to be, and this chapter is becoming too long.

You are now Kalten. You giggle as you think about how much Crucia is likely panicking at your comment. You have no actual knowledge of her quadrants, but you knew it would make her uncomfortable. You decide to do as she asked and message Pawzle to get this started.

 

frozenRenegade [FR] began trolling poisonousHairball [PH]

FR: ey P  
PH: kaLtEN! :3  
FR: haha BEEN a WHILE  
PH: yEEEEs how arE yoU?!  
FR: good, MAN  
FR: got EATEN  
FR: talked TO crucia  
FR: met SOME lizards  
FR: the USUAL  
PH: soUnds Excating!  
PH: i’m stiLL waiting to go into thE gamE  
PH: i’m borrrrEEEEdd  
FR: wait, DO you HEAR that  
PH: wE arE mEwLEs apart so no  
FR: it’s ME bringing YOU in  
FR: les DO this  
PH: yEs! *kissessss*  
FR: haha I aint DEAD it’s COOL  
PH: rUnning my disc!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That went on and on, didn't it? The next chapters will be shorter! Feel free to leave kudos and tell me what you thought! Happy Holidays, everybody!


	19. Elevatorstuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woot woot!

Chapter 19: Elevatorstuck

DERSE

You are CD, and you are currently serving a prisoner their daily drubbings. You love this job, and would not give it up for anything. You look down at the prisoner, his white hair now soaked with red. 

Kalten: fuck...YOU

You hit him over the head one more time, leaving and returning to the queen. Passing by DD's room, you find that he is working on something. It appears to be a humanoid, though entirely white. It is only a torso at the moment.

You report to the queen, telling her you have completed your scheduled drubbings for the day. She gives a satisfied nod, gesturing for you to leave. You comply, curious what DD was working on. Instead of sneaking into the room at night and stealing it like a sensible person, you simply walk in and ask what he is doing. He tells you it is a secret, but allows you to look at it for some reason. That reason being that he thinks you are a fucking idiot. The torso is, as you said, entirely white, and your hand phases through it when you attempt a touch. DD whacks you with your own club and you leave, closing the door behind you. You look at a newspaper on the floor, which states that today the black and white royalty are going to meet to discuss a treaty. A treaty that will, as it always does, not go through. It is at that moment you remember you can't read and throw the paper away, returning to your room.

.  
.  
.  
Jerry-building Reflectors  
.  
.  
.  
Logging Downspouts  
.  
.  
.  
Remaking Flash Rakers  
.  
.  
.  
Collecting Reciprocating Bolts  
.  
.  
.  
Verifying Gate Pegs  
.  
.  
.  
Launching Manifestation Systems

PH: it loadEd!  
FR: ahight PPXT now LET’S see  
PH: mEw nEEd to Pawt thE machinEs down  
FR: right, right

You are Pawzle, though that was probably obvious, given the history of entry chapters. You watch your recuperacoon being thrown through the window, causing you to groan as it had slipped your think pan that the process required this. It is replaced by the Alchemiter.

PH: Ey i don’t mEwsE thE mEaL bLock maybE pawt thEm down thErE  
FR: ahight PEEBLES  
FR: fuck

You hear a thump and a hiss downstairs, and run down on all fours to check it out. You find the Totem Lathe has crushed Meow Tsetung.

Pawzle: no!

You run to your lusus, but it is already too late. You take a deep, shaking breath, fighting back tears.

FR: pawzie I am SO sorry  
PH: it is og  
PH: on  
PH: ok.  
PH: wE can bring hEr back  
PH: not going to cry  
PH: nopE  
FR: i’ll JUST  
FR: i’m NOT good AT feelings AND stuff  
FR: where’s THE  
FR: here

You watch the Cruxtruder fall before you, wiping your eyes with your sleeve.

Pawzle: c’mon pawZLE  
Pawzle: yoU’rE a big girl now

You approach the Cruxtruder, brandishing several puzzle pieces between your fingers and throwing them. They stick into the lid of the machine, the other edges sticking below, causing them to keep the lid closed, like staples.

Pawzle: darn it  
Pawzle: fiddLEsticks

FR: you ARE allowed TO swear, YOU know  
FR: aint NOBODY here BUT us  
FR: fuck TO your HEART’S content  
FR: wait THAT came OUT wrong SHIT  
PH: yEah bUt  
PH: i jUst don’t want to  
PH: ok?  
FR: kk, POODLE

You jump onto the Cruxtruder, using the power of your legs to pull your weapons out of the lid. It is now riddled with small holes, but still refuses to open. 

PH: can mEw hELP mE?

Your meal vault is lifted and thrown onto the lid, popping it open and flinging the cooling apparatus into the wall across the room. In a flash of light the Kernelsprite pops out, revealing a muddy brown orb. Using all of your strength, you lift the Totem Lathe up a few inches with your arms and remove your lusus’ body from its entrapment. Putting down the machine and picking up the small cat, you place her gently into the Kernelsprite.

Meowsprite: mrow  
Pawzle: oh thank goodnEss!  
Meowsprite: mrow

You take a deep breath, relieved to have your lusus back, and look at the timer below you. 

00:01:25

Pawzle: oh dEar

You move to your Totem Lathe and complete the needed steps, eventually producing a brown Cruxite Dowel in the shape of an hourglass. Why? You’re not sure. Maybe because a puzzle piece would have looked stupid. You take it, running up the stairs, where you insert it into your Alchemiter. The machine processes the Dowel and produces a brown puzzle with fifty pieces.

00:00:30

You quickly move pieces around, finishing the edges in a matter of seconds.

FR: pawzle MAYBE hurry

You finish several more pieces, eventually only missing the center.

00:00:10

PH: do yoU sEE thE othEr piEcE?  
FR: no SHIT shit SHIT

You look up, finding that Meowsprite has taken the final piece. You chase after her, being careful not to touch the sprite.

Pawzle: mEow givE it back!!!

You throw a puzzle shiruekn, knocking the piece out of the sprite’s mouth and out of the window. You jump and grab it, just barely hanging onto the window. 

00:00:05  
You run back over to the Alchemiter, tripping on the way.

Pawzle: no!!!

00:00:02

You run forward, the heat of the meteor prickling your skin. 

00:00:00

You insert the final piece, the fire from the meteor beginning to consume your hive as you are teleported to the Medium. You let out a breath, before remembering that your hive is still on fire from the close encounter with the meteor. You scramble around frantically, grimacing as you remember your only option. You grab a bucket from your closet and fill it with water from the kitchen, putting out the fire in your room. Blushing, you throw the cleaning tool back into your closet and slam the door shut.

PH: yoU saw nothing  
PH: nothing  
FR: it’s COOL guy I aint GONNA tell NOBODY  
PH: if crUcia mEw i had that shE’d nEfUr lEt mEw hEar thE End of it.  
PH: not a word  
FR: i GOT it MAN haha NO shame

You look around a moment, discovering that your hive is in a black void, as you had expected. Hearing a rattling downstairs you descend, finding a group of imps destroying things. You throw a puzzle piece at the nearest one, landing it in the monster’s forehead and alerting it to your presence. You wield the rest of your pieces between your fingers and take a boxing stance, punching an imp who comes near and expelling it. Three more approach and you throw puzzle pieces, sending them through the stomachs of the monsters and landing them on the other side of the room, but not killing the targets. You kick the very first imp in the face, freeing your puzzle piece and sending it across the room. You bring your fist down in an arc, slashing the damaged imps down the length of their bodies and killing them. You throw your remaining pieces at a single imp, landing them throughout its body and killing it. The puzzle pieces land together, forming the image of a shuriken on a white background as several more imps descend the stairs. The puzzle glows a bright white, producing a shuriken about as tall as you are. You wield it, running forward and slashing through imps like butter. One threatens to hit you with a metal spoon, but you throw your shuriken, the weapon carrying a small tornado. It sucks in the imp, slashing through it with ease. You collect the grist and your shuriken explodes back into puzzle pieces. You smile, having had your first victory, and decide to be somebody else for a while so that you can grind enemies.

You are now Nirrak. You have decided to lead the way, and the two of you have stumbled upon a room, the door real this time. Inside is a small room, which you have managed to illuminate thanks to a nearby light switch. In the middle of the room are two pads, one purple and the other yellow.

Daemon: (I believe these are teleporters.)  
Nirrak: Y34H 137’5 N07 U53 7H053  
Daemon: (I see no reason not to.)  
Nirrak: 1 H4V3 4 7H1NG 4B0U7 7313P0R73R5.  
Daemon: (This is the first I’ve heard of this issue.)  
Nirrak: 17’5 JU57  
Nirrak: 17’5 4 7H1NG 4ND 1’D R47H3R N07 741K 4B0U7 17 R1GH7 N0W  
Daemon: (I shall leave well enough alone if it bothers you to this degree.)  
Nirrak: 7H4NK Y0U

Looking at the back of the room you see a small screen with a flashing message. “Welcome to the Land of Electricity and Clockwork!” You disregard it and move on, finding nothing else of interest in the room. You exit, encountering some imps. You turn to Daemon.

Daemon: (Are you waiting for a written invitation?)

You swear under your breath and run toward the imp, firing several laser shots. It survives and attempts a punch to your stomach. You grab it by the arm and throw it, sending it tumbling into the rest of the group and killing the initial imp. The rest of the group run at you at once, attempting a group tackle. You swing your leg in a sideways arc and hit each one in turn, sending them into each other. They all fall to the ground and you fire a steady stream of energy across the area, expelling the group. You rise a rung on your Echeladder, attaining the rank of “Quartermetal Alchemist”. You turn back to Daemon, who stands with a satisfied look on his face.

Daemon: (You’ve performed well. However, I would have done it like this.)

He runs past you, taking out an approaching imp in a single strike of his shield. 

Daemon: (It would seem we are at different levels at the moment.)  
Nirrak: 0F C0UR53 W3 4R3 1 JU57 574R73D  
Daemon: (Ah, of course.)

You continue down the hallway, making a left turn.

Nirrak: 1 H4V3 B33N W4171NG 4 10NG 71M3 70 4DV3N7UR3 W17H Y0U  
Daemon: (As have I. I await still the time when all six of us will join.)  
Daemon: (In a similar conversational stream, I must ask, how do we go about completing this game?)  
Nirrak: W311  
Nirrak: W3 H4V3 70 D3F347 7H3 B14CK K1NG’5 4RMY  
Nirrak: 50 3V3N7U411Y W3 W111 7R4V31 70 7H3 B47713F131D 1N 0RD3R 70 D0 7H47  
Nirrak: W3 5145H 7HR0UGH 7H3 B055355 4ND W1N  
Nirrak: 7H3N W3 H4V3 4 B34U71FU1 11F3 70G37H3R 4ND C0N71NU3 0UR R4C3  
Nirrak: W417 FUCK  
Daemon: (Apologies, I was alerted to an incoming message. Can you repeat the final part of your explanation?)  
Nirrak: 1  
Nirrak: 1 541D W3 D3F347 7H3 4RMY  
Nirrak: 7H47  
Daemon: (Toorah is curious why you are not answering her messages.)  
Nirrak: 1 701D Y0U 1 1057 MY C0MPU73R  
Nirrak: CRUC14 7HR3W 17 4W4Y F0R WH473V3R 5H1771NG R3450N  
Daemon: (She is antsy to enter the game and wishes to know who will bring her in and when.)  
Nirrak: 7H47'D B3 Y0U  
Nirrak: 4ND WH3N3V3R Y0U F331 1IK3 17

Daemon sits down against the wall of the hallway, taking a laptop from his Sylladex.

Daemon: (I will have ample opportunities to level myself in the coming hours. I believe I shall allow you to continue, so that we may all play uninhibited by the building process.  
Nirrak: 0H  
Nirrak: 41R1GH7  
Nirrak: GU355 1’11 G0 7H3N  
Nirrak: BY MY531F

You walk down the hallway and turn a corner, now pissed off. It was finally your chance and now it’s gone! You hate waiting. You hate yourself. You just sort of hate most things. You continue down the hallway, eventually finding a door; the kind an elevator would use. A small, red light comes from the center of the door, seemingly scanning you. It beeps for a moment and a robotic female voice comes from the other side.

“Nirrak Allmax. Species: Troll. Age: 16 Earth Years. Weapon of choice: Gun. Uses metal leg for kicks; prefers heel dropping techniques. Biggest weakness: Severe lack of self confidence. Please step into the elevator, Nirrak. We have a surprise for you.”

Nirrak: 4ND 1F 1 D0N’7?

“Than I suppose you failed Toorah after all, didn’t you?”

You yell and angrily kick the door, your strike bouncing harmlessly off of a pink forcefield. 

Nirrak: D0N’7 Y0U D4R3 M4K3 FUN 0F M3 0R H3R  
“Your strikes are pointless. We can anticipate any and all attacks you are capable of and prevent them. We know everything about you, Nirrak. More than even you know about yourself."

Nirrak: Y0U D0N’7 KN0W 4NY7H1NG Y0U FUCK1NG M4CH1N3

“You have red feelings for your friend, Daemon. You were in love with Toorah for so many sweeps, madly so, but forgot the idea after you hurt her because your guilt made you think she hated you. You projected your emotions onto her and lost the red relationship you truly wanted. ‘Oh, but I’m not a bad person! That machine was for a good purpose!’. You knew it wasn’t going to work and you used it anyway, didn’t you, Nirrak? You knew you’d never be able to bring him-”

Nirrak: 5HU7 7H3 FUCK UP  
Nirrak: Y35, 1 W45 1N 10V3 W17H H3R  
Nirrak: Y35, 1 M4D3 7H3 M4CH1N3 70 1MPR355 H3R 4ND 17 N34R1Y K1113D U5  
Nirrak: BU7 WH47 M4K35 Y0U 7H1NK Y0U H4V3 7H3 R1GH7 70 C411 M3 0N 17  
Nirrak: 1 H4V3 7R13D 3ND13551Y 70 F0RG1V3 MY531F F0R WH47 1 D1D 4ND 17 N3V3R W0RK3D  
Nirrak: 1 KN0W 5H3 F0RG4V3 M3 BU7 1 C4N’7 4CC3P7 7H47  
Nirrak: 3V3N 5H3 D035N’7 CR4CK J0K35 4B0U7 17  
Nirrak: 50 WH47 M4K35 4 R0B07 117713 B17CH 11K3 Y0U 7H1NK Y0U H4V3 7H3 R1GH7 70 D0 7H15?  
Nirrak: D0 Y0U H4V3 4NY 1D34 WH47 17’5 11K3 B31NG R3M1ND3D 0F 7H3 G0D4WFU1 7H1NG5 1’V3 D0N3  
Nirrak: 700R4H 15 MY B357 FR13ND, 4ND 1 D0N’7 C4R3 WH47 4NY FUCK1NG G4M3 7H1NK5 4B0U7 WH47 1 D1D  
Nirrak: N0W 137 M3 P455 4ND 1 W111 PR0V3 WH47 1 H4V3 B3C0M3 1N 4NY CH4113NG3 Y0U H4V3 PR3P4R3D F0R M3  
Nirrak: Y0U 4R3 M4D3 0N1Y 70 7357 7H3 R3501V3 0F P14Y3R5, R1GH7?  
Nirrak: W311 Y0U C4N’7 BR34K M3  
Nirrak: 1 4CC3P73D 7H47 1’M 4 F411UR3 4 10NG 71M3 4G0 

“Congratulations, Nirrak. You have proven yourself worthy of advancing. As a reward for your resolve, we have found your laptop.”

A pink light carries your laptop to the floor in front of you. It is broken from the fall, but the same light fuses it back together and it blinks on, open to your conversation with Crucia. The door in front of you opens, revealing a normal elevator.

“Enter whenever you are ready.”

You kick the edge of the door and pick up your laptop, sitting down and yelling. For a while. Everybody needs to yell sometimes. After a few minutes you go back to using your laptop, deciding to message Crucia.

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] began trolling urselasTentacle [UT] 

RI: 0K 50 7W0 QU35710N5  
RI: WH47  
RI: 53C0ND, G0NN4 7HR0W Y0U 4 R341 100P W17H 7H15 0N3  
RI: 7H3 FUCK  
UT: 0h hey y0u’re alive  
RI: 411V3 4ND P1553D  
UT: 0k ?0 i can explain what happened  
UT: g0tta f0ll0w me cl0?ely here  
UT: ?tep 0ne, the m0?t imp0rtant and 0nly ?tep  
UT: ready?  
UT: what y0u g0tta d0  
UT: i? g0 fuck y0ur?hellf  
RI: 1 D0N’7 H4V3 71M3 F0R Y0UR 5H17  
RI: 1 N33D 70 M0VE F0RW4RD  
RI: H0W 15 BU11D1NG G01NG  
UT: g0t ?0me little turtle a??h0le t0 d0 it  
RI: WH473V3R  
RI: JU57 G37 M3 70 7H47 G473 500N  
UT: aye aye captain

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] ceased trolling urselasTentacle [UT]

frozenRenegade [FR] began trolling ranchorousIntellectual [RI]

FR: ey NIRRAK  
FR: gotta TALK to YA about SOMETHING  
FR: somethin WEIRD happened TO me EARLIER  
FR: sorta OILEY and MESSY and COOL and BARFY  
FR: you’re NOT usually THE quiet ONE here  
FR: kk WELL i GUESS you’re BUSY  
FR: catch YA later I guess  
RI: CRUC14 7HR3W AWAY MY 14P70P WH47 D0 Y0U W4N7  
FR: oh SHIT there YOU are  
FR: well WHEN i WAS eating WITH the LIZARD king  
FR: the OIL on MY face WAS gone WHICH was FUCKIN weird N shit  
FR: then THESE skeleton ASSHOLES tried TO kill US  
FR: i GOT this WICKED ache IN my BELLY and THEN it was gone  
FR: and THEN my ICE had LIKE  
FR: some BLACK shit THAT kept EXPLODING  
FR: and I guess I can DO that NOW  
RI: 0K B4CK UP  
RI: H0W’D 7H3 011 G37 0N Y0U 1N 7H3 F1R57 P14C3  
FR: lizard ASSHOLES in MY hive  
FR: left BEHIND oil AND green STUFF  
FR: glowed N shit  
RI: 7H3Y MU57 H4V3 B33N UR4N1UM B451115K5  
RI: 7H3 0N1Y 7H1NG 1 C4N 7H1NK 0F 15 7H47 MY M3D1C1N3, Y0UR MU74710N5, 4ND 7H3 3XP05UR3 70 R4D104C71V3 011 M1X3D 1N Y0UR G3N371C5 1N70 50M3 BU115H17 CAC0PH0NY 7H47 137 Y0U 3XP31 011 1N 7H3 54M3 W4Y Y0U D0 1C3 4ND 7H3Y H4PP3N 70 M1X  
FR: huh  
FR: cool SHIT i GUESS  
FR: can BLOW shit UP now  
RI: BU7 W417  
RI: WHY 4R3 B451115K5 Y0UR B453 3N3MY?  
FR: were  
FR: were YOURS not?  
RI: 3V3RYB0DY 3153 H4D 1MP5  
FR: well  
FR: was NEVER much OF a FIGHTER before THIS  
FR: guess THE game WANTED to TOUGHEN me UP?  
FR: gave ME stronger GUYS so I’D be FORCED to LEVEL up?  
RI: M4K35 53N53  
RI: 1 H4V3 70 G0, G0774 PR0GR355 7HR0UGH 7H15 5TUP1D M4Z3

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] ceased trolling frozenRenegade [FR] 

You step into the elevator and ascend, deciding to be somebody else for a while. 

You are now Toorah, but a few minutes ago.

clinicallyExcavted [CE] began trolling demonicShieldsmith [DS]

CE: howdy neighbor  
DS: (Greetings, Toorah. How are you?)  
CE: good, good. have youu seen nirrak? hes not answering my messages.  
DS: (He is currently beside me. His computer was lost.)  
CE: oooooh  
CE: can youu ask him who is bringing me in? im bored  
DS: (I have been informed that it is my job. Shall we begin now?)  
CE: if youu have time!  
DS: (Nirrak has left. Shall we?)  
CE: time for adventuure!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyy! This was a fun chapter! Pawzle is in the game Toorah is coming, and other shenanigans are coming! Feel free to leave kudos, and tell me what you thought!


	20. Shenanigans 2: Electric Toorahloo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, all! I'm having a lot of fun writing this! Toorah's new weapon is one I've been looking forward to doing since chapter 1!

Chapter 20: Shenanigans 2: Electric Toorahloo

.  
.  
.  
Accelerating Straps  
.  
.  
.  
Obtaining Circular Fluids  
.  
.  
.  
Shedding Space Filters  
.  
.  
.  
Unwinding Couplings  
.  
.  
.  
Launching Manifestation Systems

DS: (I am able to see you now.)  
CE: eyyyy

You wave forward, hoping he can see it.

DS: (I recall Nirrak deploying machines.)  
CE: yuup! puut em down anywhere!

Your recuperacoon is jettisoned out of the window, landing in the toxic swamp outside, and replaced by an alchemiter. 

DS: (Apologies, I was sparse on floor space.)  
CE: its cool sweetie :)

Feeling the house vibrate you move to the next room, your meal block. The Totem Lathe has been placed down, taking up most of the space in the room and blocking your entryway.

CE: ey daemon kinda blocked down here

The Lathe is moved enough for you to enter the room and you do so, watching Daemon attempt to place the Cruxtruder down. However, as he drops it, Cang sprints into the room and tackles the machine, sending it, as well as herself, through the wall. You run to the hole, watching as both the machine and your lusus sink into the toxic swamp.

CE: OH DEAR  
DS: (That was an...odd reaction.)  
CE: DAEMON HELP HER

You look outside, however, as your sprite rises from the swamp. It is Cang, though the sprite is covered in goo, the same yellow color as her body.

Toorah: youure alive!

She writes messages on the wall with sprite powers, as opposed to speaking.

Cangergoosprite: Yes, child. I wished to save you from the machine, as I believed it would have crushed you.  
Toorah: well good, least youure alive  
Cangergoosprite: Not only alive, reborn! I know all of the things!  
Toorah: all of them?  
Cangergoosprite: ALL of them.  
Cangergoosprite: I know that you will be very important to the progression of this session.  
Toorah: in what way?  
Cangergoosprite: In a way that takes the story to a different ending than you might be expecting.  
Toorah: what do i do that is so important to the session?  
Cangergoosprite: It is more of what you don’t do.  
Toorah: that makes no sense  
Cangergoosprite: Exactly! The progression of this adventure cannot happen without you, just know that.  
Toorah: youu cant tell me what will happen?  
Cangergoosprite: Plenty of space in that pan of yours, isn’t there?  
Cangergoosprite: You must experience it for yourself!  
Toorah: dont need to insuult me  
Cangergoosprite: The point is, you will be more important to this story than almost anybody else, just...not in the way you are expecting.  
Toorah: i guuess ill keep that in mind, then  
Cangergoosprite: You may want to hurry up, your timer is running out.

You scramble to the Totem Lathe. Though you cannot see your timer anymore, it reads 00:05:32

You obtain your Cruxite Dowel, which has been pressed into the shape of a rib cage with recesses and levels. You smile and take it, along with your punched card, upstairs to your alchemiter.

Toorah: ok lets see

You push the card in and insert the dowel, the alchemiter scanning it and producing what will probably be the last entering item in this story. Probably. It is a treasure chest.

Toorah: easy enouugh

You open the chest. Or, at least you try to. It refuses to open, however. You stand up, puzzled. Looking at the chest, you find a paper note. You pick it up and read it.

“If you wish to find me treasure, follow the arrows of light.”

Looking behind you, a stream of yellow arrows lead you back into the kitchen. You follow them, eventually ending up outside. Across from you are the scorched remains of Daemon’s hive, which the arrows seem to be pointing to. One hangs above you and you curl your whip around it, swinging across the swamp and sliding down the crater, where a bright yellow key sits in the center.

00:02:15

You pick up the key, as well as another note.

“Yee have found my key. Please, use it wisely.” 

At your feet you see the white of a skull poking out of the dirt. You pull it out, bringing a body with you. It is a tall skeleton, missing several ribs and an arm. The skull wears a helmet like the top half of the head of a crocodile, but with horns poking from the sides, which go straight out for a few inches and then straight up. You captchalogue the helmet and bury the skeleton again.

Toorah: rest easy, old pirate.

You leave and head back to your room, swinging again across the arrows hanging above you. You eventually make it back to the alchemiter and push the key into the lock.

00:01:00

The treasure chest opens, revealing several gold coins which quickly disappear, taking you with them. Your hive reappears in a black void, as you had expected. You leave your room and walk through the door, soon being thrown backward. You swing your whip and catch a piece of your ceiling, hanging for a moment before finding that your assailant was an imp. You drop to the floor and whip it, causing the imp to put its arms up in defense. You expertly wrap your whip around the neck of the creature, swinging it toward yourself and into your knee, where is it destroyed.

Toorah: easy

Several more imps assault your personal space. You grab one by the neck with your whip and swing it like a wrecking ball at the others, knocking the group back. You jump into the air, choking the ensnared imp as you go, and throw it toward one of its friends, eliminating them both. You land, the imps already back on you. You lash one to your left, causing it to stagger backward. You repeat this motion in all directions, keeping the enemies away from you. They approach once more and you run to the side of the room, removing your laptop from your bone desk and wrapping your whip around the larger structure. A strong turn of your shoulder sends the desk flying at several of the imps, pinning them to the wall and destroying them. Two more face you and you hoist yourself into the air on the same roof beam as before. They attempt to reach up for you and you drop down, bringing your heels onto the tops of their heads and killing them. You climb two rungs on your Echeladder, attaining the rank of “Whip Van Winkle”. You decide to, as most have done during this period, switch to somebody else while you grind and wait for Daemon to build.

You are now Pawzle. You have recently risen several ranks on your Echeladder, including “Puzzle Cat”, “Lolcat Champion”, and “Furvent Puzzler”, among others. You are currently at the rank of “To the Tuna the Game”. You have felled many enemies and decided to do some alchemy. You have created several cards and dowels in anticipation of this.

You combine your Jacket and your Flashlight.

You got the Shining Armor!

Cost: 30 Quartz, 15 Rust, 1 Marble

This jacket is similar to your old one, but with an outer layer of flexible glass. With a push of a button on the inside you can illuminate your body. Probably a fire hazard, but you really don’t care.

You combine your Shuriken Puzzle and your Yarn Ball.

You got the Rope Dart Puzzle!

Cost: 100 Shale, 15 Chalk, 10 Amber.

This puzzle remains the same while unassembled. However, when you complete the puzzle your Shuriken will now be on a string of some sort for use as a Rope Dart. You keep your original puzzle just in case, however.

You combine your Laptop with your Tuna Can.

You got the iPrawn!

Cost: 50 Grist, 100 Shale, 10 Cobalt.

This tuna can bends over your eyes with a hands free computer screen on the inside, the lid attaching to your ear. Convenient for chatting with your friends, and providing a low fat, high protein meal on the go.

You combine your Ball of Yarn and your Laptop.

???

Cost: 1000,000,000,000 ???, 60,000 ???, 100, 000 ??? 1 Iodine.

Excuse me? EXCUSE ME? What piece of absolute garbage could possibly hope to merit this much grist? Even an endgame item isn’t this much! What would this even make, a super thin computer? A case for your laptop? Fuck you! You disregard this absurb item and finish your alchemy for now.

You walk away from the alchemiter and admire your new gear for a moment before, in a sickeningly familiar turn, two shale ogres climb up the side of your hive, attempting an attack. You prepare for combat, brandishing ten puzzle pieces between your fingers. An ogre jumps, slamming its fists down on the ground around you and destroying the roof area, sending you flying upward. You throw a puzzle piece, landing it in a nearby ogre as you fall down. You reach the next level of your hive and grab the ogre’s goat horn, swinging onto the back of its head. You grab your puzzle piece from its forehead and begin to assemble the puzzle on the back of its head. It reaches for you but cannot find your small body. It turns around and yells something at its friend, who snaps at you with its new crab claws. It grabs you and you just barely manage to bring the puzzle with you. Its claw shuts, but you jam your large shuriken between it, wedging it open enough for you to jump down, landing on the ground with a chain in your hand. You pull the chain, ripping through the monster’s claw and bringing your shuriken down to you. The monster screams, holding its damaged claw and the other ogre grabs you with normal hands, putting immense pressure on your body. You yell, flicking your wrist and bringing your shuriken up to you. You remove the chain and weakly toss the shuriken, a small tornado still forming. It sucks the injured ogre in, slamming its mass into the one holding you, setting you free and causing you to fly off of the cliff. You swing your chain, wrapping it around the leg of the fist ogre. You hang off of the cliff a moment before the ogre kicks its leg forward, sending you flying into a pillar across from it, near your shuriken. You grab your weapon and roll out of the way of a punch, throwing the weapon forward. It flies at the claw ogre, sucking it into the tornado and flying in a spring pattern, making large cuts all over the body of the enemy, obliterating it. The remaining ogre throws a large rock at you, which you knee slide under in order to grab your shuriken again. The ogre punches the ground near you, flipping you into the air. You fly high into the air and hold your shuriken vertically in front of you, spinning like a buzz saw as you fall. The ogre brings its arms up to block your hit but is ineffective as you fall, cleaving through the monster’s entire body and killing it. Your shuriken transforms back into puzzle pieces and you collect the immense load of grist. You rise several rungs one your Echeladder, attaining the rank of “Laytont Talent”. 

You look up, the first gate growing ever closer, and decide to be Toorah again, as some imps are approaching.

You are now Toorah again, and you have received some messages from your friends. During your time as Pawzle, you have killed several dozen enemies, and leveled up six times. Your current ranking is “Indiana PWNS”. 

urselasTentacle [UT] began trolling clinicallyExcavted [CE]

UT: ey T i wanted t0 give ya ?0mething bef0re i f0rget  
UT: ?0me dumbba?? I killed dr0pped it  
UT: W4PUU55H  
UT: a? thank? f0r the ?peaker pearlier  
CE: thanks! what is it?  
UT: find 0ut ;)  
UT: like pr0n0unced fin  
UT: with a d  
UT: pun  
CE: gonna make only the most premiuum of loot with it ;)  
UT: haha ?weet  
UT: i’m kinda b0red  
UT: waitin t0 meet up with pawzle  
CE: hey, cruucia?  
UT: hm?  
CE: when youu see pawzle, maybe be..  
CE: uunderstanding?  
UT: huh?  
UT: n0t like i never ?een her bef0re  
CE: its juust  
CE: nevermind, i shouuldnt talk abouut it  
UT: what, ?he g0t tw0 head? n0w 0r ?0mefin?  
CE: its juust a thing shes been worried about  
CE: not important  
CE: juust be gentle  
UT: gentle ;)  
CE: not like that  
CE: well maybe  
CE: duunno what she likes  
CE: thats not the point  
CE: juust be prepared  
UT: f0r what th0ugh?  
CE: its a mysteryyyyyy  
UT: c’m0n T  
CE: mysterrrryyyyyyy  
clinicallyExcavted [CE] ceased trolling urselasTentacle [UT]

frozenRenegade [FR] began trollling clinicallyExcavted [CE]

FR: ey T i GOT somethin FOR ya  
CE: ooooh presents all day today  
CE: what is it?  
FR: G11NN777  
FR: i UH  
FR: acquired IT on MY planet  
CE: youu stole it didnt youu?  
FR: maybe  
CE: thats sweet :)  
FR: haha IT was NOTHIN  
FR: just THOUGHT you’d LIKE it  
FR: cuz YOU like TREASURE and SHIT  
CE: thanks :)  
CE: its really nice that youud risk youur safety to steal something for me  
CE: buut maybe avoid doing that  
CE: pissing off npcs is uusuually a bad idea  
FR: t I don’t NEED to KNOW about YOUR npc  
FR: girl STUFF, you KNOW?  
CE: thats  
CE: thats not  
CE: what that means  
FR: i GOT arrested BY something WITH a NAME like THAT  
CE: sweetie npc is non playable character  
CE: the little lizards on youur planet are npcs  
FR: oooh LIKE the KING guy  
FR: he WAS cool AS shit  
FR: gonna GO see HIM again SOME time  
FR: have SOME squackbeast  
FR: take YOU guys TO meet HIM  
CE: sounds great!  
FR: think I’M gonna MAYBE go BACK there AND explore MORE  
FR: see WHAT i CAN find  
CE: ok, seeya later!

frozenRenegade [FR] ceased trollling clinicallyExcavted [CE]

You sigh. You really do love the guy, but sometimes he is...difficult to get through to. You punch all of your cards and make plenty of lathes, preparing to do some alchemy. You approach your alchemiter, in order to make only the most premium of loot.

You type in the code Crucia gave you. 

You got the Chain Whip!

Cost: 100 Grist, 50 Cobalt, 25 Marble.

This length of chain is light and deadly, making for an effective whip. You replace your initial whip with this one, as it is probably better. 

You enter the code Kalten gave you.

You got the Jewel Piece!

Cost: 50 Grist.

Oddly expensive for something so tiny, this piece of jewel was stolen from LOSAC by Kalten during his first visit to the planet. The material it is made from is unknown, though it is likely diamond.

You combine your Gold Coins and your Laptop.

You got the Coinputer!

Cost: 120 Grist, 50 Gold

This string of coins stretches over your eye to form a computer screen, holding onto your ear for support. It is an effective, hands free computer, and will sell for a pretty penny. 

You combine your Pirate Helmet and your Gold Coins.

You got the Helm O’ Hook!

Cost: 150 Grist, 100 Gold, 10 Marble.

This Aligator-Bull-Hat thing is the same as before, though now covered in gold. You don the helmet, the snout stretching several inches past your face. You think it looks pretty cool, personally.

You combine your Ancient Ribcage and your Gold Coins.

You got the Golden Ribitars!

Cost: 125 Grist, 45 Gold, 5 Chalk

These golden ribs are tough and durable, able to take many strikes and keep going. You decide to fasten them to the outside of your shirt, making for a sweet second pair of ribs to protect your torso. 

You combine your Leather Whip with your Tongue Jar.

You got the Lick Lash!

Cost: 25 Grist, 10 Chalk, 5 Cobalt.

You’ve seen enough anime to know where this is going. This seven foot tongue stems from the handle of your whip and makes for an effective weapon. It is also effective for something else you’d rather not think about at the moment. 

You combine your Girl's Best Friend and your Chain Whip.

You got the Silver Tongue!

Cost: 120 Grist, 30 Cobalt, 10 Iodine.

This tongue is now strewn with metal spikes, making for a more effective whip which can can you get out of tough situations.

You combine your Jewel Piece and your Silver Tongue.

You got the Girl's Best Friend!

Cost: 600 Grist, 80 Cobalt, 50 Amethyst, 61 Iodine.

This seven foot tongue is now strewn through with inch and a half jewel spikes, as well as smaller metal ones. It is an effective whip, able to easily slice through most things in your way. 

Very satisfied with your alchemy, you step away from the machine and...don’t see any ogres. Huh. This is usually the time when you fight ogres as sort of a test of power after grinding and getting new equipment. Weird. Regardless, you travel to your roof, where Daemon has nearly finished your first gate.

clinicallyExcavted [CE] began trolling demonicShieldsmith [DS]

CE: progress looks good!  
DS: (We are well on our way to reaching your first gate.)  
DS: (Though I question the lack of enemies in your area.)  
CE: yeah, uusuually this is the time id face ogres or something  
CE: daemon are youu there?  
DS: (Apologies, I heard Nirrak yelling.)  
CE: is he ok??  
DS: (Yes, I believe he was engaged in an argument.)  
DS: (He has revealed some information of which I was unaware.)  
CE: ooo gossip  
DS: (I cannot reveal the nature of this information. My mere mentioning of it is an issue.)  
CE: come on, its just us  
DS: (I am bound by my honor as a warrior to uphold the secrets of my comrades.)  
CE: telll meeee  
DS: (Pardon, but what is that behind you?)  
CE: where?

demonicShieldsmith [DS] ceased trolling clinicallyExcavted [CE]

That little shit! You stick your tongue out at him and jump up as you are alerted to heavy vibrations around you. An ogre climbs its way into your view and you take out your new whip, giggling slightly at how ridiculous it is. You crack your whip and the ogre backs up slightly, but quickly regains its composure and jumps into the air, flying above you with giant dragon wings. You jump and grab its leg with your whip, the new spikes allowing you to hang on with ease. It flies violently, attempting to shake you off to no avail. You eventually land back on the roof and the ogre sprays hot flames from its mouth. You dodge to avoid the attack and charge toward the enemy. It attempts a grab at you with a giant crab claw and you allow it to take you by the torso, leaving your arms free. It brings you close to its face and you lash it in the eyeball. It roars, though you give no reaction, and drops you. You fling your whip, wrapping it around the neck of the monster. Using the most strength you can muster you swing onto its back and swing as if in a judo throw. The ogre flies off of the edge of the hive and you go with it, though you manage to keep yourself on the roof with your legs. The ogre hangs by its neck, choking and eventually stops struggling. With the assistance of Cangergoosprite you flip the ogre back onto the roof and slam its back onto the concrete, expelling the monster. You collect the grist and rise up your echeladder, attaining the rank of “Whipper Snipper”. You do a small victory dance and return to your room, waiting for Daemon to finish the final levels of the hive. For now you decide to be somebody else.

You are now Nirrak. You have ascended the elevator and found yourself in a large, dark room. 

“You have now arrived in the testing facility. Here we will test your ability to function under pressure.”

Nirrak: WHY 4R3 Y0U 3V3N D01NG 7H15?  
Nirrak: 1’M N07H1NG 5P3C141  
Nirrak: 7H3 B00K 701D M3 7H3 PE0P13 0N 7H353 P14N375 4R3N’7 V3RY 5M4R7, H0W D0 Y0U H4V3 0RG4N153D 3V3N75 4ND 73CHN010GY 11K3 7H15?

“That is one of many questions we can answer at the end of this particular test. This planet has many elevators like the one you saw, and you will be able to visit all of them if you so please. You happened to choose this one, as any who enter this planet can, and we adapted the tests to your specific weaknesses in order to see how you handle them. Please step forward to advance through this test. Every time you pass a test you will be given a reward, until you eventually reach the end of this particular one. At the end, you will have the chance to ask three questions, and you will be given a Return Node to go back to your hive.”

Nirrak: 7H15 15 BU115H17

“Maybe so, but it is needed for you to grow and develop. In fact, we would advise all of your friends to do the same. The tests will be catered to the one taking them no matter what.”

You flip off the general area and turn backward, the elevator door closing as you try to step in. Had it not been for your armor it likely would have broken your arm. 

“We will give you one chance to remove your arm. If you do not comply we will close the door and rip through anything stuck between it.”

You grumble and the doors open slightly. You remove your arm and walk back into the room. Soon three columns of light appear before you, playing out scenes. To your left, a scene plays out of You and Daemon. You are in an unfamiliar hive together and it is clear that you are in love. Several small grubs run around with you; adopted, you assume, as it typically falls on a lusus to care for a grub. In the middlemost column you find the scene of the machine explosion that took your leg. To your right is a scene of Daemon being killed by an unknown enemy as you stand, making no attempt to help him; you are clearly terrified.

“You have a choice, Nirrak. Three scenes play before you. One is a future you would like to live in. One has already happened and you can go back and prevent it. The other could potentially happen, but you have the power to stop it. Which do you choose?”

Nirrak: 7H15 15 BU115H17  
Nirrak: 411 7HR33 0F 7H353 7H1NG5 H4V3 7H3 P073N7141 70 H4PP3N 1N MY 71M311NE  
Nirrak: WHY W0U1D 1 1N73RF3R3 WH3N 7HEY C0U1D 411 H4PP3N 70 M3 4NYW4Y?

“An interesting answer. Most choose to prevent the traumatic experience.”

Nirrak: 45 MUCH 45 1 H473 70 4DM17 17, 7H15 13G 15 WH47 H45 K3P7 M3 411V3 7HR0UGH 4 107 0F D4NG3R

“Your reward.”

A pink light appears before you, carrying what appears to me an ammunition cartridge. You plug it into your gun and the energy inside turns from green to black.

“Your gun is stronger now.”

A door opens nearby, and you walk to it.

“Only a few more tests to go.”

You ascend another elevator, though this one has a drink dispenser on the side, as well as some coins. You insert two coins and it produces a generic purple drink. You open it and take an experimental sip. It tastes like artificial grape flavor. This is your favourite drink flavor, so you down the entire can. The door opens and you walk into the new room. All you can see is a carnival-style shooting game at the far end of the black room.

“The rules are simple. This is to test your affinity with your weapon. Knock down seven ducks to win. Good luck.” 

You move forward, bumping into an invisible wall. 

“Did I mention you have to get there first?”

You kick the wall in front of you to no effect. 

Nirrak: FUCK

You are alerted to the sound of something large moving in the room. You move forward through the invisible maze and the sounds become closer. Looking through the wall, you spot a jet black creature moving in the same direction you are. You run, bumping into walls as you go. Before you realize what is happening you are slammed from the back, flying forward into a wall. You stand up and fire a shot behind you, which reflects off of the surface of the monster and flies into the ceiling above you, where it further bounces and hits just shy of the carnival stand. You are grabbed and thrown into the air by the new monster, where you fire a shot over the wall and hit a sole duck.

“Six”. 

You fall and land your heel on the monster’s head, causing it to freeze a moment. You run around a corner, waiting for the monster to run toward you. You hit its head with a shot, reflecting it upward and off of the roof, hitting another duck. 

“Five.”

The monster jumps over you and you fire a shot at its backside, where it reflects to the left and blows up another duck.

“Four.” 

It charges back toward you and you hit its chin with a swan kick. It falls onto its back and you jump, firing a shot at the right side of the stomach. It bounces back at you and you spin kick it, sending the shot into a duck.

“Three”. 

You land precariously on the edge of the invisible walls, firing shots at the stand until you are knocked off of your perch by the monster hitting the wall. You fall and the monster grabs your leg in its mouth, flailing you around wildly. You fire a steady stream into its head, seeming to only buffet the monster. It throws you away and you manage a shot at the stand, hitting another duck.

“Two”.

You fall with a thud, hitting the middle of your back on the top of the wall, causing you to cough some blood. You spit it out and try to see the monster. You hear it scuffling nearby and fire a shot near it. It charges toward you and knocks you down again. You bring your heel down on its head and it flinches, giving you enough time to fire a shot at its back, which flies into the ceiling and into another duck.

“One”.

You quickly skip across the tops of the wall, outrunning the monster and eventually reaching the circus stand. You place a powerful kick into the side of the final duck. You hear a yell and the monster seems to disappear. You rise three rungs on your Echeladder, attaining the rank of “GLaDOS Aint Got SHIT”.

“Congratulations, Nirrak. You have defeated the Mirror Beast.”

Nirrak: FUCKE3R W0U1DN’7 G0 D0WN

“No amount of damage would have felled that enemy. Your prize.”

A pink light heals your injuries and at your feet is a Boonbuck. You collect it and move into the elevator. You ascend, this one also supplying free drinks. You push another random button and produce an orange beverage. You drink it and continue into the next room. 

“This is your final test; your skill in your trade. You must simply build something.”

Nirrak: R3411Y?  
Nirrak: N0 C47CH?  
Nirrak: N0 UNK1114B13 M0N573R?

“Simply build something with the parts we have provided you.”

In front of you are several tools and a pile of spare parts. You sit down and pick several small pieces of metal out of the pile, fitting them together. After several minutes you hold up what appears to be a metal arm, with three flexing fingers.

Nirrak: 17’5 4N 4RM  
Nirrak: BU117 MY 13G MY531F 700

“Congratulations, you have passed every test. You’ve not let us break your mental fortitude. You’ve proven your physical and combat capabilities. You have proven your worth in your trade. Your reward.” 

You climb a rung on your Echeladder, attaining the rank of “A Chell of a Long Way to Go”.

“You may now ask any three questions, and you will be answered accurately and honestly.”

Nirrak: 0K F1R57 7H3 FUCK 0F 411  
Nirrak: D43M0N H4D 7H3 11CH 70UN4M3N7, 1 H4D 7H15, K4173N H4D 7H47 11Z4RD K1NG  
Nirrak: 7H3 B00K 541D 7H15 G4M3 D035N’7 H4V3 7H47 57UFF  
Nirrak: 4DV4NC3D 41 73CH, 741K1NG 3N3M135  
Nirrak: WHY D035 0UR 535510N H4V3 7H47?

“Your session is quite special, Mr. Allmax. You know the history of your planet, correct?”

Nirrak: 4 GR0UP 0F H3R035 CR3473D U5 1N 4NC13N7 71M35  
Nirrak: 7H37 M4D3 4 HUG3 GR0UP 0F N3W 7R0115 4ND 53N7 U5 B4CK 7HR0UGH 71M3 4ND 5P4C3  
Nirrak: 7H47 W45 M4NY G3N3R4710N5 4G0  
Nirrak: 0UR 4NC3570R5 14ND3D 0N 7H1S P4R71CU14R P14N37 4ND GR3W UP W17H 7H31R 1U51  
Nirrak: 3V3N7U411Y W3 W3R3 B0RN, 1 F0UND 7H3 G4M3 4ND 7H3 B00K, 4ND N0W W3’R3 H3R3

“All correct. This group, however, was composed of both trolls and another species; humans. The groups played their respective games, created a new universe, and moved there. They created a large group of trolls and scattered them across time and space in the new universe. Six of those trolls were the ancestors to you and your friends. What you do not know, however, is that that group had two coders amongst their ranks. However, neither of them were very good at it. They, along with a smarter friend, tampered with their SBURB disc, and advanced the game. They made it more challenging, and with more advanced capabilities, while keeping the core of it relatively the same. Amongst their group was a very powerful Space player. She put these new discs into a time pod, along with her friend’s manual, in the hope that future generations would play it, and they ended up in this planet’s capsule. Eventually you found the disc and her manual and that is where we currently sit. Your planet is host to several other sessions at the moment.”

“-currently sit”

Nirrak: Y0U 541D 7H47 7W1C3

“Said what twice?”

“-what twice?”

Nirrak: Y0U K33P R3P3471NG W0RD5

“I do not believe so.”

“-believe so”.

You look around, the room blipping in and out of reality. You close your eyes a moment, soon finding yourself in front of what appears to be another you, currently yelling at the elevator. You stare at each other a moment.

Nirrak: WH47 7H3 FUCK  
Nirrak: 7H47’5 WH47 1’M 54Y1NG 700  
Nirrak: 0K H01D 0N  
Nirrak: D1D 1 JU57  
Nirrak: H4V3 Y0U G0N3 1N70 7H3 313V470R Y37?  
Nirrak: N0, 7H3 B17CH 15 M0CK1NG M3  
Nirrak: 0K D0 7H47 BU7  
Nirrak: 1 7H1NK 1 JU57 7R4V313D B4CK 1N 71M3  
Nirrak: H0W 7H3 FUCK  
Nirrak: 1 D0N’7 KN0W, D1P5H17  
Nirrak: H0LD 0N  
AlphaNirrak: 7H47’5 B3773R  
BetaNirrak: MUCH  
AlphaNirrak: 1 7H1NK 1 C4N 71M3 TR4V31 N0W  
BetaNirrak: FUCK Y34H 1’M G0NN4 71M3 TR4V31  
AlphaNirrak: R3M3MB3R, 7H0UGH  
AlphaNirrak: W17H GR347 P0W3R C0M35 GR347 R35P0N51B1117Y  
AlphaNirrak: 41W4Y5 W4N73D 70 FUCK1NG 54Y 7H47  
BetaNirrak: H0W 7H3 H311 D0 Y0U G37 B4CK, 7H3N? 1 H4V3 5H17 70 D0  
AlphaNirrak: 1 D0N’7 KN0W 455N0ZZ13 1’M 7RY1NG

You close your eyes and flex, appearing in the question room again.

“-believe so.”

Nirrak: 0K 50 1 GU355 1 C4N 71M3 TR4V31  
Nirrak: NE47

“It would seem you have tapped into the power of your aspect. This is a surprise, you have done it quicker than most.”

Nirrak: WH47 15 4N 45P3C7?  
Nirrak: 5H17 1 U533D 4 QU35710N  
Nirrak: WH473V3R 1 H4V3 N07H1NG 13F7 70 45K.

“Classes and Aspects are something given to every player. They embody who you are, and while there are set rules for them, they are generally tailored to the person. They allow you to unlock extraordinary powers if you work toward them. Depending on your Class, you can bend the powers of your Aspect to your will. You, Nirrak, are a Time player. The Seer of Time, to be exact. A rare combination. This means you have the power to move through and control time, the latter only to a certain extent. If you work and practice you can move backward and forward in time, as you just did, and change things, which will affect your timeline. You are in charge of making sure the Alpha timeline stays on course. Time players are needed for a session to be successful.”

Nirrak: 50 1 C4N JU57

You disappear in a flash of light, reappearing in a familiar spot about a week ago. You spot yourself from this time, moving toward a temple a mile or so out from Toorah’s hive. She asked you to visit it that day, as she was busy and the time capsule was going to bloom. This temple has always intrigued you both, as it is enormous, and bears the head of a frog. Inside the bulb of the time capsule has finally bloomed, revealing an enormous book. The younger you picks up the book, on top of which is a game disc. He looks for a note explaining what the game is, but no such thing has been included. He opens the book, finding it is essentially an instruction manual.

Sburb Beta Walkthrough  
Version 1.0, April 13, 2009  
By tentacleTherapist

=============================== TABLE OF CONTENTS ===============================

1\. Caveats and Condolences........................... [0000]  
2\. Walkthrough (Incomplete).......................... [A000]  
2.1. An Examination of the Basics.................... [A000]  
2.2. So your cruxtruder is ticking. Do this to live.. [A100]  
2.3. The Long and Short. The Medium too.............. [B100]  
some stuff about captcha codes and punch card alchemy [Z001]  
C. Appendix 3 -- Screen Captures, pt. 1.............. [Z301]  
?. Rose: Egress...................................... [ZZZZ]

==================================================================================  
[0000] Caveats and Condolences  
==================================================================================

I'd be inclined to dispense with the trite even under less pressing circumstances.  
Needless to say I'll forego the inscrutable ASCII banner which typically heralds  
the striking freefall of these documents. I'll also resist the urge to brandish any  
copyright marks, or the particular neurosis that concerns itself with the theft of  
the utterly mundane -- I'll allow other deranged prospectors to stake claims on  
their worthless plots as the woods burn around them. My introduction will be  
sparse. There will be no majestic prose blustering into the sails of a galleon as  
we embark on this voyage together. Nor will there be any hamfisted prose whipping  
its limbs under a bedsheet like a retarded ghost, for that matter. I won't set the  
stage, or dim the lights. The mood, you will see, will be set soon enough.

He closes the book, thoroughly interested, and flies home on top of Neart. This, you knew, would be the beginning of your current adventure. You zap back into the question room.

“You have one more question, Mr. Allmax.”

Nirrak: 0K H01D 0N  
Nirrak: WH47  
Nirrak: W111 W3 B3 4B13 70 C0MP1373 7H3 G4M3 W17H0U7 7H3 M4NU41?

“It is a simple answer, I’ve no need for a flashy explanation. While Ms. Lalonde’s manual was certainly helpful, it was never needed. All players will eventually figure their way through the game, or die trying. Your group did have an advantage over others with the manual, yes, but now that it is gone you should have no issue finishing your adventure. At least, no issue in figuring out where to go. I cannot say what issues may halt your progress, but the manual would be no use in any of those situations.”

Nirrak: HUH  
Nirrak: 0K, 1 GU355

“You have used your questions. You may now return to your hive and enter the planet again if you wish. Feel free to invite your friends, or even take another elevator yourself, these tests are a wonderful way to get stronger.”

Nirrak: 1 W0U1DN’7 G37 Y0UR H0P35 UP

“Have a nice day.”

A return node appears before you. You jump into it, appearing back in your hive. You decide to do a little bit of alchemy before returning to your planet. You make short work of an ogre in a fight that was the same as every other ogre battle, climbing another rung on your Echeladder and attaining the rank of “Trail Laser”. You make a Cruxite Dowel and approach your alchemiter, having only one idea at the moment. 

You combine your Upgraded Nurse N’ Hearse and your Pumpkin.

You got the Nightmare Before Gristmas!

Cost: 200 Grist, 150 Cobalt, 55 Marble, 20 Gold.

This gun now has decorative bat wings on either side of the butt, and the transparent ammo chamber in the middle of the long weapon is black on the inside, with pumpkin seeds floating. This gun will now fire laser shots and pumpkin seeds at the same time. You decide this is an upgrade and keep it, though you will likely replace it as soon as you get something marginally better. You make your way back to where you and Daemon parted ways and decide to be somebody else for a while. 

You are now Pawzle again, and you are preparing to enter your first ring. You have recently felled another ogre, climbing a rung on your Echeladder and reaching the rank of “Ace Venpurra”. You complete your puzzle and summon your chain shuriken, throwing it and hooking the shuriken around the ring. This move, however, is complete bullshit. You climb the chain and zap through, taking the weapon with you.

You are now Toorah, and your situation is much of the same. Your home is very close to the ring and you simply jump through. You are both transported to your planets. However, instead of exploring, you decide to end the chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think? Was this chapter too long? Let me know in the comments, and feel free to leave kudos!


	21. The Journal's Final Entry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everybody! I like this chapter a lot, it was fun to write. I know I always say that but it's true. This story is a real experience for me as an aspiring writer. Hope you like it!

Chapter 21: The Journal’s Final Entry

You are now Pawzle. You have landed in a small area outside of an enormous brick building. A wooden sign sits outside, though it is in shambles. You reassemble the pieces, finding that it says “Welcome to the Land Of Puzzles and Walnuts! Adventure at your own risk.”

Looking around, the ground has several trees, each with large walnuts hanging down. The entire world is more or less in a shade of walnut brown, like the beginning of the Wizard of Oz. Not that you know what that is. You enter the brick building, walking down a long hallway until you come across a room. The building resembles the inside of a pyramid. The room you have found contains four statues, all in different corners of the room and with swords embedded in their chests, a window emitting a stream of yellow light, and a door with a small jewel. Classic light puzzle. You push a statue into the middle of the room, allowing you to turn the light in whichever direction you wish. You direct it into the hands of another statue, which you move to and direct to the one in the opposite corner. The final statue is moved into the view of the last one mentioned, and directs the light into the jewel in the door. The statues glow with a red light and begin to move on their own. They draw the blades from their chests and attack you. You dodge around one, striking it with your fist, which carries puzzle pieces like spikes. You barely scratch the surface of the stone and suffer a blow from a sword to your back. Your jacket absorbs the damage and you jump away, landing in front of another statue. In swings its weapon down, which you block with puzzle pieces. It puts pressure down on your arms and you are bent down, the statue’s power overwhelming your own. You hiss at the statue to no avail and it pushes you to the floor. It raises its arm for another strike and you roll away, throwing a puzzle piece at the jewel eye of the statue. The attacker merely stands a moment, baffled at your attempt to damage it, and comes back toward you. All four encircle you, swinging swords downward. You slide through an opening diagonally, though you suffer a slash to your shoulder. A particularly quick statue grabs you by the braid of your hair and lifts you into the air, pointing his sword at you. It opens its mouth and begins to speak.

“Was dis bloke?” It asks in an accent you have never heard before. “Pretty one, wiv ‘er ‘air like that.” It is the accent you might think a british street thug would have.

The others laugh and you form a plan, slowly putting your hands behind your back and into your jacket. 

Pawzle: hEy thErE, i’m PawZLE!

You smile cutely.

“Oh yeah? And wot you think yeer doin in our place, ey? Comin and movin us all around like that?”

You display large, adorable eyes, as you begin to carefully assemble your puzzle behind your back. 

Pawzle: oh i’m vEry sorry sir. i guEss i got cUrioUs is aLL.

“Wot should we do wiv ‘er, ey?”

The others join in the conversation.

“Kill ‘er”

“C’mon Tim, all she did was move us a bit, no need to be like that about it.”

Pawzle: how aboUt this?  
Pawzle: i kiss yoUr EyE bEttEr and wE forgEt this EvEr happEnEd?

“Now that sounds laik a plan, ey boys?”

“Sure, fine. Kinda wanted to kill ‘er, though.”

“Wot’s wiv the attitude today, Tim?”

“Sorry, little upset ‘cuz oh the intruder.”

Pawzle: how aboUt yoU lEt mE down first?

The statue drops you and you hit the floor, making sure to keep your hands behind your back, still assembling the puzzle by memory. 

Pawzle: lEt’s rEmovE that PawfUL thing from yoUr EyE now

The statue bends down and you take one hand from your jacket, gently removing the puzzle piece from its eye and returning your hand behind you.

Pawzle: now fUUr yoUr kissy :3

The statues laugh and you deliver an upward kick to the chin of the one in front of you, causing it to reel back. You jump up, flinging your chain shuriken and wrapping the three of them up in the chain. You pull it tight and bring them toward you.

Pawzle: now tELL mE how to advancE or i’LL kiLL youu

“Aint nuttin you can do to make us talk, dove.”

You deliver a powerful punch to the face of the one that said it, cracking the stone of its cheek and hurting your hand. 

Pawzle: i can rip throUgh yoU in onE PULL of this chain

“Alright alright, just block out the light from the window.” 

Pawzle: if i LEt mEw go arE yoU going to attack mEw again?

“No no, you’ve beaten us.”

You skeptically release the chain and solve a small modus puzzle, which allows you to place your spare jacket across the window, blocking out most of the light. The door opens and you walk through. On the way out you stick your tongue out at the statues and the door shuts behind you. The game rewards you with experience despite you not defeating the enemies, and you climb another rung on your Echeladder, attaining the rank of “Bandsaw Puzzle”. The area you enter is dark so you press the button in your jacket, illuminating the area to an extent. The area is filled with hallways, which seem to wind and crossover. A maze. You place your hand on the wall and walk forward, knowing the trick to any maze is sticking to one wall. You walk for several minutes before eventually finding a door, which you, of course, walk through. 

You find yourself in a dark room, your jacket doing little to break the low visibility. You would almost say it is advanced darkness. A table rises in front of you and you are faced by a mirror image of yourself. 

Elzwap: greetIngS, ShAll we plAy?  
Pawzle: pLay what?

A checkers set appears before you, and you are on the red side.

Elzwap: you mAy hAve the firSt move.  
Pawzle: okiE :3

You move a piece forward (A non-specific piece. This is likely because of a lazy writer, but you do not question it).

Elzwap moves the same piece forward, matching your move.

Elzwap: tell, hoW do you vIeW your frIends?  
Pawzle: my friends? i lovE thEm PawLL!  
Elzwap: one you pAWrtIculArly lIke, Am I correct?

You move another piece, Elzwap mirroring your move again.

Pawzle: what do yoU mEan?  
Elzwap: I meAn you Are In love.  
Pawzle: what? Pawffft, no.  
Elzwap: reAlly? JuSt becAuSe I’m A clone doeSn’t meAn I cAn’t See the truth  
Pawzle: can wE not taLk aboUt fEELings right now, swEEtiE?  
Elzwap: pAWtever you wAnt, deAr

You move one of the middlemost pieces, again mirrored by your opponent. 

Elzwap: you think crucIA IS pretty  
Pawzle: and?  
Elzwap: And you wAnt to Smooch her  
Pawzle: PawLEasE don’t do this  
Elzwap: why? I JuSt want to Get to know you better 3:  
Pawzle: fEELings arE hard  
Pawzle: somE PawPLE woULd say i’m “EmotionaLLy immatUrE”  
Elzwap: thAt’S why I’m here

You skip over your opponent’s piece, claiming it.

Pawzle: bUt why?  
Elzwap: dunno  
Elzwap: I thInk the gAme WantS me to help you Get In touch wIth your emotIonS  
Pawzle: *LE siiigh*  
Pawzle: wELL yEah, i do kinda LikE crUcia  
Pawzle: shE’s nicE to ME  
Pawzle: and wE gEt aLong  
Pawzle: i know shE’s mEan to oUr friends somEtimEs  
Pawzle: bUt i likE hEr a Lot  
Elzwap: but you feel lIke She Won’t lIke your blood color

You move a previously untouched piece forward, which is claimed by your opponent. 

Pawzle: wELL yEah, shE’s royaLty  
Pawzle: i’m afraid shE’LL sEE my EyEs and LEavE  
Pawzle: i know shE LovEs mE too  
Pawzle: bUt i don’t know if shE is UndErstanding EnoUgh as a PErson to stay with a LowbLood LikE mE

During the period you spoke several pieces have been claimed. 

Elzwap: Well, WhAt About you?  
Elzwap: Are you reAdy for the preSSure of lIvIng wIth royAlty?  
Pawzle: oh  
Pawzle: gUEss i nEvEr thoUght aboUt that  
Pawzle: i gUEss bEing a PrincEss woULd bE cooL  
Elzwap: exActly  
Elzwap: you Are a Good pAWson, pAWzle.  
Elzwap: I thInk If She hAs Any IdeA whAt IS good for her She wIll stAy  
Pawzle: yEah, maybE yoU’rE right  
Elzwap: A troll like her wIll eventuAlly slip up, And do Something thAt ruins her friendShipS  
Elzwap: And when she doeS, She wIll rely on you to stAy  
Elzwap: And you wIll hAve to decIde whAt to do  
Elzwap: StAy wIth your frIends  
Elzwap: or your love  
Elzwap: whIch do you thInk you’ll chooSe?

Only four pieces remain on the board.

Pawzle: that  
Pawzle: that’s a hard quEstion  
Pawzle: i gUEss it dEPawnds on thE thing  
Pawzle: did shE jUst insULt somEbody too mUch?  
Pawzle: did shE kiLL somEbody?  
Pawzle: i think it’s a sitUationaL qUEstion  
Elzwap: She doeS love you, you knoW

The final piece is captured, winning you the game. Your opponent stands up, giving a bow.

Elzwap: it SeemS i muSt go  
Pawzle: whErE? i LikE yoU :3  
Elzwap: hAhA  
Elzwap: i’m AfrAId we won’t meet AgAIn  
Pawzle: 3:  
Elzwap: I bId thee fArewell

She disappears in a flash of light and the door on the room’s opposite side opens. The game rewards you with experience, pushing you another level on your Echeladder. You attain the rank of “Wizard of Paws”.

Pawzle:...which woULd i choosE?

You proceed through the door, finding yourself in a very large room with a treasure chest in the middle, illuminated by a spotlight.

Pawzle: wELL that’s a trap

You explore the room further, finding a door at the end. You pull, push, and lift it with everything you have but it does not budge. You stand back, assembling your puzzle and throwing your shuriken at it with full force. It barely makes a scratch on the door and you change your weapon back, looking at the treasure chest behind you and sighing.

Pawzle: it’s gonna bE a monstEr

You arm yourself with puzzle pieces and open the chest. Inside is a boonbuck, which you collect. You stand a moment, wondering where the monster is. After several minutes with no monster you continue forward, reaching the door. It still, however, does not open. Turning around, an enormous, cartoonish skeleton drops from above. A new type of boss, it would seem.

It releases an enormous roar, knocking you back several feet. You quickly regain your footing and it spits a fireball in your direction. You jump over it, landing on the foot of the monster. You climb up and it begins to shake you off. You hold firm, reaching the ribcage before it reaches inside of itself and grabs you. You, however, hold your arms out and dig puzzle pieces into its finger and palm, keeping the hand open. It grabs you with its other hand, raising you up to its face. It brings your head into its mouth and loosens its grip slightly, allowing you to jump out of its grasp and hang onto the spine in front of you before it bites down. You begin to assemble your puzzle in your hands before you are grabbed and thrown roughly to the floor. You cough as you hit the ground, having to quickly roll out of the way in order to avoid a stomp. The skeleton rips its left arm off, throwing it at you. You move to your side and avoid the brunt of the force, but the finger pins your jacket to the floor. The skeleton reaches for you and you kick the finger off of the severed hand, placing a puzzle punch into the wrist of the approaching one. Its hand flies back from your hit and you grab the arm that it removed, swinging it and sweeping the enemy’s legs. It falls and you take the time to assemble your puzzle and summon your chain shuriken. You swing the weapon, wrapping it through the eyes of the skeleton and pulling it, removing the bone between the eye sockets. It roars and reaches for you, but you jump to avoid the hit. It grabs your shuriken and yanks the chain toward itself. You take the opportunity and land a kick to its jaw during your approach, removing the entire section of bone. The skeleton stands up, enraged, and aims a chop to your head. You hold up your shuriken to block and manage to push the enormous hand off of yourself. You grab the hand and ascend as it is raised, eventually throwing your shuriken and wrapping the chain around the neck of the monster. You pull, severing the head from the neck. You perform a wheel kick, sending the head, as well as yourself, to the ground. You flick your chain toward the ground, crushing the skull. You land and the skeleton’s body explodes into grist. 

You collect the immense amount of grist, ascending three rungs on your Echeladder and reaching the rank of “Meowdel Catizen”. You proceed through the door, finding yourself outside of the building. In front of you is a large tree, growing walnuts the size of your torso. You pick one and slice it open with your puzzle pieces, finding a fresh nut inside. You eat a large chunk of it and become thirsty, dragging the walnut behind you as you hunt for a river.

Pawzle: gEtting a bit tirEd  
Pawzle: don’t UsUaLLy movE aroUnd this mUch in a day  
Pawzle: i wondEr Pawt ELsE was in thErE  
Pawzle: Lots of ways to go in thErE

Eventually you find a clean, blue river and approach it, lapping up water like a cat. You wipe your mouth on your sleeve and continue forward, still dragging your walnut behind you. Eventually you come across a brown salamander in overalls and a straw hat. It lays on the ground, seemingly dead. You poke it and it weakly opens its eyes, letting out a weak “plop” and pointing to the river. You run to the river and fill half of your giant walnut with water, bringing it over to the farmer. It happily drinks the water, soon standing up and giving you a hug. It leads you to the back of its house where you find a Return Node. You jump into it and return to your hive, deciding to be Toorah for a while since you are ready to progress to your next ring.

You are now Toorah, though you don’t bother mentioning it because that fact is obvious. You have arrived in a large cave, illuminated shockingly well by the mysterious glint of several jewels around you. Looking down, you see what appears to be train tracks. A jewel mine, you guess. You captchalogue a small pile of differently colored jewels and proceed through the tunnel. The area is a rough stone circle and gems poke out everywhere, making a normally dull cave quite colorful. You easily destroy an imp with a single lash of your new whip. You love this new weapon a lot. You continue onward, eventually encountering an oddity in the form of a frog. The amphibian is encased in a purple jewel, but appears to be alive, judging from its moving eyes. You attempt to break it out with your whip, though to no avail. You begrudgingly leave it behind, continuing down the only available route. Eventually you encounter a door. It is metal, and printed on it is the SGRUB logo. You enter, finding a large computer with a screen. You start it up and it displays an image of a frog encased in a purple jewel. You press some buttons and the machine behind you produces some slime. 

Toorah: cool

You leave the room and find the frog you had attempted to rescue before, bringing it with you to the room and putting it down on the floor.

clinicallyExcavated [CE] began trolling ranchorousIntellectual [RI]

CE: hey nirrak  
RI: H3Y 700R4H  
CE: did youu read anything in youur book abouut frog slime?  
RI: 0N1Y 4 B17  
RI: 17’5 1MP0R74N7 4ND 1NV01V35 4 107 0F HUN71NG  
RI: WHY  
CE: well see i fouund this room  
RI: 4N 3C70B1010GY 14B?  
CE: yes?  
RI: 0K Y0U N33D 70 M4K3 4 5UP3R G0D FR0G F0R 50M3 R3450N 1 D1DN’7 G37 70 R34D  
RI: WH47 H4V3 Y0U 41R34DY D0N3  
CE: well  
CE: i fouund a frog  
CE: it was stuuck in some gems so i tried to get it ouut buut i couuldnt  
CE: i made this slime stuuff in the thing behind me  
CE: and i went back ouut to get the frog becauuse i was cuuriouus  
CE: still cant break it in case youu were wondering  
RI: 533 WH47 H4PP3N5 WH3N Y0U 7RY 70 G37 50M3 G00 4ND D0N’7 G0 G37 7H3 NEW FR0G

You track another frog with your computer and locate it. You type in the coordinates and a frog appears in your machine.

CE: i got a frog  
RI: 0K 137 17 134V3  
RI: 1 7H1NK Y0U N33D 70 G0 G37 17 1473R F0R 17 70 W0RK  
CE: how the shit does that make sense?  
RI: 17 D035N’7  
RI: 17’5 R3411Y C0NFU51NG 4ND BU115H17 4ND 1 C4N 7R4V31 7HR0UGH 71M3 N0W D1D 1 M3N710N  
RI: B3C4U53 1 C4N 71M3 TR4V31  
CE: thats great sweetie!  
CE: youu were talking abouut breeding frogs?  
RI: R1GH7  
RI: 17’5 G01NG 70 1NV01V3 4C7U411Y 7R4CK1NG D0WN 7H3 FR0G5  
RI: 7H3 B00K G1R1 541D 17 74K35 F0R3V3R  
RI: Y0U H4V3 70 F1ND 7H3M 0N Y0UR P14N37  
RI: 17 W0U1D B3 B3773R 1F Y0U H4D  
RI: 54Y  
RI: 4 71M3 TR4V313R  
CE: nirrak do youu want to help me by time traveling  
RI: Y33335555  
CE: fine get over here  
CE: wait how do youu even do that  
RI: 1 H4V3 70 G0 7HR0UGH K4173N'5 R1NG 70 Y0UR W0R1D  
RI: WH1CH 1 C4N 41R34DY FUCK1NG D0 H01D 0N

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] ceased trolling clinicallyExcavated [CE] 

You feel a hand on your shoulder and scream, wheel kicking whoever is behind you.

Nirrak: FUCK

Nirrak falls to the floor, rubbing his cheek. 

Nirrak: WH47 7H3 5H17

You hug him, also rubbing his now bruised cheek. 

Toorah: sorry sorry sorry youu scared me

Nirrak gives his response in the sign language of your planet, while you continue to speak aloud. This form of sign language is much more advanced than that of Earth, allowing for any word in the dictionary, as well as occasionally some words which had not previously existed, such as “Fartwood”, through a complex series of movements that make absolutely no sense and are essentially bullshit. 

Nirrak: G00D 70 533 Y0U 700  
Toorah: sorryyyyyyy

You kiss his injured cheek and help him stand up.

Toorah: its ok, it was juust a kick  
Nirrak: 1 KN0W 7H47 BU7 17 57111 FUCK1NG HUR7  
Toorah: oh grow uup

You gesture with your hand to the computer.

Toorah: ok scientist, take the wheel  
Nirrak: W3 H4V3 70 7R4CK 7H3 FR0G5  
Nirrak: W17H C00RD1N4735  
Nirrak: 17 74K35 4 10NG 71M3  
Toorah: ok well lets do it  
Nirrak: W3 N33D 70 D0 50M3 HUN71NG  
Nirrak: 317H3R BY 4C7U411Y HUN71NG  
Nirrak: 0R W17H C0MPU73R5  
Nirrak: 1 7H1NK 7H3Y 4R3 411 1MM0B113 50 7H47 W111 M4K3 G3771NG 7H3M 34S13R  
Nirrak: 0NC3 Y0U 7R4CK 7H3M 1 C4N F1ND 7H3M 1N 7H3 FU7UR3 4ND G37 7H3M 50 Y0U C4N BR1NG 7H3 511M3 H3R3  
Nirrak: 345Y  
Nirrak: BU7 F1ND1NG 7H3M 15 7H3 PR0B13M  
Nirrak: W3 H4V3 70 4C7U411Y B3 4B13 70 G37 70 7H3M 4ND F1ND 7H3IR C00RD1N4735  
Nirrak: WH1CH C0U1D B3 H4RD  
Nirrak: FR4NK1Y W3 5H0U1D H4V3 411 0F 0UR FR13ND5 H3R3 70 H31P  
Toorah: why dont we get everybody over here and frog huunt then?  
Toorah: make fighting easier, ill tell youu which frogs to get, and it shouuld not take long at all!  
Toorah: then we can get back to the actuual game!  
Nirrak: 1  
Nirrak: N3V3R 7H0UH7 0F 7H47  
Nirrak: 1 W111 7311 3V3RYB0DY 70 G0 7HR0UGH 7H31R 53C0ND R1NGS 50 7H3Y C4N G37 H3R3  
Nirrak: 17 W111 5P34D UP 7H3 WR171NG PR0C355 4 107 700  
Toorah: hm?  
Nirrak: N07H1NG  
Nirrak: BU7 137’5 4553MB13 3V3RYB0DY, Y34H  
Toorah: nirrak?  
Nirrak: 700R4H  
Toorah: we need to remember that not everybody has met  
Toorah: it will take some time before everybody can completely organise  
Toorah: so be patient, ok?  
Nirrak: 1 W111, D0N’7 W0RRY  
Nirrak: 3V3RYB0DY G3771NG 70G37H3R 50 5UDD3N1Y W111 5URPR153 3V3RYB0DY  
Nirrak: 1’11 G37 4 M3M0 G01NG

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] opened a memo “734M M3371NG, 5H1710RD5”

RI: 11573N UP  
RI: W3 N33D 70 D0 50M3 FR0G BR33D1NG  
RI: 700R4H 15 1N CH4RG3 0F 7H3 PR0C355 50 11573N 70 H3R  
CE: ok everybody my planet is  
CE: wait what is my planet called  
CE: fuuck whatever youu can find it  
CE: i will be giving youu all coordinates and you need to follow them and grab frogs.  
CE: bring them back here  
CE: you need to wait uuntil i tell youu to grab them thouugh  
CE: this relies on youu being patient  
CE: we need to make a suuper god frog for whatever reason  
DS: (Does your frog breeding journey happen to involve a slimy green substance, not unlike that from our swamp?)  
CE: yes, why?  
DS: (Before the lich tournament I participated in earlier I discovered a metal door.)  
DS: (Behind this door is a lab. I have made small clones of the six of us through sheer luck with this machine.)  
DS: (I doubt I will meet them again after the process is complete.)  
DS: (Oh.)  
DS: (I have sent them off.)  
DS: (A pity.)  
CE: can youu come to my planet?  
DS: (It would seem so. I shall arrive momentarily.)  
FR: ey SO imma HAVE to STOP you HERE  
FR: what’s THIS about US goin OVER there?  
RI: Y0U N33D 70 C0M3 OV3R, NUMBNU75  
FR: c’mon MAN no NEED for THAT  
CE: huun ive been working on youur hive from my headset youu can take the gate here now  
FR: oh MAN  
FR: shit’s ABOUT to GET real  
PH: oh gEE, this is going qUickEr than i had thoUght  
PH: i can makE my way ovEr  
RI: D0N’7 W0RRY 4B0U7 13V315 WE W111 411 13V31 UP 4 107 H3R3  
UT: p i’m c0min 0ver ?tay where y0u are  
PH: nonononon0 Pawt yEt!  
UT: d0n’t needa argue in prawnt of everyb0dy  
PH: shoooooooosh  
PH: i havE to do somEthing  
RI: P4WZ13 WH47 15 50 1MP0R74N7  
RI: W3 N33D Y0U  
UT: ey let the girl talk allmax  
RI: 1’M 7RY1NG BU7 Y0U K33P 571CK1NG Y0UR BU1G3 WH3R3 17 D035N’7 B310NG  
UT: ey dumbba?? i wa? The 0ne arguing with her  
UT: butt 0ut  
RI: 1 W0N’7  
RI: W3 N33D H3R 4ND Y0U’R3 M4K1NG 7H3 517U4710N W0R53 BY N07 5HU771NG UP  
FR: mommy DADDY please STOP fighting  
UT: y0u ?tay 0ut 0f it  
RI: Y0U 574Y 0U7 0F 17  
UT: yeah, tell ‘em, allmax  
RI: WH47 7H3 4C7U41, 5H17 F311471NG FUCK 4R3 Y0U 741K1NG 4B0U7  
UT: g0t ?0mefin t0 ?ay allmax?  
UT: wanna ?ay it t0 my face?  
RI: Y35  
RI: 1N FUCK1NG F4C7 1 D0  
PH: PawLEasE stoP  
RI: CRUC14 Y0U 4R3 7H3 51NG13 M057  
DS: ENOUGH, ALL OF YOU!  
DS: YOU ARE FRIGHTENING OUR COMRADE AND DEGRADING THE MORALE OF THE TEAM WITH YOUR CONSTANT BICKERING  
DS: EITHER FIGHT IT OUT OR SHUT YOUR CHAGRIN TUNNELS  
DS: IS THAT CLEAR, SOLDIERS?!  
DS: HOW DO YOU EXPECT US TO FUNCTION WHEN YOU ARE AT EACHOTHER’S THROATS?  
DS: POOR PAWZLE IS FRIGHTENED AND YOU CONTINUE TO BERATE HER WITH UNENDING, CHILDISH MUSCLEBEAST SHIT THAT NOBODY COULD GIVE ANY LESS OF AN ACTUAL, LEAKING FUCK ABOUT  
DS: NOW KISS AND MAKE UP BEFORE I TURN YOUR FIVE BOONDOLLAR ASSES INTO CHANGE  
RI: W0W  
UT: w0w  
FR: wow  
CE: wow  
PH: mEwow  
DS: (I apologise for my profanity, but the message had to be carried and I saw few other ways to do it.)  
UT: damn  
UT: didn’t kn0w he had it in em  
RI: F1N3  
RI: P4WZ13 1 4M 50RRY  
PH: itc pk  
PH: sorry, shakEy hand  
PH: it’s ok  
UT: yeah p, ?0rry and ?hit  
DS: (You sound insincere.)  
UT: what are ya, my lu?u??  
DS: (I am capable of sending you to join her if you so desire.)  
FR: 0-0  
UT: fin  
UT: pawzle, nirrak, ?0rry f0r being a n00k  
DS: (An improvement.)  
PH: i finishEd thE thing  
PH: yoU can comE now  
CE: everybody disperse! get to each other and get here!

Everybody sits a minute, jaws agape at Daemon’s discipline. 

Nirrak: W311 5H17  
Toorah: thats what youu get for arguuing with her

You are now Kalten, and you are freaking out slightly. 

Kalten: fuck  
Kalten: i AM meeting EVERYBODY this SOON?  
Kalten: oh MAN do I look OK  
Kalten: gotta BE polite  
Kalten: manners  
Kalten: fuck WHAT even ARE those  
Kalten: ok I can DO this SHIT  
Kalten: easy SHIT  
Kalten: meet MY friends  
Kalten: have FRIENDS  
Kalten: fuuuuuuck I dunno IF i CAN  
Kalten: ok KALTEN  
Kalten: wait I’M alone  
Kalten: gotta CALM the FUCK down  
Kalten: how DO i DO that?  
Laglasssprite: EY man I can HELP with THAT  
Kalten: FUCK  
Laglasssprite: NICE to SEE you TOO  
Kalten: shit YOU can TALK  
Kalten: fuck WAS in THAT squackbeast?  
Laglasssprite: NAW man I can TALK  
Laglasssprite: LISTEN man YOU just GOTTA take IT like A robbery  
Laglasssprite: CONCENTRATE, remember WHAT you KNOW  
Laglasssprite: AND just DO it  
Lagalsssprite: GO with THE situation MAN  
Kalten: ahight MAN i CAN try  
Kalten: hey AINT you LIKE all KNOWIN and SHIT  
Laglasssprite: YEAH fam WHAT you WANNA know?  
Kalten: jeez, UH  
Kalten: AM i GONNA fuck THIS up  
Laglasssprite: NAW man  
Laglasssprite: JUST avoid DOING stupid SHIT  
Laglasssprite: GIVE hugs  
Laglasssprite: TELL em THEY look GOOD  
Kalten: ahight MAN if YOU think IT’LL help  
Laglasssprite: AHIGHT man PEACE out FOR now  
Kalten: seeya BRO

You share a rad fistbump before your sprite flies away. You ascend to your roof, where the second ring is within jumping distance. You enter and find yourself above an unfamiliar hive. You land on the roof and quickly clear some enemies out of the way before descending the stairs.

Kalten: ey GUYS?  
Kalten: anybody HOME?

Looking around the room, it appears nobody is home. The bedroom is red, with a flipped bone desk in the corner. You leave, concluding that nobody is home, and go back up the stairs.

Kalten: fuckin STAIRS  
Kalten: fuckin STAIRS  
Kalten: fuckin STAIRS

Where is everybody? You enter the house’s second ring and explore further, deciding to be somebody else while you figure this out.

You are now Crucia, and you have entered your second ring, landing above the familiar hive of Pawzle. You touch down on the roof and impale an imp with your hand, quickly wiping the blood off and descending the stairs. You poke your head around the corner and see the room of your friend. She has her back turned to you.

Crucia: kn0ck kn0ck  
Pawzle: crUcia!

You are tackle hugged by your friend and you land in a heap. 

Pawzle: it’s bEEn so loooooooong!!!  
Crucia: haha yeah gue?? it ha? 

You smile, looking into your friends eyes for the first time since you were grubs. They shine with a beautiful blue color. 

Crucia: damn P, c0ulda t0ld me y0u g0t ?0 pretty  
Pawzle: samE to yoU, PUUrL

She winks at you and screams as a Giclops grabs her from outside.

Crucia: P!

You run up the stairs and brandish your weapons, finding that eight of the monsters in total have appeared. You run at the one holding Pawzle, firing a shot from your castanets at its hands. It yells and drops her, and you catch her bridal style. 

Pawzle: didn’t know yoU wErE this forward  
Crucia: huh?  
Pawzle: i said gEt thEm!

You shoot yourself into the air and land a castanet into the eye of the monster that had captured Pawzle. It screams and grabs you by the torso, slamming you into the ground with tremendous force. You cough up some blood and hold your other blade like a samurai. You and Pawzle stand back to back, weapons at the ready as you are assaulted by the punches of enemies. You both dodge with ease, and once the onslaught stops you manage to slice the hand of a Giclops clean off, eliciting an enormous roar. The monster you stabbed earlier in the fight runs toward you and you slide under it, making a deep cut between the legs. Beside you, Pawzle throws a puzzle piece at the castanet you do not currently have, causing it to fire a shot at the ground. The force sends the enemy three feet into the air where you fire it higher with your castanet and impale it as it falls. The weight of the monster proves to be tremendous, forcing you downward as you hold your weapon above you. Meanwhile, another Giclops has charged you, kicking you out from under the monster. You are knocked off of the side of the building, hanging by one hand. Pawzle helps you up and you remain in combat, though unarmed now. You run at the Giclops you had impaled and grab your blade from its eye, taking the opportunity to stab it in the stomach several times and eliminate it. You retrieve your other blade and run to Pawzle, who has been pinned down by a monster. You jump and sever its arm, though allowing the monster to grab you. Below, Pawzle is grabbed by a different Giclops. The remaining five encircle you, looking hungrily toward their captured prey. You clack your castanets, sending the arm ensnaring you toward its owner, allowing you to execute a headbutt. The monster drops you and you propel yourself toward Pawzle, severing the hands that captured her. 

Pawzle falls and rolls to a stop, something dropping from her face that you do not have time to look at. The monsters form a ring around you and you both brandish your weapons, sweating a bit.

“FUUUUUUUUU”

Crucia: y0u hear that?

“UCK yeah!”

A troll with white hair lands with a thud on the head of a Giclops, stabbing two black blades into the flesh below himself. The monster roars and grabs him, the blades exploding and hurting the monster. It puts the troll in its mouth and you, as well as the other monsters, watch in awe as the troll summons a black gauntlet across his hand and punches the Giclops in the top of its mouth, the gauntlet exploding and eliminating the monster. He lands on the ground and joins the three of you, summoning two black swords and staring down one of the remaining four beasts. You all run in opposite directions, Pawzle summoning her chain shuriken. She wraps a monster in it, pulling the chain and severing the side of its neck. The monster screams and aims a punch at her, which she slices through and manages to throw the shuriken, the tornado causing several large cuts on the body of the monster but not killing it. You propel yourself upward and slash your opponent’s throat, causing it to bleed out grist (hilariously). You fall down, stabbing your blades into its stomach and shooting two shots. The force moves you downward, ripping open the length of the stomach. You hear an explosion behind you and the new troll flies toward you, spawning a large, black gauntlet and punching the Giclops in the stomach, which knocks it off of the building and into the abyss below. Two opponents remain, one of which you see Pawzle’s enormous shuriken rip straight through, cutting it horizontally in half and destroying it. The three of you face the final Giclops and it flies upward on enormous dragon wings. It drops down and you all jump, trisecting it with your weapons like anime characters. You all land back on the roof and dance victoriously. You rise three levels on your Echeladders each, attaining the ranks of “Don’t be too Meenah”, “Kitty Galore”, and “Serial Chiller”. You and Pawzle look now at your new friend, who sweats for a moment and stumbles over words before eventually just sticking his hands out. He has blank white eyes, and is wearing white gloves with playing card suits printed on the knuckles. You both shake his hands, they feel very boney. He puts his hand on his chin for a moment before finally speaking and pointing a finger at you.

Kalten: crucia

He moves his finger and points to the catty troll beside you.

Kalten: and PAWZLE  
Pawzle: that’s Us!  
Pawzle: bUt who arE yoU?  
Crucia: kinda ju?t ?aved 0ur a??eS  
Kalten: known ME your ENTIRE lives BRO  
Pawzle: kaLtEn?  
Kalten: that’s ME

Pawzle tackle hugs Kalten and he happily hugs her back.

Kalten: haha GOOD to MEET you TOO

You help them both up, and wave a confused hand in front of Kalten’s blank eyes.

Crucia: can  
Crucia: can y0u ?ee me?  
Kalten: i CAN see A hand THAT needs TO get OUT of MY face  
Kalten: sorry THAT was RUDE  
Crucia: i like thi? guy

He smiles, revealing a full set of sharp teeth.

Pawzle: how’d yoU End UP hErE?  
Kalten: lookin FOR everybody ELSE  
Kalten: been TO like SIX different HIVES  
Crucia: br0 they’re 0n a planet n0t a hive  
Kalten: fuuuuuck  
Kalten: guess IT’S a GOOD thing I’M dumb

He laughs a moment before giving a face that could only say “I’VE BEEN LAUGHING TOO LONG SHIT”.

Crucia: 0h hey P y0u dr0pped thi?

You bend over and pick up the thing that had fallen from Pawzle’s face during the fight. It appears to be a blue contact lense. You look at Pawzle who hides her face in Kalten’s jacket in a panic. 

Kalten: hey WHY the FEAR?  
Pawzle: hELP  
Crucia: P, what’? the big deal ab0ut y0ur eye??

Crucia approaches and Pawzle gives a small whimper, causing Kalten to hold his arm in front of you.

Kalten: c’mon MAN she’s SCARED  
Crucia: i ju?t wanna kn0w why th0ugh

You bring your hand close and Kalten gently moves it back down.

Kalten: she DOESN’T wanna SHOW you  
Pawzle: no  
Pawzle: i nEEd to

Pawzle steps out from behind Kalten and he backs off, allowing her to approach with her eyes closed. You gently take the shorter girl’s face in your hands.

Pawzle: i’m jUst scarEd yoU’LL jUdgE mE  
Crucia: P i’ve ?een y0ur bucket i can handle whatever the pr0blem i?  
Kalten: swear THAT wasn’t MY fault  
Crucia: ju?t ?h0w me

Pawzle whimpers and opens her eyes. They are a beautiful brown color, and look larger than you remembered.

Pawzle: i was worriEd yoU’d jUdgE mE  
Pawzle: i’m a LowbLood  
Pawzle: if a royaL LikE yoU doEsn’t want to bE invoLvEd with somEbody-

You cut off Pawzle’s sentence by drawing her into a kiss. You hold her by the hips and soon break the moment. 

Crucia: been waitin ?weep? t0 d0 that  
Crucia: P i make fun 0f bl00d c0l0r? but that’? ju?t becau?e it’? fun  
Crucia: i l0ve ya, kitty cat

You smile and she kisses you again, hugging your torso.

Kalten: i CAN go IF ya’ll NEED a MINUTE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, this one went so many directions! Feel free to tell me what you though, and leave kudos! Seeya next time!


	22. Land of Friends and Frogs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everybody! I really having nothing to say for this chapter tbh.

Chapter 22: Land of Friends and Frogs

You are now Daemon. You have finished some Ectobiology and are currently rubbing your temples. 

Sherolcsprite: I see your team is currently experiencing some issues with discipline?  
Daemon: (Nirrak must learn to control his anger issues and Crucia must stop antagonizing him.)  
Daemon: (I am not sure I am sufficiently able to keep them in line while remaining a friend.)  
Sherolcsprite: Perhaps they simply need a push in the correct direction?  
Daemon: (Can you clarify?)  
Sherolcsprite: Be a counselor rather than a dictator.  
Sherolcsprite: Be friendly but firm.  
Sherolcsprite: Allow them to settle it like trolls if need be.  
Daemon: (If I simply allow them to fight I feel I will have failed as a leader.)  
Sherolcsprite: You must make an effort to help the group work as a unit, Daemon.  
Sherolcsprite: The team will fall apart if you simply let them stay at each other’s throats.  
Daemon: (I am attempting to stop exactly that from happening.)  
Daemon: (I wish not to have to trade blows with a teammate.)  
Sherolcsprite: If the need becomes too great you may simply have to separate them.  
Daemon: (I feel that such a division in the team may cause issues in the future and upset the more timid members.)  
Daemon: (Kalten will just be meeting us all, it would be unfortunate for him to have to witness a falling out between us.)  
Sherolcsprite: Well, I don’t believe I am able to offer very much further advice. After all, I am but a simple goat.

You leave the lab and return to the arena on which you battled the lich earlier. You fly down and collect the grist from below, eventually returning to your hive in order to do do a little bit of alchemy.

You combine your Plain Shield, your Cherry Pie, and your Troll Horn.

You got the Spinnetart Piefang!

Cost: 1,000 Grist, 2,000 Shale, 600 Cobalt, 553 Sulfur

You look in awe at your new shield. The body is composed of a cherry pie, made absurdly durable through alchemy, and curved backward to better suit the shape of a shield. A metal pie tin makes up the back, the handle being composed of troll horn. The outer edge of the shield is lined with troll horn, forming a very sharp circle around the shield. The outside of the ring of horn has yet another ring, which glows a beautiful royal blue, and seems to exude a mysterious energy. You shake the shield, hearing a small rattling inside. You hold the new weapon above your head triumphantly, and lick your lips at the thought of possibly eating it. You jump into your second gate and begin making your way to Toorah’s hive.

Kalten: so YOU guys WANNA start HEADING over TO wherever THE shit WE need TO go?  
Pawzle: yEah, pLacE, go

You look at Pawzle, finding that she is looking curiously into your eyes.

Kalten: problem?  
Pawzle: sorry, it’s jUst  
Pawzle: yoUr EyEEEEEEEEEs  
Kalten: what ABOUT ‘em?  
Pawzle: thEy Look so  
Pawzle: dEad  
Kalten: haha I know BUT aint NO need TO stare

Pawzle continues to look you in the eyes, giggling like a child.

Kalten: ey CRUCIA can YOU like  
Kalten: do SOMETHING  
Kalten: like ANYTHING?  
Crucia: n0 way ?hit’? funny  
Pawzle: thEy’rE so cooooL  
Kalten: aiight p THAT'S enough

You turn away from her and she whimpers slightly. You turn around and scratch the back of her head like a cat, eliciting a purr from the troll. Soon after another troll lands near the group. He has a white jacket, which seems to be made of playing cards. The jacket covers another royal blue one, under which is a black shirt with a troll-horned skull. He has spiked hair and deep blue eyes. 

Daemon: (Ah, it appears I have arrived.)  
Kalten: ey THERE

You extend your hand and he shakes it, giving a smile that does not seem to come naturally to him.

Kalten: daemon, RIGHT?

He bows respectfully but you do not return the gesture, as it is foreign to you.

Daemon: (Daemon Diabol, at your service. I believe you are Kalten?)  
Kalten: yup, THAT’S me, MAN  
Daemon: (Apologies, but I am curious about what is currently in your eyes.)  
Daemon: (Or... lack thereof?)  
Pawzle: it’s so cooL, right?!  
Kalten: ahight GUYS they’re BLANK  
Kalten: mutations OR some SHIT  
Kalten: i CAN see THOUGH  
Kalten: and I’M alive  
Kalten: i THINK  
Daemon: (Apologies for prying, it is simply not something I am accustomed to seeing.)  
Kalten: it’s COOL hombre  
Kalten: pawzle COME on  
Pawzle: so cooooL

Daemon turns to address the girls.

Daemon: (It is a pleasure to see the two of you.)  
Pawzle: daEmon!  
Crucia: haha g00d t0 have everyb0dy t0gether  
Daemon: (Kalten, the others are currently through the ring above us. Would you like to meet them?)  
Kalten: man I’M nervous BUT yeah  
Daemon: (I shall lead the way.)

Daemon flies through the ring and you all jump through, finding yourselves in a purpleish cavern, surrounded by jewels. You proceed forward, tremendously excited to be with your friends. You take a gem from a pile beside you and pocket it, not altering anybody beside you. You attempt to think of something to say.

Kalten: hey GUYS wanna SEE some COOL shit?  
Pawzle: if yoU had to go yoU shoULd havE donE it bEforE wE LEft  
Kalten: naw JUST watch THIS

You lean forward a moment and poke Daemon in the head before anybody can see you leave the spot you were in.

Daemon: (Quite impressive. How did you develop that technique?)  
Kalten: call IT the THIEF'S foot  
Kalten: like ATHLETE'S foot  
Kalten: years OF practice

Everybody claps and you proceed forward, blushing as you now think you have made a good impression. Eventually you find a metal door and Daemon knocks on it.

Nirrak: W111 Y0U FUCK1NG 1MP5 G0 4W- 0H 17’5 Y0U

Nirrak opens the door and welcomes you all inside. Everybody enters and you look at Nirrak for a moment.

Kalten: hey UH  
Kalten: a MUSCLEBEAST walks INTO an inebriation SHACK and SAYS  
Kalten: uuh  
Kalten: fuck IT hi I’M kalten

You extend your hand and Nirrak looks curiously at you before receiving the handshake.

Nirrak: Y0UR 3Y35  
Kalten: why DOES everybody LIKE my EYES so FUCKIN much?

You walk inside and look around. Spotting Toorah near the computer you walk over to her and she turns around. You blush a deep red color and sign to her with shaking hands.

Kalten: uh HEY  
Kalten: so LIKE  
Kalten: kalten, NAME, me  
Kalten: the FUCK am I  
Kalten: i’m KALTEN  
Kalten: nice TO pretty YOU  
Kalten: i MEAN meet A pretty  
Kalten: fuck  
Kalten: hi

Toorah laughs and shakes your hand.

Toorah: toorah aaruush  
Kalten: fuck I’M even STUTTERING sign LANGUAGE  
Kalten: so LIKE  
Kalten: you’re VERY pretty  
Toorah: thanks! :)  
Kalten: yeaaahhhhhh

You give awkward finger guns and back away, rejoining the group. 

Kalten: well THAT worked OUT  
Daemon: (Hm?)  
Kalten: nothin JUST  
Kalten: awkwardness

Nirrak approaches the group, giving Crucia an angry look before speaking aloud.

Nirrak: 0K 3V3RYB0DY 137’5 G37 7H15 G01NG  
Nirrak: HUN7 F0R FR0G5 4ND K33P Y0UR C0MMUN1C470R5 H4NDY  
Crucia: ye? l0rd and ?avi0ur  
Nirrak: D0N’7 574R7 7H15 5H17 4G41N  
Crucia: what if i d0, nullmax?

The two approach each other. Nirrak’s face appears angry, though Crucia appears to be having fun. They stand, their heads inches apart and the tension in the room becomes palpable. Nirrak balls his hand into a fist.

Nirrak: W4NN4 54Y 7H47 4G41N?  
Crucia: y0u heard me  
Crucia: nullmax  
Nirrak: D0 W3 N33D 70 537713 7H15 11K3 W4RR10R5?  
Crucia: bring it 0ut, nirrak. i’ll put y0u in the gr0und

Daemon slams their heads together with his hands and they collide, both holding aching skulls. Daemon raises his voice.

Daemon: YOU HAVE BEEN HERE FOR TWO MINUTES AND YOU ARE ALREADY TREATING EACH OTHER LIKE THIS?  
Daemon: SHAMEFUL! 

The two rub their heads and Daemon pushes them toward each other. 

Daemon: (Please apologise to each other so that we may progress.)  
Nirrak: F1N3 W3 W0N’7 F1GH7 JU57 D0N’7 D0 7H47  
Crucia: whatever

Daemon leaves the two and speaks to Toorah for a moment before turning back to the crowd.

Daemon: (We go as a unit until frog supplies become scarce. Toorah shall give us coordinates. When a frog is found do not leave without at minimum one partner. Is that clear?)  
Pawzle: got it!  
Nirrak: 137’5 F1ND 50M3 FR0G5 41R34DY  
Crucia: whatever i gue??  
Kalten: sounds LIKE a GOOD time

You all travel outside and turn on your communicators.

Kalten: so LIKE is THIS gonna BE a LONG thing?  
Nirrak: 17 W111 74K3 50M3 71M3 BU7 1 C4N 71M3 TR4V31 50 I7’5 C001  
Kalten: oh SHIT

You stop as you come to a section of tunnel with three possible ways to go. 

Daemon: (I shall accompany Kalten to our left. Crucia and Pawzle will go forward. Nirrak, you shall travel to the right alone. Is that clear?)

Pawzle and Crucia stand, holding hands in front of the group.

Crucia: we c00l  
Pawzle: advEntPUrr!

The two go down the middle path together, giggling at each other.

Nirrak: GU355 1 C4N M4N4G3 BY MY531F

Nirrak makes his way down the right chamber.

Daemon: (Shall we?)  
Kalten: yeah MATE let’s DO this

The two of you set off down the hallway.

Kalten: so  
Kalten: you UH  
Kalten: you DON’T talk MUCH do YA  
Daemon: (I believe myself to be quiet natured, yes.)  
Daemon: (However I am perfectly capable of engaging in conversation if need be.)  
Kalten: right, RIGHT  
Kalten: like I’VE known YA forever THOUGH and WE’RE finally MEETING  
Kalten: crazy right?  
Daemon: (Indeed.)  
Kalten: what DO you NORMALLY talk ABOUT around PEOPLE?  
Daemon: (Typically whatever the situation requires.)  
Kalten: good, MAN. go WITH the FLOW of THINGS  
Daemon: (Mm.)

You awkwardly rub the back of your head with your hand.

CE: i fouund the first frog!  
FR: oh THANK god  
CE: youu juust need to find it now  
CE: look for a frog in a red crystal.  
DS: (Understood.)  
UT: g0t it  
RI: 0N MY W4Y

You progress through the cave until you find another section with three caves.

Daemon: (I advise we stay together.)  
Kalten: yeah, LET’S do THAT thing  
Kalten: that YOU said

And you will, but first you have another chapter to be in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one was so short, but the next chapter is going to be very interesting. The next several chapters are ones I have been waiting to write since the beginning of the story. Seeya next time!


	23. Ballad of a Soul in Trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for another chapter! I have seriously been waiting so long to write the next few chapters. Happy reading!

Chapter 23: Ballad of a Soul in Trouble

DS: (My frog has been retrieved.)  
FR: got MINE too  
UT: f0und mine t00  
PH: aLL i havE is a cooL rock  
CE: youu guuys juust need to help nirrak find the last one!

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] began trolling clinicallyExcavated [CE] 

RI: 700R4H W3 N33D 70 741K  
CE: what abouut?  
RI: 1 KN0W Y0U’V3 0N1Y 5P3N7 7HR33 H0UR5 0N 7H15 BU7 17’5 B33N F1V3 D4Y5 FR0M MY P3R5P3C71V3  
RI: Y0U 53N7 M3 70 100K F0R 7H3 F1N41 FR0G WH113 3V3RYB0DY 3153 F1N15H3D F1ND1NG 7H3 13553R 0N35  
RI: 1 D0N’7 7H1NK 1 C4N 74K3 100K1NG F0R 7H47 FR0G 4NYM0R3  
CE: listen, youu juust need to be patient  
CE: the area the frog was in when i got the slime was bright red and yellow  
CE: do youu know if anybody has fouund an area like that?  
RI: N0 7H15 WH013 P14C3 15 7H3 54M3 H0RR1D FUCK1NG PURP13  
RI: Y0UR 3N71R3 P144N37 100K5 11K3 4N 1NF3C73D 5H4M3 G10B3  
CE: follow souunds, there is only one frog left on the planet  
RI: 17 H45 B33N D4Y5 F0R M3 700R4H  
CE: i know buut youu said this is really important  
RI: 17 15 4ND 1 H473 17  
CE: at least weve all leveled uup a buunch  
CE: juust keep looking. hop time, look in different tuunnels  
CE: it is here somewhere  
RI: Y0U’R3 1UCKY W3’R3 FUCK1NG FR13ND5  
CE: damn straight ;)

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] ceased trolling clinicallyExcavated [CE] 

You are now Nirrak. It has been five days from your point of view and you are very tired. You stand at the area where the initial tunnel split into three, and Crucia has approached you. Wonderful.

Nirrak: WH47

She holds her hand out, as if looking for a hand shake.

Crucia: temp0rary truce. g0t a que?ti0n f0r ya  
Crucia: get it? like temp0ra?  
Nirrak: F1N3

You shake her hand and she retrieves a book from her Sylladex.

Crucia: f0und thi? b00k pearlier  
Crucia: can’t read it  
Nirrak: 17 100K5 HUNDR3D5 0F Y34R5 01D  
Nirrak: M4YB3 7H0U54ND5  
Nirrak: WH3R3 7H3 4C7U41 FUCK D1D Y0U F1ND 7H15?  
Crucia: ?0me a??h0le turtle had it  
Nirrak: 100K5 11K3 4N 4NC13N7 14NGU4G3  
Nirrak: M4YB3 50M37H1NG R311G10U5 BU7 B3Y0ND 7H47 1 H4V3 N0 1D34 WH47 17 54Y5  
Crucia: kk, i’ll ju?t ?crap it  
Crucia: make ?0me c00l h0ly weap0n 0r whatever  
Nirrak: G1V3 M3 7H3 C0D3 1 W4N7 70 57UDY 17 WH3N W3 H4V3 71M3  
Crucia: 5UPH3R3R

FR: hey GUYS i FOUND some LAVA place  
FR: got SOME weird BLUE thing AT the END  
FR: i’m LIKE a BUNCH of MILES down THE tunnels THOUGH  
FR: shit’s MAD far BRO  
FR: gotta GET here  
CE: kalten what does the bluue thing look like?  
FR: it’s AT the OTHER end OF the ROOM  
FR: can’t GET over  
FR: lava HURTS  
FR: probably  
FR: hot FOOD hurts TOO  
FR: i WANT a beefgrub BURGER  
CE: kalten focuus  
CE: what does it look like?  
FR: mostly A glowing DOT  
FR: movin AROUND though  
FR: makin NOISE but THE lava is TOO loud  
FR: shit’s TOO quiet TO make OUT  
CE: i think that’s the frog!  
DS: (Kalten, do you remember what routes you took to find it?)  
FR: no IDEA muchacho  
DS: (Find something that can produce a significant amount of noise. We will follow the sound.)  
FR: won’t THAT scare THE froggo?  
FR: named HIM albert  
FR: albert’s MY dude  
CE: kalten.  
CE: focuus.  
CE: we need to find a way to get over there  
DS: (I am currently able to fly.)  
CE: good, youu need to do that  
FR: i’ll JUST wait OVER here

You are now Daemon. You are listening at the ground, hoping to catch the sound of footsteps.

Daemon: (Crucia, Pawzle, Nirrak. We shall take the same routes as in our initial journey and search for Kalten.)  
Nirrak: W111 Y0U B3 0K BY Y0UR531F?  
Daemon: (You’ve nothing to worry about.)  
Crucia: 0k yeah but i ?till dunn0 why we’re even d0in thi? ?hit  
Nirrak: W3 H4V3 70  
Nirrak: B3C4U53  
Nirrak: 4C7U411Y 1 H4V3 N0 FUCK1NG C1U3  
Crucia: what a ?urpri?e  
Daemon: (I am ending this before it can begin. We embark.)

You are now Crucia. You take Pawzle’s hand and proceed down the middle tunnel. It is a winding tunnel, though you have learned the directions after several trips the same way. You look down at Pawzle and scratch her head.

Pawzle: i’m gLad wE’rE finaLLy togEthEr LikE this :3  
Crucia: fi?h gil and a cat gil, wh0 w0uld have gue??ed?  
Pawzle: dUnno :3  
Crucia: whalep, we’re here n0w. 

You give Pawzle a kiss on the nose and continue down the tunnel. Several minutes pass and you find nothing of interest until you decide to take an offshoot path you had previously never explored. The train tracks that occupy the tunnels turn to go this way. Walking for several minutes down this new path, you eventually find a large machine on wheels; a train. 

Crucia: y000 thi? i? where the track? lead thi? wh0le time?  
Pawzle: cooL, a stEam whEEL dEvicE!  
Crucia: y000, i w0nder if it ?till w0rk?

Around the train are several large piles of jewels, which appear to be well polished. This is likely the base of operations for the planet’s consorts (who you have yet to meet). You hop into the conductor’s car and find it empty. You help Pawzle inside and begin to move some switches and levers around.

Pawzle: hEy Uh maybE yoU shoULdn’t try to start it UP?  
Crucia: it’ll be fin d0n’t w0rry  
Crucia: dunn0 h0w t0 d0 it anyway

You pull a lever experimentally and the train jerks to life, quickly roaring out of the tunnel and back the way you came. 

Crucia: w00000000!  
Pawzle: yoU said yoU don’t know how to UsE it!  
Crucia: i d0n’t!

The train rockets through the tunnel, rapidly approaching the entry point.

Pawzle: wE nEEd to stoP it!

You jump onto the side of the train, firing shots from one of your weapons in the direction you are traveling. This gets you nowhere, and you jump back in.

Crucia: k ?0 we’re g0nna die  
Pawzle: wE can do this!

Pawzle assembles her puzzle and jumps onto the side of the train. You watch her run to the back and hook her shuriken to a hitch. She jumps off, dragging her heels through the train tracks and holding the chain. You fire several more shots in the same direction as before, but your combined efforts do nothing to slow the train. You blast yourself off of the vehicle and grab Pawzle, yanking her shuriken off of the hitch. You watch as the train zooms forward, eventually crashing into the wall of the tunnel and shaking the very foundation.

Toorah runs out from the Ectobiology lab, wild eyed and surrounded by frogs. A loud crash sounds several miles away, barely audible. 

Toorah: ok im pretty suure even i heard that, what happened?!  
Crucia: k ?0 d0n’t be mad but i kinda fucked up  
Toorah youu literally crashed a train into a wall  
Crucia: lea?t we’re alive  
Toorah: i  
Toorah: whatever  
Toorah: where did youu even get a fuucking train?  
Crucia: f0und it  
Toorah: i mean  
Toorah: the place is filled with tracks

Nirrak runs out of his tunnel.

Nirrak: WH47 7H3 FUCK D1D Y0U D0  
Crucia: y0ur lu?u?  
Crucia: 0h y0u mean the train  
Crucia: cra?hed that ?hit it wa? funny  
Nirrak: WH47 7H3 4C7U41, GRUB F311471NG FUCK  
Nirrak: WH3R3 D1D Y0U 3V3N G37 4 7R41N  
Nirrak: WH47  
Crucia: ey allcack? calm d0wn  
Crucia: it’? c00l  
Nirrak: 1 W111 N07 C41M D0WN  
Nirrak: 1 134V3 Y0U 410N3 F0R F1V3 FUCK1NG M1NU735 4ND Y0U D0 5H17 11K3 7H15  
Nirrak: 0H G0D 15 700R4H 0K  
Crucia: right here dumbba??

Toorah gives a small wave, having been alerted by Crucia pointing at her.

Nirrak: H0W D0 Y0U 3V3N M4N4G3 7H15 5H17  
Nirrak: W3R3 Y0U CR3473D F0R 7H3 5013 PURP053 0F FUCK1NG W17H M3?!  
Crucia: p much yeah

Nirrak growls before faint yelling is heard from deep within the tunnel.

Nirrak: D43M0N 15 1N 7R0UB13

Nirrak takes Toorah’s hand and you all run into the tunnels, attempting to trace the sound of Daemon’s voice. 

You are now Daemon, though a few minutes ago. You have had to turn in this tunnel many times, to the point that even you have lost track of where you have been. The chamber, however, is beginning to become very hot.

demonicShieldsmith [DS] began trolling frozenRenegade [FR]

DS: (Kalten, have you still no idea where you are?)  
FR: yeah MAN, but IT’S hot THOUGH  
DS: (I am becoming quite. Well. Moist, for lack of a better term.)  
FR: i MEAN i’m PRETTY but  
DS: (Kalten, please remove your nugbone from the sky waste holder, it is simply a high temperature in this cave.)  
FR: haha I know MAN  
FR: wait  
FR: i HEAR something  
DS: (As do I. Stay alert for enemies.)  
FR: imma FIND out WHAT that IS

frozenRenegade [FR] ceased trolling demonicShieldsmith [DS]

You equip your new shield and walk slowly around a corner. Your shield is met with a powerful hit, followed by a small explosion which knocks you down. A stalactite falls from the area above you and pins the bottom of your jacket to the floor.

Kalten: i TOLD you ASSHOLE ogres not TO-oh  
Kalten: oh SHIT  
Kalten: you GOOD man?  
Daemon: (I shall survive.)

Kalten offers you his hand and helps you stand up. You pull your jacket out from under the rock, ripping several inches of the material off of the bottom. 

Daemon: (I believe my jacket has been rendered rather useless. A shame, I was fond of it.)

You throw the remains of your jacket into the lava, watching it burn in a matter of seconds.

Kalten: my DUDE albert IS over THERE, can’t GET to HIM  
Daemon: (Perhaps an ice bridge is in order.)  
Kalten: i DUNNO man, NEVER tried SOMETHING so BIG  
Daemon: (Would you rather we surf over?)  
Kalten: bridge, ON it

You are now Kalten.

Daemon: (I advise caution. Your ice will melt very quickly here.)

You walk to the edge of the lava pool. It is several dozen feet below you, and the only entrance is an opening in the rock, about six feet wide. Concentrating, you take a deep breath and channel ice under your feet, creating a bridge as you walk. It quickly melts behind you but you attempt to remain calm. You hear a crack under your feet and walk faster, eventually running into a wall and opening your eyes. You have made it across the cavern, and the frog is directly in front of you. You smile and look at the bridge, quickly vomiting over the edge of the rock formation you are standing on. The bridge soon melts in its entirety.

Daemon: (Are you alright?)

His voice is clear do to the echo in the room.

Kalten: yeah MAN, just-

You vomit again.

Kalten: my POWERS aren’t MEANT to DO this, MAN  
Kalten: dunno IF i CAN make IT back OVER  
Daemon: (Please take the frog when your energy has returned.)  
Kalten: i DON’T think I can MAKE another ONE man  
Daemon: (Kalten, I believe in you. We all do. You can succeed in your mission. You are the only person who can do this.)  
Kalten: you REALLY believe IN me?  
Daemon: (Kalten, you have done many great things since entering this game. You’ve little energy, but I trust you to accomplish this.)

You stand up, balling up a fist triumphantly. You take the frog in your hands. 

Kalten: ey LITTLE man  
Albert: crooooak  
Kalten: haha RIGHT on

You place the frog on your head and take another deep breath, shaking from fear, and step back from the ledge.

Kalten: hey UH daemon  
Daemon: (I am here.)  
Kalten: kinda FREAKIN out HERE  
Daemon: (Kalten, you have done it once already. As long as you stay focused, nothing bad can happen to you. I shall figure a way to rescue you should you fall. You are a valued member of our team, Kalten. I believe in you. You are powerful.)

You shake more but step back up to the ledge. You take several breaths and close your eyes, slowly walking off of the edge and onto the beginning of your bridge. Due to your lack of energy it is thinner than last time. You walk several feet, eventually making it halfway across.

Daemon: (You are performing well, Kalten.)

As you continue forward, the entire cavern shakes violently. Another stalactite falls and crushes most of your bridge, causing you to fall. 

Kalten: fuck FUCK fuck FUCK fuck FUCK  
Daemon: KALTEN!

Daemon throws his shield and you manage to land on it, the shield landing on the stalactite. You stand, sinking slowly into the lava.

Kalten: so THIS is WHERE i DIE

Daemon yells for the others, though you have no idea how long it will take them to arrive.

Kalten: well ALBERT, i GUESS this IS the END for US. it WAS a PLEASURE knowing YOU.  
Albert: crooaakkk  
Kalten: daemon!  
Daemon: (Hold on!)

The stalactite sinks into the lava and Daemon throws his old shield, allowing you to hop onto it while you hold his new one. 

Kalten: tell TOORAH i ALWAYS kinda LIKED her BACK

You sink past the shield and your leg is caught in the lava.

Kalten: AUUGH

Nirrak: W3’43 H3R3!  
Daemon: (We must help Kalten!)

A chain is created, Crucia stabs her blades into the ground of the ledge and holds on, followed by Nirrak, then Daemon, and Pawzle hangs from Toorah’s whip, holding out her shuriken’s chain. Everybody hangs off of the edge, attempting to reach Kalten.

Pawzle: grab my chain!

You wrap your hand around the chain and Crucia manages to swing everybody onto the ledge. You land on your remaining foot, propped against the wall. Your left arm and leg, as well as 40% of your torso have been melted off by the lava.

Toorah: kalten!

You manage a weak reply.

Kalten: t-toorah

You hand her the frog from your head. A diluted red tear falls from your eye and you fall forward, catching Toorah in a kiss. She blushes a deep yellow and steps back. You fall onto the floor, your face aiming downward.

DEAD.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I said the next several chapters would be exciting? Did I actually say that? I don't remember. Anyway, the ending to this chapter was painful to write. There is, however, a legitimate reason for it that I can't say here. Feel free to tell me what you thought, and leave kudos. Thanks for reading!


	24. Death of a Bachelor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Chapter 24: Death of a Bachelor

Toorah: no!  
Nirrak: 0H G0D OH G0D  
Pawzle: kaLtEn!  
Crucia: man…  
Daemon: (Kalten..)

You are no particular person at the moment. Toorah kneels over Kalten’s body, sobbing. Nirrak can be seen nearby, pacing nervously with his mouth covered by his hand and his other going through his hair. Pawzle and Crucia hold each other, Pawzle crying and Crucia stroking her hair. Daemon simply hangs his legs over the lava pit, very clearly fighting back tears so as to set an example for the rest of the team. This same mourning process goes on for several minutes before Toorah slowly stops sobbing and speaks up.

Toorah: we-we shouuld buury him  
Nirrak: WH3R3  
Toorah: well go to his hive, it was his home.

Daemon stands up and lifts Kalten’s body, carrying it bridal style.

Daemon: (We shall go now.)

Without a word the rest of the group follow, all of you eventually making your way to Kalten’s hive. You walk inside and find the place where Kalten himself had dug the grave of his lusus, who currently floats beside you.

Laglasssprite: IS he?  
Daemon: (Our comrade has fallen.)  
Daemon: (I accept the blame in its entirety.)  
Laglasssprite: JUST  
Laglasssprite: I aint GOOD with THIS stuff JUST put HIM in.

Daemon lowers Kalten’s body into the grave, placing the body’s arm across its chest and closing its eyes.

Daemon: (Kalten was..a trusted comrade. With us only a few hours before his untimely fall.)  
Pawzle: hE was aLways thErE whEn wE had a probLEm and fELt bad aboUt bUrdEning Us with his own. hE triEd to protEct mE whEn hE thoUght i was in troUbLE.  
Nirrak: 1 F317 11K3 H3 W45 7H3 G1U3 0F 0UR GR0UP 50M371M35. H3 N3V3R C0MP141N3D 4ND 7R13D H15 B357 70 H31P 0U7  
Crucia: i wa? mean t0 him and he tried hi? be?t t0 be kind in return. that i? admirable.  
Toorah: i loved him..he was charming, nice, and always knew what to say.

You all back up, looking down at Kalten’s body.

Laglasssprite: I wish I had BEEN there FOR him GROWING up  
Toorah: he uused his last ouunce of strength to kiss me…  
Toorah: what a man…  
Toorah: wait  
Toorah: he kissed me…

Toorah’s eyes go wide and she leads everybody outside.

Toorah: guuys, kalten kissed me while he fell!  
Crucia: he wa? a ?tud, thi? i?n’t new  
Toorah: no no listen  
Toorah: he was dead before he fell  
Toorah: he was waking his dream self uup!

Everyone widens their eyes.

Nirrak: 7H47 C13V3R 117713 5H17  
Daemon: (He allowed himself to fall as he died, and kissed you to revive himself. More complex of a plan than one would typically give him credit for.)  
Pawzle: doEs that mEan wE can bring him back?  
Toorah: maybe...if we had a way to get to derse.  
Daemon: (Nirrak, did we not see teleporters on your planet?)  
Nirrak: Y34H BU7 Y0U KN0W 1 H4V3 4 7H1NG 4B0U7 7H3M  
Crucia: aww, d0e? nullmax have a fear 0f them n0w? ju?t becau?e-  
Nirrak: D0N’7 Y0U FUCK1NG 7RY 7H47 W17H M3  
Nirrak: Y0U KN0W 3X4C71Y WHY Y0U FUCK1NG 5H175P0NG3  
Crucia: if that’? the be?t in?ult y0u can c0me up with y0u aren’t g0nna get in my pant? any time ?00m ;)  
Nirrak: 1 D0N’7 FUCK1NG C4R3 WH47 Y0U H4V3 70 54Y, 0K?  
Crucia: all evidence to the c0ntunarary  
Nirrak: Y0U H4V3 B33N N07H1NG BU7 4 P41N 1N 7H3 455 7H15 3N71R3 G4M3  
Nirrak: W111 Y0U JU57 G37 Y0UR H34D 0U7 0F Y0UR N00K F0R 7W0 53C0ND5 50 W3 C4N F1GUR3 7H15 0U7  
Crucia: why w0uld i? thi? i? fun  
Nirrak: 1 4M 1GN0R1NG Y0U N0W  
Nirrak: 7H3 57UP1D W0RD5 4R3 570PP1NG  
Crucia: n0t g0nna ?t0p  
Crucia: y0ur pain fuel? me  
Nirrak: 1 C4N BR1NG Y0U Y0UR 0WN P41N 1F Y0U 50 P13453  
Crucia: try it edward  
Nirrak: W45 7H47 4 J0K3 4B0U7 MY FUCK1NG 13G  
Crucia: damn ?traight  
Nirrak: Y0U FUCK1NG B17CH

It is at this point that Daemon and Pawzle drag the two away from the group.

Daemon: (We are in the middle of planning right now. The two of you need to get off of your high musclebeasts and get along so that we can save Kalten.)  
Nirrak: DO Y0U N07 H34R WH47 5H3 15 54Y1NG 70 M3  
Daemon: (Nirrak. I know that she needs to stop encouraging you to express your anger. And I know that you need to stop reacting the way you do. But this is not the time for fighting.)  
Nirrak: 1 W111 570P F0R N0W BU7 1 5W34R 1 W111 K111 H3R  
Daemon: (I will not permit violence among our ranks. We’ve already lost one comrade today, we cannot risk another.)  
Nirrak: WH473V3R

Pawzle: comE on, crUcia.  
Pawzle: was that rEaLLy nEEdEd?  
Crucia: yeah it’? glubbin funny  
Crucia: he’? ?0 gullible  
Pawzle: swEEtiE wE nEEd to gEt kaLtEn back, yoU nEEd to stoP antagonizing nirrak  
Crucia: fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine i’ll ?t0p f0r n0w

The group joins back together, Nirrak glaring at Crucia but keeping silent.

Daemon: (Toorah, you seemed to harbor the most knowledge of the situation, how, assuming we can make it to Derse, would be go about finding him.)  
Toorah: well  
Toorah: he tried to save my dream self from being killed  
Toorah: which didnt work  
Toorah: it was jack noir, and hes kalten, so he is probably either hiding or in prison.  
Daemon: (Kalten does not accept the act of hurting a friend. I imagine he chased this “Jack”. It would seem unreasonable to assume he would lose against a random NPC. Kalten is quite skilled.)  
Toorah: thing is jack has a gang  
Toorah: those thugs are strong.  
Daemon: (He is likely imprisoned, in that case.)  
Toorah: probably, yes.  
Daemon: (Is it settled, then. We shall go to Derse and rescue Kalten.)  
Nirrak: 7H3 GU4RD5 4R3 JU57 R4ND0M 501D13R5, 7H15 W111 B3 345Y.  
Daemon: (We move shortly. Prepare for combat.)

While the group prepares to travel to their friend, you decide to observe the events of Derse for a while.

You are now Jack Noir. Your arm has been bandaged and you currently stand with the Black Queen, who faces the White Queen at a table. You are in a small room, used exclusively for strategy and meetings of other varieties. You are armed with a knife in case of revolt from the white royalty, and your gang members stand with you. The white royalty have four guards of their own, though you doubt they pose much threat to you. Your queen states that the treaty presented to her is unworthy of even her consideration. The white queen asks her to reconsider, stating that resources can be shared if the planets are at peace. Armies can grow. Your queen says that she has no need of white soldiers, and ends the meeting, declaring that the war will commence as planned. The white soldiers point spears at your queen and you step forward, wielding your knife. The opposing group all leave the room, leaving just yourself, your gang, and your queen. The queen tells you that the black army needs more soldiers. You ask her what the hell she expects you to do about it. She tells you to stop whining and recruit some prisoners, and that she will do the same. She says she has one in mind that she would particularly like to talk to. She tells you to give her an item you were entrusted with. You give it to her, it is a small, wooden case. You ask her what is inside. She says it is something to help coax the special prisoner into helping and to mind your own business. She commands you to go round up soldiers and you leave.

You are now the Black Queen. You have decided to meet with this special prisoner in person, as he interests you. You make your way to the prison and ask where the newest inmate is. The nervous desk worker tells you he is on the top floor, in the room at the end of the hall. You ascend the stairs, making a note to install an elevator when this is over. You open the door to the room and find your prisoner, a grey-skinned boy with shaggy white hair and iceberg shaped horns. He looks up at you, seemingly confused.

Kalten: wait THE fuck  
Kalten: where AM i  
Kalten: oh RIGHT i DIED  
Kalten: shitty FUCKIN lava  
Kalten: guess THE kiss WORKED at LEAST

You sit down in front of the prisoner with your legs crossed. He struggles against his chains, though to no avail. You set the case in front of him.

Kalten: k I know I’M pretty BUT i’m NOT gonna MARRY you

You sigh and open it for him. Inside is a golden canine tooth, sharpened to a point. You tell him it is to replace the one you knocked out earlier that day. 

Kalten: oh SWEET a TOOTH  
Kalten: wait I don’t LIKE you  
Kalten: fuck YOUR tooth

You snap your fingers and the door is opened, revealing a carapacian in a white jacket. It approaches, and you tell it to put the tooth in. 

Kalten: i SAID i DON’T want YOUR tooth

You put on your ring, undergoing a quick transformation. You use your new crab claw to prop his mouth open. The troll attempts to close it, but his muscles are outclassed. After a matter of several minutes you remove your ring (which somehow stayed on your finger, despite it being a claw) and look at the troll. You tell him to smile and he does so, though clearly begrudgingly. His mouth looks nice, white teeth with a golden canine. You tell him it looks good.

Kalten: thanks I guess 

He moves his mouth around, clearly trying to get used to the tooth. You have a feeling he will not try to remove it. You ask him where he is from.

Kalten: why DO you WANNNA know THAT?

You tell him you are simply curious.

Kalten: i’m FROM differentia, DIFFERENT planet  
Kalten: my AREA was COLD

You ask him what his home was like.

Kalten: cold, LIKE i SAID  
Kalten: dad DIED when I was A grub SO i HAD to FEND for MYSELF in A frozen WASTELAND  
Kalten: it WAS close TO some NUCLEAR thing SO i GOT mutated.

You ask him what these mutations are. He surrounds his hand with a thin layer of ice.

Kalten: i CAN make ICE

You ask him why he assaulted Jack.

Kalten: dipshit HAD the NERVE to KILL my FRIEND, at YOUR request.

You tell him it was necessary as talks of a revolt against the royalty were rising.

Kalten: well I wasn’t GONNA do NOTHING about MY friends BEING killed

You tell him that you are interested in making a deal with him.

Kalten: i AINT makin A deal. 

You tell him you are interested in his fighting skills. 

Kalten: just DIED in LAVA, not DOIN that AGAIN.

You begin to ask another question when yelling becomes audible from downstairs. The prisoner smiles his now golden smile.

Kalten: the CAVALRY’S here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave kudos, and tell me what you thought!


	25. If a Tree Falls in the Forest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OHMYGOSHYOUGUYS I've been waiting so long to write this chapter! Not because it's cheerful or anything, but because I've had it planned for a really long time. Happy reading!

Chapter 25: If a Tree Falls in the Forest

Daemon: (I believe this is the room.)

You are Daemon, and you have opened the door to the lab on LOEAC. Inside, just as before, are two warp pads, one yellow and the other purple. Your team enters the room behind you, all gawking at the electric blue walls.

Nirrak: C4N W3 G37 7HR0UGH 7H15 1 D0N’7 11K3 7H15 R00M  
Daemon: (Of course. Are you all sufficiently armed?)

Everybody holds up their weapons. The only weapon that has been altered recently is Crucia’s, which now has a diamond blade rather than the stone one it had before.

Daemon: (We move.)

You move onto the pad, seeing Nirrak shake nervously. In a flash of light you quickly appear elsewhere. Around you are several tall towers, all a dark purple. You step off of the teleporter, soon being followed by your comrades. You point to a large tower with barred windows, which appears to be approximately a mile away. 

Daemon: (That building appears to be the prison.)  
Nirrak: D0 W3 3V3N H4V3 4 P14N 0F 4774CK?  
Daemon: (Simple, we attack.)  
Nirrak: W0ND3RFU1, W3’R3 G01NG 1N UNPR3P4R3D

You advance, walking along the street in the direction of the prison. You encounter a man with one arm, though he ignores you entirely, in favor of speaking with some Dersite soldiers. Glancing around the streets, many soldiers seem to be heading to another large building; a castle. The home of the royalty, you assume. The soldiers on the streets seem to ignore you further.

You continue forward, encountering no issues until you reach the base of the tower. Near the door, two guards cross their spears in front of you, not allowing you to enter. They ask what you want.

Daemon: (We wish simply to see our friend.)

He tells you the queen is preparing for war and that the prisoners will not be allowed to receive visitors until after the oncoming battle.

Daemon: (So be it.)

You throw a punch while holding your shield, cleaving through the neck of the rightmost guard and leaving a burn on the wall behind. The other guard yells out in terror as Nirrak axe kicks him, ripping through his head. A large group of guards approach from the side you entered the area through, all holding swords and spears threateningly. You all charge, beginning to hack through guards. A sword is brought down in front of you, which you block with your shield, sweeping the guard’s legs out from under them. You jump onto the guard, using gravity to slice through their neck. The back of a sword comes down on the back of your neck, likely in an attempt to knock you unconscious. You jump into an uppercut, launching the guard several feet into the air, where they are impaled by Crucia, who jumps into the air to do it. She falls down above you and you allow her to land on your shield, launching her into the air. She fires shots from her weapons, which widely disperse the crowd. She lands next to Nirrak and the two of them deliver kicks into the face of the same guard, who flies back into into the edge of your shield. Nearby, Pawzle and Toorah deliver rapid punches to a wrapped up foe, hitting them like a paddleball. Pawzle uppercuts the guard with her puzzle pieces, cleaving through its head. Toorah unwraps the corpse and grabs Pawzle with her whip. Pawzle is launched forward, punching a guard in the stomach and launching them away, the body carrying two more with it. 

Only a small group of guards remain, all of them wielding spears. One approaches you, aiming the spear at your stomach. You catch it and snap the weapon in half, throwing the sharpened end like a javelin and disposing of the enemy. Nearby Crucia clashes blades with one of the few remaining guards. She swings her blade and slices the foe in half, and Nirrak obliterates several with his gun, clearing out the area entirely. 

Daemon: (We must advance. I believe Kalten will be at the top of the tower.)  
Nirrak: 137’5 G0  
Pawzle: wE’rE coming!  
Crucia: hey guy? h0ld 0n  
Crucia: we ?h0uld keep a c0uple pe0ple d0wn here in ca?e m0re guard? c0me  
Nirrak: 5H3 H45 4 P01N7   
Nirrak: UNF0R7UN4731Y  
Nirrak: WE W0U1D B3 47 4 D154DV4N74G3 0N 4 5741RC453  
Nirrak: 1 C4N 74K3 0U7 3N3M135 B3F0R3 7H3Y G37 N34R 7H3 BU11D1NG, 1 W111 574Y  
Nirrak: W17H 4N 4PPR04CH 11K3 7H15 W3 N33D M3133 F1GH73R5 1N51D3  
Pawzle: i’LL stay down too, i havE throwing wEapons   
Daemon: (Affirmative, I shall lead the charge. Are we ready?)  
Crucia: yepper?

You turn to Toorah and sign the question to her. 

Toorah: im ready when youu are!

You run ahead of the group and to the end of the hallway, hacking through several guards on your way up. You are now Crucia, and you have allowed Toorah to go ahead of you. The two of you stop a moment in the hallway, right where the stairs begin. Toorah turns to you and speaks.

Toorah: cruucia, i need to ask youu something  
Crucia: ?uup T?  
Toorah: do youu think youu and nirrak will ever get along?  
Crucia: ?ee, pr0bably n0t  
Crucia: kinda the rea?0n he’? 0ut?ide  
Toorah: what d0 y0u me-

Toorah’s question is interrupted as a blade is shoved through her chest. She stands, mouth agape as you stare down at her.

Toorah: w-why, crucia?

You speak the response, rather than signing it.

Crucia: becau?e y0u were the ea?ie?t target.

You kick her off of the blade, sending her body into the wall and smearing the area in yellow blood. Toorah looks up at you and you smile wickedly, crushing her skull with your foot. Her body glows a moment with a bright green light. You look down at her body, and then up the stairs. 

Crucia: the girl i? dead. their ?hit i? wrecked.

DEAD.

You ascend the stairs, hacking through some remaining guards as you approach the throne room. You find the door is already open and Daemon is in the room, conversing with the queen. You walk inside.

Daemon: (I must ask that you release my friend, ma’am.)

The queen denies the request, saying that she is going to put you to death for the murder of her soldiers. 

Daemon: (If you believe violence to be the only solution, I shall inform you that I am more than prepared to face you.)

You walk into the room and push Daemon out of the way, kneeling before the queen.

Crucia: my queen, i c0me t0 enli?t in y0ur army.

She asks why the almighty fuck you would want to do that.

Crucia: i have my rea?0n?. i have di?p0?ed 0f 0ne 0f the intruder? already. plea?e, gift me y0ur ring ?0 that i may fell them all.

She smiles and accepts, handing you her ring and appointing you as general of her army without a second thought before leaving the room.

Daemon: (Crucia, what are you talking about?)

You hold up your blade, revealing the yellow splotches.

Crucia: g0t the queen’? ring, 0nly rea?0n i came here  
Daemon: (Crucia, where is Toorah?)  
Crucia: ?0mewhere between bleeding 0ut and...n0, n0 ?he’? ju?t bleeding 0ut. n0 better an?wer, really  
Daemon: (Have you killed her?)  
Crucia: what d0e? it l00k like, fearle?? leader?  
Daemon: (Tell, why?)  
Crucia: c0uple rea?0n?  
Crucia: wanted thi? ring here  
Crucia: and th0ught it’d make thi? b0ring a?? adventure m0re fun  
Crucia: i’ll get a g00d ri?e 0ut 0f nullmax t00  
Daemon: (Crucia, this is unacceptable. Murdering a comrade simply to have fun with a vulnerable other? Do you also intend to kill the rest of us?)  
Crucia: i’ll pr0b? ?pare Pawzle, cuz ?he’? cute  
Daemon: (Well, I believe my job is clear, in that case. I must stop you.)  
Crucia: hahah he think? he can beat me  
Crucia: red?y, y0u herring thi?  
Kalten: fuck OFF  
Crucia: ?0meb0dy’? m00dy  
Daemon: (Crucia, I am afraid I have to take you down.)  
Crucia: and make pawzle hate y0u?  
Crucia: we l0ve each0ther, y0u really think ?hell talk t0 y0u again if y0u kill me?  
Daemon: (I have no choice. What you have done cannot be excused.)  
Crucia: fine then, let’? dance

You are currently nobody in particular, as writing this scene from either troll’s perspective would require absurd usage of the word “you”. Crucia slips the ring onto her finger, bearing her teeth in a smile as she undergoes a dramatic transformation. Aaaaaaaaany minute now. Now! Nope. Now! Crucia does not transform at all, it would seem.

Crucia: gue?? it d0e?n’t w0rk 0n player?  
Crucia: well fuck  
Crucia: that’? a wa?te 0f a c0rp?e

Daemon rushes forward, aiming a shield punch at Crucia’s face. She bends backward in a limbo position and blasts her weapons upward, knocking the shield out of his hands. He reels backward and you catch his shield, waving it mockingly in front of him. He runs back toward you, hitting you in the face with a roundhouse kick. It sends her to the floor but she quickly blasts herself upward, putting a shallow cut across Daemon’s chest. As Crucia flies sideways from the strike he aims an axe kick down at her, slamming her into the floor. She blasts herself backward, landing only a few feet from Kalten, though the distance between her and her opponent is still several dozen feet. She blasts herself back into the fight, damaging Kalten in her wake. Daemon, having just grabbed his shield, puts it in front of himself, deflecting a downward strike from Crucia’s blades and pushes her away, quickly attempting another strike with his shield. She is hit, reeling back from the hit to the nose. She fires a shot toward Daemon and he blocks, though he is caught off guard as Crucia kicks him in the face, sending him into the wall. Crucia rushes forward, attempting to stab him in the throat. He blocks the attack with his shield, kicking a weapon out of her hand.

On the opposite wall, Kalten struggles against his chains, hoping to help his friend. Crucia swings her remaining blade and Daemon catches it between his hands, turning them violently and hitting Crucia in the face with the castanet. The weapon falls out of both of their hands and Crucia jumps backward, landing a few feet away. Daemon throws his shield and Crucia moves to her side, the shield landing in the wall near Kalten. Using the little range he has, Kalten loosens the weapon from the wall for easy retrieval. The fighters both dash across the room, grabbing their weapons and resuming the fight. Daemon jumps off of the wall and aims a punch at Crucia. She blasts herself upward and then back down again, only narrowly missing Daemon’s exposed back. He runs back, punching his shield into Crucia’s stomach and leaving a shallow wound, which burns closed due to the energy ring from his weapon. She brings her blades down on Daemon’s shoulders, only managing to make a cut on each side. He kicks her in the stomach and she flies away, the blades dragging through his wounds and making him wince. 

Crucia: y0u’ve g0t ?0me ?punk, blue  
Daemon: (Surrender, you will not defeat me.)  
Crucia: n0t a chance

She blasts herself forward and spins, and Daemon steps to his side, though a wound is still delivered to the front of his stomach. He throws his shield and hits Crucia in the back of the back, causing her to yell. She whips around and kicks the shield, sending it back in Daemon’s direction. He is caught by surprise and the weapon strikes his face, slicing open the ridge of his nose and spilling blue blood. He catches his shield and Crucia zooms forward, aiming a downward strike to Daemon’s body. He blocks with his shield and kicks upward, catching her chin with his foot. Daemon steps back and Crucia aims several strikes at his’s sides, all of which are blocked. Nearby, Kalten struggles harder against his chains, audibly grunting as he attempts to break them. Eventually Crucia lands a hit in Daemon’s ribs and he yells, knocking her away with a shield punch. 

Crucia: wh0’? g0t the upper hand n0w, a??h0le?

Daemon opens his inventory, sending a soda bomb in Crucia’s direction. She slices it in half and it skitters harmlessly to the floor. Using the distraction he rush her, attempting a punch to the stomach. Crucia side steps the hit and brings her elbow down on Daemon’s neck, knocking him to the floor. He rolls out of the way of an oncoming blade and jumps to his feet, wheel kicking Crucia’s head. She falls over and Daemon approaches, pointing her shield at her.

Daemon: (I have told you to surrender.)  
Crucia: n0t yet

Crucia fires herself into the air and in several directions, forming a large circle around Daemon. He raises his shield, attempting to anticipate her strike. She strikes from the back, rocketing forward and severing his arm. It falls to the floor with a thud.

Daemon: AAUUGH

Daemon holds the wound but remains standing, blue blood dripping from multiple areas on his body. 

Crucia: ready t0 give up?  
Daemon: Fuck...you.  
Crucia: y0ur l0??

Crucia removes her ring, delivering a punch to Daemon's face and grabbing him by the back of the head, shoving the ring down his throat. Daemon grabs his throat, choking.

Crucia: hahahahahaha dumba?? th0ught he c0uld fight me

Daemon’s face turns blue and his eyes widen. Crucia mashes their lips together, only serving to choke him further.

Crucia: bye bye “feale?? leader”. die kn0win that y0u failed y0ur friend?.  
Kalten: HUURRRRAAAAAAA

Kalten yells and, in a flash of purple he appears before Crucia, punching her in the face with an ice gauntlet and sending her across the room. He approaches Daemon, comforting him and patting his back as he swallows the ring, taking a moment to catch his breath. 

Kalten: stay HERE, i’ve GOT her.  
Crucia: y0u want a crack at thi? n0w?  
Kalten: i AINT gonna LET this SLIDE. you KILLED my FRIEND. that AINT something I forgive.  
Crucia: c0me at me then

Kalten moves forward in a flash of purple and strikes Crucia with two ice blades, which explode. She, however, times a shot perfectly with the explosion and they are both sent backward. Kalten appears beside Crucia, aiming a kick to her face. It misses and instead busts a hole in the wall, trapping his foot. She attempts to slice Kalten’s leg off but he surrounds it in ice and the blades slice harmlessly through the layer. Kalten spawns an ice shuriken and throws it, piercing Crucia’s stomach and giving off an explosion, sending her across the room. Kalten frees his foot and appears beside her before she can hit the wall, axe kicking her into the floor. She aims a slice at his leg and he blocks it with ice, making the mistake of allowing her to stand. She rushes at him, swinging blades in his direction. Kalten summons ice blades and they duel, Kalten deflecting strike after strike until Crucia finds an opening, attempting to bring her blade down on top of Kalten’s head. The hit is blocked, however, by Daemon, who has raised his shield to aid his comrade. Kalten smiles and aims a kick at Crucia’s stomach, causing her to fly back. Kalten appears behind her and brings ice covered hands down on the top of her head in a pound. Kalten appears beside Daemon and the two brandish weapons, looking at the injured Crucia.

Crucia: fuck...gue?? i wa? wr0ng  
Daemon: (Do not think that you will simply escape and wreak havoc. You will be hunted, and killed for your injustices.)  
Crucia: g00d luck with that ?tubby  
Kalten: we WILL get YOU, crucia. I loved HER. we WILL come FOR you.

Kalten appears behind Crucia and she blasts herself upward and out of the way. She fires several shots and knocks herself out of the window.

Kalten: you OK man?  
Daemon: (I have seen better days.)  
Kalten: let’s GET you OUTSIDE

Kalten wraps his arm around Daemon’s waist and they appear at the base of the stairs, looking at Toorah’s body.

Daemon: (Please, take her to the others. I shall walk on my own.)  
Kalten: you SURE man?  
Daemon: (I am sure. The others must know of our situation.)

Kalten takes Toorah in his arms and begins to carry her. 

Kalten: i CAN teleport NOW  
Kalten: so THAT’S a PLUS  
Daemon: (Perhaps your *cough* aspect powers?)  
Kalten: probably

Daemon walks outside, meeting the rest of the group. 

Nirrak: D43M0N! WH47 7H3 FUCK H4PP3N3D?  
Daemon: (Friends, I have unfortunate news. Crucia has gone rogue.)  
Pawzle: w-what?  
Daemon: (She has killed one of our friends and joined the ranks of the enemy. Kalten, please bring her out.)

Kalten comes through the door, gently setting Toorah’s body on the ground in the middle of the group. Nirrak’s eyes go wide.

Nirrak: 700R4H!

He drops to his knees in front of the body.

Nirrak: Y0U C4N’7 B3 D34D!  
Daemon: (Nirrak, I cannot say I know how you are feeling at the moment.)  
Nirrak: W3 W3R3 G01NG 70 D0 50 MUCH 70G37H3R  
Nirrak: CRUC14 15 G01NG 70 D13  
Kalten: listen, MAN. this IS hard FOR-  
Nirrak: Y0U 574Y 0U7 0F 7H15  
Nirrak: 1F 17 W45N’7 F0R Y0U 4ND 7H47 FUCK1NG M4CH1N3 5H3 N3V3R W0U1D H4V3 G0773N HUR7  
Kalten: what?  
Nirrak: 7H47 FUCK1NG M4CH1N3 W45 M4D3 70 7313P0R7 Y0U 70 U5 50 Y0UR 11F3 W0U1DN’7 B3 M153R4B13 BU7 17 3XP10D3D 4ND 5H3 G07 HUR7  
Nirrak: N0W 5H3 15 D34D 4ND  
Nirrak: 0H MY G0D 1’M 7H3 0N3 WH0 53N7 7H053 7W0 1N 70G37H3R  
Daemon: (Nirrak.)  
Nirrak: 17’5 MY F4U17 5H3 G07 K1113D  
Nirrak: 1 53N7 7H3M 1N 70G37H3R…  
Nirrak: 17’5 MY F4U17…  
Nirrak: 4ND CRUC14 K1113D H3R B3C4U53 0F M3…  
Daemon: (Nirrak, please-)  
Nirrak: I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL HER!

Nirrak’s skin turns entirely black, as do his clothes and his aura flares to life, knocking everybody over. He screams and flies away, black aura following him.

Kalten: he’s REALLY pissed  
Daemon: (He has gone off of the deep end in every way possible. He has performed an acrobatic pirouette off of the proverbial handle. Nirrak has gone...Grimdark.)

Daemon takes a breath and falls over in a pool of his own blue blood. 

DEAD?

Kalten slides down the wall, sitting grimly against it. Pawzle cuddles against him, crying over the situation.

Kalten: i FEEL ya, P.

A diluted red year falls from your eye as you think about the situation.

You are now Nirrak. You have gone Grimdark and tracked Crucia to a high rooftop, overlooking a large pit. You float down to her, meeting her face with your own.

Crucia: ha, it w0rked  
Nirrak: I cannot excuse what you have done, Crucia. I am going to kill you. I am going to do things to you that nobody has ever considered. I am going to subject you to every cruel fantasy in my mind and then end you. You will find justice in my fists.  
Crucia: ?appy much?  
Nirrak: It matters not. You shall be served your justice.  
Crucia: i knew killing t00rah w0uld-  
Nirrak: DON’T YOU SPEAK HER NAME!  
Nirrak: You have lost the right to try and repent for what you have done. You have lost the right to speak her name. You have lost the right to life.   
Crucia: g0d y0u’re funny when you try to be threatening.  
Nirrak: Prepare for combat. You will be dispensed.  
Crucia: c0me 0n then

Nirrak drifts onto the rooftop and approaches Crucia. Nirrak kicks Crucia in the face with immense force, causing her to shoot backward and into a small protrusion on the top of the building. 

Crucia: that’? what i like t0 ?ee!

Crucia blasts Nirrak with shots from her weapons, all of which bounce harmlessly off of him. He approaches, firing a shot from his gun. It hits Crucia, causing a wound on her arm. She rushes forward, attempting to impale him with her weapons. He knocks them away with a blast from his gun and axe kicks her, sending her head into the roof below. She pulls it back out and grabs her weapons, crossing her arms and slashing an X across Nirrak’s chest. He merely winces as he fires several more shots, hitting several spots on her arms and legs. 

Crucia: bring the fire, nullmax!

Nirrak springs forward and grabs her by the throat, slamming her into the roofing below. She coughs and he jumps up, attempting to bring his knees down on her chest. She rolls out of the way and blasts him with her weapons, this time knocking him away. She approaches, having her legs quickly swept. Nirrak brings his metal knee down onto Crucia’s leg, shattering the bone. She yells and props herself up on her blade, standing back up again. 

Nirrak: Your resolve will never fail to amuse me, Crucia.  
Crucia: yeah, ?ame here.  
Crucia: never th0ught i’d admit defeat t0 y0u, but i gue?? i l0?t. 

Nirrak approaches, bringing Crucia into a hug.

Crucia: the fuck?

Her eyes widen as a hand is shoved through her stomach, spilling fuschia blood on the ground.

Nirrak: Your life shall be the only payment for your sins. Now die. Die like the friend you so pointlessly murdered. 

Crucia coughs, choking on blood and struggles to say something, but fails as the life begins to drain from her. Nirrak flies upward, holding her body over the pit in the planet.

Nirrak: Your life is not equivalent to hers. May you take solace in the fact that I spared you a more torturous end.

Nirrak axe hicks her body into the pit, flying back to the rooftop he had been on. He looks down, rage still coursing through him. He begins to walk away before a bright flash of light comes from the pit and maniacal laughter erupts. Crucia rockets upward at an alarming speed, wearing a green sweater. She is unharmed and radiates a brilliantly dark energy. She grabs her weapons and fire them at Nirrak, knocking him off of the building. He falls with a thud and shrieks in anger. Crucia flies back down, blasting him again and severing his prosthetic leg from the stump. She laughs and flies toward the queen’s castle. The Grimdark energy fades and Nirrak simply lays, bleeding in the street and regretting his decisions.

You are now Kalten. You have sat for minutes, hearing only bits and pieces of the fight and Pawzle’s weeping. 

Pawzle: i can’t bEliEvE this  
Pawzle: EvErybody is insanE or dEad, crUcia abandonEd Us  
Pawzle: why did this havE to haPPEn?  
Kalten: i DON’T know, PAWZLE.   
Kalten: i WISH i KNEW but…  
Kalten: i GUESS...man, I don’t KNOW what TO do NOW  
Pawzle: kaLtEn?  
Kalten: yeah?

Pawzle leans up and kisses Kalten’s cheek. 

Pawzle: i’m haPPy yoU’rE back  
Kalten: i’d SAY it’s GOOD to BE back, BUT with THE way THINGS are LOOKING…  
Pawzle: hEy, daEmon’s moving!

Daemon’s body begins to move around and morph. His jacket turns charcoal black, his hair flattens out, instead becoming spikey only on the sides. His fangs grow larger and his nails sharper. He stands up, his arm growing back. His other wounds, however, remain the same as before.

Daemon: (That was...unexpected.)  
Pawzle: daEmon!

She rushes forward, wrapping him in a hug.

Daemon: (What did I miss?)  
Kalten: don’t YOU remember? NIRRAK flew AWAY  
Kalten: that’s WHERE we ARE, really  
Daemon: (I am surprised that I am alive.)  
Kalten: me TOO, you LOST a LOT of BLOOD  
Daemon: (This transformation is vexing as well.)   
Kalten: probably BECAUSE you ATE that RING  
Daemon: (My ingestion of the ring more than likely had a factor in this, yes. I feel...stronger.)  
Kalten: like HOW?

Daemon moves around, clearly more limber than before. He jumps several feet higher in the air than in any demonstrated time before. Looking at his hands, he is able to summon a red substance around them. Flicking his hand, the substance shoots from his hand and forms an arrow, piercing a nearby building with ease.

Daemon: (I am certainly more powerful. I am curious about the properties of that ring.)  
Kalten: hate TO break THE new POWER bulge BUT maybe WE should FIND nirrak  
Daemon: (Of course.)

Daemon takes a deep breath and focuses, eventually reverting to his normal form. You all wander the streets for several minutes before eventually finding Nirrak, who lays motionless in the street, a pool of blood forming under him.

Pawzle: nirrak!   
Nirrak: H3Y P4WZ  
Pawzle: whErE’s crUcia?  
Nirrak: G0N3  
Pawzle: what happEnEd to yoUr LEg?  
Nirrak: 1..57UBB3D 17  
Daemon: (How does one stub a leg?)  
Nirrak: 1 511PP3D 4ND F311 11K3 7H3 FUCK1NG BU773R F1NG3R5 1 4M 4ND 57UBB3ED 4 M4J0R 4PP3ND4G3 C4N W3 DR0P 17  
Pawzle: what a mEss

Pawzle takes off her coat and wraps it around Nirrak’s wound, and the three of you help him to his feet. Daemon and Pawzle help him walk while you carry the leg with you. You return to the prison and take Toorah’s body with you, captchalogueing the leg. You all eventually arrive at the warp pads and teleport back to LOEAC, where you sit against the walls of the room.

Daemon: (...What are we going to do now?)

disparateGuardian [DG] began trolling demonicShieldsmith [DS]

DG: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That one went in so many directions. Let me know what you thought, and feel free to leave kudos! Has Crucia really betrayed our heroes? Who is this mystery messager? What's with Daemon's new form? Find out in the coming chapters!


	26. Too Short A Respite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, all! So sorry about the hiatus! I had to take a break from writing and it went longer than I had thought, but here I am! I can't say how frequent updates will be, but they are coming. Enjoy!

Chapter 26: Too Short A Respite

DS: (Go away.)  
DG: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU JUST DID  
DG: ANY AT ALL  
DS: (I will tell you what I did.)  
DS: (I just lost a best friend.)  
DS: (Failed to avenge her.)  
DS: (Lost an arm.)  
DS: (Grew it back.)  
DS: (Apparently now I have super powers.)  
DS: NOT EVEN SURE HOW THAT ONE WORKS  
DS: SO, IF YOU WILL EXCUSE MY FOUL LANGUAGE, CAN YOU KINDLY FUCK EIGHT DIFFERENT WAYS OFF?  
DG: FUCK YOUR DEAD FRIEND  
DG: FUCK YOUR ARM  
DG: THIS IS THE UNIVERSE WE’RE TALKING ABOUT  
DS: (How dare you.)  
DS: (You sit there insulting my friend and my honor, behind the comfort of your computer and the fluffy chair you likely sit in.)  
DG: I’M NOT IN A CHAIR, I’M ON A DESERTED PLANET  
DG: THAT’S THE PROBLEM FUCKWIT  
DG: NOW, I ASK AGAIN  
DG: WHAT  
DG: DID  
DG: YOU  
DG: DO  
DS: (Has it not become apparent to you that I have no idea?)  
DG: OK, LET’S TALK LIKE NORMAL  
DG: UH  
DG: TROLLS  
DG: THAT’S WHAT YOU ARE, RIGHT?  
DS: (At the moment I have the misfortune of being anything but yes, I am a troll.)  
DG: ALRIGHT, THEN WE SHALL TALK LIKE TROLLS.  
DG: MY NAME IS TESSERACT  
DS: (Daemon.)  
DG: AN ODDLY HUMAN NAME  
DS: (What is a human?)  
DG: SOME ALIEN THING MADE OF WATER, NOT IMPORTANT  
DG: IF YOU’RE WILLING TO TALK AFTER MY DISPLAY OF CHILDISH ANGER, I HAVE A FEW QUESTIONS ABOUT THE MOST RECENT ESCAPADES OF YOUR GROUP  
DS: (I’d rather not.)  
DG: Good, you’re on board. Now, about your dead friend  
DS: (Her name was Toorah and I’d rather not speak about her if at all possible.)  
DG: THEN I SHALL DO IT FOR YOU  
DG: YOU, DAEMON, ARE A KNIGHT OF BLOOD  
DG: YOUR FELINE FRIEND, A SYLPH OF LIFE  
DG: THE SCIENTIST, A SEER OF TIME  
DG: THE FISH, A WITCH OF DOOM,  
DG: AND THE ICE ONE WITH THE COOL EYES, A THIEF OF VOID  
DG: THAT WOULD MAKE YOUR DEAD FRIEND A SPACE PLAYER  
DS: (I have taken something important from this information, I believe.)  
DG: GOOD, YOU’RE LEARNING  
DS: (When telling a story, there are three key components.)  
DS: (A beginning, a middle, and an end.)  
DS: (Your story, however, is sorely lacking a certain one.)  
DS: (Are you gutsy enough a gumshoe to decipher which it is?)  
DG: ARE YOU JUST TELLING ME TO SHUT UP  
DS: (I admit nothing.)  
DG: LISTEN, DAEMON  
DG: YOUR FRIEND, TOORAH  
DG: DID SHE EXHIBIT ANY ODD TENDENCIES  
DG: PERHAPS KNOWING THE FUTURE?  
DG: OR MOVING THINGS WITH HER MIND  
DG: TELEPORTING?  
DS: (She would, on occasion, have inklings of the future.)  
DS: (Prospit dreamers are known to see visions of the future, but that would be irrelevant as she dreamed on Derse.)  
DG: OH GOD  
DG: OH GOD WAS SHE A ROGUE  
DG: WAS YOUR ROGUE OF SPACE KILLED  
DS: (Perhaps?)  
DG: WERE YOU THERE WHEN IT HAPPENED  
DS: (No, I discovered afterward, and I’d rather avoid speaking about the events that followed.)  
DG: DID ANYBODY SEE IT  
DS: (A certain individual of whom I shall not speak witnessed it, yes.)  
DG: OK, LISTEN  
DG: YOUR FRIEND’S PASSING HAS SERIOUSLY SCREWED ME OVER  
DS: (In what way?)  
DS: (And, follow-up question, what is your preferred method of transportation for the shits I seem to be so destined to gift to you?)  
DS: (I advise making a compelling case, as my nub is dangerously close to the block button.)  
DG: OK LET ME START OVER  
DG: I AM YOUR FIRST GUARDIAN  
DG: EVERY PLANET HAS ONE, I AM FROM YOUR HOME PLANET OF DIFFERENTIA, WHICH IS CURRENTLY THE PILE OF RUBBLE I INHABIT  
DG: I AM AS OLD AS THE PLANET ITSELF, AND HAVE ACTED AS A PROTECTOR FOR MILLENNIA  
DG: I DERIVE MY POWER FROM A BIG BALL OF ENERGY CALLED THE GREEN SUN  
DG: YOUR FRIEND, THE SPACE PLAYER, HAD A LOT OF POTENTIAL  
DG: AN ABSURD AMOUNT, ACTUALLY  
DG: SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN ONE OF THE STRONGEST SPACE PLAYERS IN HISTORY  
DG: SHE WAS ABLE TO TAP INTO THE CLOUDS ON PROSPIT USING HER POWERS  
DG: WHEN SHE DIED, HER ASPECT FLARED UP, I GUESS AS A FINAL DEFENSE MECHANISM, AND PUT A BARRIER AROUND THE GREEN SUN  
DG: I HAPPENED TO BE ON THIS ROCK AT THE TIME, AND NOW I CAN’T USE MY POWERS  
DG: I CAN BRING IT DOWN IF I GET CLOSER, BUT THAT PART IS THE ISSUE  
DS: (You have lost me. Toorah blocked out what?)  
DG: THE GREEN SUN  
DG: NORMALLY IT IS JUST A POWER SOURCE FOR FIRST GUARDIANS  
DG:BUT SHE WAS A ROGUE OF SPACE  
DG: SHE HAD THE POWER TO GO OUTSIDE THE NORMAL RULES OF HER ASPECT  
DG: ANYTHING COULD HAVE HAPPENED, IN THEORY, WHEN SHE WAS KILLED  
DG: DERSE COULD HAVE BEEN TURNED INSIDE OUT  
DG: YOU COULD HAVE STARTED BLEEDING CHICKENS WHEN YOU LOST YOUR ARM  
DG: YOUR SHIELD COULD HAVE TURNED INTO A DESK CHAIR THAT SPINS LIKE A LAWN MOWER  
DG: YOUR CAT FRIEND WOULD HAVE TURNED INTO A COCOON ON THE SIDE OF THE QUEEN’S NECK  
DG: BUT HER FLARE OF SPACE POWER TARGETED THE GREEN SUN  
DG: AND NOW I’M STRANDED ON THIS ROCK AND I CAN’T USE MY POWERS  
DG: AND WHO EVEN KNOWS HOW IT AFFECTED OTHER SESSIONS  
DS: (Ok, now pray tell, why and how do you expect us to help you?)  
DS: (And how did you know I fight with a shield?)  
DG: BECAUSE I CAN SEE YOU  
DG: THE CHAT CLIENT ALLOWS THAT  
DG: I CAN SEE MOST OF YOUR LIFE, ACTUALLY  
DG: HOWEVER, YOUR FRIEND’S SPACE FLARE PREVENTED ME FROM SEEING THE EVENTS THAT TRANSPIRED ON DERSE  
DG: AS FOR HOW, I BELIEVE YOUR PERSONAL QUESTS ARE SOMEHOW TIED TO MY ESCAPE  
DG: YOU WILL ALL DO THINGS THAT LEAD TO ME ENDING UP ON THE BATTLEFIELD, WHERE I WILL BE CLOSE ENOUGH TO UNDO THE BARRIER AROUND THE SUN  
DS: (Alright, you are understood. However, you have forgotten an important aspect of your explanation.)  
DS: (Why should we?)  
DS: (You’ve done nothing but yell at me, and none of us feel up to this adventure anymore.)  
DG: OK, LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY  
DG: YOU ARE FACING A 6X PROTOTYPED QUEEN AND KING, A DERSITE ARMY, THE AGENTS, AND AN INCREDIBLY POWERFUL ROGUE GOD TIER, AND YOU ARE DOWN TWO TEAM MEMBERS  
DG: WHILE I, PROVIDED I CAN TAKE DOWN THE BARRIER, AM A READY AND WILLING OMNIPOTENT BEING WITH AN AWESOME WEAPON, THE ABILITY TO TELEPORT, AND MILLENNIA OF COMBAT EXPERIENCE.  
DG: ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO PASS UP AN ASSET LIKE ME?  
DS: (Begrudgingly, I must admit you are correct on all counts. I will converse with my team, once we have properly made this room less…)  
DS: (Corpsey.)

demonicShieldsmith [DS] ceased trolling disparateGuardian [DG] 

You stand, moving close to your despairing friends. 

Daemon: (We should give her a burial.)

Your friends nod and you help Nirrak to his feet, er, foot, allowing him to essentially use you as a crutch. The four of you return to Nirrak’s hive, easily dispatching some enemies on the way. 

Nirrak: 537 M3 D0WN B3H1ND 7H47 74B13, 1’M G0NN4 PU7 MY 13G B4CK 0N 4ND 17’5 K1ND4 GR055

You lay him down as instructed and retrieve his leg from your deck, turning around to wait. You hear some rather gross squishing sounds before he walks out, blood still dripping down his leg, and takes Toorah’s body.

Daemon: (Twice in one day…)

You all eventually make your way to Toorah’s hive, where Cang has made a hole for you.

Daemon: (Thank you, Cang.)  
Cangergoosprite: juust… puut her in, please

Nirrak sets her body down in the hole and you all stand in a line, beaten and worn, and honor your friend. Cangergoo kneels into the hole and grabs something, which, upon further inspection, is Toorah’s Strife Card, as well as her whip. She hands them to Nirrak.

Cangergoosprite: she asked me to give those to youu if she died in this game.  
Nirrak: Thank you, Cang.  
Daemon: (Two funerals in one day is unlikely to be pleasant for any group, especially for an ally like Toorah. She was a driving force in our group. She was sweet, caring, and a dear friend to us all.)  
Pawzle: nonE of Us woULd havE donE a Lot of the things wE havE withoUt hEr. i’LL miss hEr morE than anything  
Nirrak: I did so many things in my life that I shouldn’t be proud of. I injured Toorah beyond repair, but she forgave me. She was the most understanding troll I’ve ever met.  
Kalten: i’ve NEVER been GOOD with WORDS, but TOORAH was AMAZING. she WAS always SUBTLY flirting WITH me, BUT i DON’T think SHE knew THAT i KNEW, it WAS pretty FUNNY. i ONLY got TO know HER in PERSON for A few HOURS, but THAT only MADE me LIKE her MORE.

You look into the new grave and a drop of water falls on Toorah’s chest, followed by a sniffle from your nose. You look to Kalten, who barely fights back tears himself.

Kalten: she ALWAYS did ENJOY playing IN the RAIN  
Daemon: (Such a sunny day is cruel.)

The entire group salute Toorah before taking turns covering her body. While you all take a few minutes to process this, you decide to be the new guy for a while.

You are now the new guy, and you are currently sitting in the middle of a small crater. Your name is Tesseract and, as we already know, you are Differentia’s first guardian. Around you are miles of sand, broken only by a small tree growing near you. What will you do?

You decide to approach the tree. You have been here already, but have decided it best to stay in the general area. Leaning against the tree is your trusty weapon, which you pick up and hold in your hand, because you have no need for a specibus, or a sylladex for that matter. You have no real need for a weapon either, but you prefer to fight with it. In your hand is a long, thin rapier, around which is a helix of metal. Pressing a button in the hilt, the metal helix spins rapidly, likely to easily bore through anything you find yourself facing. Flipping another switch, the spring recedes, exposing the rapier aspect of the weapon. You can switch them at will. You had this weapon made from metals from every planet in your solar system , all melded together inside of your head, because that is a thing you can do. You sheath the weapon and decide to tell the audience what you look like. 

You are a tall, thin humanoid figure with an average sized head, in contrast to the orb of a certain Doctor. Your head is, however, an orb as well. You wear a dark green trench coat over a plain white shirt, making it look as if you have no undershirt, as well as a pair of pants a lighter green than your jacket. Sticking out of your mouth is a brown pipe, filled with special stardust. It gives off a slight pink smoke. Your skin is entirely white, sometimes broken by a green electricity when you use certain powers. 

Bored with the boring future of your planet you teleport into the past again, in a flash of green. At least, you would, if your powers were working. 

Tesseract: PARDON? 

You attempt to teleport again, meeting with failure.

Tesseract: THIS COULD BE AN ISSUE.

You look around, finding once again that you are surrounded by desert. Groaning, you decide to move forward and find something to aid your survival in this situation. You walk for three hours before finding that the areas to your left and forward are shrouded in a piercing darkness. You go to your right, following the line of black, until you encounter another wall on that side as well. Looking around, you realise that you only have a three mile expanse in which you can see. You move backward and fall over, hitting your head on a piece of metal. You regain your composure and feel around, eventually finding a hatch, which you open and drop through. You find yourself faced with a small, metal room, and a door with three symbols. You touch one and the door opens into a large room with metal walls. Looking around, you find a machine with a small screen next to what appears to be a warp pad. You press a button and it gives you options resembling coordinates. You randomly plug numbers in and the pad flashes, revealing a laptop. The back is oddly shaped, resembling what you believe is an ancient Earth celebrity. Bill Crosby? Something like that. Anyway, it is usable. 

You log in and begin scrolling through the many sessions going on in your universe, in order to see if you can find what is blocking your powers. SBURB, you decide, is the most likely cause, as many things can happen. Two particular sessions catch your eye, and you scroll through the first one. A troll who appears to be a sailor has just wrestled a giclops to the ground with his bare hands. Impressive, you think, but you find nothing else of interest in the session. Going into the next, you find that the most recent portion is obscured from your view. Assuming this is the problem, you angrily contact the leader of the group and have a conversation we have already seen. Several minutes later, you are contacted by a troll you’ve not yet spoken with. However, you have another guy to be first.

You are now Daemon. You have managed to calm your friends to some degree and the four of you sit in a circle, Nirrak beside you and Pawzle and Kalten adjacent, hugging close to each other. You wipe your nose on your sleeve and address the group.

Daemon: (Friends, we have truly lost a comrade in Toorah, but we must press on. If we wish to avenge her we have work to do.)  
Pawzle: a-avEngE?  
Pawzle: d-do yoU mEan?  
Daemon: (I’m afraid she cannot be redeemed for this, Pawzle.)  
Pawzle: i..i don’t think i coULd handLE fighting hEr.

Kalten sets his hand on her shoulder.

Daemon: (We can arrange things so that you will not have to, if you would prefer that.)  
Pawzle: no, i LovEd toorah  
Pawzle: wE nEEd to avEngE hEr  
Pawzle: bUt, crU-  
Pawzle: i-i can’t taLk aboUt hEr right now  
Daemon: (Pawzle, we have crucial plans to make, we can’t-)

Pawzle turns away and weeps slightly.

Daemon: (That was the wrong word to use.)  
Kalten: buddy SHE needs SOME time  
Kalten: lay OFF

You sigh.

Daemon: (Pawzle I apologise, I spoke hastily.)

You reach out to touch her hand and Kalten scowls at you.

Kalten: i SAID lay OFF  
Daemon: (Understood. We will discuss another order of business.)  
Kalten: thank YOU

Kalten allows Pawzle to bring her head back out and he wraps his arm around her shoulders.

Daemon: (I have conversed with an entity previously unbeknownst to us, who claims to harbor incredible power and combat potential.)  
Nirrak: W311 H0W 7H3 H311 D0 W3 G37 7H15 N3W 3N717Y 0N 0UR 51D3  
Kalten: sounds PRETTY strong  
Daemon: (His name is Tesseract, and he has requested we finish our personal quests. This will somehow allow him to meet us at the Battlefield.)  
Daemon: (Some aspect of Toorah’s passing has trapped him on our old planet in the future, or something to that effect.)  
Nirrak: 4ND WHY 5H0U1D W3 7RU57 7H15 GUY?  
Daemon: (We are up against incredible power and down two members, a powerful ally would be an asset. Even in the event that his claims prove false, we will end up stronger regardless.)  
Kalten: i SAY we TRY  
Nirrak: F1N3, 1’M 1N  
Pawzle: i... i’ll try. if i havE to facE hEr…  
Daemon: (We shall be there to assist you. We travel in groups of two from now on.)  
Daemon: (Ok ow.)  
Nirrak: Y0U 0K?  
Daemon: (Yes, I am fine.)

You fall to the ground and your friends rush over to you. Your body squishes around for a moment and changes into the same form that regenerated your arm.

Pawzle: daEPawn, taLk to Us!  
Daemon: (I am ok.)  
Daemon: (In fact I feel amazing.)

You smile and your fangs glow the same red your hand did previously. You concentrate and the same energy surrounds your hand again. You throw it into the distance and it rockets forward like a missile. 

Daemon: (It is this strange mutation again.)  
Nirrak: WH3N D1D 7H47 H4PP3N?  
Daemon: (When you flew off I mutated into this odd form. I am much stronger, and can manipulate this strange energy.)  
Nirrak: G00D, W3 C4N U53 7H47  
Kalten: cool SHIT brother

Your body squishes back again and your enhancements recede.

Daemon: (Perhaps our new informant will know of the properties of this new form. For now, we must spread out and complete our quests.)

You all leave, Nirrak joining your side and the other two going to Pawzle’s planet. You proceed to LOCAB and decide this chapter has gone long enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt a lot of emotions while writing this one. Feel free to leave kudos and tell me what you thought!


	27. Progress In Spurts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyy, I'm back! Had a bad case of writer's block for a while, but I'm back! Hopefully some new chapter should be coming soon, although I've yet to write them, so I can't say with certainty.

Chapter 27: Progress In Spurts

You are now Kalten. You have taken Pawzle to LOPAW and the two of you intend to continue forward. 

Kalten: puzzles, HUH?  
Pawzle: PUZZLES!  
Kalten: haha AHIGHT peppy  
Pawzle: gotta try and stay PawsitivE  
Pawzle: for hEr..  
Kalten: we DON’T gotta TALK about HER, she’s GONE and WE have WORK to DO  
Pawzle: yEah..  
Pawzle: kaLtEn?  
Kalten: yeah P?  
Pawzle: i MISS her ALREADY  
Kalten: she’d WANT us TO move ON  
Crucia: i d0 t00, m0ve al0ng ice b0y  
Kalten: fuck

Crucia steps out from behind a tree, two new weapons in her hands and some dried blood on her cheek.

Crucia: after00n, pawzle  
Pawzle: crUcia?  
Crucia: the prawn and 0nly  
Pawzle: what arE yoU doing hErE?  
Crucia: came t0 ?ee y0u, 0bvi0u?ly  
Kalten: she GOT nothin TO say TO you  
Crucia: back 0ff bef0re y0u get hurt, red

You move forward, coming face to face with her.

Kalten: wanna SAY that AGAIN?  
Crucia: i d0n’t have time f0r thi? carp 

Crucia pushes you to the ground and moves toward Pawzle, sheathing her weapons.

Crucia: h0w y0u d0in babe?  
Pawzle: whErE havE yoU bEEn?  
Crucia: makin plan?

You are now Crucia, but 30 minutes ago. You have returned to the Queen’s castle and currently sit by her side, assisting her in making plans. She asks you for the ring.

Crucia: i may have...l0?t it

She asks how you lost her most powerful weapon and why she shouldn’t kill you right here.

Crucia: used it to kill that dumba?? that ?t0rmed the pri?0n  
Crucia: ch0ked the a??h0le 0ut  
Crucia: he’? pr0bably bled 0ut by n0w

You Queen waves her hand and you are approached by HB. He raises his arm and slams your head into the ground, creating a hole in the concrete. You feel your face, finding a cut and some blood. The Queen tells you another folly will result in your execution.

Crucia: g0t it, ring’? imp0rtant  
Crucia: am i ?till leading the army?

The Queen nods and tells you that you will need to retrieve the other ring for her after the battle. She tells you to go and prepare.

Crucia: k, i g0t a ?tr0ng friend i can recruit

The Queen tells you to go and you oblige, rubbing your face as you leave. You eventually make it back to your hive, finding the alchemiter.

Crucia: been waiting to d0 thi?

You combine your Diamond Shells, your Lighter, your Megaphone, and your Ancient Book.

You got the Sabres of the Signless!

Cost: 1000,000 Grist, 1500 Marble, 6000 Quartz, 225 Rust, 526 Amber, 152 Tar.

Holy Shell! These castanets are expensive, but they’re certainly worth the price. The chains around the shells are now a menacing red, with small spikes for punching. Protruding from the shells are four foot curved blades which glow a bright orange with heat. Inscribed on the sides of the blades are scripture of the Signless, though you cannot read the language.

Crucia: ?hell ye?  
Crucia: ?hell fucking ye?

You look upward at your gate.

Crucia: 0ne m0re ?t0p t0 make

You are still Crucia, but you have returned to the present. 

Crucia: makin plan?  
Pawzle: why did yoU comE for mE  
Crucia: i want y0u t0 j0in me  
Pawzle: join yoU?  
Crucia: imagine it babe, we c0uld ?tand at the t0p 0f a new univer?e a? ruler?  
Crucia: ju?t g0tta leave the?e ?chmuck? behind  
Pawzle: yoU kiLLEd toorah  
Crucia: and?  
Pawzle: and? And yoU ExpEct mE to go with yoU aftEr yoU kiLLEd hEr?  
Pawzle: i lovEd yoU, crUcia  
Pawzle: i havE nEvEr carEd aboUt anybody morE in my lifE  
Pawzle: bUt somEthing LikE that is not accEPtabLE  
Pawzle: yoU bEtrayEd mE, and for what?  
Pawzle: a ring that didn’t EvEn work!  
Crucia: P  
Pawzle: yoU don’t caLL mE that anymorE  
Pawzle: yoU don’t caLL mE anything  
Crucia: y0u c0uld rule a w0rld with me, d0 y0u really wanna give that up?

You begin walking toward Pawzle, slowly drawing your weapons.

Crucia: d0n’t make me d0 thi?  
Pawzle: hUh?  
Crucia: if y0u w0n’t j0in me than y0u're ju?t an0ther enemy

Pawzle draws her puzzle pieces and makes fists, looking on the verge of tears. Kalten appears before you in a flash of purple.

Kalten: i AINT gonna LET you TOUCH her  
Crucia: y0u aint g0t a ch0ice

Kalten dashes forward faster than you can see and delivers a punch directly to the spot where your face is cut. You reel slightly and he aims another punch your way. You step to the side and punch him instead, directly where is golden tooth sits. Time seems to slow down as you draw your weapon and easily slide it through his torso. He lets out a bloody cough and falls to the ground. You remove the weapon and the blood on it begins to boil. 

You have achieved the God Tier level of Finternet Troll! You got the Gift of Gab for your Kiddie Camper Handysash! This perk allows you to speak to your friends without the need for the internet, or sprites! However, you could do this from the beginning, so... this piece of shit is entirely worthless.  
You approach Pawzle, who falls to the ground in an attempt to back up. Your blade is swiftly pointed to her throat and a look down the length of the weapon reveals tears in the other troll’s eyes.

Crucia: y0u can av0id thi?, y0u kn0w

Pawzle sniffles but doesn’t answer. You bring your arm back and swing the weapon viciously toward her throat. Pawzle braces for the impact, but your blade stops short and she opens her eyes. A slight sizzle sounds as a tear falls onto the base of your blade. 

Crucia: i can’t..  
Crucia: n0t her

You bury your face in your arm and fly away, sniffling loudly.

You are now Pawzle and, after recovering a moment you rush to Kalten, holding him in your arms.

Pawzle: kaLtEn no!  
Pawzle: not twicE  
Pawzle: comE on, yoU can makE it throUgh this!  
Kalten: pawz  
Pawzle: kaLtEn!  
Kalten: if I die BURY me BY my OTHER corpse, IT’LL be FUNNY  
Pawzle: kaLtEn yoU can’t diE! wE havE so mUch work to do!  
Pawzle: i can’t losE yoU twicE in a day!

You allow several tears to fall on Kalten’s body, and he weakly leans upward.

Kalten: pawz

He joins your lips together and you exchange a long kiss, before he pulls away and falls weakly over, red blood staining the ground.

DEAD.

Pawzle: kaLtEn!

You rest your face in your hands and cry before Kalten’s body begins to glow a radiant blue. He stands up and looks around, seeming more confused than anything else.

Kalten: heh, I died. COOL.  
Kalten: shit NOW i GOTTA change MY shirt  
Pawzle: KALTEN!

You tackle the other troll to the ground and hug him.

Pawzle: b-b-b-b-Ut yoU wErE dEad!  
Kalten: guess YOU brought ME back TOOTS  
Pawzle: i can hEaL?  
Pawzle: i can hEaL!  
Kalten: guess I’M alive THEN  
Pawzle: yEs!

You give Kalten another kiss and cry tears of joy.

Kalten: haha NICE

The two of you stand up and move forward, bypassing the brick building and instead moving down the river.

Kalten: k SO i HAVE a PROPOSAL for YOU  
Pawzle: no  
Kalten: c’mon IT’LL be COOL as SHIT  
Pawzle: wE alrEady havE onE of yoU  
Kalten: but WHAT if-  
Pawzle: kaLtEN i’m not bringing yoUr corpsE back to lifE  
Pawzle: probabLy too latE anyway  
Pawzle: i’d LovE to bring toorah back too bUt it’s probabLy too LatE

Kalten looks downward in a morose manner and you stop talking, eventually coming upon the farm you previously visited. A familiar salamander runs toward you, carrying something in its mouth. It drops the object in front of you and you pick it up, finding the walnut shell you previously used to help the poor reptile. You thank him and he plops happily, gesturing for you to come inside. Kalten puts the shell on his back, mimicking a turtle, and follows you to the door. The salamander, however, does not allow you to come through the door. Instead, the slat of wood is closed in your face, and you are presented with a jigsaw puzzle. The image is unclear, but seems to be something made from stone. 

Kalten: sweet, PUZZLES  
Pawzle: wanna givE it a try? :3  
Kalten: uuh  
Kalten: yeah I guess

Kalten moves toward the door and begins moving pieces around. The pieces seem to defy gravity, the vertical door acting with the properties of a horizontal table. After several minutes Kalten lets out a frustrated growl and moves away from the puzzle.

Kalten: you TRY  
Kalten: shapey ASS bullshit

The game awards Kalten with some EXP for trying. You take his place at the door and begin assembling the puzzle at an astonishing speed. Kalten watches with frustrated wonder as you step back and reveal the image of a complicated stone maze. He attempts to open the door but it still refuses to budge.

Kalten: fucking  
Pawzle: hmm :3

Two pens appear on the side of the puzzle, one red and one blue. You pick up the red one and begin to trace your way through the maze. Eventually you reach the middle, which is marked with a cartoonish treasure chest. The puzzle glows and falls to the ground, and you captchalogue it. Once again assembling the puzzle, the pieces have turned into stone and a small brick maze appears around Kalten.

Kalten: what AND how  
Pawzle: PUZZLES!

You hear a small whirr of machinery and Kalten yells out in pain. An explosion sounds and he breaks through the wall, much of his body in flames. He freezes his entire body and you rush over, eventually breaking the ice with your shuriken and healing his burns.

Kalten: what THE shit PAWZLE!  
Pawzle: sorry sorry sorry!  
Kalten: shit LIT me ON fucking FIRE  
Pawzle: sorry, bUt it was cooL thoUgh  
Kalten: i  
Kalten: yeah  
Kalten: it WAS

You climb a rung on your Echeladder from the combination of puzzles, rising to the rank of “Kitty Altava”.

The two of you proceed into the house at last and a family of salamanders greet you with food. Kalten smiles and his sharp teeth and long tongue are exposed. The salamanders back up slightly and he closes his mouth, awkwardly apologising. The table is set and you are offered chairs. You sit properly in yours while Kalten sits with his back oddly stiff and straight.

Pawzle: yoU ok ovEr thErE?  
Kalten: lizard KING taught ME to SIT up WHEN i EAT  
Pawzle: hUh

The plates before you are covered by those metal cover things you see in cartoons, and your attempt to open it is unsuccessful. Kalten pulls until his face turns a bright red but is met with failure as well. 

Kalten: more PUZZLES?  
Pawzle: morE PUZZLES!

You rotate your dish to find an input mechanism for a four digit code. 

Kalten: gotta FIND the CODE then  
Pawzle: PUZZLES!

You decide to be the other guys before solving this puzzle. 

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] opened a memo: RUMPU5B10CK D1CK CH4R107

RI: 41R1GH7 D43M0N 1 0P3N3D 17 WH3R3 15 Y0UR N3W FR13ND  
DG: EVENING, M’LADY  
RI: F1R57 0F 411, 1’M N07 4 M114DY  
RI: 53C0ND, WH0 4ND WHY  
DG: TESSERACT, AND BECAUSE OF YOUR FRIEND  
RI: WH47 FR13ND? WH47 7H3 B115T3R1NG FUCK 4R3 Y0U 0N 4B0U7?  
DS: (I advise leaving her out of the conversation for now, it’s a sore spot.)  
RI: 0H  
RI: T41K 5H17 4B0U7 H3R 4ND D13  
DG: TRUST ME, MY SITUATION WOULD BE IMPROVED SIGNIFICANTLY IF SHE WERE STILL HERE  
RI: 0K F0R FUCK5 54K3 G37 70 7H3 P01N7  
RI: WH47 D0 W3 N33D 70 D0  
DG: PROGRESS AS NORMAL, I WILL ACT AS..  
DG: AS YOUR EXILE, I SUPPOSE  
RI: 0H, 1 R34D 4B0U7 7H053  
RI: W3 N3V3R H4D 4NY  
RI: D035 7H47 M34N W3 K111 0FF 7H3 R0Y41TY?  
DG: I WOULD ASSUME SO, BUT NOTHING IS CERTAIN IN THIS WORLD  
DG: YOU COULD VERY WELL ALL BE KILLED, I CAN’T SEE CERTAIN CHOICE POINTS OF YOUR TIMELINE BECAUSE OF THE SPACE BURST  
RI: WH47 4R3 Y0U 741K1NG 4BOU7  
DG: WHEN YOUR FRIEND, THE SPACE PLAYER, WAS..  
DG: LOST  
DG: SHE INADVERTENTLY TRAPPED ME ON A DESOLATE FUTURE VERSION OF YOUR PLANET  
DG: NOW I NEED YOUR HELP TO LEAVE  
DG: I OFFER MY CONSIDERABLE COMBAT SKILLS IN RETURN, AS WELL AS INFORMATION THAT WOULD PREVIOUSLY HAVE BEEN UNAVAILABLE TO YOU  
DS: (Allow me to step in a moment, Nirrak.)  
DS: (On the topic of information, have you been made aware of the strange powers I gained after losing my fight with Crucia?)  
DG: NO, BUT MY IQ EXCEEDS ANY UNIT OF MEASUREMENT IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE SO TRY ME  
DS: (Well, during my fight she attempted to choke me with the queen’s ring.)  
DS: (I swallowed it and she escaped.)  
DS: (After I left the building I collapsed due to loss of blood and awakened shortly after, gaining back my arm but my other wounds did not heal.)  
DS: (I then morphed. My fangs grew larger, my hair flattened, my jacket turned black, and I was able to jump higher, move faster, and hit harder.)  
DS: (I can also control, to a small extent, a mysterious red energy.)  
DG: I’VE NEVER HEARD OF THIS BEFORE  
DG: YOU’RE THE BLOOD PLAYER, CORRECT?  
DS: (Perhaps?)  
DG: OK, I THINK, AND THIS IS GOING TO SOUND STUPID  
DG: THAT YOUR HEAVY DIET OF CHERRIES HAS ADDED TO YOUR STOMACH ACID CONTENT  
DG: IT BROKE DOWN THE RING AND DISPERSED THE POWER THROUGH YOU  
DG: WHICH SHOULDN’T BE POSSIBLE FOR A NORMAL PLAYER  
DG: OR ANYBODY, REALLY. NORMAL PEOPLE COULDN’T EVEN DIGEST IT.  
DG: BUT YOU ALL HAD A DEEP CONNECTION TO YOUR GUARDIAN CREATURES, WHO WERE ALL PROTOTYPED INTO THAT RING  
DG: AND YOU, AS A HERO OF BLOOD, SHARED THAT CONNECTION DEEPER THAN THE OTHERS  
DG: THEIR LOVE WAS FELT THROUGH YOU, AND YOUR BLOOD ABILITIES ALLOWED THEM TO ESSENTIALLY LIVE ON THROUGH YOU  
DG: YOUR BLOOD WAS FLOWING ODDLY AT THE TIME, WAS IT NOT?  
DS: (I had recently lost my arm, so yes.)  
DG: THE RING DISSOLVED QUICKLY AND GAVE YOU THESE ABILITIES BECAUSE OF THE LOVE YOU ALL FELT FOR YOUR LUSII  
DG: AND YOUR GRIEF OVER YOUR FALLEN FRIEND WAS LIKELY A FACTOR  
DG: IT ALL HAS TO DO WITH EMOTIONS AND BLOOD PLAYERS AND STOMACH ACID  
DG: IT WOULD HAVE BEEN IMPOSSIBLE FOR ALMOST ANY OTHER PLAYER  
DG: YOUR ARM COMING BACK LIKELY STEMS FROM KALTEN’S LUSUS, AS LIZARDS CAN REGROW TAILS  
DG: THE ENHANCED STRENGTH FROM A COMBINATION OF THE GOAT AND POSSIBLY DRAGON  
DG: SPEED FROM THE CAT AND SHARK  
DG: JUMPING FROM THE DRAGON’S ABILITY TO FLY  
DG: PUNCHING STRENGTH FROM THE CRAB  
DG: AND THE RED ENERGY IS A DILUTED FORM OF RED MILES, FROM THE RING ITSELF  
DG: YOU MAY EVEN SPROUT WINGS OR GILLS, WHO KNOWS   
DG: YOU’VE BEEN GIVEN AN EXCEPTIONALLY UNIQUE POWER, DAEMON  
DG: DISPARATE, IF YOU WILL  
DG: YOU WILL HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO USE IT  
DS: (So, if I am reading this correctly, it is essentially just very confusing and dumb but shall continue regardless?)  
DG: ESSENTIALLY, YES.  
DS: (Well, that is a mystery solved.)  
RI: Y0U 533M 53V3R31Y UND3RWH31M3D BY 7H15  
DS: (No, I am excited. Is that not clear?)  
RI: 1  
RI: N3V3RM1ND, WHY D0N’7 W3 JU57 PR0GR355  
DS: (Agreed. Tesseract, where do you advise we continue to?)  
DG: THAT IS UP TO YOU, MY FRIEND.

 

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] closed the memo

Daemon: (After you, m’lady.)  
RI: P155 0FF

You are now Nirrak. You have arrived on LOEAC with Daemon and decided to attempt progress on your planet. Opening up your strife folder, you bring out Toorah’s whip, the Girl’s Best Friend.

Nirrak: 5H3 R3411Y 11K3D 7H15 7H1NG  
Daemon: (Perhaps you should use it for a whip’s intended purpose.)  
Nirrak: 1 7H1NK 5H3 PR0B4B1Y W4N73D M3 70

You crack the whip into the air, resulting in a loud bang.

Daemon: (You seem proficient in the use of it.)  
Nirrak: 5H3 74UGH7 M3 0NC3, 1 0N1Y U53D 17 4 F3W 71M35 7H0UGH  
Daemon: (It would be a shame to simply put it away.)  
Nirrak: D43M0N?  
Daemon: (Yes?)  
Nirrak: WH3N 1 F1ND CRUC14 1’M G01NG 70 K111 H3R W17H 7H15 WH1P  
Crucia: that ?0?

You turn to find Crucia leaning against the doorway of the room.

Crucia: ?up?

You and Daemon arm yourselves, but Crucia lays down her weapons.

Crucia: i ju?t wanna talk.

Daemon lowers his fighting stance but does not put his shield away.

Daemon: (Speak.)  
Crucia: y0u g0t ?0mefin i need  
Daemon: (And what would that be?)  
Crucia: the tadp0le  
Daemon: (Do you believe we will simply hand it over?)  
Crucia: i t00k that ring ?0 i c0uld rule the new w0rld, but the piece of ?hit doe?nt w0rk 0n player?  
Crucia: and i kn0w ya’ll were g0nna leave me here after what happened.  
Crucia: ?0 give up the fr0gg0 and i w0n’t kill y0u  
Daemon: (You killed Toorah. You cut off my arm. You blasted Nirrak’s leg off.)  
Daemon: (You toyed with Pawzle’s cardiovascular system.)  
Daemon: (All of this within the same hour.)  
Daemon: (And you have the audacity to ask us for something?)  
Crucia: ?ee, that’? where y0u’re wr0ng  
Crucia: i intended to kill all 0f y0u  
Crucia: except pawzle  
Crucia: t00rah ju?t happened to be in a g00d po?iti0n f0r it  
Crucia: i never g0t t0 be r0yal back h0me  
Crucia: we already had tw0 fu?chia bl00d?  
Crucia: i ?h0uldn’t have exi?ted  
Crucia: i’m an anem0ne  
Crucia: an0maly  
Crucia: pun?  
Crucia: i can rule in the new w0rld  
Crucia: y0u can be part 0f it if y0u give me the tadp0le  
Daemon: (I’m afraid that won’t happen.)

You are now Daemon. Crucia calmly picks up her weapons and points a blade at you. 

Crucia: f0und 0ut i can d0 ?0me c00l ?hit

A sickly green glow appears at the end of her weapon and fires at you. You hold your shield up and it takes the brunt of the attack. After a moment of shock, your shield begins to melt, or, perhaps rot. You drop the item and it begins to stink, turning a green and decomposing,

Crucia: witch 0f d00m can c0ntr0l h0w fa?t y0u die ?0n

You equip your old Truffle Shuffle from your inventory and wield it, charging toward Crucia. She laughs and aims another blast toward you. You duck and throw your shield like a frisbee. She catches it and causes it to rot, throwing it back at you. You move out of the way and equip your Bamboo Staff. As you are about to move closer to her, Nirrak flicks his whip toward Crucia and she is ensnared, pinkish blood rushing to her face. She flies into the air and Nirrak loses his grip on the weapon. She flings it back in his direction and he is pinned to the wall by the force of the hit. She aims her weapons toward him fires a sonic blast. You open your inventory and fling an electric soda out, blowing you toward him. You land in front of him and take the hit, yelling out as you are pounded by sound waves. You stand up and stay still a moment. 

Crucia: giving up, hellb0y?

Your body transforms, turning you into your new form.

Daemon: (I suppose there no time like the present to test this out.)  
Crucia: ?hit, h0w d0 i d0 that?  
Daemon: (Kneeling is a good start.)

You jump into the air and manifest a small amount of Red Miles in your hand, flinging it in her direction. She steps aside and it blows through the wall behind her. You land on the ground and jump diagonally toward her. She laughs as you bring your horns toward her, and she grabs you by the neck. 

Crucia: g00d try  
Daemon: (It is not over yet.)

You aim a punch to her face and it connects, leaving a large mark on her skin. She lets go of your neck in shock and you begin to fall, grabbing her hand on your way down. Falling together, you throw her downward, her body landing with a painful thud on the floor below. You open your inventory and fling your final electric soda behind into the roof ceiling above, accelerating you toward the ground. Crucia rolls out of the way as you land with a powerful knee strike directly where she had been laying. 

Daemon: (Ow.)  
Daemon: (Oh God ow.)

You hold your knees in pain as she approaches you, weapons ready to attack. She brings her weapon down, attempting to slice your face. You bite down hard on her blade, attempting to break through it with Red Miles. She pulls the weapon back and you jump up, whacking her on the side of the head with your Staff. She barely flinches, instead blasting you with her shells, causing you to fly backward, and into the wall. You quickly kick off of the wall, slamming her in the stomach with your elbow. As she reels from the strike you aim several consecutive strikes her way, allowing her only room to dodge.

Eventually she takes a strike to the face and brings her sword down, slicing your arm off again. 

Daemon: SHIT

You hold your wound, now dripping blue blood, and open your inventory. You fling several things in her direction, including….Oh God. Oh God you threw the tadpole.

Crucia: fr0g ye?!

You struggle to run toward the orb holding the tadpole, but end up collapsing due to the pain in your arm. Or. Lack thereof. 

Crucia: i’m impre??ed, daem0n. with ?0me practice y0u c0uld beat me with that f0rm. but n0t t0day.

She takes your head in her hand.

Crucia: my army i? c0ming f0r y0u.  
Crucia: i’m g0nna kill y0u and 0ur friend?.  
Crucia: i’ll take pawzle and we’ll rule the new world t0gether.  
Crucia: i will give y0u a ?lave j0b if y0u agree t0 c0me with me n0w  
Daemon: (We will stop you. I have levels to earn. I will master this form and take you down. For her.)  
Crucia: it really i? a ?hame ?he had t0 be the fir?t 0ne, ?he wa? ?0 nice  
Crucia: well, bye bye f0r n0w

Crucia plants a kiss on your lips and kicks you in the face, knocking you out for a moment. 

disparateGuardian [DG] began trolling demonicShieldsmith [DS]

DG: WELL, THAT WASN’T YOUR MOST GRACEFUL LOSS.  
DS: (I am becoming quite sick of losing limbs.)  
DG: WELL YOU’VE GOT THAT HEALING ABILITY NOW  
DS: (Even so, losing an arm hurts.)  
DS: (Quite a bit, actually.)  
DG: AT THE VERY LEAST IT SEEMS THAT FORM IS QUITE POWERFUL.  
DG: YOU WERE MATCHING A GOD TIER IN STATS. IF YOU’D HAD YOUR WEAPON YOU’D LIKELY HAVE WON.  
DS: (Crucia is a skilled fighter, I have little chance regardless.)  
DS: (I have always been an adventurer, not a fighter like her.)  
DG: DAEMON, YOU HAVE DEFEATED LICHES AT LEVEL 10.  
DG: YOU’RE AMONG THE STRONGEST IN YOUR GROUP.  
DS: (That reminds me of an important topic of conversation; what do you want?)  
DG: I WAS SIMPLY CHECKING IN. YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO MY CAUSE.  
DS: (I am beginning to think we will not be able to beat her at our levels.)  
DG: NO, OF COURSE YOU CAN’T. THAT’S WHY YOU EXPLORE AND LEVEL UP.  
DS: (I shall wake up Nirrak and commence that.)  
DG: AND GET YOUR TADPOLE BACK, IT IS OF UTMOST IMPORTANT TO YOUR JOURNEY.

disparateGuardian [DG] ceased trolling demonicShieldsmith [DS]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was a ride, wasn't it? Let me know what you thought, and feel free to leave Kudos!


	28. Emotional Baggage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, thank you so much! 200 Hits was my ultimate goal from the beginning, and now I've more than reached it! I appreciate your support so very much! I can't say for sure when the next chapter will be as I am working on a different project at the moment, but know the series isn't dead. Thanks again for reading!

Chapter 28: Emotional Baggage

Nirrak: WH47 7H3 FUCK? WH3R3 4M 1?

You look around, finding that you have begun dreaming on Prospit.

Nirrak: 0H CHR157, 1 G07 KN0CK3D 0U7

You look around your room, it is very similar to that of your hive, with notable Prosit-inspired differences. You wander to your window and observe the bright planet around you.

Nirrak: WHY  
Nirrak: WHY 15 17 50 BR1GH7

Looking around, you see no harm in going for a walk, and float out of your window. Around you are several enormous towers, each containing one of your friends. You consider going to see one of them, but decide against it in favour of some alone time. You float forward, still wincing at the brightness of the world around you.

Nirrak: FUUUUCK  
Nirrak: WHY  
Nirrak: WHY PR05P17, WHY CRUC14, WHY 4NY7H1NG?!

You groan loudly and approach a building, where the light seems to be a bit duller. You enter, examining the structure. Inside, the room is mostly empty, except for a few objects that have been knocked over, including a table, a refrigerator, and some chairs. Spilling out of the fridge are several cans of purple soda.

Nirrak: 1 H4V3 700 B1G 0F 4 M1GR41N3 70 C4R3 4B0U7 7H15, H0N3571Y  
???: that so?  
Nirrak: FUCK

You turn around, finding nobody there, but hear some giggling.

???: over here, silly!

You snap your head to where the sound came from, finding the fridge has been righted.

Nirrak: WH0 H45 7H3 B4115?!

???: youu shouuld know by now, duummy!

Nirrak: 5H0W Y0UR531F B3F0R3 1 F11P MY 5H17!  
???: alright alright

A figure appears before you, a familiar troll with blank eyes and horns like candy canes.

Nirrak: N0  
Nirrak: W3 54W Y0U D34D!

 

You back up slightly, pulling out your gun. 

???: calm down nirrak, its me!  
Nirrak: Y0U C4N’7 B3!  
Toorah: sweetie, its really me!  
Nirrak: H0W?!  
Toorah: im a ghosssttttttt  
Toorah: wooooooo!!!!!

You take a moment to catch your breath before backing up more. 

Nirrak: 700R4H, 15 17 R3411Y Y0U?  
Toorah: yes, sweetie, its me.   
Toorah: im a spooker!  
Toorah: ghostie! hehe

A tear forms in the corner of your eye and you move forward.

Nirrak: H-H0W?!  
Toorah: space magixxxx  
Nirrak: 1  
Nirrak: 1 R3411Y C4N’7 B3113V3 7H15  
Toorah: believe it!   
Toorah: sit down and well have a talk.

You sit at the now righted table, almost falling over. A purple soda appears in front of you and you crack it open. 

Nirrak: C01D  
Toorah: probably  
Nirrak: 0K, W3’R3 51771NG. 3XP141N. 1’M C41M.  
Toorah: good. first of all, ghooooossssttttt

You allow yourself to snicker.

Nirrak: Y35, Y0U’R3 4 GH057.  
Toorah: prospit is nicer than derse. less dreary.   
Nirrak: Y0U’RE CH4NG1NG 7H3 5UBJ3C7  
Toorah: right, yeah  
Toorah: have i mentioned that i can hear again?  
Toorah: i guuess injuries don’t carry over when youure a ghost  
Nirrak: R-R3411Y?  
Toorah: i got so uused to being deaf, this is weird  
Toorah: i can hear you  
Toorah: i honestly forgot what youur voice souunded like  
Nirrak: 1  
Nirrak: 1’M 50RRY, 4G41N, F0R 7H47  
Toorah: sweetie i forgave youu a long time ago  
Toorah: hell, youu were trying to help fix kaltens life!  
Toorah: if that isnt a good reason to injuure somebody i dont know what is  
Toorah: and youu got huurt too, remember.  
Nirrak: R1GH7, 7H47

You rub the stump where Crucia blew your prosthetic leg off. 

Nirrak: 57111 K1ND4 HUR75  
Toorah: probably, cruucia blew it off  
Nirrak: W417...H0W D0 Y0U KN0W 4B0U7 7H47?  
Toorah: i was there, duummy  
Nirrak: 45 4 C0RP53  
Toorah: as a ghost.  
Nirrak: 50...Y0U 54W 3V3RY7H1NG?  
Toorah: i did, mr. grimdark.  
Toorah: youuve always had a flair for the dramatic, huuh?  
Nirrak: 5H17  
Nirrak: 1 UH  
Nirrak: Y0U W3R3 JU57 MURD3R3D, 700R4H. 1 W45N’7 G0NN4 137 7H47 511D3  
Nirrak: 3V3N 7H0UGH 1 JU37 FUCK1NG M4D3 H3R 57R0NG3R  
Nirrak: 1’M 5UCH 4 FUCK1NG 1D107!

You stand and kick your now empty can of soda across the room. 

Toorah: hey!  
Toorah: allmax, youu sit down!

You comply, growling at yourself.

Nirrak: F3157Y  
Toorah: we both know im basically youur luusuus, nirrak.  
Nirrak: QU137, Y0U  
Toorah: youu need to get off youur back abouut all of this, nirrak.   
Nirrak: 4ND H0W 4M 1 5UPP053D 70 D0 7H47?!  
Toorah: youu need to know that my death was not youur fauult.   
Nirrak: BU7 17 W45! 1 C0U1D H4V3 G0N3 1N 1N5734D!  
Toorah: then what wouuld have happened? she might might have killed pawzle instead!  
Nirrak: BU7-  
Toorah: dont even say it. shes juust as important as me, the little cuutie.  
Nirrak: 700R4H, Y0U W3R3 57111 K1113D. 1 C4N’7 137 7H47 G0  
Toorah: of couurse not, nirrak. i want youu to hang her with my whip, buut youu cant beat youurself uup over it.   
Toorah: i know it wasnt youure fauult, and i know youu did everything youu couuld to stop her.  
Toorah: i also know none of youu can stop her uuntil youu get stronger. shes real strong.   
Nirrak: FUUUUCK  
Nirrak: Y0U’R3 FUCK1NG M3 UP  
Nirrak: 1F 1 W4K3 UP W111 Y0U 57111 B3 H3R3? 1 N33D 70 50R7 7H1NG5 0U7 1N 7H3 W4K1NG W0R1D  
Toorah: i duunno, ghost stuuff is weird  
Nirrak: UGH  
Nirrak: 1 D0N’7 KN0W 1F 1 C4N D0 411 0F 7H15, 700R4H  
Nirrak: 1 M34N Y0U’V3 B33N 5UPP0R71NG M3 7HR0UGH 411 0F 7H15, 4ND 100K WH47 H4PP3N3D 7H3 53C0ND 1 1057 Y0U!  
Toorah: honey it wasnt that bad  
Nirrak: 1 G07 Y0U K1113D, FR34K3D 0U7 4ND M4D3 Y0UR K1113R 57R0NG3R. WH47 4B0U7 7H47 15N’7 50 B4D?  
Toorah: ok  
Toorah: buut  
Toorah: ok  
Toorah: ok so maybe youu fuucked uup, buut youu have the uultimate chance to redeem youurself!  
Nirrak: 700R4H 1 4M 4 FUCKUP, 1’M G01NG 70 G37 3V3RYB0DY K1113D 1F 1 D0 4NY7H1NG 3153 0N MY 0WN!  
Toorah: quuiet with that! honey, youu can do anything youu puut youur mind to. youu built a prosthetic leg, a healing potion that powered uup kalten, saved kalten from his situuation with the game, youuve done some cool shit.   
Nirrak: 1’V3 4150 G07 MY B357 FR13ND K1113D, G07 MY 455 K1CK3D 53V3R41 71M35, P3RM4N4N71Y 1NJUR3D MY B357 FR13ND, 4ND F4113D 47 R0M4NC3  
Toorah: youu cant be so hard on youurself. youu are going to go ouut there, puunch cruucia in her stuupid face, and kiss daemon right on the lips.  
Nirrak: BU7 700R4H 1 CAN’7!  
Toorah: bUuT tOoRaH i CaNt  
Toorah: no excuuses!  
Toorah: i believe in youu. youu are destined for so many things. now go ouut there, forgive youurself, master that grimdark power, and make me prouud

Your body begins to vibrate and glitch.

Nirrak: 1 7H1NK 1’M W4K1NG UP! FUCK, N07 Y37!  
Toorah: then i guuess this is goodbye  
Nirrak: 700R4H...1 10V3 Y0U  
Nirrak: 1 41W4Y5 H4V3  
Toorah: and youu finally worked it uup to tell me.   
Nirrak: P13453 D0N’7 G0  
Toorah: i have to baby, visit me in a dream buubble some time  
Nirrak: 1 4M G01NG 70 M155 Y0U  
Toorah: i will too, silly.  
Toorah: oh, and nirrak?

Your eyes widen as Toorah pulls you in, gently connecting your lips in a passionate kiss.

Toorah: i love youu too

Daemon: NIRRAK!   
Nirrak: FUCK!

You look around, finding that you are in the room where you passed out. 

Daemon: (You were not waking up.)  
Nirrak: 1 W15H 1 HADN’7  
Daemon: (This again?)  
Nirrak: JU57..N3V3RM1ND. 1 H4V3 70 D0 50M37H1NG 1N MY H1V3  
Daemon: (I will assist you.)

You make your way through your planet’s maze, looking for the return node.

Nirrak: 1 H4D 4 DR34M 4B0U7 700R4H  
Daemon: (Oh. I hope it was not unpleasant.)  
Nirrak: N0...N0 17 W45 N1C3. 5H3 D1D N07H1NG BU7 3NC0UR4G3 M3  
Daemon: (Sounds in character for her.)  
Nirrak: 1 W4N7 70 574R7 F0RG1V1NG MY531F...1F 0N1Y 70 M4K3 H3R H4PPY

You arrive in your hive, moving into the lab, where the broken teleporter sits idle. 

Nirrak: UN51GH71Y. C0U1D Y0U 11F7 7H15 UP F0R M3?

Daemon moves to the side and easily hoists the large machine. You back up and run toward it, delivering a powerful kick to the hunk of metal. It flies out of the window, becoming lost in the void below.

Nirrak: 17 W45 4BOU7 71M3 1 G07 R1D 0F 7H47 G4RBAG3.  
Daemon: (It would seem you have much more room in your lab now.)  
Nirrak: G00D, 1 W111 PU7 50M37H1NG 7H3R3. 4 FR33Z3R 0R CRUC14'5 C0RP53 0R 50M37H1NG

You look to the sky and subtly clench your fist.

Nirrak: I will make you proud, Toorah.

Kalten: i GOT a 6  
Pawzle: and 9 hErE!

You are now Kalten. You enter a code into the dinner plate in front of you and it opens, revealing a thanksgiving meal. 

Kalten: let’s DIG in!

You begin to eat, cutting your meat in a polite and dignified way, and sitting with your shoulders up straight.

Pawzle: yoU don’t havE to sit so ProPErLy yoU know  
Kalten: but  
Kalten: lizard KING told ME to  
Kalten: and HE’S rad AS shit  
Pawzle: that Paws in front of a king thoUgh  
Pawzle: this is jUst a nicE dinnEr  
Kalten: so I don’t ALWAYS have TO?

You look up at the lizard family, who nod in response. You sigh in relief and relax your body, sliding down slightly in the chair. 

Kalten: i AM learning SO much ON this ADVENTURE  
Pawzle: good! yoU nEvEr lEarnEd mUch whErE yoU wErE, hUh?  
Kalten: nope, PRETTY shit DOWN there  
Kalten: cold AS shit AND i WAS alone  
Kalten: i CUT my OWN hair  
Kalten: never GOT to BATHE, really  
Kalten: shit SUCKED

An awkward silence falls over the room as the salamander mother covers her child’s ears at Kalten’s swearing.

Kalten: did I do SOMETHING wrong?  
Pawzle: honEy yoU arEn’t sUPPosEd to swEar at the tabLE

Your eyes widen and you politely bow to the hosts. 

Kalten: my SIN cara  
Kalten: no  
Kalten: sincerest APOLOGIES

The mother smiles and the family continue eating, the rest of the meal mostly silent. You thank the family for the meal and leave with Pawzle.

Kalten: that WAS awkward  
Pawzle: yoU can’t swEar in front of chiLdrEn honEy  
Kalten: well HOW was I supposed TO know THAT?  
Kalten: not LIKE i HAD a SUPER rad DAD to TELL me

You approach a small field outside of the house where a salamander is working steadily to harvest grain. You move to him, offering to help. He gestures around, where several crows pick at grain.

Kalten: you WANT us TO get RID of THEM?

The salamander nods and you go to work, collecting crows with a combination of ice traps and chain traps from Pawzle. You soon present the collection of frozen and trapped birds to the salamander, who seems pleased. He presents you each with a small hand full of boonbucks, which you eagerly take. You assist the salamander in releasing the birds into the air, all mostly uninjured. You wave goodbye and turn your back before a large shadow appears in the sky. Turning around, you find that the crows have moved together to form the shape of a larger crow, Finding Nemo style. It zooms toward you and Pawzle, and you move to the left, dodging a strike. You slide an ice sword through the side of the monster, slicing several crows off of the bunch. They turn around and attempt the same attack, rushing toward you. Pawzle throws several of her pieces and destroys a small amount of crows in the front. You throw the ice sword, the resulting explosion scattering the group. They quickly form together again and rush you, ignoring Pawzle. They surround you, pecking and scratching violently at your flesh. You put your arms up defensively and surround them with ice. 

Pawzle: UsE yoUr void PowErs!

Totally not forgetting you could do that, you concentrate and teleport out of the ambush, beside Pawzle. She swings her chain shuriken into the group, narrowly missing all of them. They rush toward you again and you put up an ice barrier, encasing you and Pawzle.

Kalten: so MANY! feathery ASSHOLES  
Pawzle: this is a PUZZLE, it mUst havE a wEak Point  
Kalten: where?!   
Pawzle: find onE that Looks diffErEnt

You break the ice and move out, slashing crows with ice swords. Looking around, you see one with one red eye.

Kalten: get THE one WITH pink EYE!

You stick your hand out, a purple portal forming around it. Your arm appears out of another portal much higher, narrowly missing the head crow.

Pawzle: didn’t know yoU coULd do that  
Kalten: me EITHER

You try again, the hand ending up in Pawzle’s pocket instead.

Pawzle: hands to yoUrsELf!

You try once more, your hand grabbing Pawzle’s shuriken as she throws it violently at the birds. You are sent through, riding the weapon.

Kalten: fuck YEAH!

You fly forward and land a punch on the main crow’s face. It pecks violently at you and you surround your fist with ice, delivering another punch. The ice explodes and you fly backward, falling to the ground and landing on your wrist.

Kalten: fuck NO!

The crows all fall dead to the ground and you lay, your hand aching. 

Pawzle: don’t worry hUn, i’LL hEaL yoU 

Pawzle takes your wrist and heals it. 

Kalten: feels GOOD  
Pawzle: wE shoULd go now

You proceed, spotting a ring ahead.

disparateGuardian [DG] began trolling frozenRenegade [FR]

DG: KALTEN BLUTIG  
FR: sup DAWG?  
DG: I AM TESSERACT. I AM FRIENDS WITH NIRRAK AND DAEMON  
FR: kalten  
FR: guess YOU knew THAT  
DG: YOU NEED TO CONTINUE FORWARD  
DG: I’M TRAPPED AND YOU CAN HELP ME  
FR: i MEAN i CAN break STUFF  
DG: NOT QUITE THAT, BUT YOU CAN CONTINUE FORWARD  
DG: I THINK BEATING YOUR PERSONAL QUESTS WILL HELP ME GET WHERE I NEED TO GO  
FR: aiight MY man  
FR: was GONNA do IT ANYWAY  
DG: NOW LOOK BEHIND YOU, THERE IS A VISITOR

disparateGuardian [DG] ceased trolling frozenRenegade [FR]

You look behind as Tesseract instructed, finding your sprite.

Laglasssprite: HEARD you BEEN talkin SHIT ;)

You are now Crucia. You sit in the queen’s throne room, playing with the genesis tadpole. The queen enters the room, sitting in her throne, a tired look on her face. She asks what you’re just sitting around for.

Crucia: army i? ready, ju?t waiting for the battle t0 ?tart

This, of course, is a lie. You have not even started.

She asks if you managed to get that powerful friend.

Crucia: naw ?he wa?n’t plea?ed to ?ee me

She asks why you didn’t force her.

Crucia: queen.. y0u ever been in l0ve?

She says that love is a waste of time and tells you to get to work before she cuts you in half.

Crucia: i really wa? in l0ve with her. but i fucked it up.   
Crucia: d0 y0u ever d0ubt y0ur?eelf?

She says that dersites aren’t allowed doubt and that she’s sick of this conversation already.

Crucia: right, c0ur?e n0t  
Crucia: i’ll get t0 w0rk

You leave, the tadpole in the ball Toorah left it in, and move to the war room.

Crucia: ya’ll dumba??e? Better ?peed it up in here

Jack Noir glares at you, signing in prisoners to fight as soldiers.

Crucia: fightin by t0minn0w m0rning

Jack tells you to shove tomorrow up your ass and goes back to his job. You laugh and move down the hall, finding your quarters. The small room has a kiddie pool in the corner, which you ordered in instead of a bed. You slip inside, floating gently on the surface with your hands behind your head.

Crucia: wa? thi? the right ch0ice?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I enjoyed writing this chapter more than usual! Also ten points to anybody who can find the two memes in Toorah and Nirrak's conversation. Tell me in the comments! Thanks for reading! -Gliskanar


	29. War and Puzzle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyy guys I'm here with another chapter. I've decided to end these notes with my name as well, like a letter or something. Happy reading! -Gliskanar

Chapter 29: War and Puzzle

 

Daemon: (Nirrak, if I may, what are you doing?)  
Nirrak: 1 W4N7 70 M4573R MY GR1MD4RK P0W3R, 1 7H1NK 17 W111 B3 U53FU1

You are Nirrak. You flex violently, fading in and out of time as you walk. 

Daemon: (That cannot be healthy.)

You give up, the process having exhausted you. 

Nirrak: 1 C4N D0 17 50M3H0W  
Daemon: (My form has been difficult to use as well. It seems I can only activate it in times of need at the moment. Or perhaps not, who is to know?)  
Nirrak: 7H47 7H1NG 15 57111 BU115H17  
Daemon: (Agreed, but it is useful.)

The two of you descend a staircase, having explored the planet for a full hour now, and enter a lower level which looks much the same as the rest of the maze-like planet. In the room in front of you is a gate.

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] began trolling disparateGuardian [DG] 

RI: H37 DUMB455  
DG: AH, ASSWAD BULGESNIFF. HOW CAN I HELP YOU?  
RI: WHY 15 MY G473 H3R3? 1 7HOUGH7 7H3Y W3R3 411 4B0V3 MY H0U53  
DG: AH, THAT. SEE, THIS IS HOW THE GATES WERE SUPPOSED TO GO. YOUR SECOND GATE WOULD LEAD YOU TO YOUR SERVER PLAYER’S PLANET, AND YOU WOULD FIND YOUR THIRD ABOVE THEIR HOUSE, AND SO ON   
DG: BUT WHATEVER MORON MODIFIED YOUR GAME PUT ALL OF THEM ABOVE THE HOUSES INSTEAD OF HAVING ONE ON EACH PLANET FOR EACH PLAYER  
DG: I THINK THE SPACE BURST DID A SOFT RESET AND CORRECTED SMALL THINGS LIKE THAT. THIS GATE WILL NOW LEAD TO YOUR SERVER’S HOUSE, AND THEIR SECOND GATE WILL ACT AS YOUR THIRD.  
RI: 7H47’5 4NN0Y1NG, 7H3Y W3R3 50 C0NV13N13N7 B3F0R3  
DG: I GUESS SOMEBODY RETCONNED IT, AMONG OTHER THINGS  
DG: NPC CHARACTERS MAY TALK NOW  
DG: BY THE WAY HOW IS PROGRESS GOING?   
RI: 510W. 1 C4N’7 F1Y 50 G3771NG 70 MY 7H1RD G473 W111 B3 4 P41N W17H0U7 411 0F 0UR 53RV3R P14Y3R5  
DG: YES, WELL, I SUPPOSE YOU WILL HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF BUILDING UP YOURSELF  
RI: UGH, WHY D035 7H15 G4M3 H4V3 70 B3 50 10NG  
DG: REASONS, NOW GET TO IT.

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] ceased trolling disparateGuardian [DG] 

 

You look to Daemon and the two of you jump into the portal, both soon falling onto a hard metal hatch.

Nirrak: FUCK  
Daemon: (Ow)

You stand up, dusting yourself off, and find that the house you are on is surrounded by water. 

Nirrak: GR347, CRUC14’5 P14N37  
Daemon: (Let us find your gate, shall we?)

You look up, a new gate several feet above you.

Daemon: (Well it seems we have two options. Either ask Pawzle to keep building this house, or find another way up.)  
Nirrak: G3771NG 3V3RYB0DY 70 F1N15H BU11D1NG W111 74K3 F0R3V3R

Daemon makes a noise and begins to flex, his body parts slowly growing.

Nirrak: WH47 4R3 Y0U D01NG?  
Daemon: (Tesseract said it was possible this form had wings, I wish to test the theory.)

Daemon’s fangs grow, and he achieves his transformed state. He continues to flex, small nubs coming out of his back.

Nirrak: N34R7’5 W1NG5…

Daemon yells a growling yell and a set of six foot dragon wings sprout from his back. He flaps them experimentally and rises into the air.

Daemon: (I believe our transportation system has been established.)

You are now Kalten. Laglasssprite has just appeared and you have engaged in conversation with him.

Laglasssprite: SUP boi?  
Kalten: sup DAWG?  
Laglasssprite: HEARD you BEEN talkin SHIT ;)  
Kalten: ha YEAH, was MOSTLY a JOKE though MY man  
Laglasssprite: I do FEEL bad THOUGH, man. I wasn’t THERE when YOU were GROWING up.  
Laglasssprite: ALL dead N’ shit  
Kalten: i MEAN you WERE dead, WHAT was I gonna DO?  
Laglasssprite: IMMA join YA’LL if YA don’t MIND  
Kalten: course DAWG, hop IN  
Laglasssprite: AINT riding NOTHING son  
Kalten: expressions MY man  
Laglasssprite: HAH, right.   
Laglasssprite: I just  
Laglasssprite: ARE we COOL, kalten?  
Laglasssprite: I know LIFE was ROUGH without A lusus BUT i DID my BEST  
Kalten: man I would’ve BEEN killed WITHOUT you  
Kalten: fuckin RED blood N’ shit  
Kalten: i KNOW you COULDN’T do NOTHIN’ about BEIN’ dead  
Laglasssprite: HAH, true  
Kalten:...awkward DAD hug?  
Laglasssprite:...AWKWARD dad HUG

You embrace your lusus, his energy warm on your face.

Pawzle: yoU gUys arE dorks :3P  
Kalten: damn RIGHT  
Laglasssprite: DAMN right  
Pawzle: it’s good that yoU two can bE togEthEr now thoUgh  
Pawzle: and that kaLtEn nEvEr hatEd yoU  
Pawzle: it’s LikE charactEr dEvELoPEmEnt or somEthing  
Kalten: hah, YEAH  
Kalten: i GOT a SWEET bro NOw  
Kalten: aint THE type OF shit TO complain ABOUT  
Laglasssprite: I’M gonna MAKE so MANY dad JOKES though  
Kalten: please DON’T  
Laglasssprite: IT’S coming  
Kalten: please NO  
Kalten: i’m IN no MOOD for THIS  
Laglasssprite: HI in NO mood FOR this  
Laglasssprite: I’M dad  
Kalten: imma SMACK you  
Laglasssprite: GO to YOUR room  
Laglasssprite: CAVE  
Laglasssprite: KNOW what ACTUALLY that PLACE was A grade A piece OF shit DON’T go THERE  
Laglasssprite: GO somewhere I don’t GIVE a FUCK

You chuckle and continue forward, arriving at a large stone wall. In front is a door with a keyhole. Leaning against the wall mostly silent are some shady Salamanders in hoodies, one of whom has a key around their neck. 

Kalten: i CAN probably STREET talk THEM into GIVING that UP  
Pawzle: PawLEasE bE carEfUL

You approach the wall, leaning your back against it and saying silent for a few minutes.

Kalten: fuckin BULLSHIT man  
Salamander: I know  
Kalten: i MEAN, puzzles ARE hard  
Kalten: why MAKE a FUCKIN planet OF them  
Salamander: Agreed  
Salamander: Been at this shitty maze for days now, bunch of my friends got lost.  
Salamander: Hate this damn place  
Kalten: think THIS is BAD? i GREW up IN an ICE cave  
Salamander: I feel ya, man  
Salamander: Pretty lass you’re traveling with  
Kalten: she REALLY is, MAN  
Kalten: real GOOD at THESE puzzles  
Kalten: we WERE thinkin’ OF taking A crack AT this MAZE  
Salamander: Be my fuckin guest

The salamander hands you the key.

Kalten: ya’ll CAN join US if YA want, FIND a NEW place TO live  
Salamander: Naw, we wanna figure it out. What’s the point if we don’t  
Kalten: fair ENOUGH man, PEACE

You fist bump the salamander and return to your group.

Kalten: you READY?  
Pawzle: LEt’s soLvE a maZE!

You are now Crucia, two hours in the future.

Crucia: aiight fi?hen up, kip?hit?  
Crucia: ?ee th0?e white a??h0le??  
Crucia: fuck ‘em up  
Crucia: they’re evil  
Crucia: queen want? em dead 

You stand, weapons at the ready in front of an army of Dersite soldiers. The king stands behind the army, in his full prototyped form. He looks similar to an average black king, but several stories high. On his head are two large ram’s horns, both sharpened to deadly points, and a set of large cat ears. His eyes are jet black like a shark’s, and in his mouth are four rows of razor sharp teeth, and a very long, thin tongue, his lips forming an anime cat mouth. Moving down, his torso is that of a regular human, with the exception of two folded down 50 foot dragon’s wings, sharpened for combat, and a shark’s dorsal fin, also sharpened. His arms are covered in hair, and the fingers end in several foot long sharp claws. From the waist down are a long lizard’s tail, and several long, spindly crab legs, all ending in hooves. The queen stands at the back of the pack, armed with a standard regisword, awaiting retrieval of the white queen’s ring during the battle. Around the queen are Jack Noir and his gang, all armed with weapons. Opposing them are a similar army of prospitians. 

Crucia: aiight guy? I g0t n0 big ?peech  
Crucia: fuck ‘em up

The soldiers let out a collective yell and begin to march toward the advancing prospitian troops. You fly into the air, swooping down to cut through several opposing troops as you advance. You approach the white royalty but the king punches you away, growling menacingly at you. You laugh and rush forward again, cutting his arm in half lengthwise as you move. He screams in pain and you come face to face with him. 

Crucia: hey babe

The king roars and an enormous blast of fire erupts from his mouth, engulfing you. After the attack he steps back to assess the damage. The smoke clears and you float there, barely fazed by the attack, though your clothes are singed.

Crucia: that all y0u g0t?

The king attempts to punch you with his intact hand, the strike not even moving you from your position. 

Crucia: excu?e me, waitre??? may i have an0ther?

The king yells in frustration and grabs you with his intact hand, squeezing with all of his might. 

Crucia: k, that 0ne hurt? a little

You push your arms out enough to soften his grip a bit and he screams in pain as you carve a large circle out of his hand, only the edges of the hand and the fingers left now. You slip through the hole as he screams and fly to his face, jamming your swords into his eyeballs and twisting. He screams more and you pull them out, the eyes skewered on your weapons. You flick them to the ground, pinning the white queen to the ground by her arms. You open your sylladex and shoot out your old diamond weapons, throwing them down to pin the queen’s arms down more permanently. You turn your attention back to the screaming king and rush forward, cutting his head in half vertically. You blast a shot from your weapons and his body rag dolls to the ground, dead. You smile and look down at the queen, who struggles to escape her situation. You turn off your flight and fall to the ground, spinning as you go. The queen’s eyes go wide and you land, slamming your weapons directly into her head. You move the king’s eyes and cut the queen’s finger off, taking the ring for yourself. You fly back to your queen. 

Crucia: g0t y0ur thingy

The queen tells you that you did a fantastic job. 

Crucia: thank?, n0w let’? wreck ?0me ?hit

She tells you that you will, and warns you to never tell her what to do again.

Crucia: yeah whatever

The queen puts on the ring and transforms into something very similar to the king. She marches forward, murdering any prospitians in her path. You follow, slashing through masses of soldiers with no remorse. Several minutes of this pass before you stand atop the corpse of the king, looking at the result. Corpses of both colors litter the chessboard planet before you. The queen congratulates you, and says that you will be promoted for this.

Crucia: yup, we did it.  
Crucia: and t0 think…

She asks you what is wrong.

Crucia: i ju?t…  
Crucia: alm0?t wish they c0uld have been here with me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much happened this chapter except for the Crucia part, but the action will pick back up soon, don't worry. Feel free to leave kudos and tell me what you thought! Thanks for reading! -Gliskanar


	30. Gates of Hell...Well, Not Really

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 30, woo! What will happen? Will somebody else die? Will Nirrak finally confess? Both are unlikely. Happy reading! -Gliskanar

Chapter 30: Gates of Hell...Well, Not Really

Daemon: (How does it feel, Nirrak?)  
Nirrak: ...N05741G1C

You revel at the wind on your face as Daemon flies you forward, his new wings serving him well. You fly over the water of Crucia’s planet, the view admittedly beautiful.

Nirrak: D43M0N?  
Daemon: (Yes?)  
Nirrak: 1 H4V3N’7 B33N 7H15 H4PPY 1N 4 10NG 71M3  
Nirrak: 1 W4N73D Y0U 70 KN0W 7H47   
Nirrak: 1 H4V3N’7 H4D 4 M0M3N7 11K3 7H15  
Nirrak: 0V3R 7H3 W473R, 11K3 1’M F1Y1NG W17H N34R7 4G41N, F1N411Y W17H MY B357 FR13ND  
Nirrak: 1 7H1NK 7H1NG5 M1GH7 B3 0K  
Daemon: (I am quite pleased to know that you feel that way, Nirrak. A moment of peace has been sorely needed.)  
Daemon: (Hearing you happy for once is a shock, but I’m glad.)

You blush green.

Nirrak: 1’M N07 H4PPY. 1 4M 4 B31NG 0F FURY.  
Nirrak: JU57 H4D 4 M0M3N7 70 7H1NK 15 411  
Daemon: (Well it has certainly been nice to hear some positivity from you.)  
Daemon: (Shall we return to our adventure?)  
Nirrak: Y34H, W3 H4V3 W0RK 70 D0

The two of you fly back to the second ring above Crucia’s hive, popping through and ending up on top of Pawzle’s hive. 

Daemon: (Our friends are here, shall we go and see them?)  
Nirrak: 5UR3, WHY N07?

You fly forward, pulling up the screen on your eyepiece.

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] began trolling frozenRenegade [FR]

RI: K4173N  
FR: yo  
RI: WH3R3 4R3 Y0U GUY5 W3’R3 0N P4WZ13’5 P14N37  
FR: some MAZE  
FR: couldn’t TELL you WHERE, this PLACE is HUGE  
FR: shit’s A literal PLANET  
RI: 1 KN0W, Y0U 541D 4 M4Z3?  
FR: yup, HERE with PAWZLE and LAGAR  
FR: turns OUT he’s SUPER chill  
FR: guys SAY hi  
FR: hEy, nirrak!  
FR: SUP dawg?  
FR: wait SHIT this ISN'T a VOICE thing  
RI: D035N’7 M4773R, W3’R3 C0M1NG 70 H4NG 0U7  
FR: aiight DAWG we’ll BE waiting  
RI: 41R1GH7  
RI:...D4WG

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] began trolling frozenRenegade [FR]

Daemon: (Dawg?)  
Nirrak: 17’5 WH47 K4173N 54Y5 5HU7 UP  
Daemon: (I hope this trend continues.)  
Nirrak: WH47 7R3ND  
Daemon: (You being pleasant. You seem happy flying and you made a joke.)

You blush again.

Nirrak: 1...5H3 W4N73D M3 70 H341. 5H3 41W4Y5 D1D  
Daemon: (And I am glad that you are trying.)

The two of you land on the top edge of a brick maze, looking around. Looking down you spot your friends.

Nirrak: H3Y 455H0135  
Kalten: hey!

Daemon flies down and retracts his form, clearly expending some energy. You move up to Kalten and he puts his fist up straight. You awkwardly fist bump him.

Kalten: rad  
Nirrak: ...R4D  
Pawzle: hUUUggsss

She pulls everybody into a group hug, squeezing you hard. You allow yourself a small smile.

Nirrak: H1 P4WZ13  
Pawzle: what arE yoU gUys doing hErE?  
Daemon: (Our last gate took us here so we decided to come visit. It is nice to see you, as well as your new sprite friend.)  
Laglasssprite: SUP homie?  
Nirrak: W3’R3 1N 4 M4Z3 1 533  
Daemon: (Shall we help you cheat your way through?)  
Nirrak: Y0U, CH347?  
Daemon: (A hero must do unsavory things at times in order to save those he strives to.)  
Nirrak: 7H47’5...C0RR3C7, Y34H. WHY 411 0F 4 5UDD3N?  
Daemon: (It was something Olc told me.)

Daemon flexes, again attaining his form and flying into the air. 

Daemon: YOUR GATE IS OVER HERE!

He calls to the group and offers his hand, each of you grabbing onto him at once.

Nirrak: Y0U’V3 G0773N 50 57R0NG  
Daemon: (This form gives me an exceptional stat boost.)

He flies all of you over to a corner where a gate sits idle.

Pawzle: it Paws so nicE to sEE yoU!

She hugs everybody again and she and Kalten jump onto the gate, passing through with no effect.

Kalten: the HELL?

The ground begins to rumble and the maze moves upward.

“CHEATERS! THIS IS NOT THE SPIRIT OF PUZZLES!”

The maze flips forward, dumping your group out and shifting pieces around. Pieces move in and out, eventually forming a large robot made of brick with a small maze depressed in the torso.

“YOU WILL BE PUNISHED!”

The robot sends a punch in Daemon’s direction, the other troll blocking with his shield, and you move to him, fiercely kicking the large arm away. Kalten teleports over, spin slashing the arm in half with two ice swords. You look triumphantly at the severed limb before the robot absorbs it, the arm healing instantly. You furrow your brow and fire a shot at it, the energy gear bouncing harmlessly off of the creature’s surface.

Pawzle: i think wE nEEd to soLvE thE maZE!   
Kalten: how? I suck AT puzzles!

Kalten deflects a blow from the creature’s arm, his ice blowing it back.

Daemon: (I shall do it, I can fly into it. I will need you to occupy the arms.)  
Pawzle: on it!  
Nirrak: 54M3 H3R3!  
Kalten: aiight  
Laglasssprite: LET’S do THIS

Daemon flies upward, quickly soaring into the bottom of the maze as the others distract the monster. Pawzle wraps the left arm in her chain and holds it still, Kalten freezes the joint of the other shoulder with a portal, and Nirrak immobilizes the legs with repeated strikes from his own prosthetic. Daemon flies through the maze, a column of brick falling from the ceiling in front of the gate. Daemon breathes in, soon exhaling a blast of red miles and blowing up the column. He flies through it as it begins to repair itself and touches the gate with his hand. The robot stops moving, collapsing into rubble. Bricks fall, the supporting trolls moving out of the way. Nirrak blows up bricks with his gun as they fall, the robot quickly collapsing now. The final brick falls and Daemon squirms under the rubble. He takes a deep breath and fires more red miles, clearing enough brick to escape.

Daemon: (For such a tough seeming boss that was exceptionally easy.)  
Kalten: we’re GETTING all THEM gains SON

You each level up three times, gaining the ranks “Sherlock and Pawtson”, “Ice Breaker Extraordinaire”, and “Devil Will Not Cry Again”.

Pawzle: wELL, off wE go! LEt’s try to hUrry to oUr dEnizEns, ok?   
Nirrak: W3’11 7RY 0UR B357

You say your goodbyes and return to the portal above Pawzle’s house, teleporting to Kalten’s planet. 

Daemon: (Oh. Oh dear.)

You gasp as Daemon passes out in the snow.

You are now Tesseract. You have grown bored with waiting for the trolls and decide to appearify some things. Messing around with the computer, you locate the session you had previously looked at. A troll dressed as a sailor destroys an ogre with a punch to the face, clearly not feeling the need for his weapon. You grow curious, and decide to visit this new session later. You switch the view to a young human girl playing with squiddles. Beside her is...Bequerel? Ah, your old friend. This must be Jade Harley. You appearify two Squiddles which were tangled in a corner. You switch again, finding a view of the battlefield, littered with corpses with Crucia standing in the center. 

disparateGuardian [DG] began trolling urselasTentacle [UT] 

DG: STUPID FISH GIRL  
UT: h0w dare  
DG: I NEED YOU TO MOVE EXACTLY ONE INCH TO THE LEFT.

She cocks her head confusedly to the side and moves as you requested. You push a button and the Squiddles appearify in front of her, clasping together on her head. 

UT: fi?ht 0f all h0w dare y0u  
DG: PPPFFTTTT  
UT: i dunn0 wh0 y0u are but i like y0u  
DG: THANK YOU  
DG: I BELIEVE MYSELF TO BE A DECENT PRANKSTER.  
UT: i’ll talk t0 y0u later c00l guy i g0t m0re w0rk t0 d0

disparateGuardian [DG] ceased trolling urselasTentacle [UT] 

You chuckle and realise that you’re bored again. You really wish those trolls would hurry up. You switch the view to Derse, where a white figure sits on a table. Ah, your creation. You remember sitting on that table as the behest of the queen. Honestly you are surprised the Dersites could make something so complex. A result of the humans tampering with the game, you suppose. 

You are now Crucia. You chuckle at this cool new guy and peel the squiddles from your face. You offer one to the queen and she accepts, uncharacteristically playing with the toy. 

Crucia: gue?? n0w we ju?t wait

The queen says that there is nothing left to do but activate the Reckoning.

Crucia: c0uld we maybe wait?

She asks what the taint chafing fuck you could possibly want to wait for.

Crucia: d0 y0u want a ?tr0ng gr0up 0f challenger??

The queen tells you to go on.

Crucia: my friend? will be c0ming within the next c0uple 0f day?, we c0uld ?ee h0w ?tr0ng they g0t  
Crucia: and...i c0uld ?ay ?0me thing? t0 pawzle that i need to ?ay

She groans and tells you noon tomorrow she’s blowing this shit up. 

Crucia: yup, ?h0uld be en0ugh time

urselasTentacle [UT] opened a memo

UT: hey guy? and whatever nirrak i?  
UT: g0t ?0me ?hit t0 tell y0u ?0 fi?hen up  
UT: we’re bl0win thi? ?hit up t0m0rr0w at n00n  
UT: i g0t ?hit t0 ?ay ?0 y0u better ?h0w up and fight  
UT: 0n the battlefield  
UT: be there 0r be ?quare i gue??  
UT: can’t even type that ir0nicalimary  
UT: and, everyb0dy?  
UT: i’m ?orry

urselasTentacle [UT] closed the memo

Pawzle: crUcia, wait!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooo, where is this going? Find out next chapter! Tell me what you thought in the comments! Thanks for reading! -Gliskanar


	31. Emotional Baggage 2: Already Used This Joke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, it has been making me so happy to see the response this story is getting lately. I love you guys for it. Thank you. -Gliskanar

Chapter 31: Emotional Baggage 2: Already Used This Joke

RI: 7H3. FUCK1NG. G411.  
FR: i KNOW buddy BUT maybe CHILL out?  
FR: you’re UPSETTING kitty GALORE  
RI: WH0?  
FR: pawzle  
PH: i  
PH: Ugh  
RI: P4WZ13 1  
RI: 1’M 50RRY  
RI: P4W13453 D0N’7 B3 M4D  
RI: W417 FUCK  
PH: :3  
RI: 1’M 7RY1NG 70 B3 M0R3 7R4NQU11  
RI: 17’5 N07 FUCK1NG W0RK1NG  
RI: BU7 4NYW4Y W3 H4V3 M0R3 PR3551NG M4773R5  
RI: 5H3 F0RM411Y CH4113NG3D U5. 7H4NK5 70 H3R 0UR D34D11N3 70 B347 7H15 G4M3 15 W4Y 5H0R73R 7H4N 17 W0U1D H4V3 B33N  
RI: 4ND N0W D43M0N 15 KN0CK3D 7H3 FUCK 0U7  
RI: 57UP1D FUCK1NG 1C3 P14N37  
FR: oh SHIT my PLACE  
FR: yeah IT’S not GREAT but LIZARD king IS pretty CHILL  
RI: 1 C4N’7 F1Y 50 1 C4N’7 JU57 G0 70 4N07H3R 14ND  
RI: 1 D0N’7 3V3N UND3R574ND WHY H3 P4553D 0U7  
FR: k SO imma BE smart FOR a SECOND  
FR: i THINK  
FR: he’s GOT lagar’s DNA now, RIGHT?  
RI: 1 57111 1N5157 7H47 F0RM 15 BU115H17 BU7 Y34H  
FR: oh YEAH it’s OP as HELL but IT’S cool  
FR: anyway I know FROM experts  
FR: experience  
FR: that SNOW and LIZARDS don’t REALLY mix  
FR: so MAYBE since HE is PART lizard HE couldn’t HANDLE it  
RI: 7H47’5  
RI: 4 G00D 3XP14N4710N 4C7U411Y  
PH: gEtting smartEr :3  
FR: yeah MANS  
FR: been LEARNING all SORTS of SHIT  
FR: you GUYS heard OF this SHIT called CHERRIES? unreal  
RI: ...CH3RR135  
RI: 7H47’5 WH47 Y0U’R3 1MPR3553D BY  
FR: yeah DAWG shit’s GOOD  
FR: i LIKE the CRUNCHY bit IN the MIDDLE  
RI: 7H3 P17  
RI: 7H3 P4R7 Y0U 4R3N’7 5UPP053D 70 347  
FR: wait SHIT  
PH: hmmm  
PH: i coULd PawbabLy hEaL him if i coUld gEt thErE  
RI: WH0 BR0UGH7 Y0U 1N? 7H15 WH013 535510N H45 B33N 4 C1U573RFUCK  
FR: me DAWG  
RI: 0K 7H3 G473 0N 7H47 PUZZ13 7H1NG W45 F4K3, R1GH7?  
RI: F1ND 7H3 R341 0N3, 17’11 T4K3 Y0U H3R3  
RI: K4173N, 7H1NG5 W0RK W31RD 50 1 7H1NK WH3N Y0U G37 H3R3 Y0U C4N F4C3 Y0UR D3N1Z3N  
FR: my WHAT?  
RI: B1G W0RM FUCK3R. 5UP3R 70UGH. N0N3 0F U5 C4N W4RP 7H3R3 W17H Y0U B3C4U53 G4735 4R3 DUMB. 4R3 Y0U R34DY 70 F1GH7 7H3 F1N41 B055?  
FR: oh FUCK  
FR: what LEVEL am I even  
DG: NEAR THE TOP, I BELIEVE.  
RI: FUCK  
Kalten: hey IT’S green TEXT guy  
RI: 1 7YP3 1N GR33N 700 DUMB455  
DG: MINE IS A LIGHTER SHADE

A/N: I type this story in colors. This joke is funnier in black text.

RI: 4NYW4Y 15 H3 R3411Y 7H47 H1GH?  
DG: I DON’T BELIEVE HE USES DRUGS  
RI: 1 M34N 13V315 FUCKH013  
DG: RIGHT. YES, KALTEN IS NEAR THE TOP OF HIS ECHELADDER. HE LEVELED UP MUCH FASTER THAN THE REST OF YOU BECAUSE OF THE HIGH LEVEL ENEMIES HE STARTED WITH. HE WILL BE READY TO GOD TIER SOON.  
Pawzle: ooo LEt’s god tiEr him  
Pawzle: what is that  
DG: AH, GOLDIE PAWKES. GOD TIERING IS WHAT YOUR FRIEND, THE FISH ONE, DID.  
FR: hey UH maybe AVOID talking ABOUT her  
DG: APOLOGIES, BUT SHE IS A PRIME EXAMPLE. IF YOU ARE KILLED ON A CERTAIN BED IN YOUR WORLD YOU WILL ASCEND TO THE MOST POWERFUL FORM A PLAYER CAN ACHIEVE  
DG: YOU WILL GAIN ADVANCED CONTROL OVER YOUR ASPECT, MUCH MORE FIGHTING POWER, AND CONDITIONAL IMMORTALITY  
DG: I ADVISE ADVANCING TO THE TOP OF YOUR ECHELADDER FIRST  
DG: ABSOLUTELY WORTH THE STABBING THAT WILL ENSUE  
FR: fuck WHY would WE ever NOT do THAT  
DG: MANY ARE HESITANT TO THE THE PROSPECT OF STABBING.  
FR: man I been IMPALED, burned ALIVE, and HAD a TOOTH punched OUT today  
FR: imma DO it  
RI: D0 Y0U KN0W WH3R3 0UR B3D5 4R3?  
DG: AFRAID NOT, YOU WILL HAVE TO FIND THEM YOURSELF.  
DG: NOW, WE MENTIONED DENIZENS.  
DG: THEY’RE MY KEY OUT OF HERE SO GET TO IT IF YOU COULD  
FR: yeah DAWG i’m ON it SOON  
RI: 0K W3 H4V3 7H47 0N3 D0WN N0W 137’5 H341 D43M0N  
PH: on it!

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] closed the memo

Nirrak: D0N’7 W0RRY D43M0N, W3’R3 G3771NG Y0U H31P  
Lizard: How is he?  
Nirrak: N07 GR347

Below you on a bed is Daemon, breathing uneasily with a warm rag on his head. Several heaters flare near the bed.

Nirrak: 7H4NK Y0U 50 MUCH F0R H31P1NG U5  
Lizard: Anything for Kalten’s friends. He protected us in the throne room that day.  
Nirrak: 17’5 1UCKY Y0U GUY5 H4V3 BU117 UP 4 R351574NC3 70 7H3 C01D  
Lizard: We can only last a few minutes out there, but that’s longer than the generation before us.  
Nirrak: 1 JU57 W15H 1 C0U1D H4V3 PR3V3N73D 17!

You stand up and pace rapidly, your hands grasped together behind your back. The door opens, a large red lizard coming through.

King: How is he?  
Lizard: Not good, he is declining fast.  
King: I don’t understand. Even if he is part lizard, why would he pass out that quickly?  
Nirrak: 7H3 11Z4RD H3 G07 7H3 G3N35 FR0M D13D FR0M 7H3 C01D, 7H47 C0U1D B3 4 F4C70R  
King: Likely. We need more heat in here. You say your friends can help?  
Nirrak: 1 H0P3  
Nirrak: K4173N 4ND P4WZ13 H4V3N’7 F4113D U5 Y37  
Nirrak: UN11K3 M3  
King: Son.

The king places a hand on your shoulder. 

King: You cannot beat yourself over this. It would have happened eventually, and he could have been alone during it. You carried him here through the snow in nothing but a lab coat and some thin clothes, and almost got frostbite on your leg stump.  
King: You have done everything you can to help your friend. You shouldn’t feel like you have failed him.  
Nirrak: 17 15 50 H4RD N07 70. 1 GR3W UP D01NG 7H15 4ND 17’5 4 H4RD M1ND537 70 GR0W 0U7 0F  
Nirrak: 1 4M 7RY1NG F0R MY FR13ND, BU7 17 15 D1FF1CU17  
Nirrak: F3311NG 11K3 1 H4V3N’7 D0N3 4 7H1NG R1GH7 1N MY 11F3, F3311NG 11K3 1 C4N N3V3R D0 WH47 1 W4N7 70 D0 4ND 11K3 1’V3 N3V3R B33N 10V3D  
Nirrak: 17 15N’7 4 N1C3 F3311NG.  
King: It is ok to feel angry sometimes, son.  
Nirrak: 1 W15H 17 W3R3 0N1Y 50M371M35

The door opens, revealing Kalten and Pawzle standing before the group.

King: Marvelous!  
Kalten: king!

Kalten gives an awkward bow, earning a hearty laugh from the king.

King: You do not have to bow, you are a hero here!  
Kalten: oh, WELL, thanks I guess

Kalten awkwardly scratches the back of his head.

Kalten: so WHERE’S daemon?  
Nirrak: H3R3, 0N 7H3 B3D

Pawzle approaches, sitting on the bed with Nirrak. 

Pawzle: ok, hErE wE go :3

She puts her hands on Daemon’s chest, concentrating blue light into her palms. 

Pawzle: yoU wiLL bE ok, daEmon

Her light fades, and Daemon remains unchanged. 

Pawzle: what?

She tries again, Daemon still not changing.

Pawzle: why isn’t it working?  
Nirrak: 0H G0D  
Lizard: Must be Hypothermia, he needs more heat.  
King: We already have every heater we can spare in here. What is left?  
Kalten: well I can’t BE helping MUCH, all COLD and SHIT  
Pawzle: i don’t UndErstand why i can’t hEaL him  
Nirrak: H3 MU57 H4V3 74K3N 4 107 FR0M 14G4R. 7H3 C01D 15 JU57 700 MUCH  
Kalten: ...i MAY have AN idea  
Nirrak: 4NY 1D34 15 G00D R1GH7 N0W  
Kalten: you GUYS are GONNA say NO  
Nirrak: JU57 547 17  
Kalten: ...crucia ATTACKED me ON lopaw  
Kalten: she HAD some RED hot WEAPONS  
Kalten: if WE could GET one FROM her WE might HAVE enough HEAT  
Nirrak: 4B501U731Y N07  
Kalten: sorry, WAS just AN idea  
Nirrak: 4 DUMB 0N3!  
Nirrak: Y0U 7H1NK 5H3’11 JU57 W417Z 1N H3R3 4ND H31P U5?  
Nirrak: 5H3’11 K111 U5, OR WOR53!  
Kalten: listen GUY i WAS just TRYING to HELP cool IT  
Nirrak: 1 W0N’7! H3 C0U1D D13, 4ND Y0U’R3 C0M1NG 1N H3R3 45K1NG U5 70 BR1NG 0UR GR347357 FUCK1NG 3N3MY 1N 7H3 R00M W17H U5? FUCK 7H47!  
Kalten: MAYBE I JUST WANT TO SEE HIM ALIVE, NIRRAK! EVER THINK OF FUCKING THAT?!  
Kalten: MAYBE I’VE SEEN MY BEST FRIEND DIE,   
Kalten: DIED _MYSELF_  
Kalten: AND SEEN MY BEST FRIENDS I JUST MET SEPERATE AND MURDER EACH OTHER ALL IN ONE DAY!  
Kalten: MAYBE I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE WITH YOU FUCKING YELLING AT ME YOU INSUFFERABLE FUCKHOLE, HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT THAT?!  
Kalten: THINK ABOUT SOMEBODY ELSE’S FEELINGS FOR ONCE YOU PRICK!

Kalten moves to Nirrak, pushing him to the ground.

Nirrak:...So that’s how you really feel?  
Kalten: nirrak I’M sorry  
Kalten: that CAME out  
Kalten: i SHOULDN’T have PUSHED you  
Nirrak:...Pawzle.  
Pawzle: yE-yEah?  
Nirrak: Tie me up.  
Pawzle: why??  
Nirrak: I don’t want to hit anybody.  
Nirrak: Tie me up so I can’t.

After a moment of hesitation, Pawzle chains Nirrak to a post.

Nirrak: Now.  
Nirrak: WH0 7H3 FUCK D0 Y0U 7H1NK Y0U’R3 741K1NG 70  
Kalten: i’m NOT fucking DOING this

Kalten walks from the room, leaving the building entirely. Nirrak hangs his head. 

Nirrak:...What the fuck has she done to us.

You are now Kalten. You have left the room to blow off steam.

Kalten: fuck DOES that PRICK think HE is?  
Laglasssprite: YOU really LAYED it OUT for HIM big GUY  
Kalten: i CAN’T  
Kalten: i CAN’T do IT, lagar  
Kalten: i JUST met MY friends, AND they’re DYING and HATING each OTHER left AND mother FUCKING right  
Kalten: i JUST wanted AN adventure WITH my FRIENDS  
Kalten: wanted TO have SOMETHING close TO contact  
Kalten: but ALL i GOT is THIS?!  
Kalten: crucia MURDERING my BEST friend  
Kalten: nirrak YELLING at EVERYBODY  
Kalten: i THOUGHT he WAS trying TO change, MAN  
Laglasssprite: CHANGE takes FOREVER buddy  
Laglasssprite: SHIT is RIDICULOUS  
Laglasssprite: EVEN for YOU, grew UP fuckin ALONE  
Laglasssprite: TOOK you FOREVER to LEARN how TO talk TO your FRIENDS and BY then IT was CRAZY  
Kalten: what DO i EVEN do NOW?  
Laglasssprite: I dunno LITTLE dude, BUT daemon NEEDS help  
Laglasssprite: GOTTA be ANOTHER fire SOURCE on THIS planet, RIGHT?  
Kalten: too MANY fuckin VINES in THERE for A fire  
Laglasssprite: SHIT  
Laglasssprite: MAYBE you REALLY should TALK to YOUR friend.  
Laglasssprite: SAFE heat SOURCE  
Kalten: i CAN’T see HER man  
Kalten: i CAN’T do FUCKING anything RIGHT now  
Laglasssprite: LISTEN, buddy, YOU are ABOUT as GOOD at ADVICE as I am.  
Kalten: bad TERRIBLE the ABSOLUTE worst  
Laglasssprite: YEAH man, BUT i CAN tell YOU one THING  
Laglasssprite: HE cared ENOUGH to CHAIN himself UP so HE wouldn’t HIT you  
Laglasssprite: I think YOU should GO back IN and TALK with THEM, see WHAT happens.  
Kalten...fine. GIMME a FEW minutes TO calm.  
Laglasssprite: YEAH man.

You cuddle close to Lagar and red tears fall silently down your face.

Laglasssprite: YEAH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy sweet garbage this was an emotional chapter. What's gonna happen next? Find out next chapter, it's coming sooner than you think. -Gliskanar


	32. Weapons Deal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote two in the same night, is that weird? It might be weird. Anyway, here it is. -Gliskanar

Chapter 32: Weapons Deal

Nirrak: P4WZ13 570P  
Pawzle: noPE  
Nirrak: 1 D0N’7 N33D 70 B3 CUDD13D  
Pawzle: don’t carE  
Nirrak: 1 D0N’7 N33D Y0UR CUDD11NG 70 C41M D0WN  
Nirrak: 1 C4N’7 B3113V3 7H3 N3RV3 0F H1M!  
Nirrak: 5UGG3571NG 50M37H1NG 50 57UP1D! W3 4R3’N7 FUCK1NG G01NG 70 H3R F0R 4NY7H1NG  
Pawzle: ssshhhh  
Pawzle: PaPs.  
Pawzle: mrr mrr  
Nirrak: H0W C4N Y0U 3V3N PURR  
Nirrak: UGH. P4WZ13 WHY 4M 1 11K3 7H15  
Pawzle: honEy  
Pawzle: yoU bEat yoUrsELf UP so mUch bEcaUsE yoU bLamE yoUrsELf for things yoU arEn’t rEsPawnsibLE for  
Pawzle: yoU had thE sELf controL to tiE yoUrsELf UP so yoU woULdn’t hit him thoUgh  
Pawzle: yoU nEEd to aPawLogisE to him whEn hE comEs back and makE a pLan.  
Nirrak:...Y0U D0N’7 H4V3 70 B3 7H47 R341 W17H 17  
Nirrak: F1N3. UN713 M3 4ND 1’11 741K 70 H1M WH3N H3 C0M35 BACK  
Pawzle: good. good boy.

Pawzle unties you and you stand, soon sitting on the bed next to Daemon. His condition has worsened and he has coughed up some blue blood.

Nirrak: D43M0N…

Looking over, you find that Kalten has entered the room, his face swollen from crying. 

Kalten: listen MAN, i-  
Nirrak: N0

You walk over, hugging Kalten. He awkwardly hugs you back, clearly not used to the idea. 

Nirrak: 1 5H0U1DN’7 H4VE Y3113D 47 Y0U 7H3 W4Y 1 D1D  
Kalten: i SHOULDN’T have PUSHED you, I’M sorry  
Nirrak: 137’5...45K H3R.  
Kalten: what?  
Nirrak: 137’5 G37 CRUC14’5 W34P0N5  
Kalten: you CAN’T be SERIOUS guy  
Nirrak: 7H3R3’5 N0 07H3R F1R3 50URC3 0N 7H15 P14N37 7H47 W3 KN0W 0F  
Nirrak: Y0UR 7313P0R74710N 15N’7 57R0NG 3N0UGH 70 CR055 P14N375 Y37, R1GH7?  
Kalten: naw, ONLY feet AT a TIME  
Kalten: ...pawzle?  
Pawzle: i…  
Pawzle: daEmon is worth it  
Kalten: who HAS to DO it  
Nirrak: 1’11 D0 17, C411 17 4N 3X3RC153 1N P4713NC3  
Pawzle: yoU sUrE?  
Nirrak: Y34H...1 N33D 7H3 PR4C71C3.

You take a deep breath. 

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] began trolling urselasTentacle [UT]

RI: W3 H4V3 4 PR0P0541  
UT: 0h hey it’? nullmax  
RI: 5HU7 17.  
RI:W3 N33D  
UT: need what? a bucket? n0t my j0b  
RI: W3 N33D Y0UR H31P  
UT:...i’m fi?hening  
RI: W3 N33D Y0UR FIR3 W34P0N5  
UT: why?  
RI: D43M0N 15 51CK 4ND W3 H4V3 N0 07H3R H347 50URC3 70 H31P H1M  
RI: 1 W4N7 70 PR0P053 4 D341  
RI: Y0U BRING THEM 70 1054C  
RI: 0N3 0F U5 BR1NG5 Y0U 70 0UR R00M  
RI: Y0U 574Y 0U751D3 0F 17  
RI: W3 H347 H1M UP 4ND H341 H1M  
RI: Y0U 134V3 4ND W3 F1GH7 70M0RR0W  
RI: WH47 D0 Y0U W4N7 1N RE7URN  
UT: w0w, ?0 ?eri0u? all 0f a ?udden  
UT: alright nullmax, what d0 y0u kn0w ab0ut thi? new f0rm i have?  
RI: Y0U D13 0N 4 B3D 4ND G37 5W013  
UT: yup, f0und that 0ut the hard way  
UT: i d0 my part of the deal, nobody get? hurt. in return i get t0 find and de?tr0y 0ne bed 0f my ch0ice

Nirrak:...WH47 D0 Y0U GUY5 7H1NK?  
Kalten: fuck I wish DAEMON could MAKE the DECISION  
Pawzle: do it.  
Nirrak: W3 W111 H4V3 73553R4C7 F0R 7H3 F1GH7, 1 H0P3, 50 W3 W0N’7 N33D F0UR G0D 713R5  
RI: W3 W111 D0 17.  
RI: C0M3 70 1054C AND 0N3 0F U5 W111 M337 Y0U 47 7H3 3N7R4NC3  
UT: ditch the weap0n? bef0re y0u c0me  
UT: aint having n0 mutiny

urselasTentacle [UT] ceased trolling ranchorousIntellectual [RI]

Nirrak: WH0 G035  
Kalten: i WILL. you’ll KILL her AND pawzle DOESN’T need THAT stress

Kalten dons his jacket and moves for the door. 

Pawzle:...bE carEfUL 

Kalten receives a kiss on the cheek from Pawzle.

Nirrak: FUCK 17

You kiss Kalten on the cheek as well.

Nirrak: 5H3 C4N’7 3N73R 7H3 R00M, W3 W111 B3 0K

You are now Kalten. You leave the room, heading into the cold. After walking for several minutes you reach the poorly made door to your house, where Crucia leans against the door frame.

Crucia: ya’ll mu?t be pretty de?perate  
Kalten: come ON  
Kalten: he NEEDS help

You two walk, Crucia two steps in front of you. 

Crucia: fuckin c0ld 0n y0ur planet  
Kalten: ....  
Crucia: d0e?n’t help thi? 0utfit i? ba?ically pajama?  
Crucia: y0u’re n0 fun t0day  
Kalten: been HARD to BE chill TODAY  
Crucia: right, y0u’re the ‘chill’ 0ne  
Crucia: fuck it’? c0ld h0ly ?hit  
Crucia: can’t in?ult y0u right like thi?

You arrive at the entrance to the building, where you descend a ramp. Soon enough you make it to the room where your friends are gathered. 

Kalten: the SWORDS  
Crucia: right

She puts the weapons into your captchalogue deck and leans up against the wall. 

Crucia: i wanna ?ay hurry up but it aint like i g0t anyfin el?e t0 d0

You enter the room, handing the weapons carefully to Nirrak.

Kalten: you’re BETTER at THIS, scientist AND shit  
Kalten: and PAWZLE was GONNA try AND heal HIM

Nirrak takes the weapons, gently holding them on either side of Daemon’s head. Daemon begins to sweat in his bed.

Lizard: Good, he’s warming up!

Crucia:...i wa? g0nna bring her back with the ring y0u kn0w  
Nirrak: QU137  
Crucia: had t0 make an appeal t0 the queen  
Crucia: ?he wa? in the perfect ?p0t  
Crucia: if the ?tupid thing w0rked i c0uld have br0ught her back n0 pr0blem  
Crucia: bling bling m0therfucker y0u alive and bein ?uper ?weet and c00l  
Crucia: but y0u guy? didn’t give me a chance  
Crucia: ?tupid thing doe?n’t even heal thing?, d0e? It?  
Crucia: i d0ubt it n0w that i ?aw it in battle  
Crucia: fuck did it d0 daem0n ?0me g00d th0ugh  
Crucia: might beat me with that f0rm  
Nirrak: 7H3R3 15 4 107 1 W4N7 70 54Y 70 Y0U, CRUCIA  
Nirrak: 4 107 0F C0MP11C473D 7H1NG5  
Nirrak: 4 107 0F 7H1NG5 1 C4N’7 B3G1N 70 PU7 1N70 W0RD5 R1GH7 N0W, 7RY1NG 70 K33P MY C001  
Nirrak: Y0U K1113D H3R  
Nirrak: Y0U D1DN’7 H4V3 70 BU7 Y0U D1D  
Nirrak: 4ND 7H47 15N’7 50M37H1NG 1 C4N F0RG1V3  
Nirrak: W3 4R3 G01NG 70 B347 Y0U 70M0RR0W, 50M3H0W  
Nirrak: N0W 5HU7 UP 50 1 C4N W0RK  
Crucia: thing i?, i have everything i wanted n0w  
Crucia: p0wer, mini0n?, a univer?e by t0m0rr0w  
Crucia: but it’? n0t fulfilling  
Crucia: it make? me want to v0mit thing? i haven’t eaten yet t0 ?ay it but..  
Crucia: i think i mi?? y0u guy?  
Crucia: i mi?? what we had  
Crucia: i mi?? what i had  
Crucia: if i c0uld g0 back in time i w0uld give up all 0f thi? garbage t0 be with y0u guy? again, playing game?  
Nirrak: W3 C0U1D N3V3R 74K3 Y0U B4CK, N07 4F73R WH47 Y0U D1D  
Crucia: i kn0w, i c0uldn’t a?k y0u t0  
Crucia: ju?t…  
Crucia: kn0w i regret what i did.  
Crucia: and pawzle, y0u don’t have to an?wer me but i’m ?orry  
Crucia: i really did l0ve y0u, but that d0e?n’t matter n0w  
Crucia: l00k at me, all ?appy. actually made my?helf cry  
Pawzle: i reaLLy did lovE yoU too  
Pawzle: bUt yoU hid who yoU arE from mE for so long  
Pawzle: i can’t go back into the arms of somEbody who wiLL do that  
Crucia: pawzle…  
Nirrak: P4WZ13 Y0U N33D 70 7RY H3411NG H1M N0W  
Pawzle: right

Pawzle moves to Daemon, activating her power. Blue light comes from her hand, illuminating Daemon. He rapidly darts to a sitting position, drawing in a deep breath.

Nirrak: D43M0N!  
Daemon: (What happened?)  
Kalten: you ALMOST died DAWG  
Daemon: (I did?)  
Nirrak: W3’11 7311 Y0U 7H3 FU11 570RY 1473R, R1GH7 N0W W3 N33D 70 G37 Y0U 0FF 0F 7H15 P14N37  
Pawzle: wE...didn’t think that far ahEad, did wE?  
Crucia: ?word?  
Daemon: (Is that…?)  
Crucia: carry the ?word? be?ide him t0 the exit  
Daemon: (I ask that somebody please fill me in.)  
Nirrak: 5H3...54V3D Y0UR 11F3  
Kalten: you ALMOST died OF hypnosis  
Nirrak: HYP07H3RM14  
Nirrak: Y0U 41M057 D13D B3C4U53 0F Y0UR 11Z4RD 7R4175 4ND 5H3 G4V3 U5 H3R F14M3 W34P0N5  
Crucia: y0u’re welc0me  
Daemon: (Crucia...thank you.)  
Daemon: (I would not be alive now had you not been here.)  
Daemon: (May I thank you in person?)  
Crucia: war deal, can’t g0 in the r00m  
Daemon: (You have one minute.)

Crucia slowly moves into the room. She had clearly been crying. Daemon stands up, moving to her side of the room. He offers his hand.

Daemon: (Please.)

Crucia shakes his hand.

Daemon: (We cannot forgive you, but I cannot thank you enough for this.)  
Crucia: yuh whalec0me

She glances at Pawzle and leaves the room again, sniffling audibly. 

Nirrak: W3 H4V3 4 JOB 70 D0, W3 H4V3 70 G37 D43M0N 70 7H3 G473  
Nirrak: 1’11 74K3 0N3 5W0RD, PAWZ13 0N 7H3 07H3R, K4173N W111 BE 1N FR0N7 0F D43M0N 45 53CUR17Y

The trolls take their positions, all escorting Daemon to the portal without incident. Crucia stays quiet. The group reach the gate and Daemon summons forth his wings. The house has been built high enough to reach the second gate now by the lizards.

Daemon: (We will see you tomorrow, Crucia.)  
Crucia: ...yup

Daemon flies into the gate, disappearing. 

Kalten: imma STICK around AND fight MY denizen  
Nirrak: B3 C4R3FU1 

Pawzle and Nirrak return the weapons to Crucia, who flies away without a word. The rest follow Daemon’s lead, entering the next portal.  
You are now Crucia. You have flown to high points to find Kalten’s quest bed.

Crucia: i tried  
Crucia: i really did try  
Crucia: i fucked up, i get it  
Crucia: if i c0uld d0 it 0ver again…

You fly to the top of a mountain where Kalten’s bed sits, waiting. 

Crucia: thi? wa? g0nna be fun 

You ready your weapons, blasting the bed apart.

Crucia: time t0 wait i gue??...  
You lay in the rubble of the bed, covering your eyes with your arm.

Crucia:...fuck

You are Kalten. You have entered your gate and ended up inside the entrance of a giant igloo, covered in spikes. You advance, the entire thing one giant dome with no turns.

Kalten: need ME a HOUSE like THIS

You enter a trap door, climbing down a ladder. Moving through a short hallway you are met with a giant worm on a platform. 

Kalten: sup?  
Nix: It is time, young one.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SUCH. AN. EMOTIONAL. CHAPTER. Holy shit that was a wild ride to write. I hope you enjoyed it! -Gliskanar


	33. Real Progress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, I'm back! Since I've been gone so long I gave you an extra long chapter, enjoy! And be prepared for a small surprise at the end of the chapter! -Gliskanar

Chapter 33: Real Progress

Kalten: guess WE gotta FIGHT now?  
Nix: There is no requirement, young one. I would like to make a deal with you.  
Kalten: deal?  
Nix: A deal, yes.  
Nix: My igloo outside is what is keeping this planet frozen, due to my magic. I am essentially the queen of darkness, you see.  
Nix: I aim to kill all of the infernal consorts on this planet.  
Kalten: but WHY, dawg? LITTLE fuckers ARE cool  
Nix: Their damn chattering when they were active was impossible to stand. They were so loud, and always invading my chambers. I just want to be alone, but even that proves impossible. I want my void.  
Kalten: i GREW up IN a VOID, man. ALL alone. BUT now I got FRIENDS.  
Kalten: shit WAS super LONELY  
Kalten: don’t YOU think YOU’D like FRIENDS?  
Nix: No! This was my planet, so empty and serene, but then those consorts came. I want my darkness back, so I have decided to freeze them out. They will die, drowned by my darkness, and I will have the void of the old world back.  
Kalten: wow, EDGY  
Nix: What?!  
Kalten: nothin'  
Nix: I will suck you into an infinite void.  
Kalten: void...LIKE my POWERS?  
Nix: Yes, child. You embody the aspect of Void, the best of all. You embrace the aspect of nothingness, being alone, having nothing.  
Kalten:...  
Nix: Is something troubling you?  
Kalten: just  
Kalten: NOSTALGIA  
Nix: I can melt the snow by releasing my magic, child, but there will be a price.  
Kalten: what PRICE? cuz I don’t DO the DRUG game NO more  
Nix: Nothing like that. I want your ice powers.  
Kalten: fuck THAT  
Nix: You would rely on your void powers from now on. As powerless as your friends. No weapons. No powers. You could be a normal player. Your blood color may even change.  
Nix: To save your lizard friends.  
Nix: Your friend could safely visit this planet and you could make a nice house in a tropical area.  
Nix: Your Lizard King friend could live in a proper home, all for this small price.  
Nix: Now, what do you say?  
Kalten: see  
Kalten: my ICE is SPECIAL to ME  
Kalten: would BE long DEAD without IT  
Kalten: but I could SAVE the LIZARDS  
Nix: You would be thought of as a hero by an entire planet instead of a freak.  
Kalten: i...CAN’T do IT  
Kalten: POWERS are TOO useful  
Kalten: if I kill YOU won’t YOUR powers DIE?  
Nix: IF YOU REFUSE MY DEAL THEN FIGHT ME! PROVE YOUR WORTH!  
Kalten: aiight DAWG aint GOTTA yell

You take a fighting stance, awaiting an attack. The enemy before you is a giant, mostly white worm, with a dark purple veil wrapped around the length of her body in a helix. She stares at you, anger on her face. She yells at you and a laser comes your way, hitting at your feet and knocking you over, rubble landing on top of you. You move it out of the way and roll just as a fridge falls where you had been from a dark purple portal. You slice it in half with two two ice swords and kick the halves of the machine at your opponent, your swords soon following as projectiles. The halves hit her and she yells, barely able to move before the ice swords dig into her face, exploding and causing some blood to leak from her eye. She roars in pain and a storm of generic green cubes assail you. You dodge as quickly as possible but one hits you, knocking you into the wall. You quickly compose yourself and move to the left as a sword is thrown at you.

Nix: EMBRACE THE VOID, TROLL! SUMMON FORTH WHATEVER YOU CAN IMAGINE!

You think for a moment and reach into a portal, your arm coming out beside Nix’s head. You deliver a punch but she bites your hand, the hole going through to the back of your hand. You yell and pull it back, licking the wound.

Nix: USE THE VOID! EMBRACE THE ESSENCE OF NOTHING AND SUMMON THINGS THAT WERE NEVER THERE! TAKE THINGS WITH YOU AS YOU USE YOUR PORTALS!

Kalten: fuck IS she TALKING about?

You quickly slash horizontally with two new swords as a bathtub flies at you. You teleport in a flash of purple dust and land on her head, attempting a downward stab before you are thrown off. You land with a thud on the floor, attempting to stand before a boulder lands directly on top of you.

Nix: Another player tragically under leveled.  
Kalten: first OF all,  
Kalten: BITCH

You thrown the boulder off of yourself and reach into a portal, your hands coming out in front of Nix’s face. You pull her down, her natural weight doing most of the work, and stick an ice sword into the bottom of her jaw. You move out of the way and find that a key has appeared in your hand. Before you have a chance to examine it you are pinned to the wall by a bath tub. 

Nix: THE KEY! YOU ARE LEARNING THE ESSENCE OF THE VOID! PULL OUT MORE OR BE KILLED!

She barrels forward, attempting to swallow you. You concentrate and the ice sword in her jaw explodes, stopping her as she yells in pain again. You blow up the tub and move out of the way, jumping onto her head and slashing her back several times as you run down the length. She whips you off with her tail but you reach through a portal, grabbing her tail again and hoisting yourself to it. Looking in your hand, a paper clip has appeared. You quickly reach into another portal, pulling out a dumbbell.

Kalten: can I get ANYTHING from THIS?

You throw the new object at your opponent, the weight paralysing her for a moment. You reach through again, producing a regular bell. You throw that as well, Nix knocking you off of her back with a laser.

Nix: I WILL NOT FALL TO A WEAKLING LIKE YOU!

She reaches back, clamping your torso in her jaw. You deliver a strong punch to her face but it has little effect, and she summons a guillotine, positioning it on top of you.

Nix: GOODBYE!

The blade falls and you summon a broken sword with a turntable in the middle, deflecting the blow. You flex and teleport out of her grip, summoning a fridge as you land on the ground. You throw it, landing it directly on top of her head. She growls and attempts to shoot a laser at you, finding you have already left the spot. She looks around frantically and you appear above her, landing your heel hard on her head, rocking the room.

Kalten: dunked ON!

She ragdolls to the ground and you throw two ice swords into her head, which both explode. She remains just barely moving and you land in front of her. You summon a purple portal between your hands and a large blue laser blasts from it, melting her head. She wipe some blood from the side of your mouth and pant.

Kalten: good GAME

The room around you begins to illuminate further, the snow of the igloo melting. You climb rungs on your Echeladder, reaching your highest rank, “Song of Ice and Fire." You proceed outside, the snow on the planet all rapidly melting. Flowers begin to bloom, grass grows, and several lizards leave their homes to see the good news. 

Lizard 1: THE SAVIOUR COMETH!  
Lizard 2: THE SAVIOUR!  
Lizard 3: HE HAS DELIVERED US FROM THE SNOW!  
Kalten: not A big DEAL little DUDES, just BEAT up SOME worm LADY  
Lizard 1: WHAT IS YOUR NAME, SAVIOUR?!

You blush a bright red and sheepishly rub the back of your head.

Kalten: k-kalten...BUT it’s NO big DEAL  
Lizard 1: WE MUST CELEBRATE! TAKE OUR HERO TO THE KING!  
Kalten: c’mon LITTLE buddies IT’S not THAT important  
Lizard 2: HE CALLED US “BUDDY!”  
Lizard 3: AAAAAH!

The lizards pick you up and begin to carry you. You smile, watching nature sprout around you. It is warmer than you are used to.

Kalten: guess YOU guys CAN live FREE now, HUH?  
Lizard 1: YES! WE LIVE FREE! WE CAN ROAM AS WE PLEASE! I CAN SEE MY FAMILY!

You smile wider, looking up at the sky. 

Kalten: i DID it, TOORAH

Nirrak: 0H 5H17 1’M H3R3

You stare up, an enormous tower in front of you, surprisingly embedded into the maze, the walls glowing electric blue the entire way up. 

Nirrak: ...N0 71M3 11K3 7H3 PR353N7 1 GU355  
Nirrak: 1’M C0M1NG Y0U 117713 5H17

You proceed inside, the building much larger on the inside than you had initially thought. A maze stands in front of you and you bring out your gun, preparing for more traps.

Nirrak: 7H15 H4D B3773R N07 B3 M0R3 0F 7H47 313V470R 5H17

“It is.” 

Nirrak: FUCK  


“Worry not, I am actually here to congratulate you. You have done well to make it this far, even if you had to rely on your friends for it.” 

Nirrak: WH47’5 7H47 5UPP053D 70 M34N?! 

“It means, Nirrak, that you have been a support character up to this point, in terms of combat.” 

Nirrak: FU 

“But, if you would let me finish, you have been an objective asset to your friends, and are showing real character growth.” 

Nirrak: WH47 4R3 Y0U 741K1NG 4B0U7? 

“I meant personal growth. You did not murder your friend, despite being in her direct presence. You had your friend chain you up so you didn’t hit the ice one.” 

Nirrak: 1F Y0U’R3 7RY1NG 70 F14773R M3 17 W0N’7 W0RK 

“Despite the fact that I am a computer I could still do better than you, trust me. Regardless, congratulations on making it to this point. Will you be attempting to reach God Tier?” 

Nirrak: 1 H4V3 N0 1D34, 1’V3 41R34DY H4D MY 13G B10WN 0FF 70D4Y 1 D0N’7 W4N7 4NY M0R3 P41N, 35P3C1411Y 7H3 P41N 0F D347H 

“Well, it is your decision. You’re wrong but it is your decision.” 

Nirrak: WH47 15 Y0UR 41M H3R3? 

“I have no such thing, I am here to help you along. Half because this is a game and I literally have no choice, and half because I don’t want to have to look at you anymore.” 

Nirrak: Y0U KN0W, Y0U PR0B4B1Y W4N7 M3 70 Y311 47 Y0U F0R 7H47 51N53 YOU 533M 70 G37 4 B1GG3R BU1G3 7H4N 3V3N 7H3 W0R57 CHUCK13FUCK 5UBJUGG1470R 1N H1570RY  
Nirrak: BU7 1’M N07 G01NG 70 

The voice giggles slightly, an oddly natural giggle as opposed to her normal, robotic one. 

“You have really surprised me, Nirrak. I had expected you to be angry and unpleasant for the duration of this adventure, but your time with Toorah’s ghost has helped you it would seem. I am proud of you." 

Nirrak: 7H-7H4NK5, 1 GU355 

“Your destination is ahead, Mr. Allmax. Good luck." 

You reach the end of a hallway and a flashing hologram appears before you, a female troll you’ve never seen before. 

“My system told me you would find this form attractive." 

She leans forward and pecks you on the cheek, disappearing quickly. You blush green and go through the door, finding a large, electric blue dome, where a giant worm works on weapons, treating them with induction hardening. 

(A/N: Induction hardening is selectively hardening pieces of metal using the heat from electricity.) 

Hephaestus: Welcome, child.  
Nirrak: 41R1GH7 455H013 137’5 G37 7H15 0V3RW17H  
Hephaestus: May I offer you a nice sword in this trying time?  
Nirrak: W3’R3 G3771NG 1N70 M3M35 N0W?  
Hephaestus: What is this “meme?”  
Nirrak: 50M3 57UP1D 5H17, N0W 137’5 F1GH7 41R34DY  
Hephaestus: Don’t be so hasty, child. I would like to discuss a deal with you.  
Nirrak: F1N3, M4K3 17 QU1CK  
Hephaestus: I can grant you something you and your group have been sorely missing.  
Nirrak: 1 D0UB7 17 BU7 G0 0N  
Hephaestus: Your space player friend, I believe Toorah was her name.  
Nirrak: WH47 4B0U7 H3R?  
Hephaestus: I can return her to your group for the coming fight.  
Nirrak: 1’M 0FF3ND3D 7H47 Y0U W0U1D 3V3N 0FF3R  
Hephaestus: You do not believe me?  
Nirrak: 1 B3113V3 Y0U BU7 5H3’5 D34D  
Nirrak: 71M3 P14Y3R5 D0N’7 H431 P30P13  
Hephaestus: On the contrary. 

>An enormous red gear appears in front of the worm and a body rolls out, appearing in front of you. 

Toorah: ey gurlbr /> Hephaestus: You see? I have brought her to you.  
Nirrak: N0  
Nirrak: 7H15 15 WR0NG  
Hephaestus: You do not believe your eyes, I know.  
Nirrak: N0 17’5 1173R411Y WR0NG  
Nirrak: 700R4H H45 4 5C4R C0M1NG FR0M H3R 13F7 34R  
Toorah: sweetie its me, come on  
Nirrak: H0W D4R3 Y0U F14UN7 7H15 1N FR0N7 0F M3!  
Hepheastus: Good, I’ve made you angry.  
Toorah: come here baby 

Toorah approaches you and wraps you in a hug. You accept it for a moment and a diluted green tear rolls from your eye as you force a hand through her torso, your eyes closed. 

Nirrak: 1 C4N’7 W47CH 17, N07 4G41N 

The body disappears and you bare your sharp teeth in anger. 

Nirrak: Y0U W0U1D PU7 5UCH 4 D15GR4C3 1N FR0N7 0F M3?!  
Hephaestus: Good, that’s what I want to see! Bring it! 

The worm barrels toward you, spinning in a circle like a drill. You sidestep and he crashes into the wall behind you but instantly bounces back, coming toward you again. You duck, narrowly avoiding the strike. The worm stops several feet to your right, where he grunts and gears pop out of every second layer of his body, acting as armour. You fire two shots at him, which he consumes and laughs off. 

Hephaestus: YOU WILL HAVE TO DO BETTER THAN THAT!  
Nirrak: CH34P P13C3 0F 5H17 

You run toward him, directing a punch to his hide with your own gear armour, which lands with little effect. 

Hephaestus: YOU CAN’T HURT ME! I AM A GOD! 

He barrels toward you again and you move to the side, but he grazes your side and takes a chunk of your armour off. 

Hephaestus: YOUR FRIEND WAS WRONG, YOU AREN’T WORTH THE EFFORT!  
Nirrak: Y0U D0N’7 741K 4B0U7 H3R 11K3 7H47! 

You flash through time, returning above your opponent and fall with a spin, attempting an axe kick to his head. He laughs you off and barrels upward, chomping out a section of your prosthetic leg. You fall, landing on your hands and flip back to your feet in time to avoid another attack. 

Hephaestus: WHAT WILL YOU DO, TROLL?! WILL YOU RUN LIKE THE COWARD YOU ARE, OR WILL YOU FIGHT AND DIE TO DISAPPOINT YOUR FRIENDS?!  
Nirrak: 5HU7 7H3 FUCK UP! 

As you are distracted by yelling you are slammed into the wall by the spinning force of the worm, which shreds your armour and clothing, leaving many deep cuts on your torso. The wall, now open, delivers an intense electric shock to your system. You lay against the wall, convulsing as you are shocked. 

Hephaestus: HA! I’M SURE THAT ATTACK KILLED YOU! ALL THAT TALK OF GROWTH FROM THE COMPUTER? ALL OF TOORAH’S PRAISE?! AND IT TURNS OUT YOU’RE STILL NOTHING! SHE BELIEVED IN YOU FOR NOTHING, NULLMAX! 

Hephaestus yells in pain as he is shocked. Your metal leg having barely connected with his skin. 

Hephaestus: BASTARD! 

He grabs you in his teeth, making several wounds in your sides and flings you into another wall, this one not breaking. Your health vile flashes red, one more attack will kill you. 

Nirrak: FUCK!  
Hephaestus: All of this. All of what you’ve done. 

He moves toward you, his entire enormous face now inches from you. 

Hephaestus: How does it feel? How does it feel knowing that all you’ve done was for nothing? You let your friend die, you are going to be killed by your final boss, you never avenged Toorah. And she believed in you. It was all false, everything she did to make you believe in yourself, it was all fake, pointless, hollow. Now die like every other “hero” before you. But first, a reminder. 

The time symbol appears in front of the worm and you begin to hallucinate. Conversations come in bits in your mind. 

Toorah: youu need to get off youur back abouut all of this, nirrak.  
Hephaestus: And she believed in you.  
Toorah: youu cant be so hard on youurself. youu are going to go ouut there, puunch cruucia in her stuupid face, and kiss daemon right on the lips.  
Hephaestus: All for nothing.  
Toorah: i love youu too  
Hephaestus: All fake, pointless, hollow.  
Nirrak: N0!  
Hephaestus: Oh, you are still alive.  
Nirrak: 1 W0N’7 137 Y0U B4574R1Z3 H3R N4M3 4ND M1N3 11K3 7H47!  
Hephaestus: HA! And what do you think you’re going to do about it?  
Hephaestus: Will you shoot a kamehameha at me?  
Hephaestus: A rasengan?  
Hephaestus: Spiral power? YOU HAVE NOTHING!  
Nirrak: 1’M G01NG 70 K111 Y0U! 

Your skin exudes a black aura and turns a much darker gray. You stand, the pain no longer bothering you. It has happened. You have gone grimdark. 

Hephaestus: NOW WE HAVE A FIGHT!  
Nirrak: You have mocked her name for the last time.  
Nirrak: Her beliefs, her love, all that she was will be avenged and preserved by me.  
Nirrak: Prepare to die for your transgressions. 

You rise into the air and your opponent follows, facing you. 

Hephaestus: It appears you have unlocked a power exclusive to you, Nirrak, just like your friend, and it was because of me.  
Hephaestus: Your time powers will now allow you to use those hallucinations and memories of your anger to achieve your grimdark form.  
Hephaestus: Timedark Ascension.  
Hephaestus: If you didn’t have so much anger within you this would be impossible. A power like this would be common for a rage player, but not a time player. Your anger will, in part, be artificial. A memory of your anger. Because of this you will be able to throw away the anger in your heart and replace it with a fabrication which will not matter, like your leg.  
Nirrak: Before I wear you like a fucking coat I must ask, why would you grant me this power?  
Nirrak: Do you not fear death?  
Hephaestus: To help you on your journey. You can now use your anger in a healthy way, and heal for your friends. This process would have taken years for any other person.  
Nirrak: You have made me understand what I am, Hephaestus. I am the warrior Toorah wanted me to be. This feeling, it’s like I don’t have to hold on to what has been holding me back. Like I can look back on what has plagued my mind so long and laugh. Like I only need to pretend I’m angry now.  
Hephaestus: You have grown strong, young one. You have done most of what you set out to do. When you calm, you will feel more complete, be happier. You will kill me, kiss Daemon right on the lips, and end this accursed journey you have been on.  
Nirrak: Thank you, Hephaestus.  
Hephaestus: I have never seen a grimdark player so collected.  
Nirrak: I believe I have transcended anger at this point. This is...almost serene. I have the desire to eradicate you on a particle level, but a controlled one.  
Hephaestus: Now, you have mastered your anger, gained a new, bullshit power, what will you do? 

You bare your teeth and let out a blood-curdling screech before dropping your metal leg on the worm’s head, falling with a mighty force and ripping through his flesh and armour on your way down, until you have reached the floor. You land with an immense force, shaking the room violently, and your opponent lays limp on the floor. You ascend your echeladder, achieving the top rung of “Kill Nye the Science Guy”. Your body turns back to normal and you hold your entire torso, still in pain from your injuries. You pull out your gun and seal your more serious wounds, opening your sylladex and selecting the burger card. 

Durum Wheat  
Eggs  
Milk  
Lettuce  
Tomato  
Beefgrub Meat  
Protein  
Water 

You consume the burger, not healing you but making you feel better at least. You leave the room, still aching from the battle, and see a group of Blue axolotl. 

Axolotl 1: You have defeated Hephaestus?  
Axolotl 2: The worm is dead?  
Axolotl 3: Huzzah! 

Around you, the gears embedded in the electric blue walls begin to spin. 

Axolotl 1: We can tell time again!  
Axolotl 2: He has been deactivating the clocks so that our world would be in discord about timing.  
Nirrak: 7H47.  
Nirrak: 7H47 W45 MY QU357?!  
Nirrak: 4C71V471NG 50M3 C10CK5 W45 MY U171M473 G041?!  
Axolotl 3: Y-Yes sir...are you displeased?  
Nirrak: 7CH…  
Axolotl 1: Sir?  
Nirrak: H4H4H4H4! 

You hug the reptiles in one large embrace, laughing. 

Nirrak: F1GUR35 MY J0URN3Y W01D B011 D0WN 70 50M37H1NG 7H15 DUMB. 

You laugh and fall back, laying on the ground. 

Nirrak: Y34H, 7H15 15 4 G00D F3311NG.  
Nirrak: 1 57111 K1ND4 H473 MY531F, BU7 1355  
Nirrak: 1 C4N U53 MY 4NG3R C0N57RUC71V31Y  
Nirrak: 411 7H3 PR0GR355 MY FR13ND5 H31P3D M3 M4K3 70 C0N7R01 MY 4NG3R, 7H15 15 7H3 C11M4X 70 17  
Nirrak: 1 D1D 17, 700R4H. 1 BEC4M3 WH47 Y0U W4N73D.  
Nirrak: 1 KN0W Y0U’D B3 PR0UD 0F M3  
Nirrak: N0W 1 C4N K111 CRUC14 4ND G37 0N W17H MY 11F3  
Nirrak: 7H4NK5, FR13ND5, F0R H31P1NG M3 410NG 7H3 W4Y.  
Nirrak: WH47 D1D 7H3 C0MPU73R C411 17? 4 CH4R4C73R 4RC?  
Nirrak: 137’5 G0 W17H 7H47.  
Nirrak: 15 7H15 4 C0P0U7? M1N3 C0MP1371NG B3C4U53 0F 4 N3W P0W3R?  
Nirrak: N4W, 1 D0N’7 7H1NK 50  
Nirrak: 1’M 57111 4NGRY, JU57 N07 50 M153R4B13 N0W.  
Nirrak: 1 4M P0W3RFU1 N0W  
Nirrak: ...1 W0ND3R WH47 D43M0N 15 D01NG 

You decide to be Tesseract for a while. Since Kalten and Nirrak have both completed their quests you decide you will soon head out to explore. 

disparateGuardian [DG] began trolling frozenRenegade [FR] DG: COLD ONE  
FR: sup MANG?  
DG: THANK YOU FOR HURRYING UP, I CAN EXPLORE THIS PLACE NOW.  
FR: no PROBLEM guy  
FR: happy TO help A brother OUT  
DG: WILL YOU BE JOINING YOUR FRIENDS?  
FR: in A bit, LIZARD king INVITED me FOR food  
FR: did YOU know THERE is CANDY in HERE you DON’T have TO steal?  
FR: it’s RIGHT there AND nobody TRIES to IMPALE you IF you TAKE a PIECE  
DG: WAIT YOU USED TO STEAL CANDY?  
FR: all THE time MAN, that SHIT aint CHEAP  
FR: well IT is BUT i WAS poor  
FR: stole ALL my FOOD  
FR: except THE occasional CHOLERBEAR that PASSED by, KILLED those MYSELF  
FR: but THINGS are BETTER for ME  
FR: i MEAN my FRIEND is DEAD  
FR: but I’M trying TO make THE best OF it  
DG: GOOD FOR YOU, COLD ONE. I APPLAUD YOU FOR YOUR WORK.  
FR: thanks MANG, one OF these LIZARDS is PULLING me AWAY i GOTTA go 

frozenRenegade [FR] ceased trolling disparateGuardian [DG] 

You get up, leaving the chamber as you see no reason to stay. Things have sorted themselves out and the trolls no longer have much need for an exile. You leave, finding that you can see in several more directions now. You decide to head what you believe is north, finding nothing but sand. 

Tesseract: SAND.  
Tesseract: MORE SAND.  
Tesseract: HEY LOOK, SAND.  
Tesseract: I SPY...SAND.  
Tesseract: AT LEAST GIVE ME SOMETHING TO FIGHT. 

You walk for two hours, your body holding up due to being a first guardian, and eventually the landscape changes into stone and gravel and the climate becomes cooler. This continues for some time until you come upon what appears to be a mansion. It rises high and has two normal sized doors on the front. You knock and, after being greeted with no response, test the door to find it opens. You head inside and quietly close the door, hoping to not disturb whoever lives here. You head through a door to your right, finding a closet with cleaning supplies. Another door reveals a kitchen, and another a bathroom. Oddly empty for a mansion. 

Tesseract: HELLO?! 

You let out a breath as you are knocked into a wall with immense force. Looking at your assailant it is a human man with short brown hair. He wears an open royal blue jacket with a Pokeball symbol on a white shirt underneath. In his hand is a scythe, the blade attached to a metal cross. He appears to have hit you with the blunt back end of the cross. 

???: Who are you?  
Tesseract: PLEASE, CALM, I AM-  
???: Tesseract?  
Tesseract: YES, I AM TESSERACT. PLEASE DON’T HIT ME AGAIN, I AM HERE SIMPLY TO FIND SOME ANSWERS.  
???: How...are you here?  
Tesseract: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?  
???: You don’t exist. Not in my world.  
Tesseract: YOUR WORLD?  
???: Yes, my world. Well, I suppose. I’m sorry I hit you, I am just surprised to see anybody else here.  
???:Especially you. 

The stranger helps you up. 

Tesseract: TELL, FRIEND, WHO ARE YOU?  
???: You could call me the closest thing you have to a God.  
Gliskanar: Name’s Gliskanar. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooooooooooooo, it's me! Gratuitous self-insert! Am I important? Probably. Is it dumb? Probably. Maybe it's a big thing, maybe it's Maybelline, point is it's happening. Thanks for reading, feel free to leave kudos and tell me what you thought! Are you excited for Hiveswap? I am!-Gliskanar


	34. Fishing with Worms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, all! I am saddened to say that we are reaching the end of this story! Don't worry, I will be making more stories (maybe sooner than you think) but we only have two chapters and an epilogue left! I can't believe this story went from Daemon getting his head stuck in a toilet to everything it has become. Thanks so much for sticking with me through this! Happy reading! -Gliskanar

Chapter 34: Fishing with Worms

Pawzle: oh, i’m hErE :3

You enter a large chamber filled with floating, colored squares. You step onto a purple one and it begins to fall, along with all tiles of the same color. You jump to green, leaving a large gap ahead as you begin to fall. You jump to blue, and then orange, making one final jump to red and landing on a stone ledge leading into another door. You enter, finding another room filled with nothing but a pit. To your right is a box of four glow sticks. You step experimentally into the pit, finding an invisible platform before you. You move forward and soon stumble as you find nothing ahead. Thinking, you bring the glow sticks with you, and throw one ahead, which illuminates a section of the path. You go toward it and find the stick has disappeared, leaving you in the dark again. You throw the second, the stick falling into the pit and out of view. You toss the third one forward, landing it on another platform and showing you a section of your path. You hop to it and throw the final stick, landing it near the ledge. You find your way to it and step onto the ledge, entering the next door quickly.

Pawzle: PUZZLES :3

Before you is a mat with arrows on it, the kind you would find in Dance Dance Revolution, or the dancing game of your choice that tricks you into exercising. You step onto it and a large screen lights up, activating a video game. An arrow pointing left falls from the top and you match it with your foot. A right arrow and then an upward come in tandem and you move accordingly, the arrows beginning to move faster. The music speeds up and the arrows fall much faster than in most games. You dance, beginning to lose your breathe as a flurry of arrows form on the screen. The process continues for several minutes until the music stops entirely. 

“PERFECT!” 

The screen turns off and light make a path to the next door. You sit for a moment to catch your breath. 

Pawzle: wow!  
Pawzle: that..paws..hard!

You stand after a while and continue through the next door, where the final large chamber awaits. In front of you looms a giant worm in an orange veil and a typical anime cat mouth.

Hemera: Good evening :3  
Pawzle: hi!  
Hemera: My name is Hemera. You are Pawzle, I pawresume?  
Pawzle: ooo yoU LikE PUns too?  
Hemera: Yep! I like puzzles too!  
Pawzle: i think wE’rE gonna bE friEnds :3  
Pawzle: wait whErE’s my kaZoo?  
Hemera: Pawfft, nice  
Pawzle: :3  
Hemera: Hey  
Hemera: Hey Pawzle  
Pawzle: hm?  
Hemera: You wanna see something cool?  
Pawzle: hmmm  
Pawzle: sUrE!  
Elzwap: sup bro?  
Pawzle: yoooo!

You embrace your clone in only the most intense sis hug.

Elzwap: wAddup boI?  
Pawzle: i didn’t EvEn know yoU wErE aLivE!  
Elzwap: hemerA brought me here!  
Pawzle: ooooo yoU shoULd comE with mE! my friEnds arE cooL!  
Elzwap: I’d love to, but I think I’ll be gone soon :E  
Pawzle: awww :(  
Elzwap: yeAh, uh  
Elzwap: I thInk  
Elzwap: we’re SuppoSed to fIght?  
Pawzle: 0-0  
Elzwap: yeAh uh  
Hemera: I am not a fighter by nature, I believe it will be more of a challenge for you to fight a doppleganger.  
Hemera: However, there is another option. We can make a deal.  
Pawzle: ?  
Hemera: I will allow you to bring Elzwap with you when you leave, and release the grist hoard without any fuss. You will gain a party member, and more power in your final battle.  
Hemera: HOWEVER. This comes at a price. You will lose your memory of this adventure immediately.  
Hemera: Your friends will not be able to restore it, all information about his journey will go through one ear and out the other forever.  
Hemera: You will forget what Crucia did, and how she hurt all of you. You will likely go back into her arms.  
Hemera: Can you live with that? Or can you muster the courage and skill and murder yourself?  
Pawzle: 0-0  
Pawzle: I mEan…  
Pawzle: crUcia was a bad PErson, i know that now  
Pawzle: and i lovEd hEr for so long  
Pawzle: bUt...hEr hUrting mE has LEt mE grow  
Pawzle: if i forgot that i woULd stiLL bE a chiLd.  
Pawzle: i coUldn’t go back and forgEt EvErything i’vE LEarnEd  
Pawzle: so i havE to say no  
Hemera: Very well. You will fight your clone then.  
Elzawp: Sorry About thIS

You move forward and aim a punch to Elzwap’s face. She mimics your movement and you both receive a hard punch to the face, knocking you backward. You stumble and crouch, performing a leg sweep, which your opponent jumps over, aiming a flying punch to your face. You dodge and grab her arm, pulling her toward you and thrusting your knee into her stomach, though she counters with a left hook at the same time. You both stumble backward again.

Hemera: Did I forget to mewntion that you are evenly matched? 

You throw your puzzle pieces at Elzwap all at once and she counters with the same movement. All of the pieces clatter to the ground and you both dash for them, picking up handfuls at random. You both begin to assemble them, gaining weapons. Looking down, however, your regular weapon has become a chain scythe with double blades on each end.

Hemera: Huh, Elzwap should have had a rope kunai. Appearantly that is what happens when your puzzles fuse. 

You shrug and swing your weapon at your opponent, who counters with an identical weapon, wrapping them together. You yank hard on your end and Elzwap is pulled toward you. You aim an uppercut at her face, connecting and sending her upward, though she delivers a kick to your chin in the process. You both fall again to the floor and you quickly orient yourself, running toward your opponent on all fours, your tangled weapons lying idly to the side. The two of you headbutt and you jokingly tap her nose.

Pawzle: booP :3

You dash backward, now upright, and grab the weapon pile, now equipped with a chain scythe with extended reach due to the tangle. You swing the weapon at Elzwap and she grabs it, cutting her hand and pulling you forward this time. You allow yourself to fly forward and you headbutt her again, but she counters with an uppercut and yanks the tangle apart. You both stand several feet from each other and swing your weapons wildly, countering perfectly in a flurry of metal and sparks. You both stop, out of breath.

Pawzle: Ugh! nEithEr of Us can win!  
Elzwap: mm, It’S An Issue.  
Hemera: Giving up already?  
Pawzle: hmm  
Elzwap: hmm  
Pawzle: hEy  
Elzwap: yee?  
Pawzle: so i was thinking  
Elzwap: sAme, we hAve the sAme mInd

You both turn toward Hemera.

Pawzle: wE can’t bEat Each othEr  
Elzwap: but We cAn beat you  
Hemera: !!   
Hemera: Traitorous cat!

You both run to opposite sides of the room and jump off of the walls, spinning and wrapping Hemera up in chains. 

Hemera: I won’t allow this mewtiny!

You both tighten your wrapping and she blasts you with a laser, knocking you into the wall.

Elzwap: oh deAr!

She jumps over a laser blast to reach you and boops your nose, healing you. The two of you run back into the fight and take your weapons which had clattered to the ground previously. You throw it at Hemera’s neck, attempting to wrap her up but she dodges, the strike only grazing her neck. A small piece of her flesh turns into a puzzle piece and falls from the wound. You both throw your weapons again and wrap her, swinging and using the momentum to land on her back. You unhook your chain and drive both of the blades into her back, where the flesh again turns into puzzle pieces. You climb up her back, using the blades like climbing hooks, causing puzzle pieces to form more and more. She roars and attempts to shake you off, but you hold firm and eventually make it to her head. You hang down, your face directly in front of her eyes, using the chain under your feet to keep you hanging.

Pawzle: hEy  
Pawzle: i’m on yoUr hEad  
Pawzle: wacha gonna do aboUt it?

She roars and shakes her head violently, to little effect as Elzwap throws a blade down to you and you hook it into the worm’s eyeball. She roars more and Elzwap pulls you back up, giving you back your weapon. You hold hands and she throws you into the air and jumps off of Hemera's head. You spin, holding your blades backhanded and land violently on Hemera’s head, knocking her to the floor. As the worm falls, Elzwap waits at the bottom and violently slashes upward, using the force of the fall to drive her blade through the roof of Hemera’s mouth. The worms lays limp and you jump off, panting heavily. You ascend your echeladder, attaining the top rank of “Problem Mewth”. A key appears and you take it, the metal golden and glowing.

Pawzle: so...do yoU havE to LEavE now?  
Elzwap: I..thInk?  
Pawzle: awww :(  
Elzwap: or mAybe I’ll stAy?  
Elzwap: dunno

Elzwap glows a light blue and you feel an odd presence in your mind as she disappears from sight. You have gained the Life ability 12th Sense! For the price of half of your health vile you can now summon Elzwap at your discretion! Her power, however, will only be equal to half of your own, and if she dies you will not be able to summon her again for the remainder of the battle. You have also gained the weapon Puzzle Star! You can now freely switch between your shuriken and chain scythe weapons as long as your puzzle has been assembled, and the chain scythe has the ability to turn a random percentage of the enemy’s flesh around the wound into puzzle pieces when you strike! However, it will never remove more than 25% of the flesh on that part of the body at a time.

Pawzle: yoU in thErE?  
Elzwap: yee! I’ll be WIth you from noW on!

You smile, satisfied with your win, and leave the building. Some salamanders approach.

Salamander 1: Yoooo is that the key?!  
Salamander 2: The master key!  
Pawzle: this?

You pull out the golden key.

Salamander 3: Yeah! The master key solves any puzzle for free! You won’t have to solve them to do everything here anymore!   
Pawzle: oh, wELL i don’t want it thEn  
Pawzle: i LovE PUZZLES!   
Salamander 2: We would be happy to follow you, ma’am.   
Salamander 1: These puzzles are frustrating, it would be nice to skip a few. We will follow you as loyal servants if you want.  
Pawzle: nah, jUst havE it!  
Pawzle: wait  
Pawzle: yoU gUys wErE thErE whEn kaLtEn was with mE!  
Salamander 1: Oh yeah! That cool guy who helped us with the maze!   
Pawzle: hErE, UsE it rEsPawnsibLy

You hand them the key. 

Salamander 2: Thank you so much, ma’am! If you ever need anything on this planet do not hesitate to ask, there are not many living here now so we should be easy to find. We’re the only ones dressed like street thugs :P

After a short conversation you wave goodbye to the salamanders and begin heading back to the portal home.

Pawzle: i LikE thEm  
Elzwap: they’re nIce :3  
Pawzle: i hoPE thEy savE somE PUZZLES for mE  
Elzwap: don’t worry, thIS plAce IS a lIteral plAnet  
Pawzle: trUE :3  
Elzwap: that wAs very mAture, whAt you SAId About crucIA  
Pawzle: oh, stoP it yoU :3

 

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] opened a memo: RUMPU5B10CK D1CK CH4R107

RI: ...Y0  
RI: H4V3 Y0U GUY5 F1N15H3D Y0UR QU3575?  
PH: jUst did!  
FR: yeah DAWG  
DS: (Not quite.)  
RI: 0K 137’5 M337 47 MY P14C3 70 D15CU55 57R473GY WH3N Y0U’R3 D0N3, W3 C4N 5133P 7H3R3  
DS: (Why not simply sleep in our own hives?)  
RI: W3 5H0U1D 574Y 70G37H3R F0R 53CUR17Y  
FR: sleepover?  
FR: shit  
FR: never BEEN to ONE of THOSE  
RI: BR1NG Y0UR531F, 7H47’5 411 Y0U N33D  
PH: yoU arE in a good mood nirrak :3  
RI: 50M3 5H17 W3N7 D0WN  
RI: 1 G07 MY 455 K1CK3D  
RI: 7H47 W0U1D H4V3 B33N 411 7H3R3 W45 70 54Y 0N 7H3 M4773R BU7 1 W3N7 7HR0UGH 50M3 CH4NG35  
RI: 1’M 57111 4NGRY 4B0U7 3V3RY7H1NG BU7 1 7H1NK 1’V3 K1ND 0F M4D3 P34C3 W17H 17?  
RI: 1 C4N M4K3 U53 0F 17 N0W, 50 7H47’5 PR0GRE55  
PH: ooo nicE!  
DS: (That is great to hear, Nirrak. I am proud of you.)  
DS: (Toorah would have been too. Take pride in it.)  
RI: 7H-7H4NK5, D43M0N  
PH: oooo hE’s fLUstErEd :3  
RI: 5HU7 17  
RI: W417  
RI: 50RRY  
PH: ‘s pawLL good  
FR: guys I’M jazzed AS hell FOR this SLEEPOVER thing NOW  
DS: (As am I. I will accelerate my defeat of my denizen.)  
RI: W3’R3 1N 7H3 H0M3 57R37CH, GUY5.  
RI: 3V3RY7H1NG W3 H4V3 D0N3 H45 134D UP 70 7H15  
DS: (We will not fail.)  
PH: right!  
FR: haha YEAH man

You are now Daemon. You have arrived on LOCAB and currently seek the entrance to your denizen’s fortress. You arrived initially in front of a large tree with two suits of armour, neither of which reacted to you. You have tried picking cherries, eating them, donning the armor, all to no avail. Moving to the back of the tree, you find small words carved.

“Donate Blood to the Children’s Hospital!”

You cut your hand with the rim of your shield and drip it on the words. The tree absorbs it and you hear the clanking of armour. The suits move to the back of the tree with you.

Armour 1: Name.  
Daemon: (Daemon Diabol.)  
Armour 2: We have been expecting you. You will have to pass a combat test in order to pass.   
Daemon: (Who will my opponent be?)  
Armour 1: Us, of course.  
Armour 2: Prepare for strife.

The suits open their heads and produce a sword and spear respectively. The sword wielding one swings downward toward you and deflect it with your shield. You push back against the force of its push and the second attempts a slash at your stomach. With your other hand you block the hit with your Ruffle Shuffle, dual wielding shields. You push both of them away and focus on the first suit, sweeping its legs and kicking it into the tree with two quick movements. It lays limp for a moment and the second rushes you, thrusting its spear several times at your sides. You focus on dodging and he eventually goes for a strike to your chest. You block it with your shields and quickly cross your arms, the shields snapping the wooden shaft of the spear. The armor looks at you a moment, shocked, and you run toward it, delivering a shield punch to its chest and sending it sprawling into the other suit.

Armour 1: Congratulations! You have passed! Please proceed inside, your denizen awaits. 

You bow to them and move through a door that has appeared in the back of the tree. The chamber is only small enough for one person, and you determine it to be an elevator once it begins to move. You wait patiently, and Sherolc eventually joins you, only his face visible through the wall as he comes through like a ghost.

Sherolcsprite: Good evening, Daemon.  
Daemon: (Greetings, Olc.)  
Sherolcsprite: Seems you have a match coming. I wish you luck.  
Daemon: (By any chance can you tell me what I may be up against?)  
Sherolcsprite: A large worm, that is all I can tell you.  
Daemon: (...An interesting design.)  
Sherolcsprite: You have improved greatly since the beginning of this adventure, Daemon.   
Daemon: (Yes, I believe so as well. Though I still question somewhat if I have the ability to defeat Crucia tomorrow.)  
Sherolcsprite: Have you considered simply forgiving her?  
Daemon: (No. She murdered Toorah for no reason.)  
Sherolcsprite: Ah, the pretty one from across the lake?  
Daemon: (Gross.)   
Sherolcsprite: You have gained fantastic abilities, Daemon. You will be able to avenge your friend, I know it. I believe in you, son.  
Daemon: (Thank you, Olc.)  
Sherolcsprite: You don’t have to be perfect, you know.   
Daemon: (Yes, but I can attempt to come close.)  
Sherolcsprite: Once you begin to show some levity your life will be better.  
Daemon: (Yes, I am aware. I try.)  
Sherolcsprite: Do you?  
Daemon: (Yes.)  
Sherolcsprite: Do you?  
Daemon: (Yes.)  
Sherolcsprite: Do you?  
Daemon: (Yes.)  
Sherolcsprite: Do you?  
Daemon: (How many times must I answer these questions?)  
Sherolcsprite: I’m asking that you lighten up. You are very serious. How will you find a mating pertner that way?  
Daemon: (That is not my main concern at this moment.)  
Sherolcsprite: It may become relevant once you meet up with your friends again.  
Daemon: (...I am aware of the situation regarding Nirrak.)  
Sherolcsprite: And?  
Daemon: (I...am not opposed to the idea, but we have bigger matters at the moment.)  
Sherolcsprite: Have you mastered your new form?  
Daemon: (I believe so, yes.)  
Sherolcsprite: Good, you’ll need it.   
Sherolcsprite: You have arrived, I will leave you for the moment.  
Daemon: (Farewell for now.)

You arrive in your chamber where an enormous red worm with a sun face sits in waiting.

Yaldabaoth: Sup?  
Daemon: (Greetings. I believe I am here to fight you.)  
Yaldabaoth: What’s with this “greetings” stuff?  
Yaldabaoth: “Sup” is fine.  
Daemon: (...Alright.)  
Yaldabaoth: I got a propositon for you.  
Daemon: (I am listening.)  
Yaldabaoth: Ya can get way stronger.  
Yaldabaoth: I’m talkin way stronger  
Yaldabaoth: All you gotta do is make a promise.  
Daemon: (Of what kind?)  
Yaldabaoth: After all this you gotta betray a friend.  
Yaldabaoth: Maybe the ice one? Kick his ass or something.  
Daemon: (Absolutely not. How dare you even propose such an absurd thing.)  
Yaldabaoth: Aiight man, we gotta fight then. Game rules and all that.  
Daemon: (Indeed. Shall we?)

Yaldabaoth casually falls in your direction. Surprised by this tactic you jump out of the way and he snaps at you, capturing you in his teeth. You smash his tooth with your shield and manage to wriggle out, climbing onto his neck. He sits up and fires a small laser at you as you fall. You block it with your shield and fall to the floor where he shoots small laser at your feet.

Yaldabaoth: Hehe, dance!

You throw your shield and Yaldabaoth moves out of the way. The shield bounces back and hits you in the face, cutting the root of your nose open. You hold it in pain and blue blood leaks into your eyes and down your face.

Daemon: UUGUGUGGGGUUG!  
Yaldabaoth: Haha, got ya.  
Daemon: (I am going to have a scar now.)  
Yaldabaoth: Gonna have a lot more if you don’t chill, guy.  
Daemon: (What do you mean?)  
Yaldabaoth: Chill out with your movements.  
Yaldabaoth: Flow, don’t push.

Yaldabaoth fires another laser at you and you casually slide to the side.

Yaldabaoth: That’s perfect, like that.  
Yaldabaoth: You’re allowed to enjoy a fight.

You wipe some of the blood from your eyes and flex, your prototyped form coming out.

Daemon: (I understand what you mean.)

You dash forward and feint a strike to your opponent’s hide before fluidly sliding to the side to avoid a laser shot and striking his side with the edge of your shield. He wiggles to the side rapidly and knocks you away. You land on your hands and flip in time to avoid a leg sweep and sprout your wings, flying a few feet above Yaldabaoth’s head. You throw your shield and it buries into his head, though the strike doesn’t seem to bother him much. You manifest your red mile energy and fire a shot at his eye as you circle him, again not bothering him that much.

Yaldabaoth: Getting better!

He fires a laser at you, hitting you in the chest but you shake it off and drop to his head, getting your shield back and slamming it back into his head. He attempts to shake you off put you hold until he slams you into the wall behind you. You take in a sharp breath and push yourself off of the wall and onto the floor where you roll out of the way of another laser blast. You begin to kneel, your body in the position to start a sprint. 

Yaldabaoth: Oh, what’s this one?

You dash forward, mostly relying on your right leg, similar to Kalten’s thief’s foot and smash your elbow into Yaldabaoth’s body, sending some red miles into the strike and creating a wound. You drag your elbow down, ripping several inches of your opponent’s flesh open, and smoothly dodge another laser strike. 

Yaldabaoth: You’re learning how to dodge! 

He grabs you by your middle with his teeth and flips you into the air.

Yaldabaoth: But not how to relax.

When you land he balances you on his nose like a seal with a ball. 

Yaldabaoth: Fights can be silly, man.

You flip off of his nose and do a cartwheel, landing with a smash of your shield on his back.

Daemon: (Is that what you desire?)

Yaldabaoth somehow hops upward and slams you with the end up his tail, sending you into the wall. 

Yaldabaoth: 2 Points!

You pull yourself from the wall and sit on the floor, your arms crossed.

Yaldabaoth: Wachu doin’?  
Daemon: (Thinking.)

You open your sylladex and grab an empty card. You physically throw it like a shuriken, landing it in your opponent’s front. You do this with two more cards and pole vault to him using your bamboo staff. You climb the empty cards like stairs and surround your shield with red miles, uppercutting Yaldabaoth as you reach the top of the stairway.

Yaldabaoth: That’s it! Embrace the silly!

He flexes his chest forward, knocking you off and headbutts you downward with an audible gonging sound. You land on your shield and hurt your shoulder. 

Daemon: (Ow.)  
Yaldabaoth: See? That was funny. Fighting can be fun.

You stand up and rise into the air with your wings. You fly forward at incredible speed and stop short at Yaldabaoth’s face, flicking him.

Daemon: (Boop)

Yaldabaoth laughs and you zoom downward, delivering a kick to his throat. He gags and chokes and you infuse your shield with red miles once again. You shoot red miles from your feet and spin, drilling through his throat in one swift movement. He gasps for air and eventually falls to the floor, dead. 

You land on the floor and transform back to normal, holding your shoulder.

Daemon: (Ow...Ow..)  
Sherolcsprite: You can express your pain, it is only us here now.   
Daemon: (...Yes. I believe I dislocated my shoulder.)  
Sherolcsprite: You did well to lighten up for that fight.   
Daemon: (I appeared to lack a choice.)  
Sherolcsprite: If that carries over your friends will enjoy your presence more.   
Daemon: (Perhaps, yes.)

Sherolcsprite zaps your arm with a laser and puts it in a sling for you. You ascend your echeladder and, not surprisingly, gain your final wrung, “Devil Will No Longer Cry”. You leave the chamber and meet with the armour suits once more, as well as a group of alligators.

Alligator 1: You have slain the beast!  
Alligator 2: The water will return to normal!  
Daemon: (The blood here was initially water?)  
Alligator 3: Yes! He changed it all to blood for shits and giggles.  
Daemon: (...I believe it.)  
Alligator 1: Rejoice! We shall celebrate! Come!  
Daemon: (It would be rude of me to refuse your proposal.)

The alligators lead you off, and you notice the landscape starting to look more natural. The trees begin to grow more cherry blossoms and the grass returns to a normal color. You smile.

Daemon: (I did it, Toorah.)

Gliskanar: I knew you were coming eventually, but not so soon.  
Tesseract: SO YOU CREATED US?  
Gliskanar: Yeah, we exist on the same plain but you are a character in a larger story of my creation.  
Gliskanar: I thought up all of you in my spare time while I’ve been in this mansion.  
Tesseract: WHY EXACTLY ARE YOU HERE?  
Gliskanar: There was an...incident. With a friend. I am actually trapped here.  
Tesseract: TRAPPED? YOU CANNOT LEAVE THIS MANSION?  
Gliskanar: Nope, trust me I’ve tried. It’s possible I will never be able to, either. I...made some mistakes. My anger got the better of me and I attacked somebody important.  
Tesseract: TELL ME MORE?  
Gliskanar: I was involved in an SBURB session myself, at one point. I was a rage player, see. My human friend and a troll we met went through our adventure together.  
Gliskanar: It went surprisingly well, I God Tiered, we got to our victory platform...and then shit hit the fan.  
Gliskanar: A powerful enemy we accidentally brought in with us arrived on the victory platform and murdered my troll friend, as well as my father.  
Gliskanar: I was obviously displeased, so I attacked him, and I actually defeated him in my rage. However, he was particularly skilled at spells and curses, and he cursed me to live here forever with few memories of my past since I injured him so severely. I can only assume he killed my human friend, and I haven’t heard from either of them since.  
Tesseract: I’M...SORRY TO HEAR THAT.  
Gliskanar: I did manage to preserve my troll friend in a sense, though. In the story, at least.  
Tesseract: HOW? IS IT PAWZLE? TOORAH?  
Gliskanar: No, nothing like that. The computer on Nirrak’s planet.  
Tesseract: AH, SO THE TROLL HOLOGRAM..?  
Gliskanar: Aiiyae Teksel. She was an integral part of my group, and I felt I had to preserve her somehow.  
Tesseract: AND YOUR HUMAN FRIEND?  
Gliskanar: My best friend. As I said, that enemy wiped a ton of my memory. I only remember some details of him.  
Gliskanar: I created you guys because I have a laptop here and I thought it would be an interesting thing to try. You were fictional, at least as far as I knew.   
Gliskanar: Turns out you weren’t! And your planet actually exists! Which has merits and downsides.   
Gliskanar: It turns out that space flare Toorah had was incredibly powerful, it fucked up even my author powers, and other universes. Here, I’ll show you.   
Tesseract: FOLLOWING

You follow your author through the mansion, passing doors in odd shapes.

Tesseract: WHAT ARE THESE DOORS?  
Gliskanar: Well doors, obviously.  
Gliskanar: They all lead to different rooms and they are fucking weird without exception.   
Gliskanar: There’s one where you perceive everything in opposite dimensions, one where you taste math, as far as I know there is only one relatively normal room up here.  
Tesseract: IS IT POSSIBLE ONE WILL HELP ME GET TO THE BATTLEFIELD?  
Gliskanar: I...doubt it, honestly. This place is one giant cacophony of ass, you’ll be lucky to find anything here.  
Tesseract: WORTH A TRY. 

Your author opens a normal wooden door where three screens float in the air, along with a bed. The room is mostly white, with wooden siding halfway down the wall. In front of the screens is a simple keyboard, and occupying them are a video feed of the trolls, a writing program, and a timeline of another session respectively. 

Tesseract: YOU CONTROL THINGS FROM HERE?

You step inside, floating in the air as you enter.

Gliskanar: “Control” is a strong word.   
Gliskanar: I have limited control over you guys now that we occupy the same universe. Toorah’s death, truth be told, was my decision. Half because it was a plot point and half because I love making my audience suffer.  
Tesseract: AUDIENCE?  
Gliskanar: Oh! Yes, my audience! I have posted this story on a website native to my planet, where people can freely read about our shenanigans. Somebody is reading it right now!  
Tesseract: OH, GREETINGS, READER.  
Gliskanar: I have a few fans, as far as I know.  
Gliskanar: As I was saying, Toorah’s death was calculated. What was not calculated, however, was how unprecedentedly strong her powers turned out to be.   
Tesseract: WHAT WAS THE REASON FOR THAT?  
Gliskanar: It is a defense mechanism that I have to assume every rogue of space has, but I could be wrong about that. She was killed and it activated, to a random effect. It even carried across incipispheres.   
Tesseract: I BRIEFLY OBSERVED ANOTHER SESSION, I ASSUME IT WAS AFFECTED AS WELL?  
Gliskanar: More “mutated”. It was changed in a way I had never expected, but I can’t see past a certain point in the timeline because of the space flare. Last I checked they were having trouble, however.  
Tesseract: PERHAPS I COULD HELP WHEN I HAVE MY POWERS BACK TO ME?  
Gliskanar: Mm, maybe. But for now, we should try to focus on you getting to these guys.  
Tesseract: I AGREE. HOW WILL WE GO ABOUT IT, THOUGH?  
Gliskanar: There has to be something in this wasteland.  
Gliskanar: Daemon has an appearifier on his planet, maybe he could just zap you back?  
Tesseract: SEEMS KIND OF OBVIOUS  
Tesseract: I HAVE COSMIC SIGNIFICANCE, IT PROBABLY WOULDN’T WORK  
Gliskanar: Well, and this is a long shot, what if you asked Nirrak to retrieve and fix the teleporter he made?   
Tesseract: I CAN’T IMAGINE HIM DOING IT  
Tesseract: AFTER ALL OF THE FUSS ABOUT WHAT IT MEANT  
Gliskanar: Well, seems like our only options.  
Gliskanar: I certainly can’t help you.  
Gliskanar: Unless I were to just write into the story that you magically poof onto the battlefield.  
Gliskanar: But that would be 413 different kinds of stupid.  
Tesseract: AGREED, WE WILL HAVE TO COERCE NIRRAK INTO HELPING US  
Gliskanar: Be polite, he may be calmer now but he is still somewhat fickle.   
Tesseract: MMM  
Gliskanar: Feel free to hang out here if you want, I would appreciate the company.  
Tesseract: YES, UNTIL WE CAN MANAGE TO GET ME OUT OF HERE.  
Gliskanar: And, Tesseract?  
Gliskanar: After they finish the machine, let the kids relax for a while. This has been an incredibly hard day.  
Gliskanar: They’re only teenagers, after all. They need rest as much as you or I do.  
Tesseract: I AM A FIRST GUARDIAN, I DON’T REST  
Gliskanar: Then they need as much rest as any being that isn't a fucking omnipotent lightbulb. That better?  
Tesseract: SURE

You are now Crucia. You have returned to the battlefield to find the queen grumpily working on a prosthetic arm. 

Crucia: what? that thing f0r?

She tells you that it’s for Jack, and to mind your fucking business.

Crucia: right  
Crucia: him  
Crucia: queen, y0u mind if i a?k y0u ?0mething?

She says yes, she does mind.

Crucia: ?weet, thank?  
Crucia: d0 y0u think we can even win t0m0rr0w?

She points out that your side has a gang of powerful thugs, an entire army, a 6X prototyped king and queen, and a god tier Witch of Doom, against their four players in an all out brawl.

Crucia: y0u ever think ab0ut ju?t letting them g0?

She growls at you and asks what the actual, certified, FDA approved, non animal tested, gluten free fuck you are talking about.

Crucia: it’? ju?t  
Crucia: what did they d0 t0 u??

She points out that one of them assaulted both Jack, herself, and the Brute, and the rest, INCLUDING YOU, broke into a prison, killed dozens of guards and stole a prisoner.

Crucia: k, that’? true, but-

She backhands you in the face and tells you to shut your dirty mouth. 

Crucia: uh-huh  
Crucia: i’ll ?hut my m0uth alright  
Crucia: y0ur? t00

She asks you to repeat that and you slide your weapons out behind your back.

Crucia: n0thing, ma’am.   
Crucia: n0thing at all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OoooOoooOOOoooOOOOOoooooo shit Crucia is pissed! Tune in next chapter to see where her story goes, as well as much more! Feel free to leave kudos and tell me what you thought! Thanks for reading! -Gliskanar


	35. Tension! At the Sleepover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second last chapter, and then an epilogue! I am saddened and yet proud to be finished with this project, it has been a ride for me. As I said last time (I think, idfk), this is not the end of my stories. There is more Homestuck content to come from me, and the hiatus won't be sickening like some I've had before. Thanks for reading, and enjoy Hiveswap! -Gliskanar

Chapter 35: Tension! At the Sleepover

RI: 4B501U7317 N07  
DG: ALLMAX-  
DG: NIRRAK  
DG: IT IS INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT THAT I MAKE IT BACK TO YOU  
RI: WH113 1 4DM1R3 7H3 P3RVC31V3D 51Z3 0F Y0UR 54CK F0R 4C7U411Y 45K1NG M3, 7H3 4N5W3R 15 N0  
DG: IT CAN’T POSSIBLY TAKE LONG, I CAN BE THERE WITHIN AN HOUR.  
RI: 7H47 15N’7 7H3 FUCK1NG PR0B13M 4ND Y0U KN0W 17  
RI:1’V3 F1N411Y 574R73D 70 H341, 1’M 3V3N 7RY1NG 70 5W34R 1355  
RI: 4ND Y0U’R3 45K1NG M3 70 BR1NG B4CK 7H3 0N3 7H1NG 7H47 R3M1ND5 M3 M057 0F MY F411UR35, 4F73R 1 F1N411Y 7HR3W 17 4W4Y  
RI: 17 D1DN’7 3V3N W0RK 7H3 F1R57 71M3!  
RI: 7H47’5 H0W 411 7H3 G4RB4G3 1N MY M1ND 574R73D  
DG: WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THAT I COULD PRODUCE A POWER SOURCE TO HELP IT WORK PROPERLY?  
RI: ...1’M 11573N1NG BU7 D0N’7 G37 C0NF1D3N7 Y37  
DG: AS A FIRST GUARDIAN I KNOW THE SECRETS OF DIFFERENTIA, AS WELL AS BASICALLY EVERYTHING ELSE THERE IS TO KNOW.  
DG: I CAN GIVE YOU A CODE FOR A POWER SOURCE THAT SHOULD FIX THE PROBLEM YOU HAD INITIALLY  
RI: 7H3 PR0B13M 1 H4D 1N171411Y W45 7H47 17 FUCK1NG 3XP10D3D  
RI: 1’M 7RY1NG 70 5W34R 1355 FUCK  
RI: 1 M34N  
RI: JU57  
RI: G1V3 M3 7H3 57UP1D C0D3, Y0U’R3 0N1Y G3771NG 0N3 U53 0U7 0F 7H3 M4CH1N3  
DG: 5UN5H1N3  
RI: F1N3, 1’LL D0 17.  
RI: H0W D0 Y0U 3XP3C7 70 G37 70 7H3 B47713F131D 4NYW4Y?  
DG: I HAD ASSUMED ONE OF YOU COULD MAKE ME A FLIGHT ITEM, SUCH AS THE JACKET MR. DIABOL HAD.  
RI: F1N3, Y0U G37 7H47 4ND 7H3 7313P0R73R, 4ND W3 G37 WH47 1N R37URN 4G41N?  
DG: A POWERFUL ALLY AND A FIGHTING CHANCE.  
RI: WH473V3R, 1’11 G37 0N 17. 

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] ceased trolling disparateGuardian [DG] 

Nirrak: H3 W4N75 U5 70 F1X MY 57UP1D 7313P0R73R  
Daemon: (I advise)  
Daemon: (I... )  
Daemon: (Think.)  
Dameon: (We should retrieve it before the others arrive.)  
Nirrak: WH47 W45 7H47?  
Daemon: (My attempt to cease my olden method of speech.)  
Nirrak: N33D5 W0RK  
Daemon: (And your personality does not?)  
Nirrak: ...F41R

You and Daemon stand on top of your roof, where some imps have become docile in your powerful presence. Daemon sprouts his wings and you grab his back, hooking your metal foot into a small holster he agreed to wear on his belt for safety. His shoulder has been healed by the same medicine you gave to Kalten. You descend into the void below, finding that your house is suspended on a column of blue electric walls, similar to the maze that comprises most of your planet. Looking around, it does not take long to find the remains of your old teleporter, surprisingly not in much worse condition than it was before you discarded it. You land, and the two of you begin to work your way around it, figuring out a good way to lift it back up. Looking at Daemon, he has picked up one side on his own, and his muscles ripple under his shirt.

Daemon: (Nirrak, you are drooling.)

Your head darts up and you blush.

Nirrak: R1GH7  
Nirrak: 533  
Nirrak: 7H47 15 UH  
Nirrak: B3C4U53

Daemon chuckles uncharacteristically.

Daemon: (Just get your end, dumbass.)  
Nirrak: W17H 7H3 5W34R1NG 411 0F 1 5UDD3N?  
Daemon: (Simply...attempting to be more lighthearted. Now grab the other end.)

You grab the other end and lift it with your legs, the two of you easily hoisting it.

Nirrak: 7H15 PR353N75 4N 155U3  
Daemon: (We seem to be lifting it alright.)  
Nirrak: N0, 1 C4N’7 F1Y  
Daemon: (I can.)  
Nirrak: Y35 BU7 1’11 JU57 B3 D34D W31GH7  
Daemon: (You can fly in your grimdark form, can you not?)  
Nirrak: Y34H BU7 1’11 B3 GR1MD4RK, 1 M4Y 347 Y0U 0R 50M37H1NG  
Daemon: (And you would have a problem with this?)  
Nirrak: WH47?  
Daemon: (What?)  
Daemon:(...Are you going to enter your form or not?)

A time symbol appears in front of you, turning black as it spins. 

Toorah: youu need to get off youur back abouut all of this, nirrak.  
Hephaestus: And she believed in you.  
Toorah: youu cant be so hard on youurself. youu are going to go ouut there, puunch cruucia in her stuupid face, and kiss daemon right on the lips.  
Hephaestus: All for nothing.  
Toorah: i love youu too  
Hephaestus: All fake, pointless, hollow.

You roar and enter your new form.

Nirrak: 71M3DARK ASCENT!

You turn to Daemon, who has dropped the machine.

Daemon: (Impressive.)  
Nirrak: Damn right it is.

The two of you successfully lift the machine back into your hive, where you set it in your lab. You revert to your normal form.

Daemon: (You have learned to control it so quickly.)  
Nirrak: 17’5 PR377Y 345Y, 1’V3 B33N 7H47 4NGRY M057 0F MY 11F3

You reach down and press a button on your leg, revealing a small compartment with a wrench in it. You take the tool and move to the machine.

Nirrak: 1 N33D 50M3 P4R75 FR0M 7H3 41CH3M173R, C4N Y0U G37 7H3M?  
Daemon: (I will require the codes.)  
Nirrak: 5UN5H1N3, 7H3 C0D3 F0R Y0UR F11GH7 J4CK37, 4ND F1UUXX33  
Daemon: (Right.)

You are Daemon, performing some alchemy, possibly for the last time.

You punch in the code “F1UUXX3”.

You got the Capacitor!

Cost: 100 Grist, 75 Shale, 40 Uranium.

This part, which is definitely not a rip off of a part from a successful time travel movie, is integral for any teleporter or appearifier. It allows the coordinates to be set properly.

You produce a copy of your old jacket, as well as a new set of the armour that Nirrak broke in his fight with Hephaestus. 

You punch in the code “5UN5H1N3”.

You got Sunshine in a Bag!

Cost: 3000 Grist, 19 Uranium, 2000 Amethyst.

This item is simply, to the untrained eye, some light contained in a bag. It’s useless, but not for long, the teleporter is coming on. 

You return with the parts to find Nirrak has already set out several boxes of parts and is carrying around a clipboard. 

Nirrak: 17 W45 7H3 P0W3R 50URC3 7H47 3XP10D3D 1457 71M3, 50 411 1 N33D 70 D0 15 R3P14C3 17 W17H 7H3 0N3 73553R4C7 G4V3 M3. 1 H4V3 70 R3P14C3 7H3 D141470R5, 4ND F1X 7H3 P4R71C13 4553MB1Y 11N3.  
Daemon: (Nirrak?)

He holds out his hand without looking up from his clipboard and you hand him the sunshine and the capacitor.

Nirrak: 7H4NK5, 1G0R

He goes back to the machine and a knock sounds at the front door. You go to answer it, finding Pawzle and Kalten standing together in front of you. You open the door and Pawzle tackles you.

Pawzle: daEmon!  
Daemon: (Hello, Pawzle.)  
Kalten: haha HEY daemon  
Daemon: (Hello...my dude.)  
Kalten: pffft NICE one

You stand and gesture your friends inside. They follow, and you all find Nirrak working busily. 

Pawzle: what is hE doing?  
Daemon: (Making a device to allow Tesseract’s assistance.)  
Pawzle: ooo wE’rE gonna mEEt grEEn gUy?  
Kalten: been LOOKING forward TO that, HE seems CHILL  
Pawzle: niiirraaaaakkkkk  
Nirrak: HM?  
Pawzle: can wE hELP?  
Nirrak: Y0U 7W0 C4N, C0M3 H3R3

The two move to Nirrak, who takes Kalten’s hand and bends it over the machine. 

Nirrak: 7H15 W111 0N1Y HUR7 4 117713

Nirrak brings a wire to Kalten’s hand and removes his Five Knuckle Shuffle, the wire sparking and making a burn on the other troll’s hand.

Kalten: ow! THE fuck?!

Some drops of red blood spill into the machine, enough to fill up a small vile.

Nirrak: Y0UR B100D 15 FR33Z1NG C01D 4ND F1113D W17H 011, 17’5 P3RF3C7 F0R 4 1UBR1C4N7 H3R3

Kalten groans and Pawzle kisses his hand, healing the burn. 

Nirrak: P4WZ1E, 1 N33D Y0UR H4ND5  
Pawzle: yoU arEn’t gonna cUt mE arE yoU??  
Nirrak: N0 N0, JU57 H01D 7H15

Pawzle holds a jumble of wires and Nirrak raises a chip to it. 

Nirrak: 41R1GH7, M5. PUZZ13 H4ND5, 1 N33D Y0UR PR3CI510N

Pawzle sticks the wires to the chip and Nirrak puts it back in, gesturing you over this time.

Nirrak: Y0U N33D 70 H01D 7H3 WH013 7H1NG 70H37H3R F0R 4 M1NU73, 1 4M 57R0NG 3N0UGH BU7 1 N33D MY H4ND5

You hold the giant metal husk of the machine together and Nirrak goes to work again, welding it. The process takes five minutes and he stands up.

Nirrak: P4WZ13, 1 N33D 7H47 G10W1NG B4G FR0M 7H3 74B13.

She passes the bag to Nirrak and he empties the- apparently solid- light into a small chamber.

ranchorousIntellectual [RI] began trolling disparateGuardian [DG]

RI: W3’R3 R34DY  
DG: AS AM I. I AM STANDING BY.

Nirrak pulls a lever and steps back, knocking over a table and gesturing for everybody to get behind it. You all move behind and watch as the machine glows. Kalten’s red blood flows through it, cooling the machine down, and a light emits from the teleporter pad. Nirrak ducks behind the table and you join, awaiting the result. Nirrak covers his ears and an electric zap sounds from the machine, followed by footsteps.

Tesseract: IS THAT ANY WAY TO TREAT A GUEST? HIDING FROM HIM?  
Nirrak: 1-17 W0RK3D?  
Tesseract: YOU WERE EXPECTING ANY DIFFERENT?

You all come out, finally meeting your mysterious guide. The man stands before you, still in his trenchcoat and pants, smoking a pipe with pink smoke from a seemingly non-existent mouth.

Tesseract: SPECIAL STARDUST, I ENJOY THE TASTE.  
Daemon: (It is a pleasure to finally meet you, Tesseract.)  
Tesseract: AND YOU, MR. DIABOL.  
Kalten: so THIS is MY dude  
Pawzle: hEy!  
Tesseract: GREETINGS, EVERYBODY. I WOULD LOVE TO STAY AND CHAT BUT I CANNOT STAND ANOTHER MINUTE WITHOUT MY POWERS.   
Tesseract: I WILL SPEAK WITH ALL OF YOU LATER, FOR NOW YOU SHOULD STRATEGIZE AND RELAX.

Tesseract dons the jacket and flies from the hive, and you decide to be him as this is bound to be more interesting. At least, you would have if you hadn’t decided to be Crucia already.

The queen blocks a downward swing from your swords with one of her troops and asks what the hell you think you’re doing.

Crucia: ?imple, queeny. d0n’t need ya anym0re

She warns that you will pay dearly for this, and commands Jack’s gang to attack. They rush you and you sweep your blades in a circle near your feet, cutting them each on the legs and incapacitating them. The queen transforms and aims a crab punch at you, augmented by flames and small red miles. You duck under the punch and slash up her chest in one fluid movement. He holds the wound with her regular hand and you kick it, sending her to the ground.

Crucia: it’? y0ur fault, y0u kn0w  
Crucia: y0ur fault i eel thi? way  
Crucia: y0ur fault i eel at all lately!  
You crush her arm with your foot with an audible crunch. 

Crucia: it’? becau?e 0f y0ur damn ring!  
Crucia: becau?e y0ur ring gave me the idea that i c0uld finally be ?0meb0dy in?tead 0f the the creepy aunt at the party like i wa? all my life!  
Crucia: i never had the chance t0 be queen!   
Crucia: never g0t t0 eel what being imp0rtant wa?!

You cut off her arm, searing the wound closed.

Crucia: 0nly r0yal treatment i ever g0t wa? fr0m enemie?!  
Crucia: y0ur g0ddamn ring gave me h0pe!  
Crucia: piece 0f ?hit d0e?n’t even w0rk!   
Crucia: did y0u think i liked killing her, nirrak?!  
Crucia: ?he wa? ?weet, and pretty, and nice!   
Crucia: i didn’t want t0 d0 it, but i did becau?e i’m ?hellfi?h!  
Crucia: i’m ?hellfi?h and i wanted t0 eel like i mattered!  
Crucia: i valued y0u guy?!  
Crucia: y0u never liked me!  
Crucia: i? that what y0u want to hear?!

You stab the queen through the head and the king approaches, threatening you with his sceptre. You slice upward, cutting his arm off, and sear the wound closed. You turn to him, the troops, and Jack’s gang, and grab the queen’s ring, crushing it in your fingers.

Crucia: i’m the captain n0w.  
Crucia: any que?ti0n??!

The others shake their heads “no”. 

Crucia: g00d

You sit down, weapons aside, and curl your knees up to your eyes, the others only hearing whimpering.

Tesseract: WOW..

You are now Tesseract. You have arrived at the Battlefield, where the space flare’s barrier begins. Inside you find the Green Sun, a fraction of its normal size due to the events of Alternate Calliope (See: Act 7).

Tesseract: TIME TO GO TO WORK, THEN.

You wield your Drill Rapier and tap the tip against the surface of the shield, which ripples as if made of water. You stab the outside, achieving the same effect, and pop out the spring on your weapon. You shove the tip into the barrier and activate the drill, boring into the surface with immense force and causing enormous waves of green energy.

Tesseract: COME ON OLD MAN, YOU CAN DO THIS. FIRST GUARDIAN WEAPON, EASY.

You shove the weapon an inch deeper into the barrier and increase the speed of the drill, the waves caused now doubling in size. The weapon bores through, continuing in like a drill, and finally the barrier pops like a bubble. The Green Sun sparkles and you feel the power returning to your body.

Tesseract: FINALLY!

You zip around the battlefield in spurts of green electricity and vibrate with elation.

Tesseract: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. NOW, TO CHECK IN ON THOSE KIDS.

You warp back, finding the trolls in a circle on the floor, and the tension could be cut with say, a knife, or a ridiculous drill sword.

Daemon: (Good, you are here. We must strategise.)   
Tesseract: A GOOD PLAN.

You take a seat between Pawzle and Nirrak.

Daemon: (I suppose it is long since time for me to act as the leader I was intended to be.)  
Daemon: (We have five major enemies whom we must deal with.)  
Tesseract: FOUR.  
Daemon: (Pardon?)  
Tesseract: THE QUEEN IS DEAD. YOUR SHIT JUST GOT EASIER.  
Daemon: (Fantastic, four, then.)  
Daemon: (I will ask from weakest to strongest. Firstly, the Dersite army. There are a great many to deal with, and they will be in the way.)   
Nirrak: 1 C4N D0 17, 1 H4V3 4 R4NG3D W34P0N 4G41N57 7H31R 5W0RD5 4ND 5P34R5, 4ND MY GR1MD4RK F0RM C4N F1Y, 7H37 W0N’7 B3 4B13 70 70UCH M3  
Daemon: (I believe that will work, though when you have finished we shall require that form for the heavier hitters.)  
Nirrak: 1’11 B3 QU1CK, 7H3N  
Daemon: (Do that. Next, Jack Noir’s gang, the queen’s royal guard.)  
Kalten: i CAN take THEM  
Daemon: (Are you certain?)  
Kalten: yeah MANG, got SOME shit TO work OUT with THAT punk   
Daemon: (I shall entrust you with that task, then.)  
Daemon: (Next, the Black King.)  
Tesseract: I BELIEVE I WILL BE SUFFICIENT.  
Daemon: (Yes, you will. He is slow, teleport frequently and lose his attention.)  
Pawzle: i can hELP :3 i foUght a fEw giants  
Daemon: (No, you have a more important job.)  
Pawzle: :3?  
Daemon: (Your chain weapon and grappling skills will mean you need to zip around the field and act as our healer. We will likely need as much help as possible, so attempt not to be taken into excessive combat. I will use alchemy to create a beacon to inform you of who needs healing and when.)  
Pawzle: ooo that’s PUUUrrfEct! i EvEn havE hELP :3  
Daemon: (Who would that be?)  
Elzwap: yo!  
Daemon: (A clone?)  
Pawzle: yUP yUP!  
Elzwap: I got them SkIllz   
Daemon: (You will certainly be an asset.)  
Elzwap: :3  
Daemon: (It would seem the only remaining combatant is the trunkbeast in the block...Crucia.  
Daemon: (I suppose that falls to me.)  
Daemon: (I...believe I can do it. But I will require help after you have all finished your personal battles.)  
Pawzle: …  
Kalten: …  
Nirrak: …  
Tesseract: MY BATTLE WITH THE KING SHOULD NOT TAKE LONG, I WILL JOIN YOU WHEN I HAVE FINISHED. KALTEN, YOU CAN TELEPORT AS WELL, IT WILL BE USEFUL AGAINST OUR OPPONENTS  
Kalten: yeah MAN, i’ll WHUP some ASS and JOIN ya’ll  
Daemon: (Well, I suppose it is time we relax, then. It has been an excruciatingly long day.)  
Pawzle: sLEEPovEr!  
Kalten: am..AM i SUPPOSED to HIT somebody WITH a PILLOW?  
Nirrak: 7RY 17 1 D4R3 Y0U  
Daemon: (Shall we cook? I believe cookies are standard practice.)  
Geartsprite: Already handled, kids!

The dragon sprite floats in, holding a tray of cookies. 

Geartsprite: Nirrak, I have brought some friends. I hope this is ok with you?

Looking behind Geartsprite, the rest of your sprites have come in; Sherolc, Cangergoo, and Laglasssprite, Tibsprite noteably missing.

Daemon: (Where is Crucia’s sprite?)  
Geartsprite: She...couldn’t be here. It was too hard. She will not be joining the fight, but we will.  
Daemon: (Good, reinforcements. I assume you will each stay with your designated troll and provide support?)  
Laglasssprite: THAT’S the PLAN, dawg. WE gonna WHUP only THE most PREMIUM of ASS with YOU  
Cangergoosprite: were happy to help

You proceed to spend the next two hours on random shenanigans.

Nirrak: K4173N Y0U 117713 5H17  
Daemon: (Kalten, you must learn how to plunge the load gaper properly.)  
Nirrak: N0 H3 G4V3 M3 4 W37 W111Y  
Kalten: HA!  
Nirrak: C0M3 H3R3 Y0U 117713 5H17  
Kalten: make ME!

…

Pawzle: wE know it was yoU!  
Kalten: got NO idea WHAT you’re TALKING about  
Pawzle: wE know yoU kiLLEd ms. jEnkins!  
Kalten: i AINT telling YOU shit  
Pawzle: cough it UP, scUm!

…

Tesseract: SEEMS AS IF THEY TRULY ARE GOOD FRIENDS.  
Gliskanar: They all really do love each other, even if things are a little tense right now.  
Tesseract: ...I NEVER THOUGHT I’D FEEL FOR A GROUP OF TROLLS SO MUCH  
Gliskanar: You’re their guardian, after all. It makes sense that you would look at them in a fatherly sense.   
Tesseract: IT IS TRULY NICE TO SEE THEM IN SUCH A GOOD MOOD AFTER THIS STRENUOUS DAY.  
Gliskanar: I do feel bad for them, they’re only children after all. They lost a friend today, and now they have to fight a previous friend for the fate of a baby universe.   
Tesseract: I HATE TO IMAGINE WHAT IT IS LIKE, LOSING SOMEBODY WHO MEANS SO MUCH TO YOU.  
Gliskanar: …  
Tesseract: APOLOGIES  
Gliskanar: I do wish them luck in the coming battle, though. I am not in control anymore, now that we exist on the same plane. Though, by that logic how I ever was in control is a mystery.  
Tesseract: ...SO THIS ADVENTURE COMES SOON TO AN END, HUH?  
Gliskanar: It has been a ride. Although, there is still more to do in the universes I have created. Toorah has infected other things, I will need to figure out how to clean it all up. This saga of our story is over, but there is more to come. I have a lot more to do.   
Tesseract: I WILL BE HAPPY TO ASSIST AS YOUR AGENT.  
Gliskanar: I appreciate it, now if you could only get me out of here so I could help.   
Gliskanar: I don’t even have my native weapon, he gave me this scythe in case of intruders.  
Gliskanar: I want my club back, that thing was sweet.  
Tesseract: I WILL BE SURE TO SEE WHAT I CAN DO.  
Gliskanar: Thanks, Tessla. 

Daemon: (Team!)

You all assemble in the lab.

Daemon: (We all need to rest now, tomorrow shall be the most important day of our lives.)  
Daemon: (As your leader, I am aware that I should say something inspirational.)  
Daemon: (Well, I am proud of us all. We have come so far in only a day, something which would have been all but impossible on our home planet.)  
Daemon: (We have all come to be the us which we aspired to be in the beginning.)  
Daemon: (This will not be an easy task. We will be fighting for our lives at each turn. Do not become caught on emotion. Remember the horrors and hardships which have shaped us all. We shall do this for Toorah, and we shall succeed in a glorious way.)  
Nirrak: G00D 0N3, D43M0N. W3 4R3 PR0UD 70 H4V3 Y0U 45 4 134D3R.  
Pawzle: LEt’s kick somE bUtt!  
Kalten: we’re GONNA whup

You are Nirrak. You have set up some impromptu beds for the others in your lab and elected to sleep in your own cocoon for the night. You slip inside, settling in and drifting off to sleep. However, your slumber is interrupted by the sounds of something pounding on metal and a yelling voice. You leave your cocoon, quickly toweling off, and go outside, neglecting to put on your lab coat, finding Daemon. He is shirtless in the small amount of courtyard you have left, furiously attacking a block of metal. He unleashes great fury on the object, attacking in flurries of punches and kicks, each putting a deeper dent into the material. You observe his form, surprisingly more muscular than this morning. 

Nirrak: D43M0N? WH47 4R3 Y0U D01NG?

He pants and turns toward you, and you notice several scars on his torso from the day’s session.

Daemon: (Oh, Nirrak. I was simply training.)  
Nirrak: 4R3 YOU...0K?  
Daemon: (Of course, Nirrak. Please, sleep.)  
Nirrak: 0-0H, 0K.

You turn to leave.

Daemon: (Nirrak, wait.)  
Nirrak: WH47’5 UP?  
Daemon: (Please, sit a moment.)

You sit beside Daemon in front of the battered metal block, suspicious.

Nirrak: WH47 15 17?  
Daemon: (I...don’t believe I can beat Crucia tomorrow.)  
Nirrak: 0F C0UR53 Y0U C4N, D43M0N.  
Daemon: (She humiliated me in our previous two matches.)  
Daemon: (During both of which I had a teammate.)  
Nirrak: Y0U’V3 G0773N 50 MUCH 57R0NG3R, M4N  
Nirrak: 1 1057 70 H3R 7W1C3 700, BU7 W3 W111 H4V3 3V3RYB0DY 0N 0UR 51D3 7H15 71M3  
Daemon: (...What if I do lose?)  
Nirrak: Y0U W0N’7. Y0UR NEW F0RM 15 5UP3R 57R0NG, Y0U C4N D0 7H15.  
Nirrak: Y0U 4R3 0UR 134D3R, D43M0N. 1’D B3 D34D BY N0W 1F Y0U H4DN’7 573PP3D 1N 0N 1034C  
Daemon: (I’m sorry...but I doubt myself. I have been struggling through much of this battle.)  
Nirrak: D43M0N…  
Nirrak: 1 D0UB73D MY531F F0R 50 10NG. 1 57111 D0, 4ND PR0B4B1Y 41W4Y5 W111.  
Nirrak: 1 H473D MY531F F0R 50 10NG, 70 7H3 P01N7 0F...4N UN54V0URY 4773MP7 70 D0 50M37H1NG 1 5H0UDN’7 H4V3. 1 57111 H4V3 7H3 5C4R.  
Daemon: (Nirrak…)  
Nirrak: BU7 17 W45 B3C4U53 0F Y0U, B3C4U53 0F 7H3 734M W3 411 M4D3 4ND 7H3 7H1NG5 W3 H4V3 D0N3, 7H47 1 4M PR0UD 0F MY531F F0R 7H3 F1R57 71M3 51NC3 1 W45 4 GRUB.  
Nirrak: Y0U 4ND 7H3M W3R3 4B13 70 BR1NG M3 70 7H47 13V31. Y0U H4V3 D0N3 50M3 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5 H3R3 70D4Y.   
Nirrak: W3 411 B3113V3 1N Y0U, Y0U 5H0U1D 70-

You are interrupted by Daemon, who turns to you and passionately connects your lips together. Shocked, you kiss him back, the exchange lasting a full minute before he breaks it.

Daemon: (Should anybody find out about that I will skin you.)  
Nirrak: ...W0W  
Nirrak: 7H47 4C7U411Y JU57 H4PP3N3D  
Nirrak: D035 7H47 M34N…?  
Daemon: (I have known since the beginning, Nirrak. And...I have no objections to an attempt at a red relationship.)  
Nirrak: …

You rest your head on his shoulder.

Nirrak: 1’D 11K3 7H47  
Pawzle: oooooooo!

You dart upward.

Pawzle: i caLLEd it!  
Kalten: yup, I owe YOU those BOONBUCKS  
Nirrak: Y0U 7W0…

Daemon laughs, hard, to the utter shock of the entire group.

Daemon: (Really ruined the moment, Pawzle.)  
Pawzle: ;3

You blush a deep green. 

Nirrak: 1-137’5 G37 70 B3D 41R34DY

You walk away, blushing furiously, and Kalten whistles at you on your way. The group share a laugh.

Daemon: (The romantic subplots have been resolved, it would seem.)  
Daemon: (Save for you two.)

Pawzle and Kalten look to each other, sharing a blush, and Daemon laughs, returning to bed.

Daemon: (Do not stay up too late, you two.)  
Daemon: (We have a big day ahead.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. We're doing this bro. We're making this happen. Next chapter, the final battle. Are our heroes ready? Who knows. Well, I do, but then I know a lot of things I won't tell you. Feel free to leave kudos and tell me what you thought! Thanks for reading! #hypeswap -Gliskanar


End file.
